Why Do We Address Kids Who Bully, But Not Adults Who Bully?

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Bullying someone is wrong at any age!

Bullying is wrong at any age, but I find it very disturbing that adults who should know better engage in this practice every day. Whether you engage in this behavior in public, or on the internet, bullying is bullying and not right.

Being bullied never feels good

Kids are bullied every day. At school, online. And it is wrong. And can have lasting effects, emotional insecurities that can affect that person for the rest of their life. We need to do more to stop kids who bully other kids.

Practice what you preach

I am in no way excusing kids who bully other kids, but how can we really get them to understand how wrong it is, if they see adults behave in the same manner?

We have to teach our children by example

People don't want their children to be bullied at school or online, yet some themselves engage in this behavior and think it's okay, what because they're an adult? All the more reason they should know better. Freedom of speech does not give you the right to verbally attack someone just because they don't think/ believe or share your opinions or beliefs.

Be an adult not a bully

Adults who bully are even worse in my opinion, because it not just reflects badly on you, it may have impact on the way children learn to deal with conflict and someone who doesn't always agree with them.

Unacceptable behavior for an adult

We as a people are never going to always agree. And that is ok . What is not ok is to think it's acceptable to call other people names, verbally attack them. On this site, I have been called and seen others called bitch, slut, stupid, dumb dumb and much worse. It is one thing to say someone's behavior is stupid, but to call "them" stupid? I've also seen people respond with " just kill yourself". Would you want someone saying that to your child?

Remember to be respectful

There is a respectful way and disrespectful way to get our points, views across. And again, how are we ever going to teach children about respect: respecting other people's rights, differences, and feelings if we don't do this ourselves?

Other ways to get your point across

Everybody has a right to their opinions. You have a right to voice your differences. You don't have a right to verbally attack someone for theirs.

Politely agree to disagree

If you are going to use a public forum, you should behave the same way you would in actual public. You are still dealing with real people with real feelings.

All bullying is hurtful and unnecessary and doesn't accomplish anything in the end. And it could be damaging to how our children learn to behave and treat people. And please remember:

Be a positive influence for our future generation!

As always, thank you for reading!

And please keep your comments respectful!

"brainsbeforebeauty"❤

[Moonchild714]

Another Awesome My Take my Dear Gal Pal... We often don't address Adult Bullies because one don't want to admit we are capable of being bullied as Adults. I had a Boss that was a Bully and I was always known fir protecting everyone against Bullies growing up, wouldn't this one girl whobtried to Bully me in 6th Grade but fought for everyone else, didn't think I was a reason to fight for. Anyhow, as an Adult I was still he most Popular person always protecting everyone but when it came to this Boss Bully I couldn't or wouldn't go up against her, hell I wasn't going to put my career on the line if others weren't willing!!! I became her Primary Target everyone kept asking me why I'm letting her get away with it and I would just say I tune her out. It was until she was Fired I felt bad for her I realized I suffered from Stockholm Syndrome which considering my childhood I'm a Prime candidate because I always suffered from Stockholm Syndrome... Believed the Abuser was my only True Ally. Also, in Adulthood, we know Numbers Matter if others aren't willing to fight the Bully you're probably going to go down as a Martyr...

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

❤❤As always very well said. Maybe your user name should be" beauty and brains"😍

[Moonchild714]

Hahahaha we can only have one on here...

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Yeah but I'm the brains before lol

[Moonchild714]

Oh I know that LOL

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

And your're the beauty😊

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

And brains lol didn't want you to think I was saying you weren't smart.
Your're double threat brain smart and wisdom from life experiences

[Moonchild714]

😂😂😂😂😂😂 watch that Ego of mine it strokes quite easily LOL

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Only speaking the truth❣Hope you and the fam all doing well ❣

[Moonchild714]

Yes we are.

[Moonchild714]

Getting teady to go to sleep though.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Okay, get sleep, sleep well, talk tomorrow❣❤

[Moonchild714]

Goodnight. Ttyt

[Moonchild714]

Thank you for MHO.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Welcome❣enjoy the super bowl. Have a good night❣

[Moonchild714]

Thank you and you have good night also.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

👍❤❤

[arabgoddess]

Yes exactly.. I was bullied all through my schooling years.. Then got bullied in the work place and my own family bullies me.. I'm so fed up that I treat bullies like crap now, not worth my respect at all

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Sorry you were bullied. Even sorrier when I see adults behave that way. Iit's not just bullying is verbal abuse. People who behave that way make me sick. Sorry son, you or noone else, child or adult should be treated that way by anyone, but especially someone that's "supposed" to be an adult!

[soleil2666]

It does, unfortunately, start within a family, and others then just pick up on it. You'll have to slap the bully in your family back hard for it to stop (it will then stop across the board but will feel odd/risky because you are used to depending on some bully for subsistence)

[arabgoddess]

Thanks for understanding...
I'm a sensitive person and people picked up on that..

[soleil2666]

It is bullying at home/while young that makes you a sensitive person. Do try to resolve it, you'll end up less sensitive. Someone is abusing you.

[arabgoddess]

Weirdly enough I've become less sensitive and I get worked up easily. I don't like what I'm becoming.. Like I'm loosing my self identity! And when it's your own family how do you deal with that

[wankiam]

in life i will certainly tell any adult when they are being disrespectful and on here i moderate both kids and adults so in answer to this i think adult bullying is adressed

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Not as much as it needs to be in my opinion.

[wankiam]

well we have strong laws on harassment etc hee in the uk and on here the mods can only do so much... i do recognize the fact though that from talking to many americans, you laws do allow for offensive behaviour to be normalized so i can see why you would ask the question

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Yeah, people think cuz is social media they can behave anyway, but still act like an adult and keep it respectable.

[wankiam]

that is very true,,, adults should know better and speak to peoplle online with the same social ettiquite they would emply inn real life but whats more worrying is that kids are never learning those social skills in the first place because social media plays such a big role for them

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Exactly. And how can we stop kids from behaving that way, when so many adults do. Adults need to set the example of how to behave.

[wankiam]

we need to address it from kindergaarten age where kids now try to swipe books to turn the page...

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Oh I agree.

[wankiam]

thanks for mho

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Welcome and Thank you!

[Woodsrdr]

Because we usually call the bully "Boss" and most people are to scared of losing their job to stand up to that same boss.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Not all bosses are bullies. And not all bullies are bosses. There's people that insult, attack people by their gender on here and other social media, as well as IRl settings. The point I was trying to make is if we expect kids to know how to behave, shouldn't adults be held to the same standards? Where do people think kids get the behavior from in the first place?

[Woodsrdr]

Gotcha. That's generally a do as I say not as I do issue. We tell kids that things are simple, cut and dried & right or wrong. Adults generally believe this in most cases, especially things like bullies. Then when faced with the situation as an adult, we tend to use a more convoluted, pragmatic and "Adult" approach instead of the overly simplistic solution we gave our own children. My life changed a great deal when my kids started holding me accountable as an adult for the advice and instructions I have given to them about similar situations. I have to embarrassingly admit that there was a time when I would have overlooked and ignored a bully that was in a position to fire me or even cause me discomfort in my life. After having my daughter ask (at the tender age of 8) why I didn't "Tell that man not to talk to people the way he does because he's being mean," I decided to live by my own advice to my children and I have enjoyed a much higher quality of life and even a higher quality of friends and associates in the process. The advice I gave my children before that was to help them be the person, citizen and patriot I wished I was. Now they saw me actually being the person I wanted them to be. Not only am I proud of all of my kids for the people they are today, they are proud if me for being the man that taught them right from wrong and how to be honest and upstanding as a father, friend, neighbor, employee and as a general person.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

That's so awesome. And exactly what I'm saying. If more people understood what you realized.
And yeah, my kids have done the same when they were little.
Out of the mouth of babes right? Lol maybe that would make a good anti bullying commercial. Kids asking adults why they're bullies.

[soleil2666]

@Woodsrdr Good on ya,, mate. I am yet to get there - but when you see middle eastern kids doing lines of cocaine right in front of you in the middle of a club in Antwerp and there's 6-7 of them around, with streets full of their assorted Iraqi, Syrian and Pakistani buddies - it gets a bit harder. You tend to stay away from being a target for a bomb or an incendiary device...

[Woodsrdr]

@sileilw666 I can understand your situation. The same thing I told my kids will work for you and me as well... Don't go to that club. Again, I know it sounds simple because it honestly is. With the exception of intimate relations, I don't go anywhere or hang around with anyone I wouldn't take my kids, more specifically my 2 daughters. I heard a wise man respond to a woman's question once that the biggest feminists in the world are fathers of daughters and I don't think I've ever heard a more true statement.

[soleil2666]

@Woodsrdr That's a good way to look at it. Instinctively, I don't go to places that grow security risks after I've seen them. But there is a societal expectation something be done about it which you don't want to ignore.
Whilst I agree ignoring those kinds of people is the best response, those characters are everywhere - it isn't just that one place.
I didn't report it to the police because they'd be onto me afterwards (though it seems someone else did, there was a news piece about it recently. I end up serving as bait often, they always want to 'impress me')

[Woodsrdr]

@soleil666 I'm a Libertarian politically and philosophically so as far as what other adults do by themselves and with other consenting adults, I really don't care as long as it's not infringing upon someone else's rights. Kids doing blow would cause me to offer my friendly advice if I were alone and just leave if I had anyone else, especially kids with me at the time. I would imagine your laws in Belgium ( where my paternal grandfather is buried) are far different from here in the states. As long as I'm not drinking, I can legally carry my pistol with me concealed as can probably 70% of the population immediately around the area where I live. I mention that only because an armed society is generally a polite society and knowing that you are physically prepared to handle any situation short of an all out military attack by yourself truly inspires confidence in one's convictions.

[kymberz]

my goodness - YOU are an angel! so let me state here and now to the world or the internet that in grade 5 i didn't stand up when the kids picked on Margaret Dawe and i have never ever ever allowed anyone to be bullied in my sight ever since. i will carry the fact that i could have protected her and didn't until the day i die. so if anyone of you know someone named Margaret Dawe - please tell her that i tried to distract the kids away from her. but not before they hurt her. and she is probably still hurting. and i will never let that happen in front of my eyes ever again. and i never have. i learned my lesson, Jesus. so i love this post with all of my heart (and rob thomas is singing "problem girl" in the background and i just have to accept that my repentance is enough to be saved. now he sounds like an angel. like you Glinda.) ok - i got a ton of stuff in my feed that i need to check. i love you Bbb... and it's just a pure feeling k? and it's nice. and i love your posts. and i love following you but heck i'll follow anyone who makes no sense at all cuz it's only then that all the senses can be released to feel properly for themselves. see? you invite me and then i blather.

[Anonymous]

It is worse in school as you are forced to be there by law, you can’t just stop going to school as that is illegal and you’d be missing out on education which is crucial for getting qualifications for your future. You can’t get away from the bullying as freely as you can as an adult. The only other environment for bullying besides school is prison. No one wants to be there but are forced to be there by law, and so they make their own fun by tormenting others, as with school. Adults can move jobs, move out their home to a new one, internet trolls can just be blocked, even if they were being bullied in the workplace, they could secretly catch the evidence and get justice. But in school, you can’t phone the police for someone throwing pencils at you in class. If an employee did that to a colleqgue, they’d be fired. Adults have more freedom and are taken more seriously than youths, and when you’re young and your mind is still developing, things can get to you and affect who you are as a person for the rest of your life. I was heavily bullied in high school to the point where I genuinely thought of myself as a lesser human being. I no longer feel “lesser”, but it has still had a lasting impact on my personality and if I was never bullied, I would be a much better person today.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

I'm sorry you went through that. I bring up adults more as the fact adults should be setting the example. Some of these kids who bully, where do people their behavior is probably coming from? We're can't tell/ teach kids not to bully, and then do that behavior and say it's okay cuz adult. Bullying someone is wrong no matter what age you are. And in some cases it's verbal abuse.

[Opinion Owner]

A lot of the time, they don’t even have to pick up that behaviour. The vileness is there within them until it is fixed (which would be by them getting a taste of their own medicine) and they have no empathy and don’t realise the damage they’re really doing. Some do know exactly what they’re doing though, but if so, then they most likely have a hatred for the person they bully. But most bullies just aren’t aware of their own actions. Some of the people who bullied me in school actually asked me if I was okay when I looked sad when they weren’t in the middle of tormenting me. Which is completely contradictory to how they usually treated me. It’s because they aren’t aware of how bad they actually are. Another girl who was bullied started crying one time when they were tormenting her and then the bullies were like “are you okay? I’m sorry!”

[RickPen]

Some may perceive adult bullying as a means to an end, that the almighty dollar is the reason for one's actions. I have seen this to be true: the bully is lauded as a "take charge" person, and often will take credit for another's work. They will "call out" others as they see fit, in order to prove themselves better. In short, a bully succeeds on the backs of others. Yes, I believe it creates a toxic culture, as others see this behavior and subconsciously assimilate it. Adults may have completely developed physically, but mental and emotional development is lifelong.
I have seen this firsthand in every job I've worked. The genuine person is overworked, passed over for promotion, and left to rot, while the bombastic liars, manipulating, egotistical abusers will always get the promotion, especially to their worst possible position.

Should they be held more accountable? Yes. Will they be? Highly unlikely, as adults have odd ways of thinking due to assimilating the bullying mentality. "Mind what pays you" is a fantastic phrase that sums of the nature of one who loves money. There is no regard beyond the dollar. Those people are husks.

[Lynx122]

I think it's because children have less experience and can't defend themselves as well so when they get bullied it's more devestating and harder to deal or stop it. On the internet there's a lot of stories of how somone punched their bully and was never bullied again and things like that. But I was bullied and in my situation there was nothing like that, I could do. I was younger and smaller and I was not prepared for this situation. I did actually try and punch my main bully once but it didn't have much of an effect. As adults we can handle it or we're expected to at least when someone tries to mess with us. I haven't had any problems with bullies since I've grown up.

But also if you're dealing with an adult you have a lot less options to change their behaviour. You can tell them to stop being an asshole but that's about it. They don't have to listen to you or respect you if they don't want to. There are still ways to confront an adult bully but if they're really determined it's tough.

I agree that adults can behave worse than children. But that's just the world we live in the only thing we can do is try and be a positive influence like you said.

[winterfox10]

It's because we expect that adults will not only know better, but that they will also handle being being bullied better. When I was younger, I got after bullies. Like I literally got up in people's shit for bullying. Now I"m going to law school so I can pick more fights. I really, really, really, don't like bullies.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Me neither. And more adults need to realize they're sending kids the wrong message. How can they see iit's wrong, if they see adults bullying each other. We need to set the example for kids with our behavior

[talloak]

We can manage child bullies because they are accountable to adults (at least theoretically). Adult bullies are rarely held accountable. In business, adults seldom suffer by bullying others and often gain by it. We elected the worst sort if bully as president and millions cheer with every new act of bullying. He flourishes as a bully the same way that child bullies flourish: the weak ally with them and the conscientious are too few to stand up to the bully and his thugs. What the thugs forget is that bullies are cowards who do back down when enough people stand up to them.

[humanearth]

You want to know. how bully were taken care when I was a kid.

My mom would say this to us kids. You want them to stop bulling you. Then do something about it.

She told us you want it to stop. Your going to have to beat their ass and once you do. They would leave you alone.

Guess what it works and I told that to my kids and now my grandkids. Their parents don't approve. To fucking bad.

I was so happy that my 7 year granddaughter. Whipped this kids ass. Sure she got in trouble. But she said that kid never picked on her again.

That what a bully needs. A ass whipping.

[cbshaw10]

Tbh. I come off as being a bully, when the truth is, I'm sick of people's b. s. most people are too stupid to get a clue and go away. So, I treat them like sht. If I like them, sure I will joke around a lot, but there's a difference.
I'm not trying to justify anything, but I won't allow anyone to push me around, and act like I have to put up with it. I'm not the type who gives chances to those who make mistakes. Small ones, ok. Big ones. Nope, we done. Beg and act like it's ok, I'll get over it. I'll prove you wrong. Straight up.

Treat me right I treat you better, treat me bad, I treat you worse.

[Dashee]

We see children as defenseless while adults are not due to their experience. It's a lot less hard for an adult to stick up for themselves while children are still new to the harshness of the world. Children deserve a carefree life without the burden of insecurity and sadness. The fact that adults who bully usually have some form of authority also does not help, but most mature people try to not let things get to their heads as easily anyways.
I still do not condone bullying in any way however, but I do understand why we feel bad when children get bullied and ignore it when it happens between adults.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

But kids see adults bully. Does they not send them the message it's ok?
Kids are more prone to do what they see others doing then doing what they're told to do. This is more about setting the example for kids to follow.

[Dashee]

Of course it's bad for the children, and it's also bad for the adults. Most children don't quite notice bullying under adults, though.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

That's not true behavior is mostly learned not inherited

[Dashee]

It's learned from their surroundings, yes. But usually children get taught how to bully via schools and such, not necessarily their parents. In my middle school, a lot of children from different ages hung out with each other. Different groups formed: popular ones, nerdy ones etc.
These groups taught each other how to treat one another, which resulted in bullying. They did not learn it from their teachers or parents, but rather from the older kids they were hanging out with. Aside from that, I think bullying amongst children is both nature and nurture. Usually, children tend to bully others who are weaker than them. Unfortunately, that is still a natural instinct as you see it amongst all sorts of animals.

[LightEnd]

The world is not a safe place, I know this may sound weird but bullies teach other children to stand up for themselves.

Often the most painful things will make you stronger.

Have you ever thought about how lies make you feel good and the truth always hurts.

I think people are becoming too soft. These days if you tell someone something they don't like they think they are being bullied.

When someone on this forum talks shit to me I talk back. I dont go to sleep crying because some random people on the internet dont like me.

Also I believe in myself and I am talking from a place of truth so I'm not going to police my words to protect other people's feel feels.

I suppose if the forum owners or moderators dont like me they can perma ban me. Wouldn't hurt my feelings at all.

My comments, while they may hurt feelings, are given with the intention of helping.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

I didn't don't wouldn't ever cry myself to sleep over what anyone thinks of me, but especially not cowardly internet bully trolls that ain't happy in their life so have to attack others to make themselves feel better. But the more people accept this behavior or justify it, what message are you or anyone sending the kids we're trying to teach not to bully? That bullying is only wrong if you're a kid, but not if you're an adult? That is what this is about!! I can take care of me and mine, thanks tho even if you can't see the real message.

[LightEnd]

Wheres my pot pie?

https://youtu.be/lmc7Pm2ZVJ4

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

😂😂I did have your potpie ready but you know us sluts. I gave it to the first man who knocked on the door🤷‍♀️😂😂😂

[LightEnd]

😕 I never called you a slut. Why are you bullying me? I😭

[LightEnd]

😎😎

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

I'm not that would be if I called you one🤔

[LightEnd]

You can call me whatever you want but I would prefer, daddy, sir or your grace, if your gonna be a good girl... or you could call me, oh yes yes yes

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

😂😂😂oh ok sir lmao

[LightEnd]

Ok now since we got that straight, and since you gave away my pot pie. Get in the kitchen and make me another.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Well I would sir but my slut mother is on her way here. I mean according to men any women who have sex are sluts or enjoy it. Do they not realize they were born from a woman, so are their mothers sluts, too? See that's stupid logic. And don't get your undies in a bunch. Didn't say you said that. But a lot of men are? So my mom's first husband cheated and ran off with her best friend. So she met my father, had me and lily sis. So, even tho she was the one cheated on, according to today's standards cuz she had more than 1 sexual partner she a slut? Or not a virgin anymore, shi undatable. Come on, doesn't that sound ridiculous to you? Go back and read the comments from that's amazing dude and tell me the shit he talking even right?

[LightEnd]

Lol. I never said women were sluts. I think we were created/evolved as sexual beings. Everything reproduces. We have a desire for intimacy. Why call that desire evil. It doesn't make sense

But what is oxymoronic is when a woman wants commitment, but then wants to take your shit because she wants a new partner.

Tell your mom I said hi and I want my pot pie

I was just telling you why the stigma exists

[LightEnd]

You dont listen very well

[Daniela1982]

One or even 5 doesn't make a woman a slut unless they all in one night. Some women/men have been married many times but that doesn't make them sluts for that either. But if you have 50 lovers that you have been under, that is a different story.

[LightEnd]

Sounds pretty logical to me

[lightbulb27]

we're numb to it, entertained by it, submissive to it, or we don't care.

I think we do address adults who bully... if it's a law violation and they are caught, but not nearly enough.

The other category you are missing is adults who bully children.

[LinkxPeach]

Because they’re minors. Adults bully each other too. It’s just that adults can’t fight adults who bullies them. Also, it seems like adults used freedom of speech as an excuse to bully each other. That’s verbal assault, verbal abuse, and verbal harassment. That’s not the reason why this country has the freedom of speech to hurt someone who did not do anything wrong to you. If you go verbally attack someone as an adult, then you need to shut up or go somewhere.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Exactly. Plus sending wrong message to kids. Telling them not to bully, but then they see adults do it. Kids don't always do what you say, they do what you do.

[LinkxPeach]

Can’t you just report bullies online and in general?

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

This isn't about me being bullied im trying to make the point that people need to check their behavior.

[soleil2666]

Christian adults don't. That's very much imported from the Ottoman/middle eastern or communist brutality. And should not be assumed to be a legitimate way.

[Jjpayne]

I'm currently among them in my life.. Those they believe they know the one and only choice... At least one admits that no matter what they say I have to make my own choices but it's hard knowing that deep down they beileve that any choice that is not theirs is wrong...

[Koalamate]

Adults who bully are normaly in a position of power ie parents or your boss so you could risk your job.
Other bullys havnt had there head kicked in or they puss out when somebody threatens them and they move on to a weaker target.
Solving the issue of bullys now is hard being from a boss or hidden profile online.

[R_Cakes91]

Kids can learn at a young age to stop bullying. As an adult, if you haven’t learned yet, you’ll never learn how to treat people right. One word: karma.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Good answer

[ThatGuy133]

Because it’s about establishing a hierarchy. I’m better, you’re not. You’re funny, she’s not. And it’s assumed adults have thicker skin so they can take a good ol’ fashioned ribbing.
I believe in do on to others as you would have them do unto you

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

That's very true.

[soleil2666]

With the middle eastern abusers than getting to be at the top of that hierarchy. A wise system for Christians, that is.

[Anonymous]

I used to be very timid when I was younger. I think everyone gets bullied in some sense, some more than others. As I got older though, I stopped putting up with people's shit.
And as far as these "online" bullies, they're nothing more than pussies behind a computer monitor and keyboard, nothing intimidating about that, it's actually pathetic.
I've always taught my kid to be kind to others, even when it's not the popular thing to do.

[broken_heart_at_48]

I do but sometimes I feel like I'm being a bully when I confront them but the main difference is I don't just do it to be an asshole and if given the chance and enough reason I'll beat their ass

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

If people get too insulting and I feel like I'm going to stoop to their level, I just say, have a nice day sir or ma'am. That usually stops them cuz they just want someone to argue with, rage on.

[theCobbler]

A-F'ing_Men ! We all got to be the Change we want to see. !
and Why, we scold children, because if caught and corrected in time , these young people will/should grow up to be better adults.. , grown ups, well , there's not a lot of Hope. saddly

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Thank you sir. Agreed. We expect kids to behave and some adults behave worse than kids smh 🤷‍♀️

[theCobbler]

Dont we Know it! Blessed be !

[MindYourEyes]

You’d think adults would know by now that’s childish and fucked up. But people don’t realize it still happens in so many different ways. It’s sad and a never ending cycle. So I’m guessing they just assume.