I lost the best thing that has happened to me?

[Anonymous]

My ex boyfriend and i have been together for 9 years. he recently broke up with me because he couldn’t handle how i was treating him. we have had a rocky past, there was a lot of things said and done from his part. i forgave him, but i couldn’t let go of what he did. i brought it up so many times. a few nights ago i texted my friends about a fight we had and i angrily said that i was wasting my time with him and i need to fix my mental health and i’ll start dating again. he read the msgs and left my house heart broken. he says he doesn’t want to speak to me again, i tried calling him yesterday and he says he can’t be with me anymore because now he knows how i truly feel about him and that’s not true at all! i was mad and sad when i wrote that and i feel so terrible. he’s 100 percent on his decision and i’m so sad that there’s no way to get him back! i loved him, i wanted to be with him forever and i’m heartbroken that i’ll never get him back. never ever talk shit about your partner to your friends.

[TheFlak38]

"we have had a rocky past" = I was a nasty bitch with the most irrational demands driving him to an early grave

[Asker]

no. he would follow and like girls bikini pictures, he would DM a handful of them, he recored a girls ass once, he spoke to some girl on facebook, he would call me every name under the book when he was angry and drunk, he would choose his friends over me. that’s what i meant when i said we had a rocky past

[TheFlak38]

if you only had put some effort in being the hot girlfriend instead of the nagging bitch Im sure none of that had happened

[Asker]

yes i 100 perfect agree with you. i regret everything. a lot of people realize their mistakes when the other person can’t take it anymore. and that’s my issue. not only was he crazy about me, i had lost him for selfishly tell me friends our problems when i was angry. as much as i want him back, i know there’s no way i could get him back

[es20490446e]

If I had been your boyfriend I had left too. Just so there's no mistake about it.

[Asker]

yes i don’t blame him.

[es20490446e]

I think that the foundation of a relationship is trust, and the foundation of trust is always saying your truth.

It's when you frequently say things that you don't mean when your partner can no longer differentiate between what is true and what isn't, so fights come.

[Asker]

i didn’t mean it though, i was angry when i said that. he had said so many things to me when he was angry or drunk and i still went back to him. but i understand. if i saw those text msgs from him, i would be upset too. i don’t deserve him

[es20490446e]

Would you say that anger is the approach you default to when you get pissed of?

[es20490446e]

you both

[Asker]

yes i believe so

[es20490446e]

So knowing what you now know, what had you done differently?

[Asker]

not talk crap about him to my friends even if i am angry, hurt or upset, let go of the past and learn to love myself so i can love others properly

[es20490446e]

If I was in a situation like yours I would simply go to the other person and tell them what I would change from now on.

[Asker]

i’ve tried. he says to me “you’re not going to change, i’ve put up with it for years and you haven’t change for 9 years”

[es20490446e]

I actually have been in the opposite situation, where I said that to my ex-girlfriend. She treated me very badly, because she had a personality disorder. I treated her quite well, so there was no reason for her for treating me like that.

She always was telling me she would change, but day after day the only thing that she did is treating me like a worthless human. So eventually I realized that she really didn't want to change, and quit.

I believe that one simply usually gets in life what she makes, cause and effect. There's no way around it. If you treat people nicey they usually respond nicey, if you treat them bad they usually respond bad.

Maybe not always, but that's the tendency. It's just about what one does.

[Wise4myage]

I say all you do is learn from this, moving forward.

[Asker]

yes i will

[Wise4myage]

Best of luck to you.

[LazerBean]

What's the question?

[es20490446e]

The answer is: probably yes.