Moral Dilemma: Who Deserves Your Seat?

Moral Dilemma: Who Deserves Your Seat?

In case you've never been on a city bus, in most cities the busses have signage above the first couple of rows of seats or seats that face each other near the front that indicate that these seats are for the elderly, handicapped, or infirmed and should you find yourself sitting there, if they approach, you should give up your seat. It is also commonly held that should they approach you anywhere else on the bus, you, be it man or woman, should also graciously offer them your seat with the idea being that because you are able bodied, you can often stand and hold the rails if no other seats are available, whereas they cannot or would otherwise struggle. I think most people would agree with the reasoning behind this and generally have no issue relinquishing a seat for this reason.

Moral Dilemma: Who Deserves Your Seat?

I read this post, that was questioning if there is a moral issue regarding giving up seats for others not listed, like for a heavily pregnant woman, or a woman with a child in a carrier, or a woman with young children, or a breastfeeding mom that needs to sit in order to feed her child (which legally she can do anywhere including public transportation). Is it morally wrong IN YOUR OPINION to not offer this woman and/or her young children, your seat?

Sidebar: there are several conditions that are not visible that men can have that might require them to need to sit down as well. Men on a bus could also have a young child in a carrier or young children with him, but I'm focusing on women exclusively here because the issue in the post and in coversations tends to be more in relation to men specifically being asked to give up seats/chivalry/morals/manners, whatever you want to call it, for women/children. K, I know you exist and have problems too!

One bus driver spoke up about this saying that he typically will not move his bus if a heavily pregnant woman gets on and needs a seat. He said, he will purposefully wait for someone (man or woman) to give up their seat for her because, if she falls on the bus, they have to stop for insurance reasons to call an ambulance so they can make sure she/baby are okay, so they won't get sued (in case you're wondering, cameras are on all busses, so he could also get fired if he ignores it and keeps moving). The bus driver knows that calling 911 will cause everyone massive delays so he essentially will force his hand preemptively for the greater good.

Moral Dilemma: Who Deserves Your Seat?

Another person said, that in these situations if a man or whomever doesn't willingly give up their seat, why is it the fault of that person and why is s/he morally wrong because technically the bus oversold their seats which is why this is even an issue in the first place, so you should be mad at the bus company/driver, and not the man/woman who doesn't give up their seat due to misplaced ideas of what is morally right and wrong.

What do you think? Ever been in this scenario? What did you do? Have you ever hassled someone for NOT giving up their seat to someone else or given them yours if you felt someone was being morally wrong for not doing so?

Moral Dilemma: Who Deserves Your Seat?
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  • DaveJord
    I agree that you should do it for elderly and pregnant women for sure... its just common courteous.

    But when it comes to people and their flipping health issues every where I am so sick of it. Honestly there are so many people that have so many health excuses for so many different things and reasons its totally getting annoying to me. You go to the stores and there are 20 different handicap spots that are not being used, people park and just jump out and run in side even with a handicap sticker... which you can get one of those for almost any reason now days... same with the service or emotional support animals. Go to the store and you have this 5FT 2IN, 300LBS behemoth with both their ass cheeks hang over both sides of this tinny electric cart with their crutches and walkers in tow... taking up the whole flipping aisle.

    I mean at what point do I get some type of privilege for being a hard working, healthy and physically fit tax paying American?

    Don't find it insulting when some 5ft. 2 in person who weight 300 LBS complains about their knee or back pain, and then expects you to give something up because they are basically obese and and unhealthy... like you are in the wrong some how for living healthy and fit life style. For working hard so you are never that type of person, then they expect you to feel sorry for them... and of course their weight is never their fault, its do to the their health issues of course, right?

    But we have no right to shame them, right? Well I don't shame them but I am pro-health and fitness.
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    • Anonymous

      You have a right to feel how you feel, and this is not be judging, but I will say as someone who lives with an invisible chronic illness, aka, you cannot see when I'm sick because it's internal, NEVER assume because someone walks in to a store and there is a handicap sticker, that they don't have issues that require that use. I've seen individuals get confronted and it is absolutely disgusting and presumptuous that people feel that a wheelchair or crutches are THE ONLY acceptable handicaps. Trust, they're not. And to add to that, why the hell do you want those handicap stickers. If you've got one, life to some degree is miserable. If I have to walk from the back, I'm glad for it, because someday I may not be able to.

    • DaveJord

      I never assume that there is not some health issue, but like you said if you jump out of you car and just walk right in no issues... then why do they need a handicap sticker or for me to give up my seat... why are you assuming I do not have an internal health issue just because I look healthy and fit.

      Just saying I know people that bitch about their conditions but as soon as they really want to do something fun, all of the sudden they feel great. But let them think they can get something better for nothing then all of the sudden their condition flares up. People just abuse the system, and I am really jaded about it I guess.

  • cth96190
    Women spend 60 screeching abuse at men, telling us that we are vile oppressors who cause most of the misery in their lives. . . because we merely exist.
    Women lobby for laws that make a normal heterosexual approach a felony.
    Women lobby for education and employment discrimination against men and in favour of women.
    Women lobby for laws that destroy men when they exit a relationship.
    Women shriek abuse at men who open doors for them.
    Then, on public transport, those strong independent women who can do anything and neither need nor want a man, expect us to stand so that they can sit, even though we all paid the same price for a ticket.
    Go. To. Hell.
    You got what you demanded.
    Go complain to the ghost of Andrea Dworkin.
    LikeDisagree 10 People
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    • Gal67

      I've never been shrieked at for holding a door open for a lady. In fact, I usually get a smile. Hell, I've even had women open doors for ME!
      You're living on another planet, a planet called Misery.

    • cth96190

      I spend most of my working hours in a major Australian city. There is an abundance of indoctrinated Feminists, more of whom and churned out by the Communist lie factories, known as universities, every year.
      Perhaps, compared with where you live, that is another planet.
      When I am not working, I retreat to my semi-rural property, when I enjoy the company of animals and the absence of women.
      When there is nobody to make a false allegation, or turn into a screeching shrew when the bipolar switch is flicked, a man is able to relax.

    • Show All

Most Helpful Girls

  • yucychan
    You see, that's where I'm have issues with the seat thing. Right actions but for the wrong reasons. In your example with the bus driver, he is only stopping the entire bus until someone gave up the seat to the pregnant lady not because he was concerned for her. He is only doing it so he would not get into trouble or fired, not because he cares. In other words, he is doing it out of selfish reasons. Some people will argue that the means can justify the ends but I beg to differ.

    Similarly, I feel that some people gave up their seats to those more in need, its just so they would not look like an asshole in the public's view or that they do not want to get into any trouble, and don't really care about the needy.

    I'm not trying to dissuade people from giving up seats to those more in need. In fact, we should all do so every time but I also hope that we do it for the right reasons. That's why I feel educating the public correctly on this is extremely important.

    For me, I gave up my seat because I genuinely feel the pain and discomfort of the pregnant lady or the elderly and I want them to be safe. And not because I'm concerned about what others will think of me if I don't do so. Because I don't give a shit about what others think of me.
    LikeDisagree 3 People
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  • anon171999
    Well the last one is dead lol.

    I'm going with pregnant woman. I've been pregnant and had to use crutches due to foot/leg injuries on three occasions. Crutches aren't horrible to use if you're just standing there and if you hold onto the poles you aren't falling down, even with only one leg to support you. The pains from being pregnant were worse than the leg injuries I've had.
    LikeHelpfulDisagree 7 People
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What Girls & Guys Said

  • MCheetah
    " It is also commonly held that should they approach you anywhere else on the bus, you, be it man or woman, should also graciously offer them your seat with the idea being that because you are able bodied, you can often stand and hold the rails if no other seats are available, whereas they cannot or would otherwise struggle."

    Nah. They all can get f*cked. Imma Rosa Parks all of them. I wouldn't sit in the "special needs" seats to begin with. But if I'm in a regular seat, then no, I'm not giving it up for somebody who feels entitled to it, cause reasons. Buy a car if you don't like it.

    I HAVE given up my seat for a handicapped person before. And I MIGHT give up my seat if someone is super-old, but only if no one else does it first. So I'd *reluctantly* give it up for them. (The old people in Philly are ungrateful rude assholes too, like everyone else.) But pregnant ladies and everyday women can get f*cked. I'd never give my seat u for a pregnant lady. She's clearly a single mother or else, her husband would be driving her around.

    And I say all of this because I used to live in Philadelphia and used to have to catch public transportation and it was a f*cking nightmare! The worst people in society will be the ones you find on public transportation. Just rude pieces of sh*t. The worst, most awful, most belligerent assholes, will catch public transportation. It probably has to do with socioeconomics, but I can't remember one nice person ever being on the bus or subway in the YEARS I rode it as a teenager and young adult. Not one. And if you doubt me, go to New York or Philly and try riding one yourself and see how pleasant it is.

    And that bus driver who wouldn't move unless I gave the pregnant lady my seat, can also get fired. That's not even a driver policy; that's just him being self-righteous. Who does he think he is? Like I'm supposed to be the nigga in the 1960s to give up my seat for the white man. I assure you, in Philadelphia, that bus driver would be stabbed.

    Like I said, if you don't the other people on the bus, BUY A CAR! Problem solved. I don't owe these f*cking people jack sh*t. And like I said, in Philly, they were all horrendous, rude, ungrateful assholes. I don't owe anybody charity.

    However, just like I told other people to buy a car? I eventually DID buy a bicycle. Yes, it was just a bicycle and it took slightly longer than catching the bus or subway, but man, it was SO MUCH BETTER for my mental health to not deal with those f*cking assholes ever again. I'd ride it 10-15 miles to get to some places. Sometimes 20-25 miles or more. Even in the dead of Winter. And it was infinitely better than dealing with the people on public transportation. I felt myself destressed within the first couple of days.

    I will NEVER go back to regular public transportation, especially with entitled bullsh*t like the people in this MyTake suggests. I have to suffer because some woman is a whore and got knocked up, or someone made it to old age without ever affording a car? No. I have enough sh*t in my life to deal with, and no one would ever do the same for me. You get my niceness when you deserve it; it's not entitled to you and I certainly will show you my Philly Asshole side, if need be.

    You (the person who objects to me not standing), nor anyone else, are the arbiter of morality. Worry about your own life, instead of trying to force people to live by your stupid rules. Cause that will not work out well for you.

    So yeah, I should have to suffer because of a bunch of other assholes on the bus?Moral Dilemma: Who Deserves Your Seat?
    LikeDisagree 4 People
  • TOMaxe
    I cannot believe all the inconsiderate people who have responded to the moral dilemma. It seems that more people do not care for others more than themselves. I used to work in a National Park which provided shuttle service and am upset at all the people who would not give up their seat for those in more need of them. I am talking about the elderly, handicapped, pregnant, elderly and others with physical inabilities. What is it going to hurt you to give up your seat and offer it to someone in a real need to sit down if you are physically able to stand? I am considered "elderly" but am still in good enough shape that I have given up a seat for those in need. I am not bragging, this is the way I was brought up, to be considerate to all others and not just think on myself. I hate to say this but the worst people I have seen on busses that were so inconsiderate seemed to be teenagers and younger adults. It is only common courtesy to at the least offer your seat to someone who obviously needs it more than you. People, wake up, the world does not owe you any thing but you owe the world to be kind and courteous to others. Take care & smile.
    Like 1 Person
  • EmyyWolf
    I wouldn’t give me seat to nobody!




    The only time I’d give my seat to someone is if they’re a relative of my mine. Or if it’s a veteran who literally fought in a war for our freedom and our country, AKA a hero.
    LikeFunny 2 People
  • Cutegirlselvi
    In this circumstance, I would have handed it to the elderly, as she is the most vulnerable of the group. Balance, proprioception decreases with age and degenerative changes also take place. Hence, she is more likely to be affected, while others can still get hold of themselves.
    LikeHelpful 2 People
  • Kaneki05
    Never been a problem tbh and I get full buses almost every-time if coming home from collage. People all just fit to where they need to go, normally there isn't just lines of disabled people and etc therefore there is plenty of healthy people to give up there seat never making it an issue.
    Plus most disabled people i've come across at least get benefits in my country and help with that kinda stuff to lead the use of taxi's than needing to get on the bus if there really that effected by it.

    So anyway there would always be someone else who got up if I didn't and I would only get up if asked. And who takes it is the person who asked.
    Also normally if the bus is sorta full but some seats empty but space to stand I won't bother to sit in the first place meaning if any person who really wants to sit can if they get on the bus later. Just because I am really not bothered about standing longs if there is a place comfortably to do so which normally they ain't but in those situations their tends to be.
    It becomes a very non-moral issue if you just move for anyone who asked and if someone thinks they deserve the spot more they should of asked or they should ask the person who just asked the end.
    Disagree 1 Person
  • Gal67
    Well, I would just offer the seat to the first in line, the one holding the baby. She got there first.
    And to all those grumpy old men in the comments who are saying, "Hell no, others don't deserve my seat!", you're pathetic, selfish and have no manners.
    LikeDisagree 7 People
  • TommyMountainFigure
    You've wrongly made the assumption I would take a seat in the first place. When on public transport I NEVER sit down, even when there are just a few people on there.
    I believe you should never sit if you can stand, never drive when you can cycle, and never walk if you can run. It's help keep me fit over the years, PLUS I never have the dilemma you mention in your question.
    Like 1 Person
  • Jasmine2121
    I’d honestly give it to an older person…. it would make me feel guilty to just watch them struggle and swing back and forth while holding the rail😵‍💫
    Like 4 People
  • SteinerX
    All right, this is a good question. I think I might have a rather stupid answer to this. I, personally, love doing good things - whether they benefit a man or a woman are of the least concern to me. I do them because they make me feel good, and make me believe that I have good morals. First talking about the women asking for seat thing you mentioned in your question. I do not really like talking about a gender exclusively (I would do these exact same things for a man too), but since you have asked, I will answer it. For a woman carrying a child, or being pregnant, it can be counted as two people, rather than one. It goes without saying that one person standing is better and more efficient than two people sanding. So of course, giving up your seat, unless you are extremely fatigued, is completely expected from a decent and well mannered person. I would be glad to give up my seat. Now, coming onto the post above, what is my take on it? Notice that person A is able bodied (I am assuming that) and is not fatigued, all she has is that she is carrying a baby, but she is not pregnant. She is an adult grown up woman, very much capable of carrying the child and travelling. Hence, according to me, she should be the last candidate deserving the seat. But, just so she does not trip and harm the baby, she can take support on a seat while standing.

    Person B, is an old person. Clearly, standing, for her, is much more tiring, given her age. Moreover, if she falls down, she has a much higher chance of getting a fracture than any of those four people. Personally, I think she deserves the seat more than persons A, C and D. Person C, the young man with a fractured leg. While I have already given my seat to the old person, I would ask him to move close to the seat to rest his injured leg near the grandma, so he gets surrounded by me and person A. This kind of combination will help both him and person A to get a support and avoid falling.

    Last but not the least, Person D, seems like a really tired middle aged man, probably returning from work, and in desperate need of relaxation. But, again, he is able bodied and an adult man, having an extra load which is his fatigue. Hence, in terms of extra load, he has a mental load on him (fatigue), which is kinda similar to Person A, who has a physical load (the baby). Hence, he is also on somewhat the same level as the young lady for me. I will ask him to stand beside me, and even lean on me in case he feels dizzy or extremely tired to continue standing.
    LikeDisagree 3 People
  • humpbackjack
    I’ve never been in this situation but I would give up my seat no problem and in regards of having to choose which one I’d give my seat to I’d probably give it to the elderly woman and make someone else give up their seat to the lady with the baby or perhaps even offer to hold her baby while we both stood if she felt comfortable with that
    LikeDisagree 3 People
  • Adam1978
    It's my seat if you want it you need to act the way that makes me give it to you. Demanding it is not the right way. Start by asking if you can have it in a nice way and you have a good chance to get it.
    LikeHelpfulDisagree 3 People
  • RedStiletto88
    I would and have (when I used to take public transit which I don’t do anymore) give my seat to an expectant mother as well as the elderly. I would hope I would be treated the same way.

    I couldn’t imagine being selfish not to.
    Like 2 People
  • KrisPW
    I'm tapping the guy next to me and suggesting we give up our seats to the pregnant lady and grandma. Both could have dire consequences in a fall that could lead to death. Crutches guy is already still mobile, what's one more cast. Dead guy can't get any more dead, so he for sure gets to stand.
  • Daniela1982
    Come on, people shoot or stab others over dumb things on a bus/subway. Do you actually think they are going to follow rules? They would probably take the seat away from some poor old lay if anything. Let the girls do their latest routines on the poles and give their seats to others. Moral Dilemma: Who Deserves Your Seat?
  • JasM0
    No one deserves a thing in this world. But my generosity would be extended to the elder.

    A. The mother with a baby can balance herself while holding the child.
    C. The crutch guy gets eaten by the zombie cause I don’t like his smug face
    D. Stomp the zombie

    Disagree 2 People
  • Seinna
    Whoever is closest/got there first. Surely there are more seats that can be given up than just mine, the bus is not full of old, pregnant and disabled people. Also, it really doesn't matter to me if I sit in a priority seat, I would give it up regardless.
  • Oigit
    D is clearly a zombie. Screw thinking about who gets my seat. I'm getting off out of there as fast as I can. You all can think of your moral dilemma and become zombie food if you want. I'll be rushing to the least populated area and laughing about everyone caught in a moral dilemma the entire time.
    Disagree 1 Person
  • Nomoturtle
    You deserve your seat, you paid for it and you sat down first.
    Otherwise, if you sit in a seat that the bus company designates as priority for special customers, then fair enough, you give up the seat or get off the bus.

    With the moral obligation out of the way, sure I would probably give up my seat anyway even if it weren't a priority seat, out of propriety.

    Really though, moral nothing. You aren't entitled to charity.
    Disagree 1 Person
  • goaded
    That person's never been on a normal city bus, have they? Do they think it's like an aeroplane? "Seats" aren't sold, the chance to travel is.

    I get up for practically anyone, although I have the feeling people are going to be getting up for me these days... :(
    LikeDisagree 2 People
    • goaded

      Oh, and I've left a soggy nappy on the windscreen of a Porche that was parked in the parent and child space because I had to change it at the far end of the packed packing lot. I'm only sorry it wasn't worse.

  • Dragonpurple
    As a believer in true equality, no one should have to give up your seat.

    The exception being the handicap seats up front.

    As men and women should be considered equal in all things, no man should have to give up a seat simply because someone is a woman, that is not being equal anymore than a woman should give it up simply because someone is a man.

    That said I'm polite enough to give it up to elderly as I respect them, or if others are having a hard time standing.
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