Sexy and Confident Women Are NOT "Sluts" or "Tramps"

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I'm really sick of this.

Since when did we start shaming women for being sexy and confident? How is a woman who holds her head high and wears a nice dress a slut, just because she's showing her legs? I thought we were all about progression and equality and all that and yet, women are actually being told - in no uncertain terms, mostly by other women - that they need to be more modest.

So...we went backwards, is that it? Isn't this the same problem women faced in the '50s and fought like hell to overcome?

Hey, I totally get that wearing ridiculously revealing clothing in public is trampy. Of course it is. And I think we all know when a woman is flaunting her shit just for the sake of flaunting. But I'm getting really tired of hearing all these so-called "enlightened" women barking at their peers for getting dressed up and admitting to, you know, liking guys.

This is what we get for going too damn far in the right direction. Now we've got a bunch of women who obviously aren't pleased with their own appearance, are petty and pissed and jealous that other women look better than they do, and are hiding behind some veil of nobility. Not my fault you look like a freakin' bullfrog when you try to wear something decent. And you know, those of us who look good have to work to look good. We have to take care of ourselves and no, I'm not about to hide what I've got because my female brethren are on a goddamn hair trigger.

"Sexy and confident" is what all women should aspire to, in my opinion. We're not all born with it, either, by the way. We have to earn that confidence and because a fair percentage of attraction hinges on confidence in the first place, I guarantee we look more appealing to men because we actually have some self-esteem.

That leads me to the other obvious point: Why do I get the sneaking suspicion that the only reason girls are shrieking at other girls for being "slutty" for wearing makeup and showing a little cleavage, is because their self-esteem is in the gutter. Again, not my fault. Nor does it give you any right to demand how other women act, and how they portray themselves. No, I'm not making you look bad because you think I'm a disgrace to my sex; you're making us look bad by being a hypocrite and sending us all back to the '50s, even if you're not aware you're doing it.

I believe women are equal to men. I believe we deserve to be respected and treated as equals. I also believe that women - and all humans - are sexual creatures, and being confident is simply one of the best parts of life (if you can manage it). The sexy, confident woman is an asset to our gender while the sluts and tramps are not. And if you can't figure out the difference or worse, you lump them into the same damn group, you deserve to be-

[lilac_flowers]

"Why do I get the sneaking suspicion that the only reason girls are shrieking at other girls for being "slutty" for wearing makeup and showing a little cleavage, is because their self-esteem is in the gutter. "
Because yours is and that's the only motivation you can conceive of for a woman to do or say anything?
-

I'm hot, I have that thin, hourglass shape, I work hard on my body, I like to dress up to be pretty and I am temped to overdo it and cause men to stare. I did a few times and I regret doing so as I felt cheap and like a piece of meat, not a lady.

But I'll be the the first in line to advocate modesty. Stop saying "going back to the 50s" as if you made some progress. Feminism gave us rights, but also tried to ruin femininity and it denied us women the acknowledgement of virtue of being feminine.

It took all our charm and it reduced us to meat.

When most women reveal themselves, more women are pressured to. And it destroys lots of our feminine charm, because a big part of it is mystery, elegance, grace... And those things are invisible if you look like a wrapped piece of meat about to pop out of her container.

We re not equal, we are of equal worth, but as women we are very different and different rules apply to us. If we pretend we are like men, we are nothing. Not women deserving of care, not men deserving of reverence. We become mediocre, oh so ordinary and so, so sad...

Modesty is a virtue. It is. In this case it means to not flaunt your body wanting attention, while at the same time arousing men around you with no regard for their comfort and time.

Also there is self respect. As women, to have our needs for love met by a worthy and a GOOD man, we retain that option by denying ourselves to ALL men. But if we oversexualize a society, if we show no modesty, not only is do we communicate our low worth, how our charms belong to all men, we deny the man we do choose the excitement of discovering us and ourselves the comfort of pleasing only him with the most intimate parts of us.
-

I am not religious to worship it, but I adore virtue. And virtue is timeless, without culture and without a sect. Virtue is that which leads us to a good and happy life. And that's why we've had the same virtue gracing every society, every religion, every art since the dawn of our civilization. You're not "progressive", you're just a dummy who thinks they know better than the cumulative wisdom of the entire human race, just because they lived before.

[lilac_flowers]

On a side note, I condemn dressing slutty, and promote dressing tastefully. You don't have to be a nun, or wear loose clothing with no style. Having style is a great thing. Any woman with even a second of social skill and taste will know what I meant here.

[cherrymarina]

I like your answer. Women nowadays compete with each other for male's attention by being slutty. They out all their value in their vagina and call it "confidence". I'm all for looking sexy but nobody can force me to respect degenerate behavior. If a girl doesn't walk around naked it doesn't meam she is not confident, quite the opposite she KNOWS she will get men interested in her WITHOUT putting it all out there. At the same time she will get rid of the losers who want her for a quick shag... how can a woman be ok with being a number? I never understood this.

[lilac_flowers]

@cherrymarina You put it even better than I did. <3

[moomooblue]

I think you hit the nail right on the head! x

[Bluemax]

"... is because their self-esteem is in the gutter. Again, not my fault."

And yet you say,

"Not my fault you look like a freakin' bullfrog when you try to wear something decent"

When you go around using language like looking like a bullfrog to women who don't look good, I would say you are a contributing factor in their low self esteem.

You go to great lengths to tell other women to (rightly) stop calling you a slut based on how you dress, then turn around and say that unattractive women look like bullfrogs when they dress a certain way.

[Grungenoreos]

Agree! I just choose to cover up because my body is horrible. I was confident once upon a time but it was ruined once I realized I never was as attractive to guys as I thought and never was able to get a date. I also realized that skinny isn't sexy but having curves is and have done my fair amount of research as to why the waist to hip ratio matters and not how big or small you are... I will never have a curvy body so fuck my life. Its okay though. I don't take my insecurities out on other women and always try to remind them how amazing they are and blessed to have what i would kill for. One example is my sister who lacks confidence since she is heavier but she is healthy and curvy. She feels she should be skinny and thats why I always try to remind her and tell her that "no guy actually likes my body, so be happy while I look like a fuckin 12 year old boy with some little boobage goin on. "I think she realized it all after awhile and seeing how guys really do love the curves of a woman, not when she looks like a preteen boy.

[Grungenoreos]

And before anyone states its just because I am skinny, I have a healthy amount of fat, I make sure I eat enough, and I am right smack in the middle of my weight range at 5'2.

[Anonymous]

As a girl I do not think that being confident and sexy equals being a slut.
It depends on the attitude you can be sexy and confident but in a damn chic way. A sheer look depending on what kind of accessories, make up and hairstyle you combine can be very classy. Same with bare legs or a showing cleavage. It s all about combination, and knowing what can be seen as excessive. E. g. If you show your legs and you have a nice pair of high heels the rest needs to be modest because your legs are gonna be the focus point and you have to stop at it in order to not exceed. Less is definitely more in that matters.
Ok, women sometimes call other sluts just because they are jealous. Again though there are two different kind of jealousy. The second one is related to how your partner treats you. If he constantly makes you jealous to show you he is worth your time, you may call sluts all girls around (personal experience. Not only the ones looking better than you). In that case girl, get rid of the man. Problem solved.

[rosey_bananas]

I think it's really immature to be assuming that women who criticize the way others dress are just insecure and ugly as a bullfrog. Also, women can be sexy and confident while wearing revealing clothing, and they can also be sexy and confident while hiding every inch of their body. People express "confidence" in different ways. Some like to show off what they perceive as their assets, while for others, confidence means knowing that you are sexy, beautiful and a catch without having to flaunt it to the world.

[Murie]

I feel like those derogatory terms are used (by both genders) to belittle an intimidating target and make them less threatening. It might be irritating to a guy if he see's a beautiful, confident woman, comfortable in her sexuality and in fulfilling her sexual desires because she isn't following the old cultural script of trying to ingratiate herself to men all the time. So you call her a slut or a whore and belittle her by making it seem like her person, her sexuality, is less valuable, not worth your effort, so nothing lost and voila, the sting of being intimidated fades. I don't know. I just know that being confident, for either gender, is attractive because it generally indicates someone that knows who they are and what they want. You don't have to be the best, you just have to know what you want. If you know what you want, you can tell someone else that and boom, you're both that much closer to making the both of ya happy! Win win!

[AleDeEurope]

understand why women care so much about what other girls say. Why let a lower and sad being bring you down and make you feel ashamed of yourself? Just ignore them. Words don't hurt, stop giving them any importance and they'll stop caring about your life.

I understand your point, and I agree that beimg sexy and confident is nothing but positive, but letting these haters get to you, actually shows you aren't that confident.

Ignore them, let the drown in their bitterness. They hate you cause they can't get any guy.

[AleDeEurope]

I don't* understand... (my phone fucked up xD).

[Grungenoreos]

Yeah well its hard being confident when you realized long ago your body is just average and nothing special, same goes for face. There was a time I was very confident and a bit bold but that left after I realized no guy actually wants a girl (who is actuallly healthy, fit, at a good weight, and never diets) who looks like a 12 year old boy with some boobage going on. I just wish I can meet a guy who actually finds naturally very slim as just as beautiful, if not ideal to him. But of course science proves that curvy is the most attractive regardless of size. The closer your waist to hip ratio as a female, the more attractive you look to men. I won't go into all the details... Just stating a scientific fact. And no I am not one for bringing my insecurities out on others. I always try to remind others that they are amazing and that they are more attractive than me because no guy wants a girl who looks like a 12 year old boy with little boobs and no ass despite all the training and food.

[AleDeEurope]

@Grungenoreos There's girls in much worse physical state than you, and they have had plenty of boyfriend and hookups. If you're slim, you shouldn't have an issue with boys not liking your body, there has to be something else.
But still, that's not enough reason to not be confident. Like I said in my opinion, ignore what others say, they have no power over you.

[Grungenoreos]

Something else? It can't be my personality. I am a very loving person who can honestly say I have never hated someone in my whole life. Not to brag but lots of people label me as a "sweetheart." I like to help people and put myself in other people's shoes. I care deeply and I am not ashamed of it. But I must say I also am a quiet person. Maybe that's it. I am not even mad that I have never had a boyfriend. I wouldn't want someone to be with me if they didn't think I was beautiful and sexy.

[AleDeEurope]

@Grungenoreos Listen, you definitely can be beautiful and sexy with the body you have.

And yes, there has to be something else that stops guys from talking to you. What? I don't know, cause I don't know you, but there's something else.

[Grungenoreos]

I guess you are right though. Its not that I am not confident though. But there are other ways I am confident in. I knoe for certain I have a lot to offer though people might not see it. I am confident about my ability to make people laugh and not being a rude or judgmental person. I am confident in my athletic abilities--its in my genes. I am confident in exceling as a student... It really just depends on what you refer to when talking about confidence. I lost confidence in my looks when I realized I wasn't as beautiful as I thought (my parents sort of sugar coated my beauty).

[Grungenoreos]

Oh okay. Well I suppose I really am on my own about this whole thing. My sister thinks I can get any guy I want. So does my father and close friends... I dunno.

[AleDeEurope]

@Grungenoreos And maybe you can get any guy you want.
Try approaching, instead of waiting, you'll see a huge difference. Many times, the girl just doesn't look approachable, so you just simply pass even if you find her attractive.

[Grungenoreos]

I'll try. I guess part of my insecurities stem from the fact that I care deeply and so people's comments tend to stay with me. I have been told by a couple guy friends that my body isn't the shit guys like and that I should stop dieting when in fact i never have dieted. I am just a tiny "funsized" person. I have also been told by a few guy friends that I look okay. And actually, starting when I was 13, people (guys and girls alike) would comment on how I have no ass... This was when I didn't realize how much breasts, butts, and wide hips are appealing to guys and didn't understand why people cared. Apparently its a scientifically proven fact that the waist to hip ratio closest to.7 (10 inches larger than waist for example) and a big bum is what makes a woman more attractive. After all, hourglass isn't the ideal body type for no reason. Its the reason why id rather be curvy but fat than skinny and a twig.

[Grungenoreos]

But Ill take up your advice on me approaching and see what happens.

[AleDeEurope]

@Grungenoreos I used to be pretty skinny too, and right now I'm just lean, it's very tough for me to gain weight, no matter how much I eat.
Some people mentioned the fact that I was skinny, they said I look like a hanger... did I care? No. Did it stop me from getting girls? Certainly not. Why? Cause I didn't care.
I don't care what they say, it's not like it's really affecting my life.
I was never bullied, even though a few tried, they never succeeded, the reason for it, because I didn't care, with just one look I automatically put myself above them. I used that for everything in life that tries to bring me down.
You should do the same thing. Sure, it may not really portray your nice personality, but being nice isn't gonna stop people from negatively commenting about you.
I never have people criticize me in person. I'm sure they do it when I'm not there, but if I don't care if it's said to my face, I care even less when I'm not in the room.

[AleDeEurope]

@Grungenoreos You're equal to those who respect you, but you're superior to those who disrespect you.

[Grungenoreos]

Yeah, you're right. But honestly I couldnt stand being with someone that didn't find me attractive enough. So I am actually glad no guy ever went out with me as an act of pity. Actually being confident isn't everything... My sister is a far cry from confident but she has guys flocking to her. She is 14 but looks 15-17 ish. She is shy and awkard until you get her to open up and see how spontaneous and bubbly she is... Oh and emotional... as fuck (it is very irritating). But yeah this hasn't stopped her from getting boyfriends. She is also curvy with a bigger ass than me even though she isn't actually fat (waist is smaller than mine). I'll even admit she has a prettier face to but its not because I ain't confident because she isn't either (very far from it) but its true. And I can actually tell when I do and don't look better than someone without being biased for the most part.

[Grungenoreos]

Its not me being jealous though I'll admit I get jealous. But I dont let it hinder my relationship with my sister and we get along rather well in comparison to lots of siblings I know. But yeah she really doesn't see her beauty either and her young mind thinks her breasts and ass makes her look fat. She doesn't know the extent of her sex appeal... I dont think.

[Grungenoreos]

Lol I always have to remind her that obviously she insnt fat because her waist is smaller than mine. she's just thick everywhere else and thinks her thighs are too big on her... Girl can't stop obsessing about thigh gaps. Like you already have a flat tummy and is athletic

[Grungenoreos]

So yeah thats why this whole confidence thing confuses me now.

[Grungenoreos]

Like why be biased and less factual about my looks and how I am as a human being?

[AleDeEurope]

@Grungenoreos You care waaaay too much. Your body isn't ugly, cause it's fit, you just lack a butt, which can be fixed with squats. Having small boobs isn't an issue, tbh. Most guys don't really put much importance to the size of the boobs. Sure, HS guys will be drooling for huge tits, but because the majority hasn't really seen any boobs in real life, so they don't understand how freaking awesome small boobs are.
There's lots of fit girls that are pretty hot that don't have a noticeable hip/waist ratio, but they're still hot.
You're caring way too much about your body. Just focus on staying fit, and focus on becoming less shy, and becoming a better person. When you're out of HS you'll realize how you've been wasting time in caring so much.

[Grungenoreos]

I squat lol I do lots of things to help build my butt. I do lunges, squats, dumbell squats, sprints, hill sprints, kicks, leg movements that target the butt (say spelling the letter P with one leg on all fours with pointed toes until you feel very uncomfortable).

[Grungenoreos]

But yeah I guess I do care too much about my body. Its just I hate looking a lot younger. Most people think I am 14-15 ish. But ya its weird how my sister has lots of insecurities, goes on crazy diets because of her "thick thighs" and thinks her boobs are too big (well yeah they are big for her frame), and has a bad opinion of herself as a person yet I dont see guys stop flocking to her. She already has had a boyfriend before and gets asked to go to dances. She even gets cat called at times.

[Grungenoreos]

But thanks a load for your time. You have made me realize how ridiculous I am being and that I should be thankful for being in good shape and doing well athletic wise. Ill just try and enjoy the single life for the time being.

[Grungenoreos]

Tbh still confused as to how my sister does well in her dating life already at 14 yet she isn't very confident and insecure as well, just about different things. She is also shy too

[Grungenoreos]

But yeah thankd for making me realize how ridiculous I am being and how I should care what guys say about me

[Grungenoreos]

Lmao shouldn't

[Bandit74]

"So... we went backwards"

Not really. Sure women are still criticized for exposing too much but you can get away showing way more skin today than you ever could before. Nobody is suggesting we go back to the style of the 50's but there is a balance between modesty and slutty. Just as you are free to wear whatever you want, other people are free to form their own opinions on what you wear, regardless of whether those opinions are favorable or unfavorable.

[Bluemax]

Should we give a voice to every single opinion we have?

[hellionthesage]

@Bluemax Should we never speak an opinion at all?

[Bluemax]

@hellionthesage

Of course we should voice some opinions. But given that the author just decided to call some women bullfrogs because of their appearance, I thought it much more important to remind people that not every opinion deserves a voice.

[vishna]

Don't you think it's that kind of meanness "Not my fault you look like a freakin' bullfrog when you try to wear something decent." coming from 'sexy and confident women' that cuts other women down and makes them bitter... thus keeping the cycle going. Now, I get we aren't going to be nice to people we dislike, no matter bullfrog or un-bullfrog-like they look. But that was pretty harsh in a take about being confident and not judging others.

[cherrymarina]

Being confident and being a slut don't go together. The reason why people tend to despise tramps is because they show lack of character. We all know it doesn't take much effort to get a man's attention. You need two things : a vagina and willingness to share that vagina. When a girl is desperate to put it all out there and sleep with everyone it doesn't show confidence. of course people are free to do what they wanna do but you can't force respect from people.

[krash2002]

It's interesting as for every guy I hear call a girl a slut. I've heard at least 10 times more woman say the same as well. Confident, sexy, and strong women are quite desirable in my book. My wife fits that category, and I love her very much for it. Seems to be that slut shaming seems to be woman on woman. Compared to men calling women sluts.

[Miezko]

For every actin there is a equal and opposite reaction. Push against social norms and those norms will push back. This allows for gains to be made (no one is going to call you a slut for showing your ankles, there was a time when that was not true), but it prevents, or at least discourages, radicalism. This way society can progress while still, for the most part, running smoothly.

[Anonymous]

yes sexy and confident is good

but "ill walk around topless or wear as less clothing as possible and walk around smiling at winking at guys to get attention and enjoy being whistled at like im some kinda b**** and then go somewhere and completely degrade myself then go home and tell people how "empowered" and "confident" i am"
is not really confidence nor is it sexy

[yololoyo]

Nah the only people who get to say girls are sluts because of their outfit and being bothered by it are other women
So we dig the shit out of sexy outfits and hot demeanours so GO

[ConsultantIsBack]

Agree sexy, confident women are the best.
And zoloft kissless virgin pink anons gonna be cat ladies *shrugs*

[BuchitaBuchys]

What's very wrong with zoloft kissless cat ladies? >=(

[ConsultantIsBack]

@BuchitaBuchys they keep trying to fitshame me and stalk me like @lavilaine and I dont like it lol Soo not referring to you

[BuchitaBuchys]

We're bitter jealous trolls, inside and out. Don't mind us lol

[ConsultantIsBack]

@BuchitaBuchys dude these pink anons and haters legit stalking now lol i told admins

[OrdinaryGentleman]

Bruhhh...

[evatheboy]

I used to be wearing neutral outfits and think it as somwhat not being "sexy" or "slutty" and people care more about personality as I do. While the other day, I finally convinced myself to wear an one piece dress which carves my curve perfectly and went to an event. Somehow people does treat me differently. I guess no one will care your inside while you don't care your outside. From that day, I swear to myself, always go for better appearance if possible.

[Anonymous]

If more women in these modern times are confidant, then why don't women get approached like before? Like in days of the past, women were not as confidant, but men approached women and women never complained about there not being enough men.

Where i stay i see many confidant women... almost all are single? So am i not understanding something?

[AssJacket]

To put it another way, most men can't handle confident women.

[Opinion Owner]

@AssJacket So what does that mean? So why is confidence such a difficult thing for men to handle?

[Opinion Owner]

#AssJacket

[AssJacket]

Personally, I think it's because back in the day men took advantage of the fact that women weren't as confident. In fact, our entire society encouraged it. Then women changed, and men didn't bother. Some of us just bitch about feminism and all that rather than learning how to adapt.

[Opinion Owner]

#AssJacket i see, well i hope things get better, because it seems to be getting worse

[moomooblue]

@AssJacket I think that's perfectly analysed!

[flypaper]

@AssJacket nicely said sir!

[EllieLexis513]

Yes, but there's a difference between arrogant and confident. Usually, the arrogant ones think they're being confident when they simply are not.

[Kylesar]

Women call other women sluts far more than men do. It's their constant competition to land the best men

[madhatters4]

i agree. and most often when men say it they don't mean it negatively but just as a matter of fact.

[LittleSally]

Of course not... Anyone who says that is nuts.
Sluts are women who sleep with many people. pretty simple.

[Nik1hil]

😂😂If in world's dictionary.. A confident women is tramp or slut.. Then I will gladly marry a slut and be faithful to my tramp..

[Metlahaed]

Sure, you are right, but personally, my favorite kind of woman is all three, slutty, sexy, and confident.