Just Because You Are Good to People, Doesn't Mean They Will Be Good To You

[gypsydream]

So I have just come to realize that no matter how well I treat someone or how much I do for them, it doesn't guarantee they will do the same for me.

My hardest realization of this statement was after I ended my first serious relationship. Everything was perfect at first but I noticed his attitude towards me changed and he stopped caring about my happiness. I was going out of my way to show him how much he meant to me and did anything to make him feel happy yet he never did anything near in return and also hardly showed any appreciation for my efforts. Yet, I stayed with this man for so long because I assumed he would want to treat me right and make me feel good because I was his girlfriend.

My most recent occurrence was when I met up on a date with a guy, from online. He didn't realize the place we were meeting at was cash only and I didn't mind paying. I felt so good in doing so and we had a great time. He even mentioned another potential date. For some reason, I thought my brownie points would guarantee a second date but it didn't. I'm not upset by his choice but it is a little disheartening to assume such thing, that by having a great time with someone, there would be another.

Basically, what I'm saying is that you could give the world to someone, be the most wealthiest, most attractive person and there is still no guarantee that this person has the same intentions or that they will do the same for you. I am not saying this means that, that person owes you anything but to continue to take advantage or lead someone on is a different story. I wish we did live in a world where putting out good meant getting good back in return but people have different intentions. Right now my I have lost my hope in humanity. I know I am a smart, kind, caring, attractive person, yet, it seems like lately I'm putting the good out but not getting it back.

I feel like all people do is take, take, take. People are selfish and it makes me sad.

What are your thoughts? How do you keep putting out good when going through so much rejection?

[QueenofSexyFoxes]

Ever heard of emotional vampires?

Well well let me introduce you to my ex, K (im not writing his real name).

When K was sad EVERYONE HAD TO KNOW IT. He posts on his facebook stuff like "I just need a hug... is anyone there... etc.." if you fell for it oh boy. He would make you feel like shit about how he's a victim and would point out all your flaws. I worked my ass off to please this asshole. I nearly ended up insane. They want to steal your happiness and they are efficient. To Ks friends he looks like a great guy. To the real world he is an asshole.

So fuck the world. Lets just be our true selves. If we stay single forever who cares as long as we are happy.

[ibodi]

tbh, they are always good to my mom but not good to me behind my mom. Plus, I got an evil eye but people dont believe me.
You can see this
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[Oreodere]

Yeah, I understand. It's just sometimes and at times, you give too much of yourself to others and you need to make space just for yourself to get it together again. Well, we only feel more disappointment and dissatisfaction the more expectations we have towards others. Don't stress over the things you can't control. Instead, focus on working on yourself and do the things that you can and have control over.

Speaking from my personal experiences...

To start off, I've had my first serious relationship being poisonous as well with an ex unfortunately. It was my mistake in that relationship not to leave SOON. He flaked out on my prom night and even missed out on my high school graduation on purpose. The relationship lasted for about a year. It took me two years recovering from the emotional and verbal abuse from him with a NO contact rule. He found his way contacting me two years ago telling me about how guilty he had felt, and I just forgave him. All the years I've spent was full of questions and anger, but I came to realize that the problem was also me for not loving myself enough and have the respect for myself enough to walk away.

Secondly, I've been disowned by my parents before and it was also an on and off parent-child relationship between us, but it stopped as time went by. I often even wondered if I have abandonment issues due to this reason, but I'm always looking at the brighter side of things. I couldn't even do bad onto others as they have done upon me because in my heart I am just a good person I guess.

Be the better person and forgive others, NOT for them but for you. It just means loving yourself enough for you to move on. It is challenging for me to try and open up to others again and to start all over again, yet I'm able to be in another relationship again and am always looking forward to take it little by little each day. Happiness come from within you, not others. If you need to know, it's okay to cut off others who are toxic to you in your life.

Last but not least, I personally think that early on within the relationship or possibly after a few dates, that the two people should talk about what they want and don't want in a partner. That way both people can see if they can continue on with the dating process and turn it into a relationship. "Communication is always key".

I just felt like I can relate to this MyTake somewhat. It was a good read by the way. Much love.

[Anonymous]

Yes, a very valuable lesson I've learned in life is to never expect anything in return, no matter how much you do for someone. There are so many people who only know how to take and don't know how to give.
You just have to choose who you continue to do nice things for, and if you know that person never does anything in return, you may want to limit what you do for them. Some people just like to use others as well, and unfortunately, I've been used a lot in my life because I spent most of it being a doormat for other people. It has taught me several lessons though, and now I just refuse to give anymore to people who only want to take.
Something I found out was that if you stop contacting someone who you feel is using you or only takes and never gives back in return, you will never hear from them unless they want something from you. Those who pressure you into doing things that you're not comfortable with or have no benefit to you are also not your true friends and are trying to get you to do something for their benefit only.
There's really no way to avoid this except for by discontinuing association with the people who continuously do it and refusing to do any more for them. That doesn't mean you have to be hostile towards them or completely stay away from them, but just don't do anything else for them that you would want to be repaid for in some way or another for.

[Ozanne]

Unfortunately, this doesn't get much better. At work, you'll find out in just about every job you take you will have managers who ask for everything and give you nothing, or employees who ask for favours and don't give back any. Relationships are going to fail because yes, you're putting in what you want, and don't get it back. Friendships will fail because you give your time, money, heart and soul, and get used.

All these experiences make your shell a little bit more hard to take it as the years go by. When I was younger, I remember someone in their late 30s told me that there was a point in a [woman's] life when she just doesn't have time for the shit anymore, and develops an attitude that lets people know that she's got no time for nonsense from others, and quickly cuts them from her life and moves on. I found out what she meant as each failed relationship and friendship happened, and every crummy job was to be had. You just seem to learn how to adapt while others cause their shit - to learn how to not let it bother you so much. I can't exactly say how it's done, but it just *snap* happens, one day you wake up and decide you're in this for you and you're not going to let people affect you the way they used to.

I don't know why humans are so rotten to each other so much. But I try to surround myself with fewer, more decent people, rather than try to see good in a crowd of asshats. It suits me better this way.

[pretty-kitty]

It took me a long time to realise this and I still struggle with it to this day because I always expect the best in people and I am always disappointed. One think I have learnt from this is that I will never let anyone change who I am, if someone is an arsehole that is their choice but I will still continue to be who I am. I used to see that as a sign of weakness and like I was letting f people walk al over me but recently I have come to realise it's a sign of my strength, it takes a strong person to be kind to those who treat them badly.

[Schnikies]

When you decide to do something nice for someone you shouldn't be disappointed you didn't get good back. That kinda shows you did have some conditions attached. Now I know it sucks when people don't reciprocate but if they don't ever do anything nice that is a totally separate issue from things you have done. As soon as you decide to put that effort in or spend the time or money on someone it should make you happy. And you should be able to think about that always as a positive! You cared and loved someone enough to put yourself out there and show it.
If someone doesn't show you they care or want to put any effort in you need to talk to them and find out why or split

[Essengiles]

I love this but I don't agree with the ending. You can't depend on someone else to speak up for you and say "hey, you're treating too good, I'm hurting you and you should leave me alone." Someone can say that and the other party would still want to stick around and prove that they're worth loving. You have to know when to walk away from someone point blank. You can't blame humanity for it. People take advantage, it's human nature. Everyday situations... someone was to go to a restaurant and the waiter/ waitress accidentally forgot to add the main course to your ticket... most won't speak up.

[Darkfairie17]

People are selfish, it makes me sad too. I've done the same things you have done. Given so much of myself to someone and gone above and beyond all to be left with nothing.

What I found has helped is to only give what I am able to and not go above and beyond to earn favour with people. People should like you because you're awesome, not because you do things for them.

Unfortunately being a good person and wanting to do nice things just because can attract those who use and abuse. So be careful!

[V01D_Entertainment]

What an interesting revelation! Of course people are selfish. All biological creatures' first priority is survival, growth, procreation, and all things connected to it. You can be kind to others, if it benefits you, or at least doesn't harm you or cause inconvenience.

This is nothing to be sad about. You also are the same. It's a fact of life. The important thing is to ensure that interests are satisfied via cooperation, instead of animosity. That what makes intelligent beings superior over wild animals.

[lushbomb]

i understand you 100%. i really do care for people and all. like the love comes from the bottom of my heart. i would do anything to make them all happy! but i usually dont get that in return. I've only met one person who is how i am and i love her unconditionally... im so blessed to have met someone with the same heart. i hope i meet more people like this in college. We talked about how we both understand each other and how we both have a good heart while everyone else is plain mean! we realize since people and life have treated us unfairly in the past, that only causes us to become stronger... we both now value good people more... if it werent for all these people who have treated us like crap i feel like we would still be sensitive humans. bc of these assholes (lol) we grow stronger. it sucks that this world /the people in it are mostly plain assholes even tho you treat them nicely.. i hear you on that.

[Anonymous]

I loved this Mytake. I was so nice to my boyfriend, i gave him daily blow jobs and you know what i got in return? I would ask him to lick my cooch because I loved it and saw it in porn videos. He would be so hesitant and insist on a shower. He even told me to shave because he doesn't like hair. But yet he would push my head down on his cock and then make me swallow...
My new boyfriend however eats everything and he even, begs me to lick it. I came back from the gym once, and he licked me right away without ever asking for a shower because he tells me i taste the best... he doesn't care about me shaving and told me that as long as i spread my lips and he can get to the clit that is all that matters
SO yep, tired of being good to people and having them treat me so bad

[Thunnnder]

If people are shitty, they're not gonna change because you're good to them. I try to be good to everyone, hence why I never have any enemies, but yet many people have been bad to me.
I have done bad things to others that I regret, I'm not perfect, but as I grow up, I try to be as good as possible, and try to stop those anger moments.
Sure, you're not gonna stop others from hurting you, but being good is the best way to be surrounded by good people.

[lady8787]

when you give it all away, you lose your power. you need to retain your own self a bit more. you seem a bit insecure and scared. have some confidence in yourself. you are allowing people to take and take. the problem is more about how you handle things. every action has a reactionl. change your action. i bet things will improve.

[Izumiblu]

Well, first you don't do good so that you can get good back. You do good because you hold yourself to a standard that YOU expect of YOURSELF. What they do is irrelevant to what you expect of yourself. Nothing wrong with holding yourself to certain values and if they choose not to hold themselves to some similar value system that is their problem not yours.

[savalisk]

Life is like chattroulette, In order to find someone nice you have to first get through all the dicks.
Don't let those people change you or turn you into something ugly. Don't let them drop their baggage onto your shoulders. You just need to find the right people and the right activities to invest your good energy and positive personality into. That's courage and persistence worthy of the name.

[Anonymous]

I learned this when i was six, people were always mean to me i stopped being so nice at 14 and people stopped cause i was nothing but mean back and was ready to fight if they were, in realtionships i was way way way to nice and when i got with my baby mom i was nice to her and she walked all over me, cheated on me and took my kid away and married someone else, i realize that being to nice in a realtionship won't get u anywhere now i come off cold with everyone but oh well the right person will come some day, maybe lol

[TheUglyMonk]

Human nature is naturally selfish but that doesn't there aren't any good people out there, you'd be surprised, don't let a few experiences ruin your good character.

I treat everyone nicely but doesn't mean I go out of my way to please them, I only do so only with people I care about and I know for a fact won't take anything for granted.

Don't just give to anyone, have them give you a reason why they deserve to be given the privilege to be with a lovely human being.

[Anonymous]

You shouldn't hope to get good acts in return to yours. Doing good should not be to please others. All that doing good will bring you good stuff is total BS. I don't care if I'll get good attitude towards me, the important thing is I have such. And it makes me feel great, no matter what I get in return.

PS That's a lot of "good" repeating in this comment, excuse me for that XD

[Cryostatic]

Because people aren't vending machines that you can put niceness tokens into until whatever you're hoping to get back falls out.

[Rainie_]

Learnt this the hardest and worst way possible.

I still give and I'm good to people but I no longer expect it in return like I used to. But who knows your good deeds can come back around to you later in life. That's what my mother says at least.

[Himig_Ng_Pag-ibig]

Id try still be good to others despite not getting it back which although people have been good to me so far.. I'll stick to it as a matter of principle.