How many of your past dating partners do you regret. . . and why?

Question

(First, a disclaimer from a lawyer. I would NEVER break up with a girl by text. If we have dated long enough - more than two dates - so that she deserves to understand why I am breaking up, then she deserves a real conversation and not just a text message. I just posted this screenshot because it is humorous.)

I dated a girl who was, I eventually realized, a borderline personality. Bad news. REAL bad news. She was also an alcoholic. MORE bad news. AWFUL combination. She had episodes of "mini-psychosis" in which she became paranoid and accused me of many things. . . primarily being unfaithful. . . with women in California, Arizona, and New York. . . even though I left for work around 9 am every morning and returned home every day around 6 pm.

One night, in a drunken rage, she accused me once again and tred to grab my cell phone so she could search for the "evidence" (which didn't exist, because I've never cheated on anyone.) She tried hard to snatch the phone from my hand, eventually lost her grip, fell backwards, hit her head, called 911 and reported me for domestic violence. The police here have a stupid policy that if they go on a DV call and someone is injured, then someone MUST go to jail, so I was arrested. A few months later, after the prosecutor had a chance to investigate, he realzed that it was all bogus, the charge was dropped, and the prosecutor and judge both apologized to me for my ordeal.

So, yeah, there is someone from my past who I wish I had never met. HBU?

ShellyB · Accepted Answer

First something about me, I learn the hard way (if I learn at all)

OK here are my relationships in brief.

HS boyfriend: Nice guy, popular, handsome, but I was not actually into him, I dated him bc I thought I was supposed to, I was so bored, I tried to make him break up w me but he wouldn't, so I finally broke up w him on an excuse which was that our colleges were going to be 30 minutes apart and I couldn't handle a distance relationship. He was super sweet to me and did whatever I wanted, he drove me crazy and I am not sure why. We were together two years nearly!

First college boyfriend: We met when I was 18 and he was 21. He just seemed so mature, smart and experienced, like he had traveled a lot more than I had then, I was super into him. He treated me as a sex object. We had great sex but I hated everything else about the relationship but I thought it would get better as I learned more or something. We dated about a year. My friends tried to get me to leave him and basically said I was brainwashed, which I was. I finally left him bc I caught him showing super embarrassing sex vids of me to his friends.

Rebound summer boyfriend: I was a server/waitress at a restaurant and dated a cook there, and was ready for sex w him and he surprised me w butt sex, which I did not want and I said "no" but he did it anyway. To be fair I kind of mumbled "no" I was not screaming, it is possible he didn't hear or misinterpreted but I really did not want it. And by the way I super hate anal sex now partly bc of this experience and I would never voluntarily have it again ever. After this he drove me home and then I ghosted him, I quit my job to avoid him, he stalked me a little but didn't do anything else. I stayed home and hid from the world for a while and wanted to drop out of college but my mom wouldn't let me. (This is six years ago I am ok now)

Rebound part 2: My suitemate matchmade me w her cousin, who was 9 years older than me (I was 19 he was 28), he was v. nice, of course he had an income and I did not so he spent a lot of money on me, which I did not ask for he kind of pushed, but I did like it. We made out but I would not go past second base bc I was still freaked out about my other recent experiences. Like I would sit on his lap in jeans and bra and we'd make out but nothing past that. He thought it was bc of his age which it was not, he thought I was about to break up w him which I was not, so he pre-emptively broke up w me, then he realized he was wrong and tried to un-break up with me but at this point I was kind of mad and did not get back together w him.

My current and by far best relationship started a little after that, with my now fiance, who I met through his sister who was and still is my friend. I don't regret him at all so I won't write a lot about him, we have our little disagreements like anybody but it's a great healthy loving fair relationship, we are in love.

Aerissa_Jade · Accepted Answer

They have a similar policy here for DV, someone must be arrested (not necessarily charged though) and it applies if they show up and something is broken, a plate or glass on the floor or even a broken clock.

As people can break things, especially important things, family heirloom dining set or historical clock, etc...

Doesn't matter if it has been broken for years, when they show up... someone has to go.

Too bad you had to go through that with her.

I have had several ex's, at least 5 I can think of, one was super macho and picked fights with anyone who looked at me and became abusive to me.

The worst one though, I came home one day and he was watching child porn. Not just any child porn, but my own rape from when I was 14 that my attacker had recorded and uploaded. He went out of his way to find it and his excuse was, he had never seen a 14 year old nude girl.

I called the police on him and the evidence was obviously right there. They took his computer and he went to jail for it.

Others have been bi-polar, seem nice one moment and then next going off about nothing.

These days, I won't even date someone if I think they are addicted to anything like drugs, alcohol or worse.

zeitgeist057 · Accepted Answer

No regrets, not even the really terrible partners. One of my worst ones was really manipulative. She had this thing she would do, she did it with me, she did it with several of my friends, roommates, and family members.

She would say something like, "You know, I feel so close to you. I want to tell you a secret. But first, you have to promise me you won't tell anyone else." <pause for promise> "The thing is, my brother is kind of famous." blah, blah, blah. the whole story is her brother was a participant on some reality show like Survivor or Big Brother. She would make it into a LOT more than it was, which was not really a big deal. Her thing was "I don't want people liking me just because I'm kind of a celebrity, since my brother is kind of a celebrity" (but really the thing was that was exactly what she was trying to do, get people to like her because her brother had a very minor fame (I had never heard of him and can't remember now who he was or even what show he was on. But then again, I don't pay attention to those vapid BS shows like Jersey Shore, which are basically just immature people making drama for themselves.

This woman went with me to my family Thanksgiving and created a whole ridiculous scene by playing her stupid "I want to tell you a secret" game with a friend of my sister's. Then got mad at me for "spilling her secret", (which I did not, she was the one who couldn't keep track of who she told, since she told heaps of people), pissed me off so bad but I was stuck with her driving 6 hours to Phoenix. Then later on in the relationship, she lived with me, stole money from our rent fund, and was basically a sociopathic piece of doo doo. Also dated my roommate for about one week, then when he "broke up" with her, she got hammered and wailed like a middle eastern woman whose child had been murdered for about 3-4 hours in the hallway in the middle of the night. I seriously thought someone was dead with how she was screaming and throwing herself around histrionically. I was genuinely surprised it was about a guy she went on two dates with.

Actually, this woman is not nearly as distraught

But even her, I don't regret. My heart goes out to her, actually, because I know she has a lot of issues and while I would never get involved with her, I don't see any point in being mad or bitter about her. She's got problems and will probably continue to have misery in her life due to emotional imbalance and an inability to form genuine connections with others.

In hindsight, she (and other imperfect partners) have given me opportunities to learn more about myself, to appreciate others, to learn about boundaries, communication, and how to foster healthy relationships and avoid toxic ones.

Sun_Kim-Ai · Accepted Answer

I remember about this ex of yours, you did everything you could to help her and she squandered everything. I hope she's out of your life for good now.

For me it's two actually.

One whom you already know very well, and another who I think is a genuinely cruel and evil person. She never did anything to me personally, and in fact she remained extremely friendly after the break up, but I've seen her treat others like insects and realized that it's only because I caught her fancy that she didn't ruin my life like she did with others.

coachTanthony · Answer

That story is insane. I don't think I regret any but I have learned from each one that didn't work out.

DaveJord · Answer

Not really any... I got laid. They failed me.

SaoirseS · Answer

I learned something from every past dating partner one way or another, mostly positive lessons learned (things just didn't work out, but they were worth learning), but there's only one I truly regret. My initial impression of him at first was pretty neutral - at least he wasn't instantly unlikeable - but he turned out to be a certified mental case. He asked me out to dinner, which I accepted and agreed to meet him at an Asian restaurant (his choice). Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

When I got to the restaurant, it went immediately downhill. He started off telling me he hated my first name. I obviously looked Asian, so it would have been fitting to give me an Asian name - or something besides Saoirse. That was just dumb. What were my parents thinking? Then he announced he was not going to call me Saoirse, he was going to call me "Sayuri," a name from the book "Memoirs of a Geisha," and asked me if that would be OK. I replied no, it would not be OK, that's not my name, I go by my given name. His retort was "tough shit, Sayuri fits you better so that's what I'm going to call you, so just deal with it." When the server came by to take our drink orders, I ordered first, then looked at him and asked: "So what are you having to drink, asshole?" He got visibly agitated and said (loudly) "Don't call me an asshole!" I calmly explained that if he was going to rename me something he thought was more fitting, I was going to do the same for him, and I couldn't think of a more fitting name for him than "asshole." I was, however, open to other names for him, such as Whistle Dick, Pickle Pecker, Moron, etc. He got louder and more agitated; while it took some restraint, I stayed calm. There was a gentleman in his 70s dining alone at a table next to us, a pretty big fellow, who stood up and walked over to my "date." The gentleman said calmly to my date something like, "I think it's time you leave this restaurant. You can do so on your own power, or not, it's up to you." The restaurant walked up and told my "date" to leave, but said I was welcome to stay. At least my "date" had the smarts to get up and stomp out of the place. After he left, the older gentleman asked me if I'd like to join him. I did, and had an enjoyable dinner conversation with a very kind man.

It didn't end there. The next day I came home from class and saw the police dragging my "date" from the previous evening out of the funeral home in handcuffs. He had walked in to the funeral home, marched into a repose room, and started to douse remains in an open casket with lighter fluid. He was stopped at gunpoint by a member of the staff before he could light a match and held for the police. I told police I'd been out with him the night before and it had not gone well. The police said they were familiar with him: he wasn't right in the head (not a surprising conclusion).

Emogirl999 · Answer

I was in an abusive relationship for 6 years, between my own depression and insecurities and him breaking me down, gaslighting me, manipulating me emotionally, and him isolating me from my friends and family, I just didn't the strength to leave him, I tried many times over the years but he always knew how to get me to stay, eventually it felt like suicide would be the only way out of that situation but thankfully it never came to that. He had to move away for work and the plan was to bring me over once he was settled but thankfully the long distance between us weakened his hold on me enough that I was able to find the strength to break free.

He is one of my biggest regrets in life and I'm still struggling a lot mentally and emotionally because of him. I also pretty bad PTSD. I hate him so much and I actively try to block out any memories of him, and I forbid anyone I know from speaking his name because just hearing it stresses me out.

I've started therapy this year to try to help me handle this and the other things I struggle with because I just can't cope on my own anymore and i feel like I'm selfdistructing.

SEL195 · Answer

Only 1. I regret waisting 6 years of my life on someone insignificant. I wasn't allowed to see my family for the first 2 years of the relationship and then i saw them only 5 times a year after that.

As i get older i realize my family means more to me than any relationship or friendship ever could. I wish I could turn back time and spend more time with my family than being a little naive girl letting a grown up man tell me what to do. The guy was 21 years my senior and I was only 18 when we met. Damn looking back when I was younger i really wasn't that bright.

Emerald55346 · Answer

Well there is something to be learned from most relationships, we think those people that teach us red flags to look for are bad but there is always worse we could have gotten tangled in, so I have to say no regardless I’ve been abused and cheated on it’s part of learning when to walk away and what to look for so we can find the right person for us.

Anonymous · Answer

Eh. Hard to say. There's one or two that were definitely unhealthy for me. But if I didn't date them, I might not have done the reflection after the breakup and either gotten some confidence, or learned some interesting stuff about myself... so I almost hate to say there was no value in dating them, even if they were toxic, just because I learned a bit about dealing with people, even if it was "better clues to avoid people like that in the future."

So, while this girl had some major issues of her own, it's hard to tell how things might be different if we didn't date. I also learned that I could say "no" to her quite easily on things I wasn't comfortable with - a bit of a confidence boost, being able to know I could say "No" - even with her anger issues.

Leopard23 · Answer

Quite a few. Advice that I refused from my father and other guys that I dismissed as misogyny turned out to be true.

TheVigilantFox · Answer

I’ve only dated one girl and that was enough,

She was a narcissistic abuser,

She was awful and we didn’t even live together I’d hate to think where I’d be now if we did.

She hit me and called me names lied to me tried to stab me threaten to set my house on fire and get me beaten up, she’s still harassing me now even though I took it upon myself to just ignore her and I am ignoring her it’s hard as I really want to let go and bash her head in but I’m keeping the promise I made to myself that I won’t do anything.

CubsterShura · Answer

I'm not entirely proud of some people that I dated but I wouldn't say that I regret any of them because despite all the hurt I came out knowing better, being stronger and I wouldn't trade what I learned for anything else!

Emiliamazing · Answer

I chose to enter into a few relationships which were very one sided. Allowing yourself/oneself to be controlled by others will often lead to self doubt and lowered self worth. Fortunately for me, a kind and loving individual found me🥰

exitseven · Answer

I dated somebody who I think was bi polar. She was abused as a kid by her parents and her older brother did some weird stuff with her too. She used to get pretty abusive sometimes. Espaecially when she was drunk. She bit me so hard I still have the scar. Still I do not regret going with her.

Anpu23 · Answer

I've had a couple of ex's that I truly regret. One was an affair, we both were married and she worked for me. She was also a pathological lier. When her husband found out there were firearms involved. And threats of lawsuit, and theft... all bad

snackthatsmilesback · Answer

I've had a bad relationship I regret, but if I hadn't I prolly woulda just got in other relationships that could been worse. She was bad but like, a perfect balance too. We both got out w some knowledge n w/out serious injuries caused directly by each other. It was never love n I wish I could change it, but at least it was something. N it was kinda fun at the time, being honest.

clampfan101 · Answer

I had a relationship once. It was the best part of my life, despite also being the worst…

RainbowFran · Answer

Yeah, I've had a few I regretted. One was fun at the start and controlling later on so I left her, another, we just weren't compatible and every time we were together we would fight. Eventually he left me. Both, I think I would have been better in life now if I hadn't started.

Keishio · Answer

I've had one that on the surface I could say I regretted but what I achieved alongside that relationship in terms of my career completely shaped my future which has been of huge benefit to me. I can't say for certain I'd have took this path if not for that not so great relationship

mobiusforniner · Answer

I don't live life in regret. I've had very painful endings to relationships where, because of the hurt, I was able to forge a new beginning. And even in those relationships, I look back with gratitude.

TenderFantasy · Answer

And that is why I took out autocorrect years ago. Sometimes, I speak in another language anyway and autocorrect would have a hard time with that one lol.

Anonymous · Answer

My first partner ever. Once we decided we were official, we didn’t use condoms. I got an std and I’m never the same. Haven’t liked sex ever since and that was my first partner.
You never know who someone is, even if you think you can trust them, you can’t.

How many of your past dating partners do you regret. . . and why?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

How many of your past dating partners do you regret. . . and why?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

We're glad to see you liked this post.