Search Results: platonic friendship

Hey everyone, I’m looking for your input and advice. ****not complaining, I just need help understanding bc I’m a dumb cis straight white male****

Am I leading these women on somehow?

I went through a breakup in September, with 0 bad terms between us, she was way out of my league both physically and as a human. I was and still am deeply in love with her, and I never shut the fuck up about her to people while I was with her (almost 2 years). We’re still super close.

about me (just trust that my self assessment is true for this exercise): I’m a lot of fun, around 30 years old, attractive but not active, so I have a dad bod but I’m really fucking funny and charismatic. I have a lot of beautiful platonic and meaningful female friendships that are strictly friendships. I’m a sweet heart and people are generally protective of me, because I’m depressed and having a hard time and they all love me more than I do. Aka, women see that and feel safe around me.

at the same time, I have a dad bod, my life is a mess right now, I’m openly still in love with my girlfriend, I communicate that “I’m not ready to date anyone right now.” I’m about to start attending both NA and AA meetings. I feel like somehow, me being at the lowest point in my life, is somehow attracting all these beautiful women who are initiating conversations with me and asking me to hang out.

I haven’t slept with anyone since my ex because I’m not ready for that, it would make me too sad. But, I’m a total flirt.
Anyway, one of my gal pals said that my behavior is confusing, because I’m vulnerable and texting with them, and still flirty. But I’m just thinking like, “surely my life is so shitty right now that no woman wants any part of the mess that I am right now.”

so why do you think I’m getting this new attention?

I don't believe in starting relationships soon after meeting, because what starts rapidly, usually ends rapidly as well. In my opinion:


FIRST STEP: You need around six months of platonic friendship, to know the other person. If you can maintain a platonic friendship for that long, it means you genuinely like the other person.

SECOND STEP: You need a mutually satisfactory physical relationship, where you know what the other person needs and wants, and if you can provide exactly that.

THIRD STEP: You need an emotional understanding. You need to be able to understand the difference between, what the other person says they need and want VS what they actually need and want.




IMPORTANT NOTES:

. Relationships that start with the third step, most often lead to excessive conflicts between the partners. Partners will eventually feel like the other partner is unpredictable, and cannot be trusted or relied upon.

. Relationships that start with the second step, most often lead to a lack of tolerance between the partners. Meaning, after a few months, the partners realize that they don't really like the other partner.

. Relationships that start step three before step two, most often lead to cheating or cheating-like behaviours, from one or both of the partners.

. If you are not naturally progressing from one step to the next step, than the connection is not meant to go further.