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There is this thing. a cousin of my mother who is a super senior citizen but still sane and travels and walks, she is very close to the rest of my mom sisters and my mom sisters children (which means me and my cousins). This senior cousin out of the blue one of this days texted me and told me that why I and my brother dont organize like an activity at a small BBQ place my mom, my sister, my brotehr and me own in some rural city (not so long anyway), this property is a place inherited by our late dad. The place has a small BBQ place, a garden where cars can park, and a restroom, jsut the basics.
I mean I will be glad to organize something but first my brother and I have to go and clean up, mow the lawn and do other stuff there in order for the place to be ready to start scheduling a time and date. Anyway this cousin wants me to invite her cousins (who are 7 my 7 aunts) and some of my aunts children (my cousins and theri respective partners the ones who have partners and also theri kids, not so kids anymore).
The thing is that between some (not all) aunts there had been some disagreements due to some family issues that started in the past so many years ago and still are resented but also beause they have difficult temper. The problem is between 2 aunts, (2 sisters) who unfortunately dragged their respective adult kids to the problems and they do not even like to get to talk to their own aunts or even see them personally in family activities, anymore and this started just like 12 years ago they dont want to talk anymore to each other To the extent that if there is a family gathering if one goes the other does not go and viceversa and also their kids..
So how to invite my aunts if some won't attend and what excuse do I give the my aunts cousin that soem of her own cousin won't be there? She may wonder why some will attend and not the others or should I tell her the tru
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
1Opinion
I would explain the situation to her. You can’t please everyone.
If this cousin wants a family reunion and travels around a lot, can she organize it herself, or does she have no one’s phone number or address, etc? Would it be too much for her being she’s very old?
It sounds like a lot of work for one reunion where there will be more gossip and disagreements.
On the other hand, if you do plan it and some people don’t show, and this cousin asks why—-you can say that you invited them and don’t know why they didn’t show.
The thing is that this mom cousin (A) was the one who contacted me first and suggested me thta why me and my brother dont organize something at the BBQ place and me invite all of her cousins (my aunts). This cousin (A) is not aware of the hard differences or disagreements some of my aunts have between them. And my aunt (B) told me that if when I arrange the gathering be advised that she or her children won't go if her one of ther sisters and her niece attend but I believe the feeling is mutual from the other sister who my aunt (B) has disagreement with. So far I have not arrange any gathering yet and I dont know when it will take place as the BBQ has to be cleaned, etc and my brother does not know when he has time to do that it could be in weeks or next month, is not a sure thing yet anyway, but my mom cousin (A) out of the blue texte me and suggested me to arrange something at that BBQ place we own as he will like to go.
kKay, first of all--you are not obliged to do anything and to put this burden on yourself. No one will judge you for not doing as this cousin wants you to do, and 2, she still needs to be aware IF you feel the need to tell her about the situation with some of the family. Obviously--if she doesn't know what's happening--she has not been around herself to see what's going on within the family dynamics.
You can politely say, that it is a nice idea for a family reunion--but that you have other things right now on your plate (school, work, a project, etc) and you cannot handle this on your own right now, especially when your brother is delaying a bit--- for the time being. If she questions more--depending on how close you are with this cousin--you can tell her that on top of all the things you are working on right now that keep you busy---you feel that there are many misunderstandings within the family and then explain what it is. You don't need to be very specific--just say there are personal issues between so and so and this person. Don't feel as it if it's YOUR problem--because it is not, and if this cousin wants a gathering--then perhaps she can invite everyone to her own place.
set it up don't tell them till the last minutes
There is one problem though that the seniro cousin got ahead and mention about this possible get together to one of my aunts, particularly the aunt who does not talk to the sister she has disagreements with and mention about the event. My aunt in this case told me that her cousin contacted her and told her she will like a cousins reunion and this aunt told me that since I know her disagreement with her sister and even her adult kids, she told me sure you can invite my sister but be aware that if she goes we won't go. But like I said the sneior cousin is not aware of these 2 siblings disagreement and she will like for both to attend.