Search Results: save my marriage

I'm a Christian but I've been in a sexual relationship with my boyfriend for about 10 months. For a few months, I've been having feelings of guilt after sex and it literally seems like I'm being sent messages from God to stop having sex before marriage.

I told my boyfriend about this and he said we can work on it together a week ago but yesterday, he brought it up again and said he doesn't think it'll be possible and that he'd not be able to cope. We cried on the phone for hours. He said the chances of him cheating are high and he might get frustrated if we go through with it. I appreciate his honesty and I love him very much.

He's a good man too. He kept begging me to help him; to compromise because he didn't want to loose me over something like this. He literally cried very bitterly and I almost folded but, I kept thinking that if he didn't want to loose me, he'd be willing to go on this journey with me. I told him we are allowed to fail because we're trying to stop and it's obviously not going to be easy.

I'm just really disappointed because he is a Christian like me and I didn't expect this answer but then i also totally understand because he is big on sex.

I'm really confused... If you've ever been in a situation like this, please help. If you've not please what do you think can save us?

Disclaimer: I DO NOT. I’m asking this bc i find it peculiar many people have this mind set & are bothered by someone providing pertinent data as if it is a decision. With so many playing games. I think honesty is refreshing.

Being upfront about personal relationship goals on the second date seems very early for some, for others it is just being efficient and not wasting time. Yea you can develop feelings for the person and perhaps give up stuff important to you, but I think many people don’t want to fall into that trap - which I understand.

I can see both approaches having merit. Being open free and seeing how things go not worrying about the future until you know how you feel is one technique tho probably best suited to 15-26 year olds or people for whom relationships are not a priority. Life keeps moving and while you’re seeing “how things go” with someone you may end up not wanting to be with bc turns out tho you fell in love, you want very different things— other people are meeting people they settle with who might’ve been a really good fit for you 🤷🏻‍♀️

Being upfront knowing what you want sure saves a lot of hassle - tho not everyone reacts well. & perhaps what you want changes. I think with major things like sex or marriage it’s crucial to be on the same page. I understand bringing it up as early as possible it is very unlikely to change. You may agree to compromise, but it may be to the point either or both are miserable.

If a guy doesn’t tell me what’s important to him up front, that’s fine as long as it doesn’t Interfere with my ability to make an informed decision. Likewise, If he tells me straight up on say date two or three, that’s fine too —unless his actions betray his words. Then he’s not being upfront he’s being shifty.

But to be upfront, I would not see that as needy or desperate & I CERTAINLY not as indicative of having made up his mind about ME. 😂