Masks: The good, the bad, and the ugly.

[Ez-Bri-Z]

I know that 'masks' seems like a dirty word after over 2 years of being locked down by a pandemic, but I promise that this MyTake isn't going to be talking about the N95 kind of masks, not entirely anyway, so those jumping to the comments to start talking about vax/anti vax clearly didn't read this article. This MyTake is about the masks we wear in hiding who we are depending on who we are around and even ones to hide the truth from ourselves, but yes, I will do a slight veer off into how wearing the masks during the pandemic gave me a strange kind of confidence unrelated to a virus.

And that confidence gives me the power to smile.

For those who know me, it's not really a secret that I hate myself and sometimes that hate makes it hard to want to interact with others on a daily basis. Unfortunately, being a married mother of two, I don't exactly get days off to just hide from the world. There are times where I am forced to put that metaphorical mask on and force a smile on so that the kids don't worry about me. At work, I have to wear a mask of professionalism when inside I am breaking down and wanting to cry. Around family, it is a mask of being the strong older sibling I have always been expected to be for my brothers. The one to be the example of keeping things together and solving their issues.

The thing is, I know I am not alone in donning these masks. We all do it to some extent whether we want to admit it or not. Maybe it's a mask we wore in high school to fit in with our peers even if we weren't always ok with what the group was doing. Maybe it was being forced to endure a particularly annoying co-worker. Now sure, I am going to probably get that person in the comments who is going to play semantics and try and call it something else, but in the end it's enduring by putting on an act and hiding behind a mask of our own choosing.

"She called me out before I could do it...ugh. Whatever, it won't stop me from saying it anyway."

Even on this site, I am not immune to it, especially as a mod. We are still humans and there are times I want to just call someone out on their BS, but I have to remain professional as I am representing the site. On this site, I also wear a mask when it comes to who I am too. Those closest to me on here know that the behind the scenes me is just different. It's not a bad thing, but it IS a mask nonetheless. Sometimes, I am not as nice or as put together as I can be in my posts.

So why bring this up at all? Well, for one, it's tiring and maybe this is a way to vent. Maybe it is meant to find like minded people who can admit to wearing their own masks. Maybe it's to see how many others consider it to be necessary or just deceptive to need to do it in their own lives. Is it a lack of confidence in who we are or is it a necessary evil in conforming to society's rules?

Now for the part where we talk about pandemic masks, but again, not in the way you're dreading. I am basically agoraphobic at this point, but it existed long before the pandemic started. Ironically, it was me wearing a mask that let me cover my face that I actually came out a bit more often than I was before.

"I tried to find a baggy mask so I could cover my whole face, but it made driving hard each time I pulled it up."

Yeah, that's me. Actually out of the house in that photo (in apparently the brightest room ever), which doesn't seem like much, but for me and those who know me, it's actually a pretty big step. I couldn't have done it if it hadn't been for a mask of another kind. And while this mask probably wouldn't have stopped a virus, it did stop me from spending another day in my room, hiding from the world. My self hatred has got to a point where I don't even want others to see me and the masks help to overcome it long enough to actually be around people again and escape my self made prison. Yes, it is a physical mask, but the metaphorical one is the one of me convincing myself that nobody is going to even notice or care when I have the physical one on.

So then maybe masks aren't all bad, whether it be a metaphorical one or a physical one. In the end, they are all protecting us against something, right?

Though..maybe it is the other way around. Maybe it isn't protecting us at all. Maybe the masks only feed the lies we tell ourselves about who we are and what the world expects from us. Maybe we don't get to be our true selves because of all the hiding we do.

I'm curious what you think though. Are the masks we wear inherently good or bad? If we got to just be our base self and never have to worry about how others felt, would we feel better about who we are or would the guilt of hurting others because we didn't lie upset us more? If we stood up when something made us uncomfortable and not hid behind a mask of acceptance because of fear, would it be the right choice or the wrong one? Let me know in the comments what you think about it.

Unless of course you were already posting about the pandemic stuff then shame on you for not taking the time to read.

[lightbulb27]

Absolutely! most everyone wears masks and swaps them out, myself included. I feel best when I take them off... I have good days and bad days and don't share every feeling, but it does help to be authentic and work on cleaninsing internal emotional state. My masks and primarily fear were much greater in early life. To me... these masks are underlying woundings... negative emotionns that get stuck. As I read it, the Bible gives the leadup to this in a broad stroke of "Genesis... the fall of man". The "fall" was emotional, out of "love" and connection and security into shame (hiding), fear, malice, spite, and all the negative emotions following. Whether it's analogy or some "event" immaterial to me, the model works in my mind. In other words, we all harbor these damages as human beings. Those whom are more authentic, get cleansing. It's work to cleanup the mess... I've experienced that and still do. Being sensitive person and most little children are, we pick up "negative energies" around us from early in life. It is the emotional programming... and they can be subtle... that impacts our development forming our self image. Wallah... a damanged human! It isn't just what happens, but how we [personality] translate it.

"secret that I hate myself and sometimes that hate makes" - didn't know that. cutter?
"it's tiring" - meaning wearing the mask? Agree, emotions takes a lot of energy.

One thing that really helped me get out of my shell in concept was concept of "I don't give a F...". That concept worked in my mind and basically means... I don't care what others think and frees the heart and mind.

The other aspect of masks is... what is the emotional intent behind them. you demonstrated that with hiding undercurrent feelings from the kids that they don't need. That's being considerate. Is the mask worn in love or is it in some negative intent? I think being authentic is good though, to some extent, to release those energies.. for the more they are held, more powerful they are over us.

From the moment I saw your pic in post a while back, I wanted to comment but thought it not appropriate. I will give you my impression if you like. It's not about looks but what you are projecting that I look for. Bottom line... I wonder what happened to get you where you are at emotionally... for I'm sure you are aware of the sub conscious mind. From that... we project ourselves. Our appearance is a sub conscious projection. If you don't understand that and want more explaination of why I think that, lmk. Whatever "I hate" is inside, it's burred deep in early emotional programming if not before you were born and passed on. Can happen in the womb. Those emotional impressions are "lies" from the world, but we children believed what are told. Those beliefs distort our views of ourselves and we live in them until they are healed with the truth. Once freed, you have new life. There isn't just one lie... many...

You were formed in love, perfect, getting the heart to be free of "the worlds" wounding into the freedom of your creator, love... what you deserve... sets you free. The goal to be your true authentic self.

I hope you find the healing you need, as I hope for all of us for it's the human condition. It's never ending it seems. No need to live in self hate... that is a terrible emotion. I'd be concerned of physical damage from that feeling, good to resolve it sooner.

[lightbulb27]

Great writeup, could be part of a course in humanity.

[Ez-Bri-Z]

First off, let me say this was a very well thought out reply and I thank you for it. The masks (metaphorical) worn whether it be for my kids or professional, are done with others best interests in mind, but I still can't shake the feeling of being a liar when I wear them. I know it is the better of the two options and perhaps validates the need for little white lies for society to work, but I still can't shake the feeling of how inherently bad it is to lie in general.

Being my true authentic self is what I am aiming for, but doing so and liking that is the hardest part of it. That has led to a lot of hiding and physical damage throughout the years unfortunately. Having this level of self hate is extremely destructive and I hate it, but I don't feel like I have the tools to fix it anytime soon. Knowing that, I'll don the mask for as long as needed.

[lightbulb27]

you're welcome. It's hard to read what the issue is... is it not telling the full truth, or fear of consequences of telling, or shame about it, etc.. it's some underlying emotion.

Truth is very important and moreso to those who have a heart and hold it's value. Gaslighting yourself is a recipe for disaster. If so, then you are torturing your insides for the emotions are just guideposts saying "somethings wrong, this isn't right". "The truth shall set you free" as was written long ago, I think that holds it's weight in wisdom.
There may be simple approaches to communication that can skirt the issue. My wife is good at this. Ex: instead of saying everything, say what's appropriate for their level... while being truthful to yourself. Or reply with questions so they answer them themselves. Or reaffirm your love and support for them rather than spilling all sorts details, which is often what they seek. That's not lying, it's being a parent.

noone said it's easy being a human and in relationship, we all have work we can do. good for you for being willing to explore important issues more deeply. I didn't do face that until much older than you. As is the case, we often only change when we have to or when we see and accept the challenge as worthy.

[zeitgeist057]

This topic makes me think of Jim Carrey. Ironically, he was in a movie called "The Mask":

More than just a comedy, this movie's theme was centered around a shy man who found a magical mask which allowed him to act wild and seduce his crush.
In his life, JC has played many roles both on and off screen. For the movie, "Man on the Moon", JC played Andy Kaufman, and in order to play the role most realistically, JC 'became' AK both on and off set. He was 'method acting', but this was part of a life-changing experience for Jim. He reflected on his experiences and realized that the idea of "Jim Carrey" was nothing more than a set of particular mannerisms and beliefs that was mutable. Change them, and "Jim Carrey" becomes "Andy Kaufman", much in the same way that the shy guy in "The Mask" becomes outgoing and seductive.

This is us. We have unlimited potential to be anything, at any given moment in our lives. The only thing that is preventing us is our own beliefs that we are a certain way. I have played with this concept myself, and "worn masks" as you put it. My perspective is less that it is a mask, and more just an adaptation of one aspect of our limitless potential. It's thought of as a mask because there is this idea that if you are an angry person one day, and a happy person the next, one of those people is the real you, and the other is one you are pretending to be. I disagree with this; they are both you. One might feel more natural or comfortable, but that's most likely just because you have spent more time in that particular groove. It's like saying a new shirt isn't a real shirt, because you've only worn it once, and your old shirt that is worn in and so soft and comfortable and smells like you is a real shirt. They are both real, both actual items of clothing, just one is more familiar to you. The first time you wear a suit it's weird. When you wear a suit every day for years on end, it's other clothes that feel weird (a dress, for example).

In the context of your question, I would encourage people to experiment with 'metaphorical masks' and to question their insistence on one particular state of mind or another. Flexibility and adaptability are good things.

[ChrisMaster69]

A lot of people go through life wearing their own personal mask.

They change depending on circumstances.

for normal (using the word loosely) people it’s often just how they interact with strangers, with sales people in shops and work colleagues compared with family members.

All parents have a mask, which comes out during periods of external stress etc, where they want to protect their kids from these external issues.

for me with a life of depression and PTSD, it’s been a maskathon at times.

I had my mask during early home life, taking those beatings etc without showing external signs of issues, all the time my mask leaking blood in the shower.

Then you drop it a bit during counselling session, however there is always a slight covering of the real you.

Then joining the Royal Air Force, changing life around, improving, surviving, bettering myself, a new set of masks often changed daily.

At times it’s more a suit of armour rather than a simple mask.

Wake up in the morning and look in the mirror at the imposter going out to face a new day.

These days I do tend to let my mask slip with others more than I used to and have fully dropped it with some even on here.

Then I shove in to the mix my lifestyle choice as a Dom within BDSM, is that the real me unleashed, let off to play, the freak inside out to play, or is it just another mask.

At times I do get lost and wonder which mask I’m wearing, where is the real me, does it still exists, is there still that young boy cringing on the stairs feeling the strike of that belt buckle, bruised and bleeding or is he dead and buried only to appear standing at the foot of my bed during those midnight hours…

the one thing I have learned is when my mask does slip and people see the real me, they are not as shocked as I would expect, however it’s not really a mask, it’s my armour, my comfort blanket, a chain that holds back the weird and keeps the freak on a leash.

[Harleigh90]

@ChrisMaster69 You don't need a mask or any mask, and you can lower that armour. You are who you are, and the ones who actually know you admire and respect you so much. Life has been shit, I know now and then it comes flooding back sometimes as a shower other times a tsunami, but that's ok because them triggers are some shit core memories you can't change them no one can. But dispite the demons you radiate! You put things into perspective, you make me so fucking proud everyday for being the person you are, your heart is made from pure love and generosity, you dedicated so much of your time with helping others, a real life super human. That person you see staring back at you in the mirror, his a hero, love him because his a rare breed looking you in the eye, capable of anything. We've spoken about the bdsm, it's part of you from a very young, and it will always will be, it's been that escape from reality, that release from what awaits, your way of letting emotions go. The real you is strong, fearless and determined you're a lion lol
I know writing this touched a few nerves so just wanted to say you're fucking amazing 👏 💕 mo aisling

[ChrisMaster69]

@Harleigh90 thank you.

Mo Anam Cara

We are both aware of our masks, our paths taken with our various masks and shields.

Grá Geal Mo Chroí

[Jamie05rhs]

"We are still humans and there are times I want to just call someone out on their BS, but I have to remain professional as I am representing the site.". I think it's okay if you do, though. I mean, in my opinion, it's better to keep it real and get those feelings out rather than holding it inside and coming back later to make a ruling against someone because you have developed a grudge against them. (This is just a hypothetical.).


I mean, at least for me, you are welcome to speak your mind. You have earned the right, since you have a good rapport with me and I respect you.




Good MyTake, by the way. :)


So why bring this up at all? Well, for one, it's tiring and maybe this is a way to vent. Maybe it is meant to find like minded people who can admit to wearing their own masks. Maybe it's to see how many others consider it to be necessary or just deceptive to need to do it in their own lives. Is it a lack of confidence in who we are or is it a necessary evil in conforming to society's rules?

[Jamie05rhs]

Oops- sorry I accidentally pasted the last part; I forgot to delete it.

[ManOnFire]

Read the whole thing.

In all honesty, I feel like it's sad for anyone to feel like they need to wear a mask to hide who they really are, and I generally have a very difficult time gel-ing with those kinds of people. I guess because I'm a very straightforward, tell-it-like-it-is, show-you-for-what-I-am person. So I admit I have an extremely difficult time mixing with mask-wearers, or even empathizing with them. I don't like fake people, and I don't like people who are appearing one way or saying one thing because they think it will make me like them or think it's what I want to hear, while deep down they are and think something else.

Women I think wear masks - and different ones with different people - more often than men do, which would be another reason you might feel inclined to have the perspective that you have.

"Even on this site, I am not immune to it, especially as a mod. We are still humans and there are times I want to just call someone out on their BS, but I have to remain professional as I am representing the site."
- Gotta get in here for a minute and call you out though: this feels like an unnecessary way of just wanting to emphasize the fact that you are a mod, or let it be known in a proud way. I could be wrong but that's the impression it gives me. No one on this site is a hero, not even mods. Just sayin'.

[Ez-Bri-Z]

It's not about being a hero, but it is a reality. I like being a mod, but it is made very clear when we are offered the role that we can't engage in being rude for the most part. Debates are fine, but just being like "hey a**hole doesn't fly". Sometimes I just want to call someone out for acting like one. That's all that point was making.

[ManOnFire]

Bragging rights for site moderation are no big deal. I used to be one on Experience Project years ago. There's more influence and effect you can have without it. But honestly? If you want to let someone know they're being an asshole without directly telling them, just be sarcastic in a way that lets them know what you think. Can't get in trouble for that.

[connemara_crocodile]

I see how it can serve as a tool for someone who suffers of agoraphobia, but I still have some issues with it.

1- They're unhealthy. They were useful to avoid the worst part of covid, but in the long term they're bad for our immune system. We're shielding ourselves (and kids!) from the viral intake that builds up our defenses.

2- They make communication harder. Verbal communication is weak if we don't aid it with facial expressions. You can say something and it could be taken the wrong way if you're not smiling while you say it for example. So someone who finds it difficult to interact with others will have an even worse time.

3- They don't solve the problem you describe, they just help you hide it. Instead of hiding your problem, you should be looking at how to treat it, and for that you will need a professional.

There's a very nice movie about a person doing exactly what you describe here called "Frank".

[skytatoe]

I'm all for being my true authentic self, and it's true that's always something to strive for. I don't always find it easy, sometimes I even don't realise im harboring certain emotions, or thoughts, and am not letting be known. That's a constant effort.

But being my authentic self isn't really appropriate in every situation. I can't just say what I feel about shithead customers or annoying colleagues when I'm at work. Gotta stay focused on the job and brush annoying shit off with a smile.
I believe being truly authentic is something to be reserved for your private sphere and when you're socialising, meeting people of your own accord.

Forced socialisation such as with work colleagues, customers, moms of your children, teachers of your children etc... call for you to be on your best behaviour, because it's no longer just you at stake.

[Kristog]

We may deny it but I firmly believe we all ware a mask at somepoint on a regular basis... I know I ware one a lot of the time so people don't see what's going on inside my head... It can be scary but I also believe we do have to come out from behind that mask as much as we can too, especially around those we love and trust and care about and who care about us... It can be hard and terrifying but also worth it... No one can always live behind a mask and be happy or even start to be happy... For the sake of our own minds and sanity we need to let people in and work to be out of that mask more and more... Much Love as Always to everyone struggling on a daily basis. But remember your never truly alone as long as someone cares and I care...

[EmyyWolf]

You wear a mask because you’re insecure and hate your looks. Yet you’re a mother of two who was confident enough to strip get naked and spread the legs wide open for a man to go deep inside and bust!

Make it Make sense.

( I personally wear the mask up until this date because I’ve worked at malls were the ball-of-B3TES is spraying their snot all over my breathing air. Places where I’m in direct contact to vehicle fumes and exhausts. Clubs were almost everyone literally everyone VAPES, SMOKES, SPITS their smoke spit, Sneezes some more, and half of all of them don’t even brush their nasty tongue!)

Humans are absolutely disgusting and depraved ! Almost THE MAJORITY of them!
I've never drank, I’ve never smoked not a thing, no vape no drink no pill no nothing. Health above everything!
So yea I’ll 100% wear the masks. I’ll even double mask. Covid was the best thing that ever in the history of ever HAPPENED TO ME!

[Ez-Bri-Z]

Sure thing. I'm a mother of two who married another woman who was the one who gave birth to two children after getting insemination from a donor.

Make sense now?

[EmyyWolf]

That’s BS you’re just coping

[Ez-Bri-Z]

What is BS? You seem really angry about my insecurities.

[Aerissa_Jade]

I like wearing them in stores, for privacy... in fact all these stores that have said, No Masks no service, I'm going to wear them in even when they say no masks allowed then call their bullshit out, but you said masks required, make up your damn mind!

Yeah I'm a troublemaker like that.

Outside in nature though, don't wear them when away from people.

[Aerissa_Jade]

Update on this too, I think we all wear masks, or as I call them facade, pretending to be something we are not. In a way that is what I meant by I like masks, to hide myself when I just can't seem to smile. Also emotional masks, trying to hide the pain I'm emotionally feeling.

[Evilbunnyfoofoo]

I agree. I think we all hide hurt. It’s like we are pre programmed to just deny it.

[Hannahm67]

After the original few weeks stay at home period during early 2020 I was a good girl and wore a mask for around 2ish months. At that point, it was mid-2020 and I saw the data coming out showing that for young healthy people like myself that covid is a smaller risk than the common cold. So I stopped wearing a mask because I was sick of the low blood oxygen levels it causes and the other annoyances. I had push back and ridicule from it with being not allowed in some stores in my town and I also had my job threatening to fire me over it but I stood my ground and they backed off.

My choice proved good, because I am also not vaccinated against covid and yet it wasn't until early 2022 that I got covid for the first time and it ended up being a slight cold for a few days. While nearly everyone I know who masked and vaccinated got covid worse and or sooner than I did and even people I know of the same age and similar level of health to me.

[exitseven]

Good MyTake. Yes we all wear masks. Exitseven is a lot like me except he is more confident and cool. He is the person I am trying to be.

I'm Batman

[genericname85]

i think wearing a mask is a good thing to do, if you feel sick and you wanna protekt others from uneccesary disease. also they are good, if you have an auto immune disorder and are particularly vulnerable to disease. of course in a clinical hygiene environment, masks should be mandatory. like in surgery and quarantine stations. the last case is in cities like hong-kong or certain dry areas and work environments, where smog and dust levels in the air are so high, that breathing unfiltered air is litterally toxic to your lungs.

everywhere else, masks are bullshit that do more harm than good.

[Phoenix-gb]

Definitely recognise the masks I wear, mostly to try and hide the severity of my depression from my family. I'd say it's not the mask that lies, more my brain, but then what my brain tells me makes sense, so is it really lying? maybe things really are as bad as I think they are.

[Ez-Bri-Z]

And that is why I wrote this article (thank you for reading it by the way, I can tell who did and didn't by the responses lol). Masks seem necessary to spare others, but really it is more for ourselves and that's why I ask if they are inherently good or bad for us.

[SecretsofKB]

Every time I think I could be a decent writer, you go and post something like this.

This truly hit home on so many levels. I've been wearing different kinds of masks long before the pandemic. I feel like I would change my mask all the time. Still do.

It hides the emotional wreck that I actually am from those I that think I'm strong and put together... surprise!! I'm falling apart at the seams.

[Ez-Bri-Z]

Oh my gosh, you are FAR too kind in saying that about me but I greatly appreciate it! Thank you and I know you are a good writer.

I hope things get better for you soon though. ❤

[bolverk]

Masks: The bad, the ugly, and useless.

The cloth and paper things were worse than useless caused more Respiratory tract infections (RTIs) than Covid and triggered contact dermatitis, acne, and numerous other skin infections around the nose and mouth of users, due to long term use without replacement or washing in the case of cloth masks.

Only masks that would comply with Mopp’s/NBC specifications should have been available if you needed one at all.

[Ez-Bri-Z]

You... didn't read this, you just posted propaganda huh?

[awkwardddgirl]

exactly i have been having serious acne breakouts due to long usage of masks and there is literally no escaping it.

[Bricealan]

Well, first off, Pretty woman, 'EASY"!! Great hair, pretty eyes!!

I suppose I can identify with you somewhat, but for most I am an open book about most things, but a mask can be real, or imagined.

[Anonymous]

All viruses prefer an environment that has less oxygen, they thrive in it. All disease and infection can be linked back to a low oxygen environment. COVID causes low blood oxygen levels... and hit's people harder who have underlying problems such as asthma... if you think reducing this oxygen level further by covering up your mouth, is going to offer you protection then you are insane...

[Ez-Bri-Z]

Please actually read the article. This response seems strange in relation to it.

[Offline70]

I think we all put on airs to some degree or another. It's a tough world. It requires some acting if we're gonna get through it and stay sane and socially coherent. I don't think you're alone dear. You probably feel alone, but you're not. I go through that myself more often than I'd like. As to whether putting on a veneer is good or bad? Well it's probably both at times depending on the circumstances.

[Кураж]

Someone once told me that having the desire to do good while possessing the nature to do evil is more virtuous than simply being of good nature to begin with, and I agree with that sentiment.

[Moose304]

I live in Virginia and almost all of the mask mandates are no longer in place. I still need one to travel. When overseas I use a generic white mask. I have 2 of these I wear when traveling!

[Kabluie]

Mask use was always fairly common in Asia when someone felt like they had a cold or could cough regularly. If anything the western world will probably spread less sickness over time as people see it as regular thing. Even if they let the mask mandate go away probably this month on planes/airports, you'll still need to wear them in a doctor's office or hospital for probably a longer period of time.