My Experiences Since I've "Come Out"

ladsin
My Experiences Since I've "Come Out"

I will skip the story of how I realized I was attracted to the same sex as well as the opposite, but if you would like that background just look at my other myTakes, particularly- "My trip from a "homophobic" pastor trainee to a bi man in a relationship with another man."

So, a brief overview for those of you who do not know my story: I came out to my father around a year and a half to two years ago now, and I came out to my mom around Christmas.

So to try and explain my experiences I will split this myTake up into how different people have reacted. Particularly, family, friends, and people in public.

Family: As I said, I told my dad first and he responded really positively saying that he loved me no matter what and that as long as I was happy he was happy. He has met my boyfriend now around four times and really likes him. After I had been with my boyfriend for 6 months I decided to tell my mom, and she was NOT happy. We went to counseling together once a week for several months and it certainly strained our relationship. Now however, she has largely come to terms with it even though she does not agree with it. She finally met him a month ago and was very amicable.

My Experiences Since I've "Come Out"

We are still struggling to work out how to integrate this, because I have a 7 year old sister and my mother does not want her to know about me, but I of course do not agree and think her decision is not fair to me or my partner. One of the funnier aspects about me coming out as "bi" is that both of my parents refuse to accept that I am accepted to both. My father thinks that I am only gay and am lying when I say that I am attracted to women as well; whereas, my mother says that I am really straight and this whole boyfriend thing is just a phase.

Friends: Telling my friends was really awkward. I am a really manly man and no one had ever even considered the possibility of me being attracted to men as well so coming out to them was difficult, because I could not think of a "chill" way to bring it up. So, me being as smart as I am decided to get really drunk with my best friends and tell them while we were drunk. My best friend since 4th grade (we'll call J) responded really well when I told him. I basically said, "yeah, you know how I said I have a GF? It's really a boyfriend." He looked shocked for a moment but then kept going on about how much he loved me and that it's all good etc. Then he did not talk to me for a week (which I thought nothing of because we were not normally talking everyday).

Later he told me that he was really weirded out by it and did not know how to react so he told his mom after a week and she said he was stupid, because I was no different. Since then we have become far closer and he (sometimes annoyingly) always goes out of his way to tell everyone at parties and stuff. This has surprisingly always gone over really well. I remember the first party I was really worried that it would make things weird, but to the contrary all the guys acted pretty normal (asked a few questions but nothing offensive), and the girls interestingly all wanted to be my best friend (which was kind of weird because as a pretty masculine guy girls tend to be a little "intimidated" by me (I think) and don't talk to me, but they all of a sudden wanted to hangout all night.)

My Experiences Since I've "Come Out"

The next friend (we'll call Q) was one of my best friends in high school and we would hang out everyday at school, and I'd spend the night at his house once or twice a week. As before I waited to tell him until we were both drunk (he was also high) and his first question was "Are you a top or bottom?" Which was interesting in and of itself, but after he acted relatively normal until we got back to his house at which time he tried to come onto me. I found this hilarious and laughed and told him no. I regret how I handled the situation because since then we have not talked or hung out, and I can only assume that if I had been kinder in the rejection we would still be friends (to clarify I didn't say anything mean, I was just taken so aback that I couldn't help laughing.)

The last will be rather short because she is a relatively new friend (maybe a month before I entered my relationship), and she just finds me to be her greatest gay friend basically. She especially loves talking to me because many of her other girlfriends would judge her for the things she tells me, but I don't. We just recently went to NY together and had a great time!

General Public: So my story isn't nearly as bad as many other's I've heard, but it certainly hasn't been all that positive. As I've stated before, unless I tell someone they would never know so I haven't had problems walking around by myself, but my boyfriend has because he's pretty obviously gay. It hurts me to hear his problems because these people are just dicks. I will give three examples in particular. Two are from his jobs.

My Experiences Since I've "Come Out"

At the time he was working at a restaurant and the hospital as a nurse. Not just once, but multiple times that he was working at the restaurant people would refuse to be served by him and complain to the manager. Secondly, a bunch of the female nurses at his hospital were talking about boys and joking around, at which time one girl asked him a question and he joined in with the joking. As it turns out though one of the girls reported him for sexual harassment for doing the same thing that they were doing for no conceivable reason other than that he was gay.

The third was when the both of us were walking downtown and holding hands and a street preacher came up and started shouting about abominations and how we were the cause of much of the evil in society etc. At this point I got really mad and wanted to argue with him (and honestly kind of wanted to punch him in the face for being a dick to my partner), but my partner has gotten so used to that sort of thing that he just dragged me off with his head down. Normally though when I'm with him we just receive a lot of negative looks and whispers which is annoying but I don't really care what people say.

The end! XP

My Experiences Since I've "Come Out"
My Experiences Since I've "Come Out"
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Most Helpful Girl

  • menina
    At least people accepted you. That's good!
    I've heard stories about guys and girls who came out to their families and friends, and they started to be hated by everyone around them.
    I saw a girl on tv, who doesn't talk to her family, because they kicked her out for being a lesbian.
    Is this still revelant?
    • ladsin

      Yeah it certainly can be awful

    • menina

      Exactly. Sometimes their families and their friends are cruel.

Most Helpful Guy

  • Waffles731
    Its good most people are accepting.
    Also dude A LOT of people refuse to accept that bisexuality exists.
    Freddie Mercury still has A LOT of people refusing to accept that he actually did like them Fat Bottomed Girls as well as dude even after he is long dead.
    Is this still revelant?
    • ladsin

      Lol I guess

    • Sara413

      People have less problem accepting bi women.. somehow it's believable that a woman can be to both but not that a man can be. As a dude, you're either gay or straight - pick a team! It's so dumb.

    • Sara413

      To clarify that's not my view.

    • Show All

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What Girls & Guys Said

918
  • CosmicShores
    Great mytake! I love hearing about the lives of the lgbt community! So happy yours wasn't a nightmare. Not saying you have it easy. There were obviously times that must have been very difficult. But so happy to hear that your father and friends took it so well. Sorry your mom is having such a difficult time with it.

    I really like hearing about the lgbtq community because I feel like the lives of atheists and lgbtq are very similar in regards to how accepting the rest of society is towards them. I've heard stories from both that are equally horrific. In real life, my atheism is still closeted honestly out of fear of literally everyone outside of my Wife cutting me out of their lives. But, stories like yours do give me hope that maybe a few are more accepting than they seem. My family still plays a large role in my life, hence I haven't told them. My family is mostly very devout catholics and I love them all. The risks just far outweigh the rewards of telling others at this point.

    Sorry for the long reply, just something about your take made me feel like sharing.

    Good luck on everything. Hope life just gets better for ya from here.
    • ladsin

      No it's all good, I agree largely

    • ladsin

      Just as an aside. I'm now an atheist and still will not tell my mom that, even though I came out otherwise.

    • I can hardly imagine my family's reaction to my atheism... 100% understand. That situation is made of nope.

  • Travelingmouse
    I'm really glad that people were mostly accepting. Have you heard of people cutting off their straight friends after coming out? I had a good guy friend who dissed me once he came out announcing that he had a boyfriend.
    • ladsin

      He dissed you?
      And no I haven't heard of anyone cutting off straight friends, I've heard the opposite though

    • Yeah, we were good friends because we had similar child abuse issues. I was the only person he talked to about these issues. We used to meet once a month and talk and I would check on him once a week or two weeks to see if he was ok because he was so alone. I think we were both attracted to each other and may have had feelings though. He told me once that he had a great deal of love for me. I didn't know if he meant as a good friend or otherwise. We never went beyond friendship. So we had set another time to meet, after that he announced on FB he had a boyfriend. I texted him the day we were supposed to hang out to confirm and he never answered me. I figured if he forgot he would get back to me eventually, but he never did. He's posting pics of himself and his boyfriend and gay friends on FB and Instagram so I know he's ok. He's partying a lot. It really hurts me though.

    • ladsin

      Hmm, it seems more likely to me that he had feelings and was upset than that he just defriended you because he came out.

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  • CisScum
    Hey man I'm glad for you that your coming out experience wasn't all that bad and most people accepted that, you live around a lot of people that love you for you. Thanks for the MyTake, don't let any homophobes get you down out there.
    • ladsin

      Haha it's all good bud thanks

  • Sara413
    Thanks for sharing! I'm glad your experiences were mostly positive or at least mildly neutral. It's such horse shit how so many people lose so much and struggle so much over something so stupid.
    • Sara413

      I'm confused about the friend that hit on you tho. Did you know he was gay/bi when you told him? And did you tell him you had a boyfriend when you came out? Seems like such a weird reaction!

    • ladsin

      I had a boyfriend and no I didn't know/ he still says he is straight lol

    • Sara413

      Wow ok that's super weird haha

      Sounds to me like he's pretty deep in the closet. You guys were really drunk that night so he let his guard down. Now he's backtracking on that admission. I hope he becomes more comfortable with himself soon!

      One of my best friends has a buddy who several times when he was drunk has told him and other close friends he's gay, but when they ask him about it later on when they're all sober he denies denies denies... it sucks because he also has a bad tendency to do way too much drugs and drink way too much and it's pretty clear to everyone else that it's because he's trying to cope with something.
      .

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  • AlwaysBelieving
    Thanks for sharing and using your screen name on this.

    A friend in college came out. Some classmates suspected he was gay. Those of us that did suspect he was gay didn't say anything, since we felt we didn't have any right to. He even asked about it years later when I went back home and went to breakfast with him.
    • ladsin

      Yeah man. I understand

  • dudegrt09
    Glad it's good with your family and friends, they are the ones who really matter.
    Also you gave me a great idea which you can also use if things don't go well with your boyfriend (though I hope it does). I too can tell that I am bi, and all the girls would want to be best friends who I can later bang by saying "hey I'm bi"... Lol jk.
    But overall I think your Dad and friends are also pretty cool
    • ladsin

      Haha it's certainly funny to me because all the girls want to be friends with me now but I have to remind them that I've been with more girls than guys.

  • HotNerd
    My family is liberal, so when I came out of the closet. They were very accepting. Most people are accepting of the LGBT community.
  • Phoenix98
    Good for you, I can never agree with or support homosexuality but I do respect the journey you've gone through regarding it ^^.
    • ladsin

      Cool man, I guess lol

    • Phoenix98

      lol I wasn't trying to disrespect you or anything ^^ just saying even though I don't agree with what you practice I do respect you and your journey, tough thing to go through.

    • ladsin

      No, no I get it, you don't have to agree, we just all have to live together and get along and that's all that really matters lol.

      I was just wondering why

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  • vishna
    Thanks for posting this, I think there are people on GaG who need to hear things like this. Grandpa
  • YourFutureEx
    This was very interesting read. Thanks for sharing. I liked it :)
    • ladsin

      Yeah no problem! I just thought it would be an interesting myTake 😁

  • Afrochick
    This is so weird I remember like 4 years ago, you as a GAG user was "straight"
    • ladsin

      Haha yeah... I didn't even really know 4 years ago though 😁

    • jjesica346

      I'm just wondering how you didn't know. There had to be signs of some sort.

    • ladsin

      @jjesica346 it was weird, I mean I would think of guys in my "personal time," but for some reason I just never put two and two together lol

  • QuestionMan
    I used to be very anti-gay simply because all the gays I encountered had that annoying gay voice and made being gay their whole identity. I guess what got me to stop hating gays was by chance when I was going on a trip to Ottawa as part of a political club at my university I had to share a room (2 separate beds) with a gay guy. Although he has that annoying accent, he's a pretty cool guy and he didn't push his beliefs on me and didn't hit on me. That's all it took, one decent guy to prove that not all gays are special snowflakes that want to force you to accept them.
    • ladsin

      Yep. We all just need to realize that we're all people and have value.

    • The identity politics in the LGBT community are one of the biggest source of anti-LGBT views in the West.
      I'm sure you're familiar with the gay wedding cake fiasco. It's things like that which push people to be against the LGBT community.

    • ladsin

      Are toy talking about the kleins who called the woman an abomination and then leaked their names and addresses all over the media resulting in death threats, a vehicle break in, and the parents worry that they would not be able to keep their child (as well as breaking the law in Oregon?) yeah... I'm relatively familiar with that case.

    • Show All
  • Eastur
    It's pretty hard to emotsianalno. People change their attitude towards you, become larger insincerity in communication, some people now feel uncomfortable talking to you... Some of you are beginning to tease and invent themed jokes. In general you know someone who is not your friend.
  • ayylamo
    That whole sexual harassment thing is why you don't say jokes around women in the workplace.
    • ladsin

      Around anyone really if you're gay

  • WesternGirl
    My parents were not accepting of me being bi sexual. So I blocked them out of my life. My girlfriends parents are much more accepting.
    • ladsin

      Sorry to hear that

    • Yeah, my dad is also part of the KKK

    • ladsin

      Well shit, that's crazy!

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  • relaxrelax
    I don't care about how you feel
    i really don't
    i care about what is the truth
    so in my mind you believe a lie
    • ladsin

      Didn't say you had to care how I felt.
      What do you think is a lie and why?
      (I didn't downvote btw)

    • relaxrelax

      Genesis 6:4
      There were giants in the earth in those days; and also after that, when the sons of God came in unto the daughters of men, and they bare children to them, the same became mighty men which were of old, men of renown

      Enoch chapter 6
      And it came to pass when the children of men had multiplied that in those days were born unto them beautiful and comely daughters. 2. And the angels, the children of the heaven, saw and lusted after them, and said to one another: 'Come, let us choose us wives from among the children of men and beget us children

      SO THERE WHERE GIANTS

      It was 12 ft 2 in (3.71 m) tall, weighed 2 tonnes
      www.6000years.org/graphics/irish%20giant.jpg

      depiction of egyptian giant
      s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/.../...f4d542332c.jpg

      https://i.ytimg.com/vi/dRuxw-nZoJw/hqdefault.jpg

    • ladsin

      ? Weird

    • Show All
  • Saoirse_Nua
    Great story - I hope it works out with your sister soon
  • starliteyes
    Is your boyfriend hot?
    • ladsin

      I think he's cute lol

    • So nah?

    • ladsin

      He's not Channing Tatum, but I think he's hot. He gets me going.

    • Show All
  • Anonymous
    I'm glad you found what makes you happy. It's amazing how many closeted in denial gay guys find religion and intolerance a comfortable place to try and convince others (God, themselves) that they are straight.
  • Anonymous
    No offence bro, but that's kinda gay.
  • Anonymous
    Are you a top or a bottom?
    • ladsin

      Top.

    • Anonymous

      Pound me like an Iraq soldier baby.

  • Anonymous
    sometimes the scariest thing we can do, is accept ourselves
  • Anonymous
    So you guys want acceptance but at the same time want to think your special snowflakes for coming out? who cares its 2016 you guys are like the new purse right now you can literally do no wrong.
    • ladsin

      Did I ever say I was special?

    • Anonymous

      well you made a coming out story. that seems like you want to be noticed. in order to make you guys "normal" you shouldn't be doing these coming out things. And makes you seem not normal

    • ladsin

      This would be no different than if I wrote a myTake about my favorite toppings on a hotdog. It's me talking about my experiences and if someone is interested then they can read it.

      Additionally people being open about their experiences and sexuality is what has taken us from killing gays to being more or less accepting. It is an important thing to talk about.

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  • Anonymous
    It's okay, I support bisexuals, including bisexual males. Don't let the biphobia get to you. They are just ignorant assholes.
  • Anonymous
    San Francisco, Calif. — Recently, a pre-natal exam has become available to screen for homosexuality among male fetuses, and the results are devastating; among fetuses diagnosed with homosexuality, 90% have been aborted.
    The test is highly non-invasive; nurses obtain a sample of blood from the mother, and measure the levels of free-flowing estrogen released by the fetus into the bloodstream. When the fetus is male, heightened estrogen levels indicate that the fetus is in fact homosexual. Test results are further confirmed by an ultrasound of the fetus, which technicians use to assess the angle of wrist flexion:
    Male fetuses with over 30° wrist flexion or extension are over 99% likely to be homosexual. When these results are combined with the estrogen level figures, the test correctly identifies homosexual male fetuses 99.9% of the time, with a false positive rate under 0.1%. The test was developed by researchers at Uganda’s Makerere University’s School of Medicine, under a grant funded by the Ugandan national government.
    The test has caused quite the schism among formerly tight-knit progressives. Feminists have defended the use of the exam and any abortions that ensue from it, saying it is a woman’s right to abort for any reason, at any time. Even some lesbians are coming down on the side of choice. Said one, “The main thing is that the act homosexuals commit is ugly and repugnant and afterwards they’re disgusted with themselves. They drink and take drugs, to palliate this, but they are disgusted with the act and they are always changing partners and cannot be really happy…. In women it is the opposite. They do nothing that they are disgusted by and nothing that is repulsive and afterwards they are happy and they can lead happy lives together.” With the surging popularity of in vitro fertilization among lesbian couples, these choices are being made by everyone. Proponents of choice have cited the threat of back-alley abortions with wire hangers, if abortion is further regulated.
    Meanwhile, queer men are up in arms at the prospect of a diminished future. Dr. Toby F. Gott of Wesleyan University’s Feminism, Gender & Sexuality Studies (FGSS, pronounced fægz for short) said, “imagine if these tests remain legal, their use surges, the population of buggers will decline.
    • ladsin

      Do you have any references for this?

    • Anonymous

      Look it up its no hard to find. Your a bit late for the cure

    • ladsin

      Cure? You mean abortion?
      And see that makes me not believe anything you've said because when I ask for evidence of your claims you refuse to give it. I will look into it though.

      Also just so you know... As a psychologist I can tell you that sexuality is on a spectrum and the scientific community has accepted the fact that (almost) no one is strictly Hetero or Homo

    • Show All
  • Anonymous
    Many people go through this everyday, wether that be coming out as gay, becoming pregnant, deciding you want to move out etc

    There's a time in everyones life where you're gonna have to sit someone down and tell them something they may or may not like

    What I don't get is why some people feel the need to tell everyone

    Honestly, well done for coming out gay, I'm sure your friends and family will apreciate that but I honestly don't think anyone else cares

    Coming out as gay is nothing special, so many people are gay

    We are all equals, just remember that
    • ladsin

      I never made it out as anything special. At least that was not my intention. I told my friends and family because they are going to meet my partner. I don't go up to random people on the street to tell them.

      Also being open is important, it's people being open about their sexuality that got us from being murdered for being different to being considered equals (to many people, some still don't think so.)

  • Anonymous
    Glad to hear things are going -relatively- well.

    Is your mother more religious than your father? Or do you think more attached to the idea of you having a traditional marriage and kids?

    I actually just found out that the priest who married me (Anglican church, like u. s. episcopal church) is in a same sex relationship (which actually didn't shock me that much, he was not the most masculine guy ever, but very nice) and has also just been made a bishop.

    Your mention of having been a pastor trainee just kind of made me think of him, and how some parts of the broader Christian family are becoming accepting to a degree that would have been hard to imagine a generation ago.
    • ladsin

      Certainly the churches are moving to a more accepting position.
      She's far more religious, but I think her main reasons for being upset was over the traditional marriage, and I think she is embarrassed to tell friends and family so she takes that out on me to an extent.

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