Dear Daddy, I Have Issues

[CHARismatic110]

My biological father was not apart of my life. He had a wife when I conceived. His wife was not my mother. My mother knew nothing about his wife. I became the secret child, and my mother wouldn't stand for it. My daddy came into my life when I was 2 years old and he's been the only father that I know. I love him to the moon and back but he wasn't there for me in the way I needed him to be. A dad is supposed to be a girls first love. He's supposed to lay out the blueprint for how a girl is supposed to be treated. My dad was more like a dictator and a tyrant than a dad. He even cheated on my mom. He could also be cold and unemotional at times. I often felt like he only loved me because he felt he had to.

I grew up in a blended family. My mom had me and my older sister. My dad also had 2 daughters. One a few months older than me and one 2 years younger. Though he was strict with all of us, it was clear that he cared for them more. I spent most of the time feeling invisible. I longed to be daddy's little girl. For my dad to pay me some kind of attention outside of chastising me. Those feelings only became intensified after I was touched inappropriately when I was 7. I wanted my dad to save me. To protect me. But he didn't have a clue to what was happening. No one did. Even though I became a totally different kid after that. No one even noticed.

I started looking for attention elsewhere. And whatever attention I got, especially from males, I clung to it. It was never much, but it was more than I was getting from my dad. And so the cycle began. I craved attention from guys. I got bullied a lot in middle school, mostly by boys. But those same boys would see me by myself and they'd want to hug me and touch me inappropriately. My mind registered that as attention and even though it made me uncomfortable, I didn't stop them. I went to an all girls high school. My 11th and 12th grade English teacher quickly became my favorite. I was a proud teacher's pet and one of the top students in his class. He would always call me his favorite too. I clung to that. And not even in a romantic way. I would just wish that my dad showed me that type of attention.

My biological father popped back up during my senior year of high school wanting to be a dad again. Guess he found a conscience. My mom had told me before that he had 2 other daughters and as fate would have it, I ended up meeting them both in the same year. And neither of them knew a thing about me. Shocker. Even though they both had different mom's, they knew about each other. But I had been kept a secret all those years. I'd be lying if I said that learning that didn't bother me. It did. More than it should've. I mean, I had a dad right? Even if he was like a robot, at least he claimed me, right?

It is to my understanding that some people don't believe in the whole "mommy and daddy issues" thing. I'm here to tell you that for some people, it's real. How you grow up, the environment, the things that you endure, all those things shape who you are as an adult. It's not about being a victim, that's just what it is. A lot of people have screwed up childhoods and they come out on top. A lot of people carry that stuff with them for their entire lives. It's still a struggle for me not to cling to every guy that shows me attention. It's partially why I try to avoid them. I didn't feel very loved by my dad most times. And that's not to say that he doesn't love me. He just didn't show it the way I needed it to be shown. And my biological father basically didn't want me. No father that wants their kid would keep them hidden. As a result of those things, a void has formed. And it probably will never be filled.

So there it is. Another piece to the #CHARismaticPuzzle. I've been sharing a lot of personal things with you all lately which is very uncharacteristic of me. I just want y'all to know that I appreciate the support. ❤

Stay classy GaGers.

#CHARismaticOut ✌

[Queen_naki5]

Read the entire thing and cried (no kidding). It reminded me a bit of myself. My mother met my stepdad when I was 5 years old and he's been my 'dad' for most of my life. However, it was this itch to have a relationship with my biological father even though my stepdad had stepped up to the plate. I wasn't satisfied with the love from a man who didn't help in conceiving me. I wanted my biological father but he didn't want me, I especially felt that he was resentful towards my mother for moving on, getting married to my stepdad and my stepdad being there in the home with me. On the outside, it looked like we were a happy family. My brother was born when I was about 7, so he's now 17. He's the only one since my grandparents who actually lived in a home with BOTH biological parents and I was jealous. Why didn't my bioogical father want me? My mom used to tell me that God gave me a new father and to forget about my biological father but I simply couldn't. When I was 14, I bugged my mom to take me to see my bioogical father and it was hell. I stayed the night at his house and the way he treated me... like I wasn't even his child. Yes, he brought me pizza, but when I tried to talk to him he spent most of the time bashing my mom and telling me that my stepdad was an idiot. He didn't even want to hug me when I left. He told me that I was a 'mistake' and that he wasn't ready to be a dad at such a young age (22), yet, my stepdad was only 2 years older than him and he was much more responsible. I had to realize, my stepdad is DADDY, my father helped to conceive me. My stepdad will be walking me down the aisle one day and I'm very thankful to have had a father figure.

[CHARismatic110]

Our stories are so similar. My (step) dad also stepped up to the plate and I'll always love him for that. Even tho he couldn't love me in a way I needed, he was there. Unlike my biological father. Who also used to call my mom and ask about if she was still with my dad. He's been trying to build a relationship, but it's too late. I have so much animosity towards him. Like you didn't want me then, don't want me now.

Thank you for sharing your story, and no crying! What doesn't kill us makes us stronger.

[Queen_naki5]

My biological father still doesn't want to take part in my life to this day. I invited him to my college graduation and he never showed. I invited him to so many milestones that I've felt a parent should be proud of their child and he never showed. One day I'll have children and I'll have to try to tell them that your "grandpa" is my stepfather.

[Queen_naki5]

Sometimes I blame my mother and her choices to be with a guy like that but we all make mistakes. Being resentful towards your parents isn't something that changes anything. You just have to live your life and try to do better.

[CHARismatic110]

Absolutely.

[MrOracle]

I've known a number of girls with a similar story, and predictably, they all had daddy issues. Most, like you, could at least recognize that they had them, and had an idea of why - they just didn't know how to control it, much less prevent it. Others were totally in denial, which was even worse.

The ones that did the best were the ones who came to realize, after much pain and struggle, that their lack of a father in their life was not THEIR fault, but a shortcoming of their father's character. That kind of realization takes time to accept and absorb, but it will help you become a complete, independent person.

Many of the women still go from man to man desperately seeking validation, and often from one unhealthy or even abusive relationship to the next. Many have good female friends who love them, but they'll drop them like a hot rock as soon as a new man comes along, only to come crawling back to them when he hurts/leaves/disappoints her.

I don't know you, but I understand a bit about what you're going through, and I hope you come to understand that you aren't to blame in any of this. You didn't get to pick either of your fathers - your mother did, and obviously she isn't the best man-chooser, and your dads (bio and step) weren't the best guys. That's not right and not fair, but it wasn't your fault and you didn't do anything wrong.

You are a complete and valuable person all by yourself. You don't need a man to "complete" you or validate you. That doesn't mean that relationships aren't good, or that you can't have healthy ones. But the lack of one does not make you less of a person, or any less valuable or important.

[CHARismatic110]

Thank you. I tell myself that often but I obviously don't believe it or else I wouldn't have to keep repeating it right? After losing my virginity, I went through a phase where I avoided guys altogether.

[MrOracle]

I know it's hard to accept stuff like this. And sometimes you have to withdraw to protect yourself - I know - but you are also wise enough to recognize that that isn't healthy (except in extreme circumstances, of course), and that you need to be able to be open and vulnerable to be in a relationship - but you also need to know how to pick a good man who really cares for you and builds trust with you too.

Rome wasn't built in a day - it started with a single brick, and then one on top of that, and so on. You have to rebuild yourself the same way - one brick at a time. You'll make mistakes, but as long as you LEARN from them, that's okay too. Just pay attention and make sure you aren't making the same mistake over and over - and if you are, seek some professional help. There is no shame in needing help.

[CHARismatic110]

You're right.

[freedomz]

Wow, I am so sorry you had to go through this.

My dad wasn't really good at it either. I think that he decided to become a father because ''he had to'' not because he genuinely wanted to. He was incredibly selfish and our family fell apart. he only cared about his pride and reputation. That if we mess things up, it was going to ruin him in some way. It's like we had his life in our hands.

My mom left him for another man (because he was constantly using her and degrading her) and he decided to lash his anger at me. So I became the one who he insulted effortlessly. I left the house like five months ago to go live with my mom.

I started this thing with a guy who loved me for who I was, but I was never able to fully believe so. I clung into him instead of fully loving him at my potential (like I wouldn't show how much I loved him but would trap him like hell). It resulted in me telling him that we had to separate so that I can find myself and that maybe in the future we can try again. He accepted and I am just out there figuring out who I really am.

Living with daddy issues is never easy, because you actually lost your first love who has never actually loved you in the first place.

[CHARismatic110]

Thank you for sharing your story. It definitely isn't easy. I'm glad you decided to move with your mom tho. You don't deserve to be treated like that.

[freedomz]

Take care ☺️

[CHARismatic110]

You do then same

[joeb73]

to me there is a difference between a dad and a father well there is also a difference a between a mom and a mother. even though our story's are similar. there is one thing that is usually always the same. every child need to know what unconditional love ans support from there parents. when that is missing you end up trying to learn what it is from other sources. every once in a wile you get lucky to find the right person the first time to see and understand what it is. but most of the time its a long process of hart brake and pain to find what you have been missing for so long. i do understand your love /hate relationship you have with the opposite sex. were you want to find that one thing that you feel is missing but you have for the most part lost hope in ever finding it. because of the walls you have to up trying to protect yourself.
there is a song i would like you to listen to. just dont it happen to you. because it sees your on your way to it

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lZvlZrq3tKE

[CHARismatic110]

Yeah, that song is pretty deep. And I honestly do have a jaded heart. I probably wouldn't know genuine love if it slapped me in the face.

[joeb73]

i feel everyone does to a certain point. some just have a larger wall protecting them selves than others do. so dont fret your not alone. i just hope one day the right person will come along and show you what it is , so you can experience it at least one time.

[CHARismatic110]

Aww, well thank you.

[tenchu11]

All the girls that I've been with never had their fathers in their lifes. I've never gone out intending to be in a relationship with them. Met through social circles and I just have off a nice guy vibe. Granted my dad cheated on my mom and step dad would beat me.
1# mom and dad divorced when she was two.
2# her dad died when she was an infant he was drunk and reckless.
3 and 4 never knew their fathers.
Both 3-4 were molested one was a cutter and both on anti depressants.
I was entwined with both at the same time one being a class mate in college and the other my co-worker who was a cutter.
I loathed them because I tricky liked them but because they were so damaged that they loved male attention. My jealousy would get the best of me and I'd try to walk away from it all. But the harder I tried to leave the more desperate they got. I never hit or yelled or was abussive I was tired of feeling like a emotional tampon. Girls with daddy issues caused me to stay in co-dependent relationships. I remembered coming home (after leaving them) feeling emotionally drained as if I was propping them up some how. It wasn't healthy

[CHARismatic110]

Yeah, that's not cool. Daddy issues or not. I'm kind of the opposite of them tho. I dot use people. I have a hard time with not allowing them to use me.

[oldanddecrepid]

On the other side of the coin...

I am a dad and love it... my little girl means everything to me. Even though my ex-wife and I divorced, my daughter is my life.

I knew from the day that I held her that she is the most important thing to me.

I share her 50/50 with my ex, and I miss her on the weeks that I don't have her with me... feels like I am missing part of her life when she leaves.

I know a few fathers who spend a weekend here and there with their kids, and they chose to because they have other commitments, I guess. I could not do that to my little girl, it would break my heart for her to think I didn't want her and it was only an obligation I had to fulfill.

I am sorry about your father was not there for you, however, you seem to have grown into a great woman based on what I have read on here, and he should be the one that issues, not you!

[CHARismatic110]

Well thank you. I appreciate it. And you seem like a great father. The world needs more dads like you.

[oldanddecrepid]

I try my best and if I could slap out some of those fathers that don't realize the advantages of being there for their kids, I would!

[CHARismatic110]

Lol I wouldn't blame you

[Liveyyy]

I can relate to this so much. My whole life up until I was 14, I believed my step dad/adoptive dad was my real dad. Not until my parents got a divorce and I actually came out and directly asked my mom if I was related to him did I find out. At the time, it made me feel so unwanted that my real dad left me like that. It also made me really sad to know that so many people were lying to me, but I guess it was my mom's choice. She wasn't going to tell me nor did she want anyone to until my graduation. But not being related to him validated so much-the fact that I could never relate to my step dad and basically had a bad relatioship with him all throughout my childhood. Anyway, I really appreciate you writing this, it reminds me and other people that we're not alone in struggling with the whole dead-beat dad thing.

[CHARismatic110]

Yeah, you definitely aren't alone. It sucks that you had to find out that way. And that feeling of being unwanted is one of the worst. But it doesn't define you. It really is their loss at the end of the day. Thank you for reading and sharing your story.

[somebodysaycheese]

Um, my dad lived with us but he had his own life. He had girlfriends, flings and even sometimes stayed with his girlfriends and their kids. He didn't care for us he was emotionally abusive and physically to me and my brother. I started to first see my parents physically fight when i was 4. It was terrifying seeing my dad strangle my mom and threatening to kill her and then her kids if she thought about leaving or bringing up his cheating. I was angry for years, and I would punish myself by eating my feelings well candy was the drug of choice. I had sever body dysphora , I struggle with binge eating, to bulimia to eating paper to make me feel full. No amount of therapy helped me until I found my spirituality and learned to forgive because being angry at him only gave him power and it ruined my life. I guess you can say I've been clean for 2 years. Still have slip ups but mentally I'm so much more healthy then I've ever been.

[CHARismatic110]

Well I'm very glad to hear that you are better. I've dealt with my own body and eating issues so I can relate.

[AleDeEurope]

I'm sorry you, and many other millions of kids have to go through a life without a father. I don't understand how can someone bring a kid to this life and not be there for them. It doesn't matter if you're with their mother or not. It doesn't matter. You still have to try and be there for them. It's not a luxury, it's a need.

Every kid needs a dad.

[CHARismatic110]

I agree. Every kid needs both parents.

[Anonymous]

a friend of mine posted this on facebook with the caption, "If you're going to lie to your child, then at least lie about these kind of things."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GmHzsXO1EZg&ab_channel=Vektanova

[CHARismatic110]

I saw this video before and it made me cry.

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah, it definitely left my eyes watery.

[SuitAndTie]

This video is emotional

[mikemx55]

I was gonna say exactly that man!! It really did.

[mooky06]

Wow babes. I feel like I know you more as a person then I could ever can if we talked everyday 😐 I agree that how you are brought up, with parents, no parents does make you who you'll be in your adult years. I wished life gave you a better start. You're a wonderful/honest/beautiful whole hearted person ❤️

[CHARismatic110]

Thank you babe. I appreciate you taking time to read. ❤

[mooky06]

of course lovely :)

[EmpatheticLady]

I knew bits and pieces of this story, but I'm glad more of the puzzle has been filled as you put it. I'm so thankful I've gotten to know you through this site. You've been one of my best supporters, and I can never thank you enough for that. You are such a funny, caring, and (yes, of course) charismatic person, so you have become a wonderful human being on your own and don't let anyone take that away from you or tell you differently.

<3

[CHARismatic110]

Thank you Cookie. You've become my best friend on this site. Despite going through your own issues you always manage to be there to help me through mine and I appreciate it. ❤

[EmpatheticLady]

No need to thank me, but you're welcome. ❤

[Prncz_Priyz]

i am so sorry for u... i am going through similar things with my dad n all i'll say is that if u didn't live ur life that way u wouldn't end up like the person u r... u should be proud of urself coz the lotus only grows in dirty water n u r that lotus :)

[CHARismatic110]

Thank you so much. And apply that to yourself. What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. Remember that.

[Prncz_Priyz]

hehe ya i am much stronger... everyone here is scared of me... the people who tried to be inappropriate with me stay away from me so ya its made me stronger :) tnx too

[CHARismatic110]

Glad to hear it

[RicanEyes]

Girly I love hearing your stories wish I could open up like you. But if you ever want to talk message me please. The more I find out about you the more I realize we have had almost similar life styles. The struggle has been real in your life and mine. But it only makes you stronger and me. Keep your head up always.

[CHARismatic110]

I don't usually share my story, but I felt compelled to. It's nice to have someone that can relate. Thank you for always having some kind words of encouragement. It's very appreciated. And the offer goes for you too. Feel free to shoot me a message anytime.

[RicanEyes]

Awww! Thank you <3

[CHARismatic110]

Of course 😊

[archiz]

Ow thanks for sharing Char ^^ nice take :)
To be honest, I am a bit indifferent of my dad and I din't crave his attention at all.
He and me have totally different mindsets and I never liked the way he treated my mum.
I still respect him though, cause unlike you he was always present and I know he loves me a lot.

[CHARismatic110]

Thank you, love.

[archiz]

Ya wlc, tc ^.^

[YourFutureEx]

Sorry I don't have appropriate words right now. This was... outrageous. I never understood the daughter-father relationship, but now I understood what it means to be a daughter and the responsibilities of a man, a father.
Thanks.

[CHARismatic110]

Thank you for taking the time to read. I'm glad you understand a little better.

[YourFutureEx]

So* much* better.

The pleasure is all mine :)

[CHARismatic110]

😊😊

[Chief16]

Talk about deadbeat dads. Thanks, didn't have a great dad myself. Really appreciate this Take. I could connect with it. Thank you for writing.

[CHARismatic110]

Thank you for reading.

[Offthelist]

Just have to live with it. Try not to drag everyone around you down. Even if that means isolating urself a bit till the cycle starts over.

[CHARismatic110]

I would never try to drag anyone down. I keep things like this to myself. None of my family/friends know about how I feel.

[Offthelist]

Keep it that way. I made the mistake of letting people figure it out. Just makes relationships off.. treat you different and dont even realize it.

[CHARismatic110]

Yeah and that's what I don't want.

[Offthelist]

Pretty much fcks everything up. Biggest mistake i ever made. You can tell theyre constantly trying not to be real. i mean god forbid you give your honest feedback run the risk of hurting a girl with a few scares.. Assume shell kill herself or something. Ugh.. They hold back and lead u on never telling you the complete reality if what they feel in response to your place in the relationship. especially after fights.. Literally feels like sht and its obvious theyre holding back. Then u find something theyve written on the internet about you and it fcking hurts. U wish they wouldve just said it to your face. Called and insulted u just as they did instead of telling the whole world. even if your name isn't attatched its just as much stab to the chest.

[CHARismatic110]

I know the feeling. Finding something out that someone should've just told you from the start. It sucks. That's why I keep shit to myself. I don't fully trust anyone anyway.

[Offthelist]

Ya im debating whether im going to focus on my carear and study independantly alone in the rural countryside, it sounds bad and makes re entering society an impossibility as you loose your self concept but the happiest i ever was was the year and a half i painted alone and sold online. Spoke to no one.. texted no one.. Just quiet.. Complete isolation. Just u and this life. Talked to god for hours at night and confided in the comfort of your mind everyother time. I picked a carear where you can isolate yourself and its excepted. Socially acceptable to speak less than 15 words a week. im not sure what ill do yet.. I guess ill wait and see where life takes me.

[CHARismatic110]

That actually doesn't sound bad. Go off somewhere quiet and isolated and just write. Come back to society when I'm ready to publish. Then isolate again to wrote some more. I could live like that.

[Offthelist]

Yeah 🙃... its a bit of a childhood dream I've had for a long time.. Write and paint in the woods in a little cabin half the year then sell the other half or a few months of the year.. If i ever marry and have kids id like to homeschool them or live somewhere we can raise the right.. Keep the family close

[CHARismatic110]

I like the way you think

[Offthelist]

Lol thanks just want things simple sometimes

[CHARismatic110]

Simple is so much better.

[chrisbigman]

This is why some people should not be parents. Because they don't know how to be good/great ones. I'm sorry you had a crappy father. I hope you can still become a great mom in spite of it.

[CHARismatic110]

Thank you. And I hope I'm half the mother that my mom is.

[chrisbigman]

You're welcome.

[Paris13]

Very Touching "My Take," CHAR @CHARismatic110 and Thank you for sharing. xx

[CHARismatic110]

Thanks for reading

[Paris13]

Thank you for the Like, Char @CHARismatic110 xx

[Paris13]

Oh, so welcome. xxoo

[jjmarvin]

Wow. Very emotional stuff. That must have been so hard.

[CHARismatic110]

Yeah, some things just stick with you. No matter how hard you try to shake them off.

[Raymond_Reddington]

some people have daddy issues, my issue is that i dont have a daddy.

[CHARismatic110]

Which is a major issue in itself.

[Raymond_Reddington]

ha! as if XD maybe 19 years ago but not anymore lol i'd rather have no daddy than an alcoholic abusive daddy.

[CHARismatic110]

Well... yeah