Search Results: late with the first date

I know that persistence coming from a man trying to date a woman is almost never a good idea. This is for scenarios where women initially feel so so about the guy. Scenarios where they hand out their number and maybe go on a one time date.

If the persistent guy is “nice” and not too repulsive looking (but not handsome either) women will friéndzone 9 out 10 times. They like the attention and want to use him as a resource so they make him into an orbiter. They know they have emotional leverage on him and he will more likely do her plenty of one way favors via her advantage. She can use him for all sorts of things.

However if he’s an unattractive or gives off any impression of being creepy (unintentional or not) then persistence is now sexual harassment and stalking. He can act the exact same way the semi attractive guy does but it doesn’t matter. It also doesn’t matter if she never told him to stop and he has no idea how she really feels about him. It’s ugly all the way around. But this usually ends abruptly since she will usually block and/or avoid him.

Anyway there is only one time in my entire life where my initial persistence paid off. It was on of my former gfs from 7 years ago. Our first date was weird and she was defensive/bitchy. But I did a kind gesture for her later with no intention of being paid back. The next day she sent me a text message with a chicken wing saying “she was going to throw me a bone”. We went on a second date and she was much nicer. We ended up dating for 9 months.

But I feel that was a very rare exception. Not the rule. The vast majority of women nowadays see persistence as desperation and insecurity. They will either get grossed out by it or if the guy is non-threatening they will exploit for their own ends.

(First, a disclaimer from a lawyer. I would NEVER break up with a girl by text. If we have dated long enough - more than two dates - so that she deserves to understand why I am breaking up, then she deserves a real conversation and not just a text message. I just posted this screenshot because it is humorous.)

I dated a girl who was, I eventually realized, a borderline personality. Bad news. REAL bad news. She was also an alcoholic. MORE bad news. AWFUL combination. She had episodes of "mini-psychosis" in which she became paranoid and accused me of many things. . . primarily being unfaithful. . . with women in California, Arizona, and New York. . . even though I left for work around 9 am every morning and returned home every day around 6 pm.

One night, in a drunken rage, she accused me once again and tred to grab my cell phone so she could search for the "evidence" (which didn't exist, because I've never cheated on anyone.) She tried hard to snatch the phone from my hand, eventually lost her grip, fell backwards, hit her head, called 911 and reported me for domestic violence. The police here have a stupid policy that if they go on a DV call and someone is injured, then someone MUST go to jail, so I was arrested. A few months later, after the prosecutor had a chance to investigate, he realzed that it was all bogus, the charge was dropped, and the prosecutor and judge both apologized to me for my ordeal.

So, yeah, there is someone from my past who I wish I had never met. HBU?

I dated Pat in 1979-1980, and she decided to return to her ex-husband because she felt guilty about their divorce. In 2003, I reunited with Pat and we married in 2005. We divorced early in 2007 after she was unfaithful to me. In reuniting, I ignored the warning signs.

Later that year, I met Oksana and we dated throughout 2007 and 2008. Then she moved about 250 miles away and we drifted apart. I kept in contact with her and we eventually started trying to rekindle things on a long distance basis, but she wasn't willing to make the effort and I decided to say goodbye so that I could move forward with my life.

When you try a relationship and it doesn't work the first time. . . you can try it again but it usually doesn't work the second time, either. . . unless the problem was just distance (like graduating high school and going to different colleges.)

What is your experience wth trying to reignite a failed relationship?