I was asked about this topic a while ago, and have seen a flood of similar questions that have followed suit. It took me a long time but I am ready to finally touch on the harrowing subject:
Can personality replace looks?
Now, I’m no Victoria’s Secret model, that much I can tell you. I’m 5’2”, 119 lbs and most people would describe me as “cute.” I’m full of imperfections: from temperamental skin to uneven eyebrows and a severe lack of bootay. It doesn’t get me down much to be honest, but it’s fair to say that a girl like me isn’t likely to end up with a dude who looks like a Hollywood actor. Most people could assume that without hesitation. And if I did, the response people would likely give to our relationship would run along the lines of: “He must have self esteem issues” or that I might have a “Great personality.”
Or money … or that he accidentally got me pregnant....
The reason I bring this up is because I have encountered a lot people who repetitively ask the same question: can a girl/guy who is average/below average get a boyfriend/girlfriend? The answer to this of course is yes, but I don’t believe people are really asking that particular question.
I was approached a few times by hopeless guys on G@G who felt like no woman would ever like them due to their appearance. One guy in particular started the conversation off with how beautiful I was and proceeded to try and ask me out regardless of the fact that we lived countries apart. When I declined, he went on a tangent that it wasn’t fair that no woman would give him a chance because he was “ugly.”
I took a bit of issue with this, as you can imagine, given the blatant hypocrisy.
You see, when people ask if they are worthy enough to get a partner given their looks, it seems more often than not what they are truly asking is if they can get an attractive partner, rather than simply a partner alone. The reason I say this is pretty well because of personal experience; I have talked to a lot of people who have asked these questions and they say the same thing: they don’t want to have to settle for someone they’re not attracted to - which is fair … but kind of contradictory when you consider they’re searching for someone who won’t judge them based on their appearance. There is nothing wrong with having standards, but you can't exactly put somebody down for not being attracted to you when you initiated them solely because they were attractive. With this in mind the next question that tends to follow is how much will personality make a difference in attracting a mate, and can personality trump looks.
In my personal experience, it isn't impossible ... but it's typically unlikely.
I obviously can’t speak for everyone, but when we’re talking about the average person with a desire to get into a meaningful relationship it’s fair to say that they want someone who is the full package, which means good looks and a good personality. People who will date anybody regardless of appearance are a rare breed, especially in the time that we live in. They certainly exist, don’t get me wrong, but let’s be realistic and admit that they are few and far between. Most people you meet will need to feel SOME kind of physical and sexual attraction to you in order to engage in a relationship with you.
However, this doesn’t suggest that looks are the only deciding factor.
Personality certainly can enhance looks, but rarely does it completely trump a lack of physical attraction. With that said, being an appealing person to be around and talk to increases your chances of being compatible with another person, and having desirable personality traits overall can actually make you more appealing.
I’ll give you a personal example: I have gone out with guys who were not only not my ideal, but actually had physical traits that I … well … frankly didn’t prefer. Be it a bit of a pot belly to having super light hair – you get my point. But I have gone out with such types based solely on the fact that their personalities appealed to me, which made these little flaws easy to overlook.
That’s basically the science of personality vs. physical appearance: there needs to be at least SOME level of attraction, followed by a compatible/desirable personality. If either or are lacking, the likelihood of there being a successful relationship is quite low. Your only hopes of improving these chances essentially will revolve around a few things: either lowering your own standards, doing some self improvement, or continue on with the hope that you'll eventually get lucky. That's my stance on the subject at least.
But I want your opinions G@Gers, so allow me to end this take with a question: How important do you believe personality and physical appearance is in a relationship? And which do you feel is more important and why?
With that I am going to end this little diatribe, I am curious to see what people think about the subject and look forward to seeing the conversation in the threats below. TGIF as always and thank you for reading.
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