Confidence Has Become A Total Hoax; Its TIme To Stop It!

[CasaNorba]

For quite a while now I’ve heard people use the word confidence and what it stands for in all the wrong and malevolent ways possible. I see this specially done the most by both male and female groups and organizations like PUAs and feminism.

An infamous example, PUAs are forever deceiving young men by telling them that having confidence is the only way to succeed in the world of dating and relationships, regardless if they are attractive or not. Just to end up feeling deceived and more frustrated than before.

Feminism in the other hand does the same exact thing to young women. They demand that young women, whether they are attractive or not, should always stay confident and they will automatically become attractive. just to have these same exact young women become laughing stocks and epitomes of repulsion later on.

Till then the above always happens because people in today’s society has put too many expectations on confidence. So many people think that confidence will work miracles and make life easier for them and today I write this mytake to wake you up and remind you that this is all a product of wishful thinking.

I mean yes dont get me wrong. I would never say being confident is bad as it could make you stand out of the crowd and help you be more of an interesting person. However, below I will explain what confidence will never do for you.

Confidence will not alter your looks

As I mentioned above, confidence can make you stand out of crowds and appear more of an interesting human being; which sometimes this could be more than enough to turn on those around you. However if you are ugly then unfortunately you will still be ugly even if you act confident or not

Confidence will not alter your physique

This leans more towards women. As i mentioned earlier I seen a lot of feminists tried to convince women who are above 200lbs for example persuade them that being confident will make them look sexier. Unfortunately this is not how reality works. Confidence does work the same way beer goggles do, so if you are unattractive to the opposite sex then acting confident will not make you an exception.

Confidence will not hide your flaws

Yes when it comes to dating and relationships it's obviously not all about looks. There are obviously other factors that make you dateable and relationship worthy and these can range from your…

• Personality
• Mental health
• Physical health

And many others. But whatever it is, confidence will not correct any of the above. If you’re not a healthy person then you’re obviously not a healthy person; confident or not. However nobody is perfect so you should not let these things stop you from seeking your soulmate out there. But of course always remember that nobody is entitled to put up with your misfortunes and neither are you towards those around you.

Confidence can work against you

Yes if you have flaws that others hate you for and you pretend that being confident is gonna overshadow these flaws of yours then you’re gonna come off as totally obnoxious and repulse those around you. Not a good idea if you want to turn folks on and admire you.

So there you have it. Lets stop throwing dirt at the word confident and what it stands for, lets stop associating it with wishful thinking. The only way we can be confident for what it stands for is to always be ourselves, accept ourselves and not fish for the approval of others and live life to the fullest without comparing or contrasting yourself with others.

[ManOnFire]

So I read the entire post, and I understand where you might be coming from, but confidence does still matter and it does still help. Yes, even if you are unattractive. Yes, even if your body is not a beauty king's or queen's. Yes, even if you have flaws that people hate. Confidence definitely does make you more interesting, attractive, and cause people to cling to you. In my real life I can say that it has definitely done this for me.

No one is perfect. And there will always be the people who don't like you or are repulsed by you, but would it matter to get their approval? I think you should just keep rolling with the folks who love you. That's the way the world works. I'm not saying you have to arrogantly live with your flaws - we should all work on being better all the time - but if you're going to let yourself and confidence be dictated by people who hate you because of your flaws, you'll never get better and never progress in character.

You also need to keep in mind that there are a lot of good-looking "successful" people out there who are just downright awful. Poor character and all. Little to no confidence. But still worry what other people think. So I don't think it hurts to have confidence regardless of your physical appearance or status.

[CasaNorba]

but when you say its done that for you did you become a faker or did you had REAL confidence which is accept yourself and your flaws but still reach for your goals and ambition in life?

cause the thing that I'm trying to point out is that a lot of people nowadays are so narcissistic and hypocritical that they think confidence is about projecting a false superior image of yourself and hiding your flaws and act as perfected as possible

[ManOnFire]

@CasaNorba Definitely not a faker. I genuinely learned over time to value myself in spite of the things I didn't love about me, both physical and in character. I took the things I didn't have in myself that other people did and started applying them to my own daily life and character, and it worked. To the point where so many people would look at me like, "How can this guy do it but I can't?"

The problem is that most people confuse confidence with arrogance and snobbery. This is a malady that affects women more than men, but you get the main jist of what I'm saying. People have the COMPLETELY WRONG backwards idea that being confident means you need to act like you're better than others and act like you're too good to talk to them or regard them. True confidence is the opposite: it's regarding everyone the same and speaking to everyone and not caring what other people think because you do. In my real life, I always speak to the people in the room who are quiet and who everyone else thinks isn't worth talking to. When they see that, most people start to feel ashamed of themselves and they'll start trying to talk to that person too. I love seeing this everywhere I go, on every job, situation, etc.

When you are bold and courageous above the crowd, that is confidence. And that's what gets you noticed and even respected. Even if some people hate you deep down, they will still respect you because they see you're a good person who's right towards everyone. Confidence has absolutely nothing to do with money, your job, your looks, or even your sexual status. It's all about how you behave.

[mobiusforniner]

I disagree. Your idea of confidence is off mark. You're basing confidence on the acceptance of others. It's not. Confidence is the acceptance of one self- the very end of your take is exactly what confidence is- being happy with yourself and not worrying about what others think.

In my experience, women aren't looking for the six-packed stud with massive biceps. I'm a very average looking guy. After my first relationship failed, I invested a lot in myself- I got involved in new hobbies, built myself as a person, got involved in activities and made friends. I defined "me". I was happy with "me". And guess what? There was NO shortage of beautiful women who approached me and wanted me to ask them on dates. In fact, the challenge became letting girls down that I was NOT interested in.

[CasaNorba]

I take it that you did not read the outro of this mytake

[TwinTonyz]

I think the most glaring point of contention in your response here is that your glow up was not based in confidence, It was rooted in doing and being what other people liked. This done, despite degrading the acceptance of others, puts your perspective of confidence off mark.

Someone confident wouldn't change after a breakup, because they're confident that they aren't the problem. You'd committed to the opposite, that you weren't enough and had to change into something better, that people like. That's the proper thing to do, recognize you aren't good enough, then keep up the ever-lasting chase for perfection.

[mobiusforniner]

@TwinTonyz no, i did what I liked...

[mobiusforniner]

Problem is, many guys are too lazy to invest in themselves. They have nothing for which to define who they are. Maybe nothing outside of gaming or TV. Want something in life? Gotta work for it. Its not about pleasing other people. Its about developing yourself. If you're mad that so called confident men are getting all the girls, have a look in the mirror first. A man isn't a failure until he blames someone else

[TwinTonyz]

I can't really sympathize with the idea of working harder for yourself, but I am outwardly motivated in everything I do. If I cared only about my opinion of myself, I wouldn't own a house, have a good job, work on improving my appearance or try to improve my health. Doing what I want to do consists of eating pizza and talking with people.

"Improving myself" however, that's eating good to look good. Renovating the house, keeping up with the yard, making more money, to buy better things, to prove that I'm successful to other people. Is that good, confident, healthy? I don't really think it is, but that's irrelevant. What I'm doing is necessary to maintain connections with people. Some people call that confidence or self-respect, but I'm not necessarily happier for it.

Happiness is a marker for confidence correct? Well, I hate I'm not at the weight necessary to be attractive, that I'm not wealthy enough, that I haven't accomplished enough. If I were content with myself, well I'd just be 300lbs forever, living with family, doing the easiest job I could. Why would anyone want to work harder when they don't have to?

Looking good and being good are not self-serving ideals; they are explicitly services to others, to drawn them in. These are requirements to be social, which is about the only thing I really do want for myself.

[TransAm85]

Confidence has become a hoax in this generation bc everything is about material wealth and status and income. I think kids today would be less self conscious if they weren't pressured into owning expensive name brand clothes/shoes/technology stuff. For example, wtf is a 15 yr old gna know the difference between Kanyes ugly Yeezy shoes vs the old school Reebok Classics? It's the parents trying to prove something. When I was 15, I wore K Swiss and Air Force 1s. I had a Micheal Kors purse b4 women even cared about the brand and I got it from TJ Maxx! It's good to be confident, but not boastful. It seems like today everyone has to prove something.

[Gidge]

Confidence is a red flag to me. Most people I've met with "a lot of confidence" have personality disorders. High risk.

Also, I think when puas tell men to be confident, they read it as "extra pushy, forcing an outcome". It's like they double down in their faults. No one has a concept of what confidence looks like. I agree, waste of time.

[TonyV]

Everyone wants confidence until you "confidently" do the wrong thing. To sides to every coin just depends how the person perceives it. Attentive and needy are the same thing just depends how she feels about you, persistent and "boundaries issues" are the same thing just depends on how they choose to look at it, there's a thin line between dominant and abusive and I assume this why women so often put up with assholes longer than they should, just like any pickup line could be taken as flirt or sexual harrasment.

It's all "confidence" but it can all be interpreted badly too so yeah confidence ain't good for much.

[Lliam]

I think self confidence is important. Without it, you will forever be a wall flower. You will never try anything or accomplish anything, and you'll never have any fun.

If you don't have confidence in yourself, you won't have the gumption to improve yourself physically or mentally. You have to believe in yourself.

Think about games or sports. If you tell yourself that you can't do it, then you'll never try. And if you never try, you'll never get better at it.

I saw kids who sucked at baseball or basketball, but they kept working at it. They had confidence that they could improve. And guess, what? They eventually good really good.

I saw the same thing with people who wanted to be musicians, artists, and anything else you can name. They may not have been naturally gifted, but they worked at it and got good.

When I was learning to play the guitar, I had confidence that I could do it. Then, when I got decent, I engaged in some "battles of the bands". I was terrified at first, but I got up there and did it. Yeah, I sucked and was freaking trembling the first couple times. But after a couple of years, I was playing gigs, doing lead guitar and vocals in bands, and was pretty popular, and I was no longer terrified.

The same thing happened when I was first asked to speak in front of a large audience. I was freaking terrified. When I got up there I was stiff and perspiring. But after doing it a couple of times I got comfortable. And it's all because I had confidence that I could do it if I tried.

When I was old enough to start going to dances in my early teens, I was nervous about asking girls to dance. My palms were sweaty. My mind went blank and I couldn't think of anything to say. But I still forced myself to ask girls to dance and try to talk to them.

I think it's important to have good posture, look people in the eye when you are talking to them or they are talking to you. You have to like yourself, or at least appear to like yourself. If you don't, people will think you are a nobody; a bore, and they'll move on.

What good does sit do anyone to dwell on their faults and look down on themselves? That's being your worst enemy. And who will be attracted to a person who thinks they are a loser?

Focus on your good qualities. Be well groomed, well dressed, and happy. People are often intrigued by a person who is happy even when they aren't physically attractive. They wonder what he/she has that isn't readily apparent. Aside from that, people like happy people.

I can think of lots of successful people who weren't physically blessed. They became successful because they had the self confidence to persevere.

However, it's a mistake to confuse self confidence with arrogance, false bravado or delusion.

[muscularbumblebee]

Completely agree with this question. Also I generally find those who have confidence don’t tend to announce it or prove it in any way especially social media whereas who who need to explain it tend to explain themselves the most..


Take it for example certain women posting lingerie shoot so on social media. Like no shame that’s cool and all and sure it makes you more confident maybe but when it’s captioned together with ‘decided to get out of my comfort zone to embrace my womanly body and do this shoot and post on social media’ or something along those lines then that makes me laugh. If it’s as if showing others your body is making you confident and you wouldn’t without it? If you posted the same pic with a caption not having to explain yourself and ‘feeling more confident’ I think the at would have worked a lot better..


Or same with the insta vs reality pics with fat rolls sitting vs standing types.. like yeah cool confidence and all but if you’re trying it keep it real, then maybe a more original post would help that we haven’t seen 100% before


No hate, just keeping it real but you do you

[ohshee]

Confidence is a beautiful thing do you play sports have any hobbies race cars are dirt bikes play poker go dancing play horseshoes water ski snow ski play basketball baseball one of the best parts about all of those if you want to be good you have to have confidence you have to believe in yourself and then there's a special days where you get in the zone and nothing can go wrong beautiful thing it's basically the same as life you either have it or you don't you either try to get it but in order to get it you have to understand it to understand that you have to experience it everybody needs confidence if you don't have confidence you don't like yourself if you don't like yourself where the fuck you going to go nowhere nowhere whatsoever so I say everybody needs confidence believe in yourself get into that zone and just because you might think somebody's not good looking well you're looking at the wrong places you're looking at the outside of somebody's body true beauty comes from the inside and when you can see that from somebody then that way you can feel it too and you not going to feel it not in this they have confidence confidence is a very beautiful thing and I hope people keep striving to get it I love a girl with confidence I love a girl who knows who she is who she wants to be where she's headed believes in herself morals values ethics it takes confidence to have those and stand up and say this is who I am from the inside out

[NateAnon]

New on hear but reading this article basically forced me to make an account. The issue with wishing things were different is you have to make the wish come true for yourself. "So there you have it. Lets stop throwing dirt at the word confident and what it stands for, lets stop associating it with wishful thinking." (CasaNorba) The issue is that confidence and the stock people take in it are not fake. It's just been hijacked. Stolen. Faked. Asking people to stop acting confident (even when they are not) is not going to happen. To many people around them would stop supporting them in seconds of faltering in their façade. For example make it till you fake it in the job world. You will lose your job if your were employed due your outward persona. Sadly appearance do matter and people do judge. What you are looking for is perhaps suggesting people change their life situation to a place where they ARE confident. Telling people to stop acting a certain way because you wager we will all be better off might be a fair point but simply stopping faking it is not something people will consider. If they are faking it in the first place they probably feel like they have no other choice. I doubt they want to fake it. They just want what they perceive the confident (or maybe other fakers) are achieving.

[Slartybartfast]

Somehow, the idea that HUMILITY is better than EGO, Empathy better than narcissism, has been turned on it's head.

“The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts, while the stupid ones are full of confidence.”

― Charles Bukowski

[Gidge]

Humility is a liability in this day and age. If I acted ultra humble, I would be taken advantage of in less than a day. People lack the boundaries needed for humility to be widespread. I'm more concerned about protecting my boundaries than seeming nice.

[ManOnFire]

@Gidge Sorry, but that sounds like an utter excuse to not have to be humble and to be arrogant and ungraceful because that's what the individual wants deep down. I know people who have a lot of humility but are still smart enough not to let themselves be taken advantage of. Myself included.

[Gidge]

@ManOnFire Wow, you sound amazing.

[Slartybartfast]

One of the defining traits of sociopths is CONFIDENCE. In fact, the worst people are usually the most confident.

Serial killers are very confident.
Mob bosses are very confident.
Rapists are very confident.
The worst atrocities in the history of humanity were done with confidence.

[ManOnFire]

@slartybartfast So far I've never killed anybody or done genocide. Or I guess not yet? Lol.

[Squaresquirrel]

All I can hear is blah blah, sorry.

Confident means happy to be yourself. You are okay with who you are.
When you are confident, you don't really care how others perceive your flaws, especially as you think "their opinion, their problems"

Confidence in not attractive people-it might not make them more attractive to others, but then again, confident people will not be unhappy about people not finding them attractive as they don't need others' approval. Don't be confused, those militant fat women online... they are not confident nor happy. That's for the likes.

The main thing is confidence means they don't need approval to be content with themselves.

[CasaNorba]

"The main thing is confidence means they don't need approval to be content with themselves."

not sure where the hell I said the opposite. however you'll be surprised how many people think it works backwards as well. thinking that acting confident will magically bring out the approval they need to please others

[DWornock]

You are 100% right. People don't like confidence. That is like putting horse before the cart. Instead, people likes what gives confidence. Provided he has the necessary grades, a 5 star basketball player has all the confidence in the world that he will receive basketball scholarship offers. However, his confidence doesn't get his scholarship offers. His ability that made him a 5 star recruit, gave him the scholarship offers. However, a second team player on his high school team does not have confidence that he will receive basketball scholarship offers and it wouldn't help if he did because no college will offer him a basketball scholarship.

[mysfit]

Confidence are misinterpreted in a lot of ways. Oftentimes, people comes across as arrogant rather than being confident. To be confident, you also have to know the value of humility. Humility is the best way to know that your confidence doesn’t hurt someone else. How are you being confident and then hurt someone in the process? A lot of women or men use looks to boost confidence, but that shouldn’t be the case. Confidence comes from your inner self that something you believe in will come in fruition, and at the same time didn’t trample anyone in the process.

[TonyV]

Everyone wants confidence until you "confidently" do the wrong thing. To sides to every coin just depends how the person perceives it. Attentive and needy are the same thing just depends how she feels about you, persistent and "boundaries issues" are the same thing just depends on how they choose to look at it, there's a thin line between dominant and abusive and I assume this why women so often put up with assholes longer than they should, just like any pickup line could be taken as flirt or sexual harrasment.

It's all "confidence" but it can all be interpreted badly too so yeah confidence ain't good for much.

[TommyMountainFigure]

I disagree. There are ways to make someone who isn't confident and isn't especially good looking to become confident.
How? Show them that stylish clothing, good grooming, good manners, being able to laugh and enjoy a joke. Have something to talk about when in a conversation, read a newspaper each day.
These are just a few examples you can help someone become more confident, but there are a multitude of other ways.
Confidence is a state of mind, and anyone reading what you've typed should NOT be taking any notice of it, because it is counter-productive and incorrect!

[TommyMountainFigure]

On a side note.. I'm still giving you a thumbs up for asking the question, and giving those of us who help others build confidence to show them how they can do it.

[Jersey2]

I have always thought that many guys fake confidence and women eat it up. I think women actually like bravado and a silver tongue than real confidence coupled with real abilities. Let’s face it, women suck at picking mates which is why they initiate most of the divorces as bad as that sounds.

[CasaNorba]

amen, they sure dont like true confident men that dont mind laying their cards on the table. otherwise I probably would of fucked at least half of the 100 tinder sluts I used to match with on a monthly basis

[bamesjond0069]

You need realistic confidence. If you are a great at something you should be confident in it. Its when you are confident about things you clearly shouldn't be where its totally retarded. If you are fat broke dude with a pizza face then maybe you shouldn't be such a dick about how great you are with women. That being said PUAs are right, if you aren't confident enough to even go talk to a woman you will 100% fail, so even if you are hideous and weird you at least now will only 99% chance fail. LOL. It really is step 1 in that instance.

[CasaNorba]

yeah except that PUA lie and never tell you that that type of confidence will always give you the same result if you are unattractive. like Einstein once said, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.”

[bamesjond0069]

Thats not true. Are you salty asf? Even fat fucks can pull girls. I've personally seen a huge fatty dude with no game get girls.

[CasaNorba]

so have I and ironically Donald Trump is one of them and look at his income/wealth

[bamesjond0069]

So you're one of those. No wonder you have a stick up your ass.

[CasaNorba]

at least I'm aware I have a stick up my ass. unlike someone who suffers from cognitive dissonance and wishful thinking

[sp33d]

You say that extreme expectation is toxic. Yet, you express yourself in the extreme, as well. Can't take you seriously, buddy.

"The only way we can be confident for what it stands for is to always be ourselves, accept ourselves and not fish for the approval of others and live life to the fullest without comparing or contrasting yourself with others."
Well, fine, on some weird level of abstraction, we might agree to it, but what the hell does that mean, exactly? You are effectively saying the same thing you are arguing against using different phrasing.

Instead of offering "the only" way to confidence, why don't you instead phrase it as "a possible way" to confidence. We're still stuck behind the layer of abstraction, though.

[CasaNorba]

"You are effectively saying the same thing you are arguing against using different phrasing."

a person who sees everything from a black and white point of view will interpret it exactly as you did

[sp33d]

If a person who sees things in the extreme, they will not be able to make suggestions that lie somewhere in the middle.

Although, I concede I should have been more precise.
"You are effectively promoting the same thing you are arguing against using different phrasing."

Put simply "I don't like this extreme opinion, here, let me offer you some extreme advice, follow it!".

[CasaNorba]

"You are effectively promoting the same thing you are arguing against using different phrasing."

or maybe I'm not promoting the same shit. maybe the one you assume I'm promoting is correct and the one I'm against is the incorrect one

[Boundless_Curiosity]

Can relate with the article. When I just graduated from my undergrad and came into the real world, I was in too-much of a confidence. I used to say or do wrong things and then justify it with confidence as I thought it overshadows. However, slowly I realised this only makes me sound more arrogant and doesn't change the fact that I am 'Wrong'.

However, later that I observed and realised it, now I am much more humble and honest. I might not be a crowd-puller or an attractive bloke, but at least I do not come across as an asshole.

[ObscuredBeyond]

Problem is, there's a difference between confidence, and presumptuous arrogance. The latter is passed off as dating "advice" as if it were the former, all too often. What it often becomes, in the end, is self-delusion. And on a woman, very little is more abhorrent than the air of hubris.

[annabananna]

This!

[Kiss_Me]

With a little research you will find many, many articles revealing the inner reasons that erode your confidence. Many of the reasons are perceived ONLY by you, but others around you see the results, no confidence.

Your whole post is attempting to reinforce your inner liabilities instead of finding solutions to your limiting beliefs.

Grow up.

[CasaNorba]

sorry but I dont need to research articles online to recognize my own flaws. talk about "grow up"

[blondfrog]

I didn't read everything you said but I liked the don't fake it part and I agree. Also you can be confident in one thing but not the other. Like I am confident with technology but not with other things like cars. Confidence is more like a balloon and can get inflated or deflated. Its not a personality trait.

[Ray1980]

There's the men that are invested emotionally in a woman & sure, maybe that's not exactly warranted but they care about the outcome. Then there's men that care nothing for a woman beyond using her as an object;; it's pretty easy to feel confident when you haven't invested anything.

[Phoenix-gb]

For me, confidence comes from experience of success, I've never been successful at dating so therefore have no confidence in it. Ask me to bake a cake or cook in general and I'll feel confident (even if it's not a dish I've cooked before) as I know I can cook to a reasonable level (not about to be a chef, but I'm not burning water either)

[DiegoO]

I don't think they refer to any "confidence". Healthy confidence is necessary to forge steady relationships. Imagine not having confidence in yourself ( in yourcapacities), do you really think you'll be able have healthy relations? You'll mostly likely develop insecurities.