Men and women are enemies, change my mind?

[Anonymous]

I believe they're incompatible and have nothing in common at all. The only relationship either can genuinely have is a romantic one, anything other than that doesn't work and is just an insult to say that one of them isn't good enough for them to want to date them. Change my mind?

I agree

I disagree

[Obtuse]

I don't think I can successfully except suggesting that you travel the world, that whatever culture or, on a smaller scale, the social group you're immersed in lacks a strong cooperative element between the sexes and perhaps has been reduced to a predominantly segregated way that is only attracting the opposite sexes based on sexual interest.

There is a way, absent sexual interest on either side, to sit down with a woman and have the most interesting of exchanges... or stand up and have good times with a mutual love of adventure and fun. There's no need make the world so complicated. There are women that understand this.

Probably depends on the culture.

[Asker]

Then why haven't I ever had that?

[Obtuse]

I don't know. We got different backgrounds, I suspect. I might have had better luck with women who are just friends. On your side though, I never had much luck with female colleagues. I've found them the worst although I'm drawing from a small sample... but friends -- I've found some most excellent friends. Good women. They have good taste in men too -- I became friends with their boyfriends.

Might relate to my attitude as well. I scare off the serious types. I'm a jackass. I drink and arm wrestle and sometimes bawdy. I don't change my tone around women. That scares at least half of them off. But the ones who stay and laugh -- we can have a good time -- and we can have some interesting conversations of a sort I can rarely have with guys.

[Asker]

It's hard to have an interesting exchange with them given how judgmental they tend to be, and how masculine my interests are. When a woman says she just wants to be friends, I take it as an insult that she doesn't think I'm good enough to date, but she wants to keep me around, but that doesn't work.

[Obtuse]

You can use that sort of masculine energy to shape the conversation and the women you draw to your side. But of course, in the context of rejection, people say all kinds of shit. The best ones are usually ones you never ask out in the first place.

[Asker]

My hobbies are masculine, so they're not interested in hearing about them and don't engage in them. That leaves nothing to talk about

[Obtuse]

You can find some tomboy-ish ones here and there, perhaps. I am not sure when it comes to culture. I traveled a lot and it varies wildly. There are some women out there who don't necessarily subscribe to a most masculine way, but they dig it and appreciate it. They want to participate in their own way, cheering and having their own fun and jokes with it. Those are my favorites. You can be the way you want around them, no filter, and they're okay with it. And they respond without a filter either. These are usually not the most ladylike of women, but they're fun.

[Asker]

They usually just ignore me when I try to talk to them or get snatched away by a guy with more feminine or neutral interests than me that they like. I literally see more blue moons than women in my hobbies, and I've never seen a woman who's single there.

[Obtuse]

They don't have to be single. Sometimes you make good guy friends, even the most chauvinistic types, and if you're open you can meet their girls, and sometimes those girls are as fun as their boyfriends... at least in my experience. I can't speak on behalf of yours. If you're in a country more dominated by feminism I suspect the rift between the sexes is much wider as well as anger and resentment between the sexes.

[Asker]

I'm in Texas, I sometimes have friendly conversations with guys, but it always ends there.

[Obtuse]

Texans are awesome! I forgot the drinking age there. Do you drink? In the US I found good female companies among drinkers and pot smokers (not stoners exactly, but girls into a good time). They have a sense of humor. I am into a certain type of rowdiness that invites the rougher crowds: guys sizing up each other and girls tagging along. And I enjoy it. But the girls that tag along -- they're fun. They're not sizing you up. They listen well, and when they talk it's not always stereotypical talk about her exes or some boring shit like that.

[Asker]

I don't drink, my psychiatrist strongly recommended against it due to my history of severe depression. I've never done and never will do drugs, especially smoking something because I have a genetic respiratory disease and doing so could literally kill me in minutes. Girls never do any of the stuff I'm into and when I try to engage them, they're never interested in anything I have to say.

[Obtuse]

That drinking and down to party thing might factor in for me. That is at least a common interest I have with many women out there. So that became a starting point in my case. Drink, have a good time, talk, smack a girl on the ass now and then, risk being offensive (usually doesn't). Smoke some weed. Get high together. Talk high shit that sounds deep when you're high but maybe not so much when you're not. This is a starting point. You need a starting point.

>> Girls never do any of the stuff I'm into and when I try to engage them, they're never interested in anything I have to say.

That is tougher. You have to move and find girls. You become a tidal wave. You move into the world and you part it. Lots of girls might run away with the way you part the world. The ones who stay can be a most excellent company. But you find your way to part the world, split it.

[Asker]

You're not a good reader, are you? I'll say it again, I can't drink because I have a history of severe clinical depression and I can't smoke because I have a life threatening respiratory disease. Not that I'd want to do either, anyways. Even if I wanted to, I have no friends and if I have to be trashy to get girls, then I don't want them. I'm very vocal about my opinions and never shy away from saying it if it might be offensive.

[Obtuse]

I'm just a slow typer. I was halfway through typing the second comment and got yours halfway through. Then I thought I still had a point so I didn't delete the first paragraph.

[Obtuse]

My way is admittedly mostly drinking and down for good times. But I met some while traveling. For example, I met this girl who was an archaeologist. And she could talk my ears off about her excavations (she was from Australia and into the culture of the Aborigines). And listening to her talk was like listening to a good college professor -- not the boring ones. You find some here and there -- however you go about it.

[Account2]

I wasn't enemies with my wife, and I'm a man and she was a woman. My brother isn't enemies with his wife, or his daughter-- although suppose she's still a girl and not a woman. My pastor isn't enemies with his wife either. And the women at work aren't enemies with the men at work. The closest to enemies the women have are each other there. So, at least based on my experience, men and women must not be enemies-- at least not no normally. I have seen a few examples of it over the years though. Actually, I'd say they're much better suited to be allies than enemies.

[Just_a_human]

Doesn't make sense at all. Let's say they both like soccer, Korean food, and amusement parks - that's common ground right there

[Asker]

These days, hobbies are becoming more and more split. I almost never see any women doing any of my hobbies and when I do, they're always with their husband or boyfriend.

[Just_a_human]

What are your hobbies

[Asker]

Shooting, airsoft, gaming, occasionally coloring, occasionally hunting, going to gun shows, and I'm trying to get into making ammunition.

[Just_a_human]

I can understand why you don't see many women participating in those hobbies, but what about gaming? Lots of girls like to game. It's also not just about hobbies. They might share the same views as you.

[Asker]

In gaming, I almost never see girls and when I do, 300 other guys are pursuing her. And views are very unlikely since I'm very far right and the only girls who share those views are taken

[Just_a_human]

By far right, do you mean conservative? I often see many when I play games. Granted, it may be a guy behind the screen or it may not be their picture but it's possible that you've come across a lot and just didn't know it.

[Asker]

Yes, I'm very conservative

[Just_a_human]

So since your post is about interactions between males and females that are not romantic, why does it matter that the women who share your interests & views are taken?

[Asker]

Because those women would be a good match for me

[Just_a_human]

So basically... what you're really saying is that you have a hard time finding a single woman that you have common interests with, not that men and women don't share interests.

[Asker]

It's both

[Just_a_human]

Well clearly, it isn't both. You just said that there are women that attend your hobby events and are conservative but are taken.

[Asker]

Yes, those women are extremely rare, but we still couldn't be friends because I'd be romantically interested in someone who's taken

[Just_a_human]

That's a personal problem though. It doesn't support your claim in your post.

[Asker]

It does, actually

[Just_a_human]

It's sounds like this is just another "men and women can't be friends" subject

[Asker]

More like men and women shouldn't even be around eachother unless it's about romance because if they were, it would have to be forced for them to be together and neither would enjoy themselves.

[Just_a_human]

I don't understand why you believe that

[Asker]

Men and women are polar opposites, they can't get along unless they're attracted to eachother

[Just_a_human]

Hmm, well as a female that works in a male-dominated field, I can attest that that is 100% false

[Asker]

Women are liberal, men are conservative, that alone means they should stay separated.

[Just_a_human]

"Women are liberal" but earlier you said that there are women who are conservative

[Asker]

Less than 1% of them, yes. All of which are taken, so we can't be together

[Just_a_human]

Haha, I'd like to know when you conducted that poll

[Asker]

Using my brain, which few women do these days, hence why they're all liberal.

[Just_a_human]

It never ceases to amaze me when I come across these mindsets on GAG.

[Asker]

It's the truth, nobody who uses their brain is liberal

[Just_a_human]

Where are you from?

[Asker]

Originally from Connecticut, moved to Texas in summer of 2018

[Just_a_human]

Alright

[Just_a_human]

I don't know why some people have such negative views regarding women

[Asker]

I don't think men and women can get along in a platonic way, they'll only bring eachother down

[Just_a_human]

And you believe that because you say that you would develop feelings for them?

[Asker]

It's hard to develop feelings for someone you can't get along with, and it's hard to get along with, well, someone completely different from you.

[Just_a_human]

That's not true.

[Asker]

Okay, bit of slack to myself here since I just finished arguing with the world's worst misandrist (not you) she literally thought that little boys being raped is funny, so I got quite heated. Moving on, I don't see men and women as being compatible, and I feel that it would be a one sided benefit to women for attention and validation and men being hurt because they're given false hope and lead on.

[Just_a_human]

The only point I'm try trying to make is that males and females can get along without their being romantic interest. It happens every day.

[Asker]

It always leads to the guy catching feelings and feeling lesser because she didn't think he was good enough to date.

[Just_a_human]

That's the dude's fault. If they didn't catch feelings, there wouldn't be any issues.

[Asker]

Guys don't talk to girls unless they have to, or like them.

[Just_a_human]

Because for some strange reason they develop feelings

[Asker]

Guys are attracted to good looks, just like girls

[Just_a_human]

What if they're ugly, will they still develop feelings

[Asker]

No, of course not, but in that case, the girls wouldn't give the guys the time of day

[Just_a_human]

Looks don't matter in platonic relationships

[Asker]

If they're not attractive, women will just ignore the guys because he won't give her any validation

[Just_a_human]

Um, you are aware that not all females are narcissistic, self entitled, and vain right...

[Asker]

Most are, but do those things subconsciously. It's true, and you know it, no girl would pay attention if an ugly guy tries to talk to her

[Just_a_human]

Never said no girls are those things. I said "not all" meaning that despite how many you think are that way, there are girls that are not.

[Asker]

Those girls are rare

[Just_a_human]

It's not that rare

[Asker]

They are in my experience

[Just_a_human]

Some people are just unlucky

[Asker]

I don't believe in luck

[Just_a_human]

So you just have bad taste in women

[Asker]

No, women are just apathetic as to how their actions hurt other people, especially guys

[Just_a_human]

Or maybe you just have bad taste in women. You attract or you're attracted to women that are apathetic

[Asker]

No, women are apathetic, I see this all the time with others, too. If women knew and cared how their actions hurt men, no man and woman would be friends.

[Just_a_human]

Or maybe it's just rare for you to come across a sympathetic woman.

[Asker]

Because sympathetic women are rare

[Just_a_human]

To you

[Asker]

They're rare, period. You sure aren't one of them

[Just_a_human]

What makes you say I'm not one of them

[Asker]

You have a slighly condescending tone and you seem to only think for yourself

[Just_a_human]

Fair enough

[Just_a_human]

I can't deny that haha. I am an apathetic person in general, it has nothing to do with gender or looks. I haven't always been this way but I do still think that you have unlucky experiences.

[Asker]

There's no such thing as luck

[Just_a_human]

Well... at least we agreed on one thing---- not all women are apathetic

[Asker]

No, almost all of them

[Just_a_human]

You didn't say all though so it's close enough

[Asker]

If you say so

[Just_a_human]

And you say I'm the one that's being condescending...

[Asker]

How am I being condescending?

[Just_a_human]

That sounded condescending.

[Asker]

I don't really care anymore

[Stoner710]

OK Steven Crowder. Men and women can easily be friends they are not enemies when you’re not attracted to somebody in the sense of wanting to have a sexual relationship with them You can still be friends I’ve known many fat women that I have been friends with I’ve never wanted to date them because I don’t like fat chicks. However they are very intellectually capable and typically fun to hang around with I never want to date these women because I don’t date fat chicks but I will be friends with them there’s a plutonic relationship. So no men and women are not enemies

[Bluemax]

Wow. If that's true, my mom and dad were enemies for 51 years. That's like Batman and the Joker.

My wife and I were "enemies" for 14 years and would have been "enemies" for much longer had she lived longer.

And it's amazing to me how my friends have been happily enemies for decades.

[Asker]

I take it you didn't read what I wrote, if they're not romantically compatible, association with eachother is destructive

[Bluemax]

Doesn't change anything I said. My friends and I have been friends with the opposite sex with whom we aren't romantically compatible for almost twice as long as you've been alive.

Furthermore, I have never in my life been insulted if a woman isn't attracted me, even if I am attracted to her.

I purposely don't use terms like "isn't good enough" when it comes to people not wanting to date others people who aren't romantically interested. I've never rejected anyone because I felt she wasn't good enough. I rejected some women because they weren't attractive to me or because I wasn't compatible.

[Asker]

So they're not attractive or interesting enough in their eyes to date? Point proven

[Bluemax]

No, point not at all proven. They are not attractive or interesting *to me*, or vice versa. Why on earth would ANYONE be insulted by that?

[Asker]

Because then if you know they like you that way and you don't like them that way, why would you lead them on by being their friend and making them watch you be with someone else?

[Bluemax]

How do you account for the scores of friends I know who have been in very rich friendships for nearly twice as long as you've been alive? Just because someone doesn't find another attractive or interesting is no reason to be insulted.

[Bluemax]

I'm sorry. I didn't see the latest reply.

You might have noticed that people my age seldom complain about being in the friend zone or being lead on by someone. This is largely because we have the experience that being friends with someone you have politely and clearly rejected is NOT leading them on. And they are free to absent themselves if it becomes too painful to watch you with someone else.

I wrote a my take about this.

[Bluemax]

I'm sorry. I meant "experience to know"

[N192K001]

Wow, such a miserable life.

Was your family-life just not good? Surely, good relations with female-relatives (which proves to be the general model for relations with females altogether) should generally be do-able.

Even female-friends should be do-able by just trying to be a good, decent human-being.

But, to decree all females as enemies? That seems extreme.

[Asker]

They just take advantage and use men for attention, no woman genuinely believes they can be friends with guys without them having feelings for her

[N192K001]

I suggest you search back for the previous G@G questions on whether men & women can be just friends. In question after question, you'll find more female G@G-users saying it's possible, while a percentage of male-accounts call them unrealistic, naïve, even deluded.

A number of women will use men, that is certain. But all of them? Not in my experience. But then again, I only allowed women platonic-relations up to so far, lest my career-goals be jeopardized. A vast majority of women I encountered were posed no threat.

[Asker]

Of course women said that, it works for them and they don't care that it hurts the guys

[N192K001]

Just be careful with that mindset. It is counterproductive. The ironic thing is that (from my observation) girls are like cats. Pursue them and they run away. Do nothing and they approach.

When I was focused on my pursuits and considered myself ineligible to even search for a mate, some tired inviting me to lunch, tried to convince me to be her dorm-mate, outright prepared food & drink solely for me without even my request, etc. I was not angry, resentful, bitter, etc. at never having a girlfriend. I was just friendly and busy. But when I finally (& unexpectedly) realized that my tick-boxes for eligibility were all finally checked, a combination of stupid decisions from complete & utter unpreparedness, social-misunderstandings, horrifically-timed coincidences, etc. brought everything crashing down, throwing me back down to square-1.

I fought bitterness from the disastrous situation, and while I won in the long-run, resentment & bitterness was read into words & actions by some chatterboxes, which only made the situation worse.

People (females incl.) generally like happy, non-resentful people, since that generally means winning at life. Resentment is the reaction of the pummeled.

My lesson is to forget pursuing women (at least, until I return to Metro Manila). Focus on career, finances, and lifting social-status. Allow for no distraction. Only if a promising girl is found and shows interest, only if sufficient information on her is promising, only if there compromising info is negligible, only if the consolidated information shows reasonable possibility of a shared future; only then should platonic relations be deepened slowly, carefully, gradually, with means of bailing-out without losing face for either in each carefully-calculated step. The Holy Writ was right in describing the heart as poisonous & deceitful. It should be overridden by the mind and no decisions should be allowed to be made on the matter while reason is shrouded.

[Asker]

You know that doesn't work, unless you want a sugar baby, which I don't

[N192K001]

Well, it worked earlier in my life. That was 5girls in university & 4 total at my past workplaces.

Otherwise, I'll probably investigate cultures with arranged-marriages, marriage-interviews, or other more rational, less emotion-based setups. While each courting-system has its pros & cons, the Western 'romantic' system exported everywhere is failing everywhere, resulting in rising divorce-, separation-, and annulment-rates wherever it's tried. Checking-out other societies' solution to a worldwide issue of finding a mate may prove beneficial.

Otherwise (if there's anything to be learned from the abusive soon-to-be-ex-husband my older-sister spent 15years under mental- & verbal-abuse, neglect, imposed-isolation, and physical-battery), dying alone may not be too bad after all. Being alone at peace with yourself is so much better than being stuck with the wrong person.

[Redstang88]

No. I’ve got female friends that are quite fun to hang out without any intention of dating/sleeping with them

[IAMNathanael]

I can't really even attempt to change your mind but I can say that I have friendly relationships with my lady-co-workers.

[Dchrls78104]

Of feminists have their way, this will be true before long.

[Anoniemus]

This is why you haven't been on a date and are single.

[Dchrls78104]

@Anoniemus exactly.

[Anoniemus]

Lol. I'm not sympathizing with your statement. It's your attitude that repels women... which is very unfortunate.

Unless if you did it on purpose which is excellent.

[Dchrls78104]

@Anoniemus yes, because many in my country are like you seem to be. Still, they seem to ignore feminism here, which is excellent.

[Anoniemus]

You shouldn't blame your plight on women. At least take responsibility for why you're a virgin and single. There's nothing wrong with that but don't blame other people for it.

No matter how disgustingly conservative/traditional/prejudiced you are, there is someone out there for you who is the same.

[Dchrls78104]

@Anoniemus I already do. I know why I'm a virgin.

[Asker]

@Anoniemus I can't tell if you're talking to him or me? And liberals are the racist and prejudiced, not conservatives, we're the exact opposite, but women make decisions based on emotions rather than logic, hence why almost all women are liberal.

[JermalTheBlackDog]

I find them enemies, because they start a competition on everything. I love them, but I don't want know nothing to do with them if they are feminine and a good matter

[tartaarsaus]

Disagree. Have plenty of female friends. None of them have ever hurt me in any way

[TheFlak38]

Today yes. In this gynocentric society women are the de facto enemy for men. What every woman individually chooses to do thats another thing.

[Anonymous]

Maybe in your mind. Everyone I know get along just fine.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t say they’re enemies, but there are certain biological traits that make it difficult for them to coexist peacefully in modern society.

[Anonymous]

We sure do a lot of good fucking for being enemies. And we're always doing things together.

[Anonymous]

It's up to you to prove your claim not on us to debunk it.