Dear "Dad",
You don't know me, but you know that I exist. I've never met you, but I've seen pictures and heard stories. None of those stories are too pleasant. In fact, most of them are about how you impregnated my mother and left. My personal favorite is the one about how my uncle found your address, but when he knocked he saw you rush out the back door. You can't say that you didn't know about me, because you did. You just ran before you got the chance to properly meet me.
I'm 17 now, "Dad". I'm finishing my junior year of high school in just three days. I'll be a senior, "Dad". Next year, I'll be a legal adult, and I still haven't even met my father. How messed up is that?
I'm a good kid. I've never done anything wrong, besides a few sips of alcohol and a lot of cuss words. So why wouldn't you want me? I'm not a bad person. I'm nice enough, and I have always thought that I would make you proud. Sadly, you haven't made me proud.
I've never thought much about you. How would i have imagined you anyway? I didn't know you. Were you tall, or short? Thin, or fat? Where did I get this nose from? Why is my hair more straight than anyone else's in my family? Who is it that I look like? I wouldn't know, because I didn't see you until I was shown a photo just last year. It was as if half of me was a total mystery while growing up.
We've never met, but you've affected my life a lot. Because of you, I stopped going to the school dances in elementary and middle school because they often had father-daughter dances throughout the night. I always sat alone through those, as the few other fatherless kids just didn't come.
There was a hole in my life where you should have been, "Dad".
I tried to fill that hole by clinging to any man who walked into my life. My mother dated and broke up with a lot of men, and every time one man left I would feel a jolt of pain run through me. I had misplaced my trust. I had been abandoned once again. Because of you, my step dad was allowed to enter my life He was a long term person in my life who was there to fill your place, but he did a pretty shitty job of doing it. This really warped my view of men. I stopped trusting them completely. I felt a if I would be abandoned by every male that entered my life. Why would you let this happen to me, "Dad"?
This year, I have my first real boyfriend. I've always avoided dating because of you. I've never trusted anyone enough to date, so I've missed out on a lot of experiences there. It's sad to think that no one will shake his hand and tell him to take care of their daughter. You could be the one doing this, but you didn't take care of your own daughter, so you wouldn't have any room to speak. I don't want you to meet him anyway, "Dad". Maybe this guy will stay in my life and love me, two things that you refused to do.
I don't want to meet you. I don't even really want to speak to you. I jut have one question for you, "Dad". Why did you abandon me? My mother wasn't asking for money. She was only asking for you to be there as I grew up, so that I could have a normal childhood. She wanted me to know my dad, but you were having none of it. Why didn't you want me? Were you just not mature enough to raise a child? Did you honestly not want me? Are you just too selfish to take responsibility for your actions?
Why am I even thinking about you right now? You're nothing. Perhaps it's the fact that Father's Day is coming up soon. I wonder what my plan for this year will be. I'll probably just make a gift for my uncle, as I have been since I was five. If only you could see how artistic I've become, "Dad", or how smart I am now.
I've had straight A's all through high school, "Dad". Isn't that great? My teachers have even been encouraging me to go up a level higher when choosing my classes for next year, because they feel as if the classes we're supposed to take are too easy for me. Mom keeps all of my scholarly awards on the wall next to her bed. Do you have any awards by your bed?
Have you bothered to claim any of your children yet? Was I just a test child that you chickened out on? I'd like to meet your kids some day, if I ever get the chance. I don't care about you, but it would be nice to meet my siblings. If we had ever found you, perhaps I would have gotten the chance to make those family bonds with that. I guess it's just another opportunity you've taken away from me, "Dad".
I don't know why I'm crying while writing this. I don't care much about you. Why would I? I've never even met you, per your preference. So why are the tears falling? Maybe they're tears shed for everything I've been robbed of since you abandoned me, "Dad". My trust in men, my confidence in myself, and the stability of a joined family in which I can be loved as much as a growing child should be. Are you proud of yourself, "Dad"? Is your life great now, "Dad"? Was running from me a great life decision, and did it work out in your favor, "Dad"? I hope it did, and I hope you've matured enough to have a real family now, even if I'm not involved in that at all.
Happy fucking Father's Day, "Dad".
Sincerely, your fatherless child
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