3 Reasons to Stop the Gender War (And 3 Ways to Do So)

Almost anyone who has had a conversation here on GirlsAskGuys about political, social, or economic issues as they relate to gender can probably attest to the tension and competitive attitude that exists between the genders here. I personally feel that this is incredibly damaging to individuals of all genders, and to our generation as a whole. We are entering trying times that threaten to separate us by political views, religion, race, and creed- let's not let them separate us by gender, too. The contention building between the genders is powerful and deeply rooted, and I'm not naive enough to believe that one myTake will eliminate the problem. But if I can inspire even one person to try to foster peace in their own interactions with the opposite gender, then writing this will be worth it.

3 Reasons to Stop the Gender War (And 3 Ways to Do So)

Here are my reasons why it's important to stop this war:

1. It's not just about gender.

We're all human beings who have feelings, thoughts, desires, needs, problems, struggles, hopes, and fears. Regardless of gender, each of us is a unique individual with our own experiences and perspective. Members of the opposite gender are as different from each other as other members of your own gender are from you. Making assumptions about who another person is, or what they experience, based purely on their gender is just plain counterproductive.

2. It's not a competition.

All too often, conversations about gender roles or gender based problems morph into competitions to prove that one's own gender is the most disadvantaged or the most poorly treated. There's no way to win this fight. Wanting to prioritize your own problems- those that affect you directly- is totally natural. But every individual is in that position, so trying to prove that your problems are more important simply because they are yours is a waste of time.

3 Reasons to Stop the Gender War (And 3 Ways to Do So)

3. You'll never know what it's like to be in the opposite gender's shoes.

You can put on a pair of heels or oxfords if you want to. But you will only ever know what it's like to be yourself and to live your own life. Your views of other people and their situations will always be clouded by your own natural biases. That's an inescapable, unavoidable reality of being human. During recent years, gender issues have become much more convoluted and complex. There are now numerous issues that affect each gender. No individual will ever be aware of, or fully understand, every problem that people of the opposite gender may be facing.

So let's end this useless fighting, and try to foster peace between the genders. Here's how:

3 Reasons to Stop the Gender War (And 3 Ways to Do So)

1. Acknowledge your biases.

When you engage in discussions about gender related issues, remember that you only know what it's like to be your own self and your own gender. You may not fully understand the problems that someone else is dealing with, and that's natural. But never assume that they're not significant to the person who is affected by them just because you don't know what it's like to be in their position.

2. Don't start a competition.

It's simple to argue that a broken leg is a bigger deal than a paper cut. It's not so simple to argue that it's harder to be one gender than it is to be the other- nor should that be the point. The best way to have a meaningful discussion about gender issues is to avoid turning it into a competition in the first place. Any problem that hurts people is an important problem, so skip the comparisons and find something more productive to focus on.

3. Treat others as you want to be treated.

Everyone wants to feel heard and taken seriously. Minimizing someone else's struggles to make your own seem more significant won't get them on your side. Try to empathize with other people's problems the same way you'd want them to empathize with yours. Many of the biggest gender based issues can only be solved if we all work together as a society. Men and women are both human and we need each other, so being on the same side is incredibly valuable- let's learn how to cooperate for everyone's benefit.

3 Reasons to Stop the Gender War (And 3 Ways to Do So)

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3 Reasons to Stop the Gender War (And 3 Ways to Do So)
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Most Helpful Guy

  • AleDeEurope

    The gender war isn't something we gotta solve online, it's something we gotta solve in school and at home.
    It's the way the single mother talks about men. It's the way the abusive father speaks to his wife. It's the way the teacher favors a gender more than the other.
    We also need to have kids spend time with the opposite sex. Having girls/boys only classes or sports, isn't gonna do any good, you need kids to grow up knowing the opposite sex is just like them, and that life is more fun if we're all together.

    We also gotta stop giving a platform to divisive people. The government and universities are allowing harpies to spread their hate towards the opposite sex, and we all think it's ok.
    Women get taught in university that men are evil, and men go to the internet to talk about how women are evil.

    But I believe, just like with the sexist laws, that it could be fixed if we start from when the kids are little and teach them to be respectful and to enjoy the company of the opposite gender. Try as hard as you can not to expose them to sexist beliefs.

    P. S.: Saying you expected negative reactions from men in this Take isn't actually helping with the issue you address in this Take. That sort of bias goes against everything you said.

    • You're absolutely right that we can't solve this issue online. But we can share our views and encourage positive action. People look to the internet to communicate and share information- we may as well use that to our advantage.

      And you're right, perhaps my comment about expecting negative reactions from men was a little contradictory. But I had that expectation because of real conversations and interactions that I've had here on this site. I didn't intend for my comment to represent a bias against men in general, it just happened that I knew for a fact that there were guys on this site who wouldn't agree with these ideas. So I wasn't surprised when I received some negative feedback from them. I didn't mean to imply that I expected ALL men to react negatively, I just expected a few to.

Most Helpful Girl

  • RJGraveyTrain

    This is one of the best things I've read so far, I've been saying for a while that in a world already so divided that this gender segregation shit (along with the ongoing war of proving who is the most disadvantaged, as you said) is absolutely tearing us away from our "fellow man" if you will. We're all already so at odds with each other and should be more concerned about the rights of all people, because whatever gender, religion, or sexuality we have, we're all human. We should be standing together against the bullshit, not creating more of it.

    Good work on this, I enjoyed it.

    • Thanks! I expected the skeptical responses but it's really nice to hear some positive feedback too. I think if people really would put all the blame and anger aside we would get much farther with this.

    • Ramiro1992

      5 dislikes so far, you deserve more, your comment is pathetic

What Girls & Guys Said

  • alphadoggystyle

    while your intentions are noble, the underlying main reason why there is a gender is not something that can be avoided by any of the 3 ways you mentioned. The only way the gender war can stop is if we make some big changes to society.
    ïts not about being empathetic or knowing what its like to be the other gender, or who has it worse. Its all about the easily proven fact that equality is a myth.
    Men are simply more capable than women, and while women compensate that value somewhat with being able to give birth, men still end up being the more productive gender. And for an "equal" society such as the one we have today to be able to work, there is a need to discriminate against men to bring us down to the level of women, all of these laws and welfare programs that aid women are ultimately paid for mostly by male tax payers.
    Men realize this and are starting to become less and less productive. It also doesn't help that women become more hypergamous when they select a partner when their needs are already met with the aid of the government. So men help elevate women to fake equality, and then many of these same women get the illusion that the genders are equal and suddenly think they are to good for majority of men, due to how the different sexual instincts the genders have developed through evolution.

    this is ultimately what is creating the gender war and divide, and when less and less children are being born, and men are becoming less productive and only working for themselves instead of starting families, and women not being able to replace men in the workforce, we have an imminent societal collapse incoming. this fake equality we have created simply cannot be sustained.

    • and when the collapse happens, things are inevitably going to change into a more patriarchal structure again, and in the long run this will likely improve gender relations, because when people especially women want to survive and fear for their wellbeing, they are going to be far less demanding and entitled.

    • If people choose to respect each other and work together rather than becoming bitter and resentful, we won't have these types of problems. Yes, we have to work together towards big changes as a society. But focusing on placing blame and over-analyzing issues that no one person can possibly fully understand will only drive people farther apart.

    • thats not enough, since men contribute more to society overall, we need to be rewarded/compensated for that in some way, something like more respect by the government and media etc, and in practice this would be that the government would stop interfering with the relationships with men and women, getting rid of concepts such as alimony and quotation laws etc, and letting society become a complete meritocracy, which automatically would result in men having higher authority and more important positions due to our higher capability on average.

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  • cth96190

    Gender relations in the West have deteriorated to the point that I believe the situation is terminal.
    This was the goal of the Marxist created Feminism movement and it has been spectacularly successful.
    Men are discriminated against at school (pedagogy, curriculum, behaviour standards, assessment); in employment (gender bias and gender quotas); in the courts (women receive less than half the sentence that men do for the same crimes); and in divorce law.
    The result is that:
    1. If a man approaches a woman he risks a career-ending sexual harassment complaint. In Nottinghamshire, England, he can end up in gaol on an Orwellian thought crime charge, if the female decides that she does not like his approach. This is a beta test of a law that Feminists hope to roll out throughout the Western world.
    2. If a man goes on a date, he risks a false rape allegation that will destroy his life. The burden of proof is upon him to prove that he did not rape the woman.
    3. If a man has consensual sex with a woman and she changes her mind the next morning, week, month, year, or whatever, he risks a false rape allegation that will destroy his life.
    4. If a man forms a relationship with a woman, there is a 50 per cent probability (the divorce rate) that she will divorce him and that a court will give her the house, most of his other assets, custody of the children and enslave him for life via a child-support order. If the man is unable or unwilling to pay, men with guns will be sent to drag him away to the modern version of debtors' prison, where he may stay for the rest of his life.
    In summary, lobbying by Feminists has made it dangerous for a man to show interest in a woman; to approach a woman; to form a relationship with a woman; and to procreate with a woman.
    Intelligent men work on the basis of cost/risk/benefit assessments.
    Lobbying by Feminists has caused interaction with women to fail that assessment in the minds of a significant and increasing number of men. It is from this that the Men Going Their Own Way (MGTOW) movement comes.
    Even if the man survives the dating process, there is a 50 per cent probability that he will be destroyed by the women with whom he formed a union.
    Women, as a group, have become too dangerous, too toxic, for a rational man to even wish one a good morning.

    • This is what I'm talking about. If you're not interested in mending fences, that's fine, but I am.

    • cth96190

      I believe genuinely that it is too late to fix fences.
      From a male point of view, I no longer date women, or even take up some of the sexual propositions that I receive from time to time. It is simply too dangerous for the 'reward' to be worth the risk.
      I have learned the hard way that even being alone with a woman can be dangerous, because if she is crazy and spiteful it will be my word against hers. . . and victims should be believed, the Feminist mantra states. Always have witnesses. Always.
      Nor do I hold doors open, or offer to help women with heavy tasks any more.
      One Feminist too many abused me and called me sexist, condescending, or worse, because I extended a traditional Western social courtesy, or offered to help her.
      Now, when I see a woman struggling with a tyre on the side of the road, I keep on driving.
      Girls can do anything, after all.

    • If you're happier not dating women, that's fine. This is not about dating. Obviously if you feel the need to be careful, you should be. But that doesn't mean there's no hope that we can get back to a place where men and women can trust and support each other.

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  • JuliaHarris

    You want to end the gender war? Tell feminists and MRAs to get lost. They are causing just as many problems as the actual sexists are.
    Fortunately, I see the no evidence that both sides are nothing more than a vocal minority that exists on the internet; I rarely encounter actual sexism by men in real life.

    • Telling people to get lost is just not the approach I'm going for here.

    • You're trying to build bridges with people who are diametrically opposed to building bridges. It is impossible to please everyone and it is stupid to try.

    • You may be right. Perhaps I was too optimistic.

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  • Love_Is_Eternal

    As long as women keep allowing themselves to be brainwashed by the media and feminism, the gender war will never end.

    • Is it bad that I agree with this 110% (your opinion)

    • @WriterAndPainter Of course not. It's the truth.

    • I agree.

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  • Tony1974

    The gender wars were started by the feminists and only now are they starting to get blow back for their war on males. The insurrection has just begun and the war just heating up; who knows how long it will be before the bowel movement that is feminism gets flushed by society due to it's toxic and discriminating rhetoric against males.

    Funny thing about your last point: men already treat women the way they wish to be treated but we're "too nice"... nobody wants a "pushover" etc. We were good boys and learned from our mothers to treat women with respect and kindness. It's the women who weren't given the same message about men that's the problem. The fact of the matter is men, don't give a shit about 90% of the crap women claim to. So when we look like we're being a pushover we're not. We're just letting you have your way as we don't give a shit either way; life's a lot easier not fighting over minutiae that at the end of the day doesn't fucking matter. The issue seems to be, that when we fight about that 10% that we do care about; we're controlling assholes who must get their own way. Can you see how this would rub us the wrong way? Add that we're still expected to pay for everything... and take the blame when it all goes wrong. Sorry.. I see no detente any time soon...

  • BuchitaBuchys

    Lol I like this take.
    I don't think most people are this rabid in real life though, at least I hope not :x.

    • My god the men in this take prove that they prefer us to be lack rights as long as they're happy

    • The reactions from men are pretty much what I expected. More determination that women are the problem. We have to move away from those kinds of attitudes if we really want peace... that's exactly what this myTake was about.

    • Peace is looking to be more of a dream than a reality

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  • Sublime45

    Want to stop a gender war? Ask yourself (if you are a man) What is it that I do that ticks women off? Ask yourself (if you are a woman) What in the world did I do to make that guy hate me?

    • This isn't about being perfect in the opposite gender's eyes, or pleasing everyone. It's about being willing to put aside your frustrations and understanding that the other side might be experiencing something similar, and focusing on cooperation rather than making everything into a battle.

    • Sublime45

      I disagree

    • Trying to make everyone happy is a recipe for disaster. We need to learn tolerance and forgiveness, and to set blame aside.

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  • BubbleBoy69

    Read first 11 points highlighted and look at society now. Notice anything?


    • Also read directly below it.

    • There is a little red book called the communists hand book. (least I think that's what it was called. And it out lined about what you have there. Also The Agenda-21 is much like that. I like history cause it shows you where we came from. When accurately used on context it gives you a prediction about where we're headed. This then gives you ideas on how to avoid it.

  • Mrwoo99

    If you want to end the gender war then can somebody please eliminate the problem that's causing this like urmm... feminism? Ever since it was created its done nothing but warp the minds of innocent women in to evil crazed misandrists.

    Feminism is no different to ISIS and is still just in the early stages as we approach third wave feminism, soon they will be finding a way to make a law to probably cut men's heads off lol.

    • Feminism is no different from ISIS? Now that's a new one.

      Yes, I agree, modern radical feminism is a big problem. But pointing fingers is not the solution. Freedom of speech means that radical feminists are technically within their rights to protest and express their views, so we need to find positive, productive ways to end hate between the genders rather than simply trying to shut people up.

    • Mrwoo99

      Sweetheart I'm not pointing fingers. I'm identifying the problem of this gender war and in order to find a solution is to first identify the problem. If you read your history, this gender war didn't come about until Zionism created the toxic ideology called feminism. Humanity were doing fine with the traditional structure which benefited us all but now its a divorce epidemic thanks to feminism. This ideology is not about rights that it proclaims... its about bad intentions and divide. Woman if your going to talk to me then know what your talking about rather than feed me with BS that you hear on mainstream feminist media.

    • I agree that modern feminism has become a problem. But as a woman, I'm incredibly grateful to have the rights I have today, and I have no interest in going back to a time where I would not have had the same choices and opportunities.

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  • Greek_God

    Yeah, this is a normal attitude. And I do not consider men or women superior. I see it the way it is - yin and yang. The thing us with feminism and similar retarded shit, there are girls who actually believe girls are superior at everything. And reading feminist posts has to piss you off at some point, because the amount of bullshit and stupidity is really impressive.

    • In our current time period women are superior.

    • @BubbleBoy69 no they are not, some of them have the illusion of it, but men are biologically superior to women, always have and always will be.

    • @alphadoggystyle Actually they do when it comes both in terms of money generation and society backing them from the courts to the government.

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  • meowcow

    I particularly like women who think pregnancy is male-engineered form of domination over women. Yup... mother nature didn't make men and women what they are... it was men.

    • Thank you for admitting that.., lol I've never heard that before lol there's some crazy folks out there.

  • Scrambledagain

    none of what you said gets a man laid lol. No gender war my side, but fact, men can't get sex as easily as women hence we have to do the fucked up shit we do. Which is fine, whatever. But women must not get the shits when we do things like play you, pay for sex etc.

    • If you want something from the opposite gender, that's just one more reason to try to get along.

    • I get along very well with women. Owe my business success to my collaboration with women, and female directors.

      Doesn't get you laid. Have tons of female friends. Doesn't get you laid though.

      I'm just saying, you are right, but it doesn't get you laid.

    • Well, be that as it may, getting people laid is not my priority here. It's a separate issue.

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  • evenlift

    "Men and women are both human and we need each other". But, who needs whom more?

    As the money for the regulatory-welfare state (on which the illusory era of the independent woman depends) runs out (despite the best efforts of feminists and other collectivists to squeeze even harder), as the Islamist threat grows, as more and more Western men check out of their societies, expect to see more and more pleas for peace.

    Feminism has now been going on for more than half a century. And, until very recently, very few women have had anything negative to say about it.

    • well said, women need men far more than the opposite.

    • In around 40% of households, women are the sole or primary breadwinner. Independent women are not an illusion. Women are turning against feminism because it has morphed into hateful misandry, not because they can't support themselves.

    • i looked up that quote of yours, this was also included in the article:

      "This can be attributed to some people considering themselves to be the main income earner in their household when they are not."


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  • Djaaaay

    In (war) there's always a looser. But in gender war , both become losers... because we're designed to be with each other instead. When someone says a round peg doesn't fit in a round hole , thier stupid.

  • I thought this website was supposed to serve that exact purpose.
    Count me in!

    But unfortunately we have quite some bitter users here, which opinions I disregard instantly if I sense any amount of sexism.
    You know what I do?
    I simply leave the gender wars be and leave it resolving itself. It's a self correcting process and there is no need to participate in it, as long as you stay away from it, it will not impact you.

    • jacquesvol

      Then came the announcement that Hillary would be the DEM candidate and the gender flaming started all over the net.

    • @jacquesvol Which is why I stay away from political stuff too.
      Then again, let feminists and MGTOW beat each another while I make peace with the opposite sex.

    • Ramiro1992

      this site is 100% feminist, I was banned for being against feminism, another garbage website promioting jews, leftists and feminists

  • JDavid25

    This post is true enough.. I do believe we need to realize that we don't always understand each other, and sit down to try and understand, instead of demanding it.. Nice mytake..

  • Ramiro1992

    The best way to stop gender war is by stopping feminism, simple as that

    • Every individual and group deserves the right and freedom to stand up for themselves and fight for their needs, including but not limited to women. However, modern feminism/feminazism/misandry does need to take a hike, you're right about that part.

    • Ramiro1992

      They don't deserve rights when they hate towards men and they are misandric, feminism is destroying their own movement, that's why nobody will take you serious anymore, even if it was peaceful protest, I don't know how many more privileges you want for women, more than they already have? how about men? feminists acts like men don't exist

    • I agree that misandry is wrong, but that doesn't mean people (including women) don't deserve the opportunity to fight for their rights and their needs. Do you have any idea what you're getting into by implying that people don't have the right to stand up for themselves just because you don't agree with their attitude? Freedom of speech and the freedom to protest and be heard is an integral part of running a fair and free society. That said, I am NOT condoning misandry or any other type of sexism. Feminists who don't care about men are absolutely in the wrong. But we need to contradict them, not deny their right to speak out.

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  • dolemite68

    completely agree, why can't we enjoy everything we can about the opposite sex even if we don't always agree with each other?

  • ThisAndThat

    I think for the most although the hasn't reached the other side yet ( feminist ), I think the war is pretty much reached it's end because many men have decided to go it alone their own way.

  • Brah63926

    Agree with everything except the ball earth propaganda. We live on a flat earth.


  • Imhotep99

    Gender wars will stop when we adopt humanism and chuck the feminism and MRA bullshit.

  • madhatters4

    right on!

  • ADFSDF1996

    Good job on this take.

  • jacquesvol

    I never participated in it.

  • SovereignessofVamps

    I think you should just ignore the arguing people.

  • Anonymous

    Feminimist holocaust would help ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°).

    • Anonymous

      *Feminist, d'oh i need to slow down my writing.

  • Anonymous

    This is an easy claim to make when you are part of the most privileged group of human to ever exist in human society.
    Society is gynocentric and men are the disposable units.
    Yet feminist and social justtwats constantly convince society that women are victims. SO men have to start fighting back.
    Society was built and sustained on the backs of men. Yet men get zero credit or respect for it.
    This needs to change.

    • Promoting a competition regarding who has it worse is frustrating to the other side and only creates more animosity between the genders. You know nothing about me or my life, and you also don't know what it's like to be a girl. We ALL see the world through our own biased perspective. I can admit that, and I can only have a productive conversation about gender issues with you if you can admit that too. Otherwise, have a nice day.

    • Anonymous

      I don't need to know about you or "how it is to be a girl".
      All I need is to know the difference between male rights and privileges and female rights and privileges.
      It has nothing to do with my "perspective" because facts don't care about perspective.
      I can admit that you will likely have a point of view which is different than mine, but if you make a claim of any kind, I would expect you to have a viable and unbiased source. As I would expect you to expect from me as well.

    • So you don't think that if women put themselves in men's shoes a little more, they might understand where you're coming from more and be more open to compromising or caring about men's needs?

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  • Anonymous

    without the grace of God people are like animals. there will ALWAYS be divisions when there is no one heart and one spirit.

  • Anonymous

    Lol instead of the world stopping all the sexism and hatred between the genders on the internet the sexism and hatred has spilled out into mainstream media. The sex fights that used to happen on forums in random websites are now happening in person and getting media coverage.

    It's getting much worse not better.

  • Anonymous

    Good mytake!

  • Anonymous

    I don't really think there's a "gender war" going on. I think some women are just complaining... very loudly. And acting like all other women feel the same way.

    I guess you could say I've always considered myself a liberal democrat... but I'm not sure that rings true anymore since it's changed considerably in the last two years.

    But no. Just one side is complaining really... so is it really a war? And most women I don't think really agree with what's going on with "feminism" today so...

    That said, I definitely see a race war starting with the media causing the chaos it is.

    • There are men complaining too, though, but they're doing it silently, because they can't go out in the streets yelling how much they hate women. Women can do that, so it seems like more women are complaining, but men are complaining online. There's many forums where all men do is complain. MGOTW and shit like that. Even on GAG (though there's a pretty even amount of complainers here).
      Men are forced to complain online because they can't do it in real life.

      I do agree that there is a race war, and it's the media causing the chaos.

    • I actually notice more complaints from men, myself. It makes sense that there are many different perspectives on this.

    • Anonymous

      I mean MGTOW is a good example of complaining haha! But to me, most of these complaints are a reaction.

      You can't insult someone over in over, calling them the worst names and not expect a comeback.

      samhradh, I'm not quite sure where you live that men complain more? But that's never been my experience. In fact, I feel like most men I know only complain when they don't see a way to fix the problem themselves or they're trying to explain their side.

      My point is, I don't think defending yourself from people trying to rub your name or character in the dirt, is "complaining".

      I don't think this is a gender war because both parties aren't trying to fight. To me, this looks like a power struggle coming from women who have a lot of built up hatred toward men. And men just resisting.

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  • Anonymous

    That's the same thing I tell most feminist. But they won't listen. So you should go tell your fellow female gagers in order. You should try to get them to listen. If not then it is what it is - This is war.

    • This requires cooperation and facilitation from both sides.

    • Anonymous

      The men have been ready since the 2nd wave.

    • And i hope that this gender war progesses to outright slaughter. Women wanted a war, we'll give you a god damn war alright!

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  • Anonymous

    Nice take, and thank you for writing it. But there is a fact that wasn't mentioned that is critical to turning the corner and beginning a new chapter in gender relations. Feminism has to go, period. It is THE source of the hate between the genders and until we all recognize that, noting will change. Women will continue to hate men because feminism has taught them to, and men will continue to hate women because women hated men first. All the 'takes' in the world will not change anything until we acknowledge that simple and clear fact.

    • "Women hated men first", yes. Let's forget the fact that in history we weren't even treated as nothing more than bargaining chips. Cattle exchange for young brides.

    • All extreme, radical activists for specific genders have to go, or at least find a way to advocate for their needs in a peaceful and inclusive way.

    • Anonymous

      @BuchitaBuchys So, what you're saying is that feminist hate men out of revenge. Nice. Regardless, that is history and yet today's feminists continue to monger hatred for today's men as if they are somehow at fault for what happened throughout history.

      @samhradh_leannan Today feminism is nothing more than a platform for extremism. That will never change for the better; it will only continue to get worse as sane women continue to distance themselves from feminism leaving only the extremists. Women as a whole need to show some honesty and collectively denounce feminism. Nothing will change until that happens. All the gender hatred flows from feminism, directly or indirectly. If feminism went away today, MRAs and MGTOW and all the other gender "movements" would disappear tomorrow because they would have nothing left to hate.

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