I love GIRLS ASK GUYS -- there are a lot of extremely insightful and intelligent men and women on here. I also enjoy the fact that so many young people, despite being told that their questions are stupid, are trying to figure out how to behave in ways that are both ethical and in line with their feelings.
And in an aside, people need to understand that while some thirty and even forty something’s may be asking questions that others deem to be a tad bit immature for them, that we must please understand that 1) we all travel down life’s paths at different rates due to our particular life experiences.
What one person learns at age 18, another may learn at 31.
There is not holy book or tome that falls out of the sky when you turn thirty that gives one all the answers in life. As one ninety-six year old woman put it, what surprised her about aging was that she was still learning and making mistakes....2) this site is for everyone, young and old -- there is no such thing as an age where you have an handle on everything--you just know a bit more due to having lived longer -- if you are smart enough to learn form those experiences that is.
Lord knows I am still screwing up in many ways, but at least I can admit it now. Also, the trips up are fewer and farther between and I can catch myself before a too undignified fall.
I think this is the only thing life experiences can afford us, besides, if we had all the answers we would truly be god—and life would be very boring.
No matter what, we seriously shouldn’t try to dissuade people from asking questions, as we will teach to them to clam up and not learn how to communicate how we feel—belittling someone’s thoughts or feelings is how we end up developing a culture that plays games to get what we want.
I would rather someone ask a supposedly silly question, then create a world where people are afraid to be open because of ridicule.
Which brings me to the crux of my missive.
So many times I see people ask questions that begin, “Why do women (insert behavior here)” or “Why does a man (insert trait here)!” and usually, it is in reference to a fundamental aspect of that sex’s nature.
Now all traits are not inherent to all women or men for that matter. For instance, a man chastised a woman on here for saying she didn’t want flowers (women don’t know what they want!) he cried.
Not true. I hate flowers too—and if a man brought them to me I was not impressed.
Do not make the assumption that all women like the same things. As my husband knows I am not a big celebrator of Valentines Day—and I think it is too easy to just buy a trinket and hand it to someone.
My hubby and I do special things for one another that are meaningful—like, he made me a nightstand with his own two hands—the thing is a bit wobbly but I do love it.
Flowers die. That thing will always be around god willin’…
So just because a girl doesn’t want flowers or like sex doesn’t mean she is sending mixed signals—she would only be doing that if she said she liked those things then acted all put out when she received them.
Assuming women are sending mixed signals is assuming that all women share the same passions, ideals and thoughts.
Heck, home girl could be allergic for all you know.
People are individuals and should be treated as individuals.
But there are some things that are basically true across the board—women tend to crave close relationships and romance. Men are more independent natured and while they too wish to find someone to cherish, they most often have an easier time setting boundaries within their romantic lives.
Again not a hard and fast rule, as some guys can be romantically clingy and some women fiercely independent.
What I hate is that either side wants to trash the other side for what they are by nature. A woman can no more not be a romantic being then a man could will his penis to go away.
Why roll our eyes over these facts?
Bemoaning the fact that a woman may be relationship oriented will not make her be any less that way. In the end, it all comes down to acceptance.
If your man loves sports, don’t make him feel like a Neanderthal, give him the same consideration you would want him to give for the feminine rituals, like girl’s night out or hell, even shoe shopping for those who enjoy mall hopping.
If you really abhor men who enjoy sports don’t date a guy like that.
(I use these examples as they are the most widely recognized differentials—again, women and men have diverse desires, needs, behaviors, etc…)
I think the reason why we get frustrated is we see aspects of certain behavior as counter our own designs. Because human creatures are basically “I” oriented, we tend to become somewhat petulant that someone’s desires don’t match our own, especially if we want something from them they cannot or will not give.
This is foolhardy when one considers that there are 6 billion people on the planet. The internet even increases our odds of finding compatible souls.
Instead of bending someone to your will, how about locating someone who shares your goals.
If you think giving flowers as a gift is silly, find a girl who feels the same way (there are more out there than you think). However, if you fall for a girl who likes flowers, don’t ridicule her or point our how your tomboyish sister thinks it is stupid.
If she likes flowers, buy her flowers. If she doesn’t, don’t.
While the “I” aspect of human behavior is healthy, we need to always be aware that we are social creatures and that we thrive by connecting with others. For this fact alone the “I” aspect at times, has to be mitigated in consideration of the people in our lives.
If we can do this, we won’t feel so put out or confounded by feminine or masculine behavior, we would actually enjoy it, even if we don’t understand it.
We may even be able to down the weapons of Sex Wars and accept the things that make us different. In doing so, we would finally be able to see that our differences are the very thing that contributes to the excitement of man and woman relationships and that this a good thing indeed.
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