As someone who've struggled with bullying growing up I'd say its a equal thing. Luckily for myself whenever I was unnecessary cruel to someone I had good people around me to tell me the truth and to stop and think about what I'm doing and how that person would feel.
I see bystanders as not very good people because they are not benefitting anyone they are just being another cowardly minion. The bully might have insecurities of their own and can only see taking it out on others as the best way to cope, if no family or friends are supporting them to be better sorry their are bad people in my eyes.
On the otherhand bully's should be held a countable for there actions and should be responsible for there own actions without expecting others to step in.
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Anonymous
(18-24)
+1 y
The billy is obviously to blame. If the bystander is a teacher or an adult, I think they're also a big part to blame if they don't do anything about it, though.
If the bystander is a young kid, I really don't think the blame should be on them (unless they encourage the bullying). We should obviously teach kids to intervene in situations of bullying, but if they're uncomfortable doing so I don't think it's "their fault."
OMG this is such a great question. The bully needs to be put in his place for sure but the bystander can be an array of things. One bystander could be scared shitless and not know what to do... another bystander could know exactly what to do but feels joy of what they see and does nothing. It's a slippery slope when it comes to bystanders. Some may even whip out a cell phone and record it and not intervene at all. Is that bystander bad because the video might end up being really important right? Many questions here that is for sure.
In a grade school setting? It's the teacher who walks in, and waits for the victim to snap before doing anything, then blames everything on the victim, humiliates the victim a second time, ignores it mocks the victim's protests, sends to the principal, and threatens the victim with suspension or arrest for the crime of self defense. While acting like the instigating bully did nothing wrong, and making the victim feel like a delinquent predestined for a life of failure.
I know all about that. It was called 4th grade in the 90s. It sucked.
My parents argued and yelled a lot back then, and my dad was sometimes careless with words. I feared that if I went too far to get my tormentors to get the idea to stop f*king with me and wound up in jail, my family would reject me and destroy all my possessions. Irrational, but the insecurity of being abandoned to the state forever was why I made sure never to do anything in self defense that would get me anything worse than after school detention.
The result: they didn't respect the lesson to leave me be. I had to deal with their crap for 9 years. But why not find another school? The other schools had kids assaulting each other with syringes, putting each other in the hospital for laughs, and selling crack after school.
To avoid Hell on Earth, I was sent to 9 years in Purgatory (K-8) - not sure how I'd done anything to deserve it.
Gave me huge empathy for the downtrodden and ill-fortuned, the persecuted and the abused, and a desire to help them out however I can. So only today do I understand why God would allow me to have endured something so horrible. I wouldn't be the friend, ally, and writer others need me to be if I didn't know what unjust suffering and punishment felt like. Yeah, the bad memories and anger hurt. But they are also an effective guide.
Getting back on topic: it's not the instigator nor the useless bystander that are the worst. It's the incompetent enforcer who victimizes the victim a second time that is truly despicable.
That isn't such a yes or no answer that many years ago how many many years ago 40 years ago I was coming home from a night out and a young lad was being bullied by two bigger lads has me and my friend didn't like injustice fairness or bullies we helped him out and managed to pull him away and managed to get him on his way home safely but obviously a bit of a fight started in which me and my friend both got stabbed fortunately not badly but after text to hospital I should be in a position again or I see someone bullying bullied or harassed do I step in again the answer is yes probably I would in fact another word but if I didn't understood by because I was afraid of getting stabbed and dying again and I've got two children to support and look after does that make me worse than a bully I think not I'm guessing not every bystander can have a mitigating circumstance but I have to admit people that stand by and let it happen second me to the core no we should all stand together there are more of us good people and there are bad people we are many they are few so let's stand up and be counted and that goes for a lot of other things social injustice for one of them which is my major concern social injustice
I was bullied throughout my whole childhood, now at the age of 22 I have trust issues as people who I thought to be my friends was actually the ones who told the bullies everything about me.. Throughout primary school I was called DG the teachers didn’t notice what DG stands for which was Disease Girl literally no one wanted to be my friend. By the age of 12, I was suffering from depression, and anxiety quietly as people thought I was going it for attention. As soon as I hit secondary, I got bullied for my knock knee (my knee bends in instead of forward) got called ugly, someone got the whole school nearly to gang up to me because apparently I “slept” with someone’s boyfriend, which I never this happened on my birthday. I also got sexually assaulted by one of the bullies boyfriends he would watch out of his window wait for me to get off the bus and turn up at the door for me to buzz up my mum to get in, I told teachers about this but everyone thought I was lying. I wish now I thought back to the bullies but I couldn’t.
The bullies are obviously worse. The bystanders are not innocent, but are still not as bad. However, it also depends on what of bystanders we're discussing. Type 1: The neutral onlooker. This onlooker is not innocent, but is not bad per se. If anything, they are simply spineless, or potentially scared or emotionless.
Who do you think it the most likely to step in to help the victim of bullying? #1: The kid with good parents, friends, good grades. #2: The kid whose parents are themselves bullies; abusive. #3: The kid who is lonely, depressed. #4: The kid who has decent parents, somewhat okay friends; is generally normal, average.
In my view: #1, then god knows.
#2 may simply be used to such type of behavior, and see nothing in it. #3 may simply not have the mental capacity to care. Why? -- Because they may barely care what happens to them. How would we expect such a person to go out of their way to care for someone else? #4 would be the prime example of someone who is just too scared of action. Normal people tend to be cowards. This is why only war or lawlessness tends to bring out their true power; albeit, often in a negative direction. (The neighbour who is too scared to find a woman for himself, but in a state of lawlessness, will try to rape your girlfriend.)
Type 2: The active onlooker. . This person encourages the bully. This person is just as responsible as the bully. This person is also a coward. This person is too scared to express their own brutality in front of others, so must coerce or encourage others to do it instead.
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
The bully. Bystanders aren't responsible for the action of others. No one is entitled to be saved from a bully. The person being bullied needs to accept that they have to fight back against the bully or take the punishment. If someone does stand in, cool, but no one is obligated to help. What happens to someone else is none of my business. If someone is killed then, as a bystander, I am able to go to the police without risking my own life in the process. Bystander is just another name for a witness. Witnesses play a very good important role in convicting a criminal.
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
In high school, I was a bystander more times than I'd like to admit. It was tough because standing up to the bully would mean he'd take shots at you too. I could have told someone but at the same time, I had no reason to... I didn't know the guy nor had really ever talked to him. It would have been different had the guy being bullied been a friend of mine. The world is a cruel, cruel place and some people just don't survive. Survival of the fittest basically. Darwin's theory. I know I'm gonna get mad down-voted for this for not appealing to the snowflake mentality but truth hurts.
Lying is even to know the truth and doing nothing.
The bully has no intend to stop. The victim is afraid and terrefied. he's not going to grg himself help after help refused. The bystander has the strength to help. So ist is far worser to be a bystander.
Civilcourage ist the correctly term if the bystander got the gut to change ones miserabel situation.
@HereIbe No but that's not bullying anymore. If I don't have a gun and don't know If he got one. I have to speculate what his next steps are. If it goes good on my mind I rush in to immidatley take the one to unconciouness. Both are safe me and the victim.
If I cannot do anything Iam there as a witness to justify one, to get him justice done that he deserve.
The only other thing where I want to risk my life is to rescue a child from abuse.
I know what rushing someone with a gun will get me. I've seen the results, never been shot, myself, but I live in the REAL WORLD, unlike delusional losers (you) who think they are superheroes.
@HereIbe im not. I just don't mind dying. And Overall this question was irocinally about bullying not murdering. You asked me this I answered no reason to get verbal. So yeah try to turn it around but i'ts all in your Fantasy. Have a good evening. Antagonist.
Wow, you're totally out of touch with reality, aren't you. Last week a woman was beaten down in a parking lot by a guy who pulled a gun to keep people at bay. It happened in Dallas. So, YOU are 100% PERFECTLY CERTAIN that you would have rushed him?
Yeah, so you blather a lot of LIES and BULLSHIT about how you'd happily rush a gunman, unarmed. Then when you get called out on it, you pretend to be a psychiatrist. Get therapy, you need it a lot more than I do.
Nope, I'm not a troll, but you're a lying sack of shit. WHEN HAVE YOU EVER CHARGED A GUNMAN? Go ahead, show evidence that you're not just a lying sack of shit.
In other words, you're just a lying sack of shit spewing bullshit about how brave and tough you are with ZERO EVIDENCE. Until you HAVE rushed a gunman, you can't say you would without just being a lying sack of shit.
The truth is still the truth: You're just a lying sack of shit spewing bullshit about how brave and tough you are with ZERO EVIDENCE. Until you HAVE rushed a gunman, you can't say you would without just being a lying sack of shit. Show the evidence that you're the superhero you claim to be, you lying sack of shit.
I get it, your'e a coward and a liar and are too weak and cowardly to even handle someone pointing yourself out to you. You are such a fucking WEAKLING AND SISSY that you think someone who speaks straight must have been in prison. I get it. You're a liar who likes to pretend she's some kind of superhero who doesn't fear bullets.
The bystander risks becoming a victim themselves by getting involved.
I'd say the one responsible for creating the situation is the worse one, the bully.
I've been picked on, never physically bullied, but I don't blame the people who didn't jump in to defend me; I blame the cunt picking on me. I blame their world view. I blame their upbringing.
Well, the bully is bad but I feel like the bystanders are hypocrites that don't deserve to exist. Maybe that's too strong of a statement but as a person who grew up being bullied, I see people preaching positive stuff and all but then they are being bystanders like what the hell? I hate how no one does anything about it.
But at least I know the hypocritical face of this world.
Voted for both, but I don't think it's ever really that black and white. The bully may have started the fight sure, but the bystander is also at fault for not acting in a situation where they could do so much good for the victim. Their actions could even have a positive impact on the bully, maybe drawing a trained or responsible person's attention to a deeper-rooted issue, which has caused the bully to act out in such a way? There's always two sides to the coin, and that counts for everyone involved.
How is it the bystanders fault for not wanting to get hurt in the process? The bully is completely at fault because they're the ones to start everything. Stepping in to help someone when your life could be in danger is not for the faint of heart and not everyone can do it.
Thankfully I never got heavily bullied, but I realize this was rum luck in me finding and drawing good boys and girls. My girlfriend was not so lucky and got heavily bullied in high school. I think the bully is the worst, but the bystanders are enablers and complicit.
Why should a bystander be "responsible" for the actions of someone else? My time and energy are my own and I don't owe you a thing. If I help it's my decision and mine alone. But I have no obligation or responsibility to help you. If you are going to blame a person for not helping you then there's something seriously wrong with you. People don't owe you so don't expect them to. This rampant entitlement to things in our society real makes me wanna vomit.
I don't say that people shouldn't help. It's cool if they do and I respect people that help out others. However, people thinking they are entitled to other's time, energy and help who would want to blame them if they don't grant them their time, energy and help in return for essentially nothing really are disgusting.
Interesting take on thighs. However. I don’t think victims think they are entitled to others times, but rather entitled to help, which we all need at times. Besides, What’s wrong with being kind for nothing? I think the world needs more of that. I find it disgusting if a person REALLY needs help and all someone can think about is how they’re gonna get paid back on they do something nice-because-lets face it-is it really being nice if you’re expecting something in return?
@thealias oh yeah most definitely! Having been a bystander myself, I know it’s difficult to take a stand when you’re standing alone. However, I do think that if there’s more that one bystander, they can be enough to over power a bully
I read a statistic that 80 percent of people don’t do anything. Being a victim of bullying myself if I see someone being aggressively bullied I step and comfort the douchebag.
9 out of 10 times nobody did anything for me. But there were a 1 out of 10.
I've been all 4 on different occasions. I've been bullied when I didn't want to participate in the groups activities. I've been a bully and a bystander when the victim had harmed the group or didn't want to socially participate. And I stood against bullies when their victim was innocent.
Sometimes teenagers bully to make loners become part of the group, to make him react and grow. It's like a rite of passage. It sure is a bad way, but it's better than watching loners become even more lonely and depressed. If you know a better way, do that.
I were bullied, but I recognize that both are responsible. The bullied is ignorant of their own guilty and many people feedback positively their behavior because they suffer the violence, but if he wants to go out from there he must change too, not just the bully. What I don't understand yet is why there aren't resources on schools for a so common situation. So, on my opinion, the school is the first responsible which doesn't know enough how to act on these cases.
The bully is primarily responsible but those who stand and watch and do nothing about it are also bullies. I was bullied in school there were only a select few people who stood up for me against everyone else.
Personally, I think the bystander is. A bully is open about who they are; they’re literally shoving it in everyone’s face. Someone who is kind to you otherwise but does nothing when you’re being hurt is setting up the expectation that you have people who care, that may even be your friend. Not only is that deceptive, it’s weak and just as bad as the bully themselves but hiding behind a nice facade.
The only thing needed for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing
I imagine most have so far answered, "bully", because they tend to be the very bystander standing around with their cell phone on record and later sharing on their social media.
I would like to say they are both equally responsible, but I don't believe they are. If the bully wasn't there in the first place, the bystanders wouldn't be there. Also, some bystanders actually go to get help.
I’ve been bullied by one guy in particular. He says he has changed but I still avoid him no matter what. All the bystanders have all grown up and treat me as a person. So I think the bully is worse because they make you not want to be around them.
The bully. The bystander is an enabler. But it’s not the responsibility of the bystander to step in. They aren’t obligated to give there “life” to help anyone. But they are brave if they do
When I wrote this question, I was thinking more along the lines of school bullies, not psychos who threatened people in a dark alley, just to clarify☺️
Haha works along the same lines... kids aren’t obligated to help other kids who are bullied. It’s a great gesture.. but it’s not required that they do... but if they don’t the kids are still enabling the bully to act that way
Obviously the bully is worse. Next in line are his friends who validate his actions. Any other onlookers aren't really bad. Maybe scared, don't care or just don't know what to do. But they aren't bad.
Both suck. People who find thrills in hurting others are pretty sick in the head. And those who are comfortable watching people get hurt silently aren’t exactly strong folks
bully, but good point, bystander... sadly... probably not confident enough or brave enough to protect. often are kids, sometimes this happens boss -> worker.
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
I hate it when bystanders act then like virtue signallers and pretend they're on the side of the bullied, with a bunch of shitty empty words about how they must change themselves if they want to stop being bullied instead of the bully.
I'd rather have them admitting they hate and despise the weak. No need for dishonest crap, that just double-victimizes the bullied and perhaps fuels a future potential bully in the victim.
Bullies are disgusting. Actually have pity for them. But the most disgusting creatures are onlookers that do or say nothing.
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Anonymous
(25-29)
+1 y
The bully ofc. I was bullied in middle school but I never blamed the other students because they didn’t helped me, since they might have been the next target. I learned to stand up for my self, and I finally had the courage to report the bullies. I don’t say that you shouldn’t help someone in danger but you can’t help someone if you’re not already able to help yourself
I've been bullied and, unfortunately, have been a bystander to what I would call Retaliation Bullying - which I even have to admit participating in. What I believe now is that, unless it was brought upon them, the bystander has a duty to stop it. I myself got into a fight protecting a friend once.
That said the bully is ultimately responsible for his or her actions
The bully. I would not be bullied if he/she wasn't there. But having a good bystander is not a guarantee that the bullying will stop. Whatever started and is causing the problem is the bad one.
i got bully once, i smack his head with a bottle. it swollen to the size of a golf ball
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Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
well, like with saving someones life, you can't be arrested for not trying. just like you can't be arrested for not trying to save someones life and failing. It's called the good Samaritan law. it protects people from being jailed from trying but failing, as well as not trying because well, it's not a crime to not try and save someone
it's a crime to hurt someone
which is why trump should not only be impeached, but also jailed
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Anonymous
(25-29)
+1 y
The bully. Sometimes the bystanders are quiet bullies and doesn’t want to be seen as a bully so they want a tough bully to do all the work. This one guy used to bully me and his friend was the bystander and he made it worse for years while the bully quit picking on me years ago. I remember him constantly whispering to the bully to do stuff to me but the bully was over it. But at the end of the day the bully started it.
I grew up one thing you're the bully or the bitch and i was never the bitch but i think everyone in my era was there own bully and if someone did bully they got socked out or punked cuz everyone wanted to fight when i was in HS
depends on who the bystander is, if they're your friend (or supposed to be) and they don't have your back then they're worse... they'll probably turn on you when it's convenient for them.
Bullies do what they do because they can. Theyre bad people but so are those that can put a stop to it and choose not to do so.
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
I did and it created a nightmare to be unleashed we all thought they were playing around but clearly both set out the red flags it makes me feel in deep remorse when I come to think of it and I’m sure the others do too
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Anonymous(18-24)+1 y
+1 y
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