An Open Letter To Feminists

[Anonymous]

Dear feminists,

For those of you that don't know, i wrote a myTake recently titled Five Reasons Why I Would Be Happy To Date A Feminist. In it i detailed my personal reasons as a non-feminist why i would have no issue whatsoever with dating what I view as a real feminist. To summarize, a real female feminist to me is someone who is independent, someone who is empathetic to others who do not look like her, a person who is intelligent and intellectually stimulating, a person who is not hypocritical towards and still loves men, and lastly, a woman who is not afraid to challenge the men they're with (in a respectful way) in order to see them grow and become better men. Those things to me have always been attractive in a woman. Now, in the myTake i wrote, i would say that I got the expected result. Of coarse since this is GaG and the internet at large, the purpose of the myTake went over the heads of a sizeable number of the men who posted because their rabid hatred of feminism often causes them to miss the point of a post completely. The point of the take was not to claim that women who don't identify as feminists cannot show those traits that I described. The point was that if i ever did encounter a real feminist, there would be no fear for me dating her because she wouldn't be any more or less dangerous than the typical woman who does not self identify as a feminist. Simply because we may disagree on a few of her beliefs doesn't really make her any more unappealing to me, as long as she still had those five things that I outlined. And why would it be any different? If she displays those traits, our relationship would have no better or worse chance of success than a woman who did not identify herself as a feminist.

One thing that disappoints me about a lot of men these days is that even if they may arrive upon what i view to be the "right position" on something, they often arrive there for the wrong reasons. My personal view has always been that an unknown portion of these type of guys who are anti-feminist tend to be guys who feel threatened by women getting too far ahead of them. A lot of the advantage guys have had in the past decades was the fact that women needed them in order to live a good life. Now that things are changing, girls have more choice and can be more picky with who they want in their lives. Guys have to put in more effort than before to get girls, and for some that competition is just too much for them. Some guys choose to check out of the game completely, which makes MGTOW their new home. Its much easier on the ego to convince oneself that all women are hypergamous parasitical leeches than it is to convince oneself that in your current form, you just aren't good enough. If you can convince yourself that women are dangerous, it makes the choice to check out of the game completely less humiliating and more rational. I'm quite sure many guys will disagree, but we live in a nuanced world, and i believe a nuanced world requires a nuanced point of view. It can't be that feminism is the only group that has a bunch of problems within it, while groups like MRA's and MGTOW's are this ivory tower of perfection with no erroneous behaviour whatsoever. That's just not realistic. For some guys, the simple truth is that the progress of feminism up to this point has acted like a pin which popped the bubble which encapsulated their ego. This idea to me of men always being stoic and rational, leaving the emotional outbursts to women only, never really stuck with me. When it comes to anything that challenges a man's ego, especially a hot button group like feminists, some men can become the most hyper-emotional babies I've ever seen. I don't believe men or women hold a monopoly on being overly-emotional when confronted with something that challenges their worldview. Even though I identified myself as a non feminist from the beginning of the take, i still got some of the usual snide remarks one would expect from a conversation like this. But that's quite alright. I welcome that sort of thing. But the reasons I'm writing this to the feminists out there are two-fold: Reason one is to issue a warning, and reason two is some advice.

The warning I'd like to give you as a sort of outside observer to all of this, concerns the wolves in sheeps clothing, which are some of these "egalitarians"...or at least, that's what they like to call themselves. Look, i have no doubt that some people mean what they say, but I've always found it interesting how unquestionably, and how unbendingly pro-men this new influx of egalitarians always seem to be. Doesn't really matter the issue either. Unless the guy is 150% obviously in the wrong, I've noticed that a lot of these so called egalitarians will blame women no matter what. It's gotten to the point where i won't even call myself egalitarian anymore, because I view current day egalitarianism as the skirt closet MRA's and MGTOW's use now to hide behind as a way of continuing to perpetuate their own worldview without enduring the same level of chastisement. It's a way of firing off attacks under left wing cover. I don't trust it, and i don't trust them...not fully anyways...which is why I've resided to simply calling myself a guy who believes in things. That's probably the most accurate representation of me at this point in my life. I may not identify as a feminist, but I sure as hell won't partner with the other side, as they haven't proven themselves to be any more clairvoyant on the issues that make up the gender wars than feminists have. At the end of the day, i find myself disagreeing quite a bit with some things that MRA's and MGTOW's say, and some things that feminists say as well. Until that changes, I don't feel like I have a huge horse in this race either way, but i don't mind doing real feminists a solid by putting an FYI out there on this growing egalitarianism trend...which i largely view as a group of people who are activists for talking about things, not changing them.

Now onto my advice. I think its a bit sad that some good feminists out there feel so bullied to the point where they are afraid to come out and express their views. There's no reason why you should feel afraid to say that you're a feminist. I may not agree with everything you say, but at the end of the day most people are feminist based on their own professed views. The only disagreement really comes down to where and the extent to which these instances of inequality actually exist. Certainly on GaG, you should not feel afraid to challenge guys on their beliefs. The best argument a lot of them have for anything involving feminism is the no true scotsman fallacy, which they use for any group except the ones they support like MGTOW. The fallacy only applies to feminists that go off the deep end, not MGTOW. The truth is that the no true scotsman fallacy really applies to pretty much every group that has radicals in it, which is pretty much any group you can think of. So the irony is that the guys who cling to that as an argument as a way of counteracting what they see as a deflection from the issue on your part, are themselves creating another deflection by using an argument which applies to pretty much every organized group you can think of. There are radical democrats, radical republicans, radical libertarians, radical christians, radical muslims, radical atheists, radical everything...all of which have people within their groups that do a good job of making their group look much worse than they actually are. It's not something that is unique to feminism alone, which is why the argument isn't really an argument at all. It's a deflection like any other. The point of its usage towards feminists of course has always been to re-shift focus onto the segment of feminism that they want to keep focus on. Don't let them do that, please. The last thing i want to see, even as someone who does not identify as a feminist, is a world where feminism no longer exists because men and women are too afraid to label themselves as such if that is what they believe. All that will do is mobilize the radical sect of men's rights activism, and allow them to dominate politics and the social sphere. I don't want to see feminism disappear any more than i want to see men's rights activism in its current forms disappear. I like the yin yang balance. Besides, i often find that i have common enemies with feminists, as much as i hate to admit it. When was the last time you ever encountered a guy who was racist but also a staunch feminist? Typically, a guy who is racist, is often also a misogynist and a lot of other things too. They tend to be guys who side with MRA's/MGTOW's, not because these groups profess racist views, but because the views they profess are pro-men, and these people are typically only in favour of fixing things that affect them. So my advice to you guys is to stay in the fight, and do not be afraid of people, especially guys on GaG who may harass you for your views. A lot of the guys on GaG aren't even that smart. It's just a lot of people who have self-proclaimed genius level IQ's with little or nothing to show for it. They are often lesser sons, of greater sires, whom will readily take credit for things that they had no hand in creating.

So with all that being said, remember that although i disagree with some of your views (some of them quite vehemently honestly), by no means should you find yourself bending with a supple knee to everything that I or anyone else has to say on here. Despite what some may think, we aren't always right. Most people begin their journey to discover the truth with their own world view already set in place, then they seek information which supports their worldview, filtering out the information that does not, and use that information as evidence to what they may believe to be true. Few people actually start the process in reverse, which is to find the information that exists out there, decode and decipher it, then develop a world view based on the information. So stay true to your beliefs, and tell anyone who tells you that feminism should be abolished to fuck off. You're at war. The people against you aren't often privy to showing you mercy, so show them none.

Just as an aside, i wanted to post one last thing that someone left for me on the take i wrote that i thought was quite profound. It's just a reminder to you feminists and to anyone that the best way to change minds is often to lead by example. If you act as an ambassador to your cause, you can change the hearts of even the most ignorant who come into contact with you:

Cheers