Why Treating her Good isn't Enough

[Anonymous]

So, you hear your female friends complaining about all the jerks they encounter and how all they want is a nice guy who treats them right. And you're frustrated because YOU'RE a nice guy who would treat them right. What more could they possibly ask for? What's more important than benevolence, and a general lack of assholeishness?

Do you honestly believe that all it takes for a girl to fall in love with you is the fact that you're not a bad person? I mean, would you fall in love with a girl, think about her nonstop, and get butterflies in her presence because she's never been a complete jackass to you? I think not.

If you write up a list of qualities you want in a girlfriend, is "nice" the ONLY one? No. So why do you think being nice should be your ticket to every girls heart and panties?

If you're a genuinely nice guy, and that girl you like doesn't like you back, it isn't because girls hate nice guys and want to be abused. Its because you don't have what she wants. Be it humor, similar morals and goals, etc etc.

A lot of you seem to think that since you'd never hit a girl or cheat on her, girls should be falling for you left and right. You know what that says about what YOU think of men? It says that you think men are so fucking awful that when one nonabusive one comes around, girls should be dropping at his feet.

Furthermore, that "asshole" that's getting the girls, is either

1. Not REALLY an asshole or

2. Good at pretending to be a good guy.

Because in all honesty, girls are very naive when it comes to guys and their intentions.

For those of you nice guys that think like this:

here's a video:

[bunnyy]

THANK YOU! self proclaimed "nice guys" are usually not even slightly nice they are full of themselves and expect a gold star every time they act like a decent human being! And other guys will attest to their friend's "niceness" to get you to date him. I was about to give a guy like that a chance but he would go on about how amazing he thought I was and how "nice" he was and how well he'd treat me and I was about to give him a chance when he shoved me down and slobbered on me then bragged about it as soon as I'd shoved him off because I was choking and it was disgusting. THEN after he apologized and went on about everyone hounded me about "give him a chance he's SO NICE" he got a blow job from a drunk girl who threw up on him because she was obviously too drunk to know what was going on which is so sad. My first and current boyfriend is genuinely kind and never had to tell me how nice he is because he showed e with his actions. And I'm sorry but if someone just isn't into you no matter how much you guilt trip them they will never be able to force themselves to fall for you it just doesn't work that way. I have also turned down lesbians and they NEVER get butthurt and whine like straight guys do they just say "ok I understand thanks for being honest with me, I'd love to stay friends you are really cool and we get along well" and then we carry on with our friendship, and she never throws a fit because she didn't get exactly what she wanted. So if you have nice-guy-itis grow up please.

[ManuelMarquez]

Well that nice guy is rare and he is not actually a nice guy. Most nice guys that you think are actually assholes don't do sexual things with drunk girls. Most are actually against that. Do you know that most of the guys that do, do sexual things with drunk girls are guys that are players, etc. right?

[posted]

It's not really that, lets say all the guys you flirt with lead you on pretty badly, then throw you aside. Some point you're going to get pissy about it, especially when they date people they make sound like satan and say they wish they could find someone like whoever it is they friend zoned. Sounds like you found a shy asshole lol.

[myTake Owner]

@posted obviously though, in this hypothetical situation, if they aren't going after her but saying they want a girl LIKE her, they don't literally mean just like her. They might like a trait she has, but they might not like the others or they may feel she's lacking something else they want in a gf, then of course there's the attraction factor

[ManuelMarquez]

Most self proclaimed nice guys are nice guys and most don't have sex with drunk women like other guys do.

[Frost_Byte]

I consider myself a "nice guy" because people tell me I'm nice. Basically i do believe I'm a good person, but i don't believe that I'm entitled to anything because of it. Is this a bad thing?

[Yeppeeee]

I do believe you are very much right. Sometimes they just don't feel it, and it's not like that girl your being nice to is a girl to be won. If you are a guy who believes that it's like a strongman game at a carival, you be nice enough to ring the bell you get the prize, then you are the embodiment of an asshole.
Granted you can be an awesome man and have everything a woman would want or need, but that's a game assholes play too. They're snakes in sheeps clothing, so if you are Prince Charming don't be surprised if she don't see it. Once bit, twice shy.
I don't agree with what he said necessarily on "nice guys don't fix people". I've had the opportunity to dust of a few victims of assholes, help lick they're wounds, show them what a man is like, and like a baby bird sent them off. Most are married and that is an awesome feeling. Most guys are assholes, it's an ugly truth but putting women down by insulting their judgement won't fix that.
If you are a genuine nice guy, just be nice for the sake of it. It can be a lot of fun, even the selfless bits. But beware, if you love something show them what love is. when it's the one you need fight for it, if they're heart was meant elsewhere keep the memory an remember it was all fun.

[myTake Owner]

Thanks for sharing :)

[Yeppeeee]

Usually nice guys don't have trouble finding a date past the first one, women seek them out.

[Frost_Byte]

Typically nice guys don't believe that they are entitled to any women to instantly fall in love with them because of how nige we are. However, we do have a valid reason to complain when girls don't even give us a chance so that they can chase after that "bad boy". Honestly, you say that you don't like certain nice guys because they aren't funny, share similar goals and morals etc. but how the hell are u supposed to know that about them if u never get to know them in the first place. U could be surprised! Maybe the guy is not only a nice guy who will treat u right, but IS funny and shares similar goals and morals, but instead of stucking around long enough to get to know the guy, u immediately brush him off to chase after the "bad boy". You claim that you are chasing the "bad boy" because he is funny and/or shares similar interests in goals, but the truth is that you don't know HIM well enough to know that stuff either! Don't kid yourself, u r chasing the "bad boy" because of looks, and looks alone. It has nothing to do with personality. And thats just down fight shallow!

So next time you meet a "nice guy", instead of immediately brushing him off. Stick around for a while to at least talk to the guy! Who knows, maybe he not only is a nice guy, but IS funny, and DOES share the exact same morals, goals, and interests as you. Maybe he is everything you look for in a guy besides the looks. But you passed uo an oppurtinity for happiness because u were blinded by other the guys shining white teeth.

[myTake Owner]

Listen. I'm talking about in a general sense here, I'm not talking about SPECIFIC scenarios. You're jumping to conclusions. I don't like bad boys nor do I hate/ignore nice guys.

I'm referring to the scenarios in which the "nice guy" is FRIENDS with the girl and she doesn't want anything more than friendship. She already knows him and knows what he's like and knows him well enough to know she doesn't want him romantically. I'm not talking about a random guy on the street asking a girl out, I'm talking about people who know each other.

[myTake Owner]

When did I say a single thing about chasing bad boys? Why do you assume every guy that ain't you is a "bad boy" or that any guy a girl likes is a "bad boy"? Come on man.

[myTake Owner]

When did I say I just brush off nice guys?

Why are you making so many dumb conclusions?

[Frost_Byte]

Obviously the girls are the problem when it comes to these scenarios.

, " you hear your female friends complaining about all the jerks they encounter and how all they want is a nice guy who treats them right. "
According to this, "nice guys" are exactly what girls want. But because of their own blindness to attraction, they are willing to overlook that a guy doesn't have ANY of these qualities, just because he is more attractive than the guy who does have these qualities.

[myTake Owner]

You aren't absorbing what I'm saying!!! The entire point is that being nice isn't enough. there's gotta be more to a guy than being nice. I'm sure that nice guy has everything another girl wants, but perhaps he doesn't have what the girl he likes wants. there's more to loving someone than just niceness. Do you fall in love with a girl because she isn't mean to you? No! !!! there's more to it than that! !!!

[myTake Owner]

Actually READ the post then come back.

[Frost_Byte]

I did read it the first time, but what I'm saying is that u should give "nice guys" a chance even if it doesn't appear that they have what u want. Thats just the message I'm trying to put out there.

[myTake Owner]

And I've already addressed that dude. I'm not talking about girls rejecting guys they don't know. I'm talking about girls rejecting guys they DO KNOW who they already KNOW they don't like. These guys think "well I'm nice, what else can you ask for? " and that's extremely misguided

[kheserthorpe]

"you hear your female friends complaining about all the jerks they encounter and how all they want is a nice guy who treats them right."

That may be part of where they get the idea.

Which is of course not true. But girls don't say 'why can't I find a nice hot guy' because they (naturally) date attractice guys and are then disappointed if they are assholes, rather than dating nice guys then are disappointed they aren't hot.

But yes keep spreading the word. Girls want attractive, mature guys who are decent.

Now I don't think most girls prefer assholes by the way, but it's just not true to act like they're all hiding it. Just today I saw a girl here indicate her dream guy is Chris Brown. And a lot of guys who are douchebags, other guys can tell in seconds.

[myTake Owner]

there's more to it than attraction though. I've met cute, decent guys who are sweet but there's things about their personality that don't click with me.

[kheserthorpe]

I mean attraction in a broad sense not just looks.

[myTake Owner]

Ah but you said "hot nice guy." It just makes it seem like girls are shallow.

[kheserthorpe]

See what I get when I try to make short answers!!! :D

And even then surely wanting 'hot and nice' isn't shallow?

[myTake Owner]

But have you met some of the guys on here? If they hear a girl say they want a hot guy they flip out telling her how all girls are shallow.

[kheserthorpe]

Yes. Unfortunately that's partly what they're told growing up. I was strongly given the idea that basically low quality girls care about looks and high quality ones care about you being... A nice guy! And also being 'responsible' which as a young teen is always presented as basically doing what you're told all the time (as opposed to being able to handle real lfe and real problems which is the kind of responsible that's attractive).

So then boys find some girls and those girls care about looks. They are not the right girls, apparently. And so on. And eventually they realize in despair that -all- the girls are the wrong sort (if they're lucky some land a demisexual gf which is worse).

Most hopefully pull through and realize what they were taught is crap.

[myTake Owner]

Yeah, I've heard this from a lot of guys. Unfortunately it seems most on here aren't pulling through.

[circlebill]

In one of your responses on this page regarding nice guys, you said:

"there's more to it than attraction though. I've met cute, decent guys who are sweet but there's things about their personality that don't click with me."

This is what you didn't or couldnt explain! The "cute, decent guys" you refer to were presumeably nice guys. But you definitely don't want them! The very act of being "being nice" actually destroys female attraction! It's not so much that nice guys are lacking some other quality. Their "being nice" IS the problem!

A man who is "nice" cannot register as "attractive" in a woman's eyes!

[myTake Owner]

The guy I was absolutely head over heels for recently and had been for 3 years was a VERY nice guy. Nerdy, studious, polite, respectful, never even made moves on girls. And I'm struggling to get over him at the moment. I'm pretty sure I love (d) him.

[circlebill]

Take Owner - Thank you for your kind answer! However, your response is somewhat unclear! You say you loved a very nice guy (who never made moves on girls) for 3 years and you're struggling to get over him. I don't want to nose into your business, but it's not clear that you even had a date with him! Did you just love this guy from afar? Were you in the friend zone? Were you a couple and then he dumped you? Maybe you dumped him? In any case, I wish you the best in getting over him! Peace!

[myTake Owner]

No we never dated. We flirted but he lost interest

[circlebill]

Take Owner - Evidently, your nice guy only flirted and lost interest. This could be construed as teasing! Yet, the act of "teasing" is not usually considered to be "nice". Perhaps his "teasing" makes him just a tiny bit of a jerk! And that might be the only thing about him you actually found attractive. So you seem to sdd to my point that: "A man who is "nice" cannot register as "attractive" in a woman's eyes! "

[myTake Owner]

Wow, you're really digging here.
He did like me at one point. It was very obvious. I'm not gonna explain it all to you. But people lose interest. That doesn't make them jerks.

You don't know what I liked about him.
I liked his intelligence, his ambition, I liked that he was different, I liked how much he cared for his siblings, I liked the way he made me laugh and how innocent he was.

[myTake Owner]

You're way too old to believe this silly "girls like jerks" stuff.

[circlebill]

I only went by what YOU wrote! And based on that, light teasing was basically all he did! And as for being too old to believe girls like jerks. I've witnessed it too many times in too many places. IT IS REAL! It's not every woman at every point. But it's real nevertheless! Well, I hope you don't have any more of those phantom style relationships. Good luck!

[The_Technomancer]

Regardless of how you treat someone you could just not be compatible together. Just because you compliment someone doesn't mean they have to like you. Nice people who are looking for love need to realize that even though they are kind to someone they like it still might not work out because you lack certain interests or things like that.

[AllWomenLie]

Word of advice never take dating advice or tips from women.

[Anonymous]

All anyone needs to know is how women operate to a certain degree, have confidence, look like you know what your doing and manipulate a situation and it is yours. Not hard at all but it does take practice

[ManuelMarquez]

Most nice guys actually aren't fake nice guys. Only some are and most don't feel entitled, etc.

[myTake Owner]

Ok. I didn't say anything about fake nice guys. I said IF you are one watch this video.

[ManuelMarquez]

Ok but do you think most of the guys that call themselves nice guys are actually nice guys?

[myTake Owner]

Some.
That isn't the point of this post.

[ManuelMarquez]

My bad

[Anonymous]

All you need to know is what women really want, and have decent looks and your gold. This is why players are so successful. I admire the bad boys how they can manipulate women so easily.

[myTake Owner]

This is why you're not successful.

[Opinion Owner]

How do you know? You've never met me.

[myTake Owner]

I know your type

[Opinion Owner]

You have no idea who I am, not a clue.

[dartmaul15]

and this just proves the point that women use less than 10 seconds to judge a guy. Hence why looks and first impression truly is ALPHA AND OMEGA

[CallzEmLikeICzEm]

I can tell you from personal experience, being the nice guy never works out in the end. You can't save anyone from themselves out the asshole's of there past. Even if your a nice guy who can kick the ass of any asshole who came her way. Because in the end your still the nice guy and she will cheat on you with an asshole, because it's exciting and never tell you it if guilt, but treat you like Shit from then on and always be looking for her next secret asshole

[myTake Owner]

Some girls might do that, but most won't. Just as much guys would cheat with the "slutty" bitchy girl

[circlebill]

What you say is definitely TRUE. "nice guy" is womanspeak for "unattractive". The only point where it changes is after a woman has suffered badly through a number of failed relationships with assholes. That and her biological clock make her suddenly interested in financialy stable nice guys as possible marriage targets.

[notverycreativeguy]

I am so fake, I don't even remember whether I am naturally an asshole or a nice person. But I do know from experience that no matter what you are, it's all about how you act - and you have to act like an asshole.

[myTake Owner]

You learned nothing.

[notverycreativeguy]

Well, definitely more than you.

[KleinTeef]

I'm a nice guy, I got a girlfriend.

[myTake Owner]

Cool. I don't recall saying girls won't date nice guys. Actually... I said in my post that girls do like nice guys. So. thanks for your irrelevance.

[KleinTeef]

Lol predictable passive aggressiveness ;)

[myTake Owner]

That's not passive aggressive. I directly told you that your post was irrelevant.

[KleinTeef]

Hehehe ;)

[Notedkibbles]

Not a problem if all you want is sex like me 🙌

[myTake Owner]

That's extremely irrelevant

[Notedkibbles]

👍 I don't care

[tyber1]

*clap clap clap*

[myTake Owner]

Thanks!

[Anonymous]

Good take...