Can someone explain why people my age are so hostile?

[awesometjgreen]

I've always wondered why people are always ready to say something mean about someone or belittle them. I ask because it seems like in a group of people I'm always the one that gets picked on or excluded and I never understood why I simply couldn't get along with any of peers.

[MeutiaArianti]

Because we are teenagers, and we tend to be emotionally unstable. Whether it's the ones who bully you, or you yourself. When I was in the middle school and early high school, I always left-behind. I think it's because I was too stubborn and persistent, and I didn't want to listen to their ideas because I thought they're lame.

However, it's not how our lives should work, right? We ought to give them chances to speak their minds. On the opposite, express the things you want, in the right place. And try not to hurt their feelings. Besides, I was too awkward, and maybe that's why they didn't like me.

Even now, there are people who don't like me, still, even the one I call a good friend talk about me behind my back. But who cares? Now, I just focus on how I express that I like, love, and respect them as my friends. My father once said that how much you try, you still have those people who hate you with their hearts, so what should I do is to show them my kindness, with all of my heart as well.

Kill 'em with kindness, they say.

I don't know how do you spend your everyday life. But, why don't you try to act more sincerely? Just forget that they are really hostile, always try to make them feel comfortable around you so you can show how much you like and always want to be their friend.

Trying doesn't mean that you always try so hard to please them until you forget about yourself. Just be a kind and humble person, that's all.

Good luck. :) <3

[lilaqua]

Because teenagers suck. High school sucks. The social circles that you currently frequent really thrive off exclusion and more or less bullying. It's tough I get it.

[Jaded5990]

People are always afraid that their opinions and existences don't matter so they try to make people notice and sometimes they do that in an overly hostile way

[Anonymous]

Teenagers are hideous bundles of hormones and insecurities and underdeveloped empathy skills (no offence :') )

[awesometjgreen]

I agree. Everyday I'm trying to recover from the insecurities caused by my childhood bullying and it's hard when your lonely. At the same time I guess a better question would be why do others take their pain out on others?

[JimRSmith]

^^^ What she said ^^^

[Opinion Owner]

When people are angry and frustrated often they don't know how to express it but they want someone to know how they feel, equally when they feel humiliated and powerless they often want to make someone else feel that way so they can feel like they're powerful and in control. I'm not proud but I know when I was a kid I'd take a lot of my feelings like that out on my siblings.
Also tweens and teens are learning to form social groups but also feel super insecure and so want to cling tightly to specific groups; one way they try to cement these groups is by making it very clear they're exclusive, ie. by explicitly excluding other people. They also start to become aware of hierarchies and so similarly to what I said about wanting to feel powerful, they want to show others that they're 'above' other kids. It's messed up.

[Opinion Owner]

But it's never your fault if you're the one getting bullied; if they didn't pick on you they'd find some other kid to pick on. It's not about you, it's about having someone to scapegoat and belittle.
If you're not continuing the cycle and taking how they've made you feel out on anyone then good on you (remember that yourself counts as someone though!! <3 )
Really good for you for working towards recovery <3

[awesometjgreen]

That's a very detailed way to think about it. Thank you and I guess your right. (One last question) do you think generally in college people are mature?

[Opinion Owner]

Hm I'm not sure really. You'd think I would be being that I'm into my 4th year of college now but I'm super introverted and therefore don't know that many other students (don't feel bad for me or anything though, I have my boyfriend and a few other friends). I think it varies a lot. You'll definitely get a lot of students who act like irresponsible dickheads; drinking really irresponsibly, making a mess of their living space, failing to take care of themselves (though to be fair I can't through much shade as I'm not always the best at that :$ ), and even people who think it's funny to set off fire alarms in the middle of the night and make buildings full of people have to evacuate (people have done that at my building more than once by setting fire to cotton wool balls next to the alarm :L )

[Opinion Owner]

Kids who are very sheltered too. I think I was quite sheltered and deer in the headlights when I came to uni but I was far from home so while I'm lucky and could ask my Mum for help if I ran out of money, with basic self care stuff I just had to figure out how to get by. Whereas I know people who'd do stuff like taking their laundry home every week for their family to do, and this one guy whose parents would do an hour drive every week to drop him off pre-prepared meals :')
You get students who are hyper together as well though like who have 5 year plans and work at the same time as doing college (though I'm aware that's a class thing as well- working class kids are maybe forced to mature a bit faster than kids whose families have money) and are super committed to their studies..

[awesometjgreen]

Dang! I'm sorry to hear that. I guess it's a good thing I'm staying home then 😂

[awesometjgreen]

True. Well thanks for the opinion. You really enlightened me

[Opinion Owner]

I'm kind of in the middle, my friends and I joke that we're prematurely middle aged because we're not involved in university drinking culture or big parties or anything. But I don't feel like that's because I'm mature, it's just really not my scene. I still often don't feel like an adult and get those imposter syndrome kinds of worries, but I think most people do to some degree

In terms of bullying I do know of people being bullied in college but I feel like it is very different because as an adult you can report it and be take seriously, it gets called what it is: abuse. Also, you're not obligated to spend time with the bullies, you're unlikely to share many classes with them and if it's bad you could well have the option to move to a different group for the same class; if it's someone you live with you can move, etc. Personally my experience has been that people in college have left me be, maybe because they only people I've really got to know are my friends.

[Opinion Owner]

It is I think much less cliquey and the people who are like that you can avoid

[Opinion Owner]

Heh, it's alright, I'm still happy to have moved out, I like having my relative independence. And not having to live with my family but that's a whole other can of worms :')

It's okay, and good luck!!

[awesometjgreen]

Thank you. You give me hope for the future because I'm a really introverted person to. 👌

[Opinion Owner]

You hold onto that hope <3 . It's great that you're working on your mental health and bettering yourself in that sense, but you should never feel ashamed of your struggled or of personality traits like being introverted or like you have to hide them so people will like you. The right people are always out there, closer than you think, and they'll accept you and like you just as you are

[fantasypeach]

This is the most accurate description I have ever read

[Soma250]

Its because they have an effect on you. If you just didn't give a shit about their insults, they would stop. Try growin a thicker skin, or first just try acting like you dont care.

[thechico79]

no social skills, think they are god's gift. mr/mrs know it all.

[Anonymous]

Feminism dramatically reduced healthy families in the Western World. What you see today are third order consequences from average children raised by single mothers interacting with the world at large.

[Insanyx12]

Because the media influences people to act a certain way

[Elviran]

Cause we hate life