I've seen a lot of people calling themselves as being turned on by intelligence or wisdom and not as much by looks, but haven't seen them following it actually. Do you think it is possible?
Yes, I do weigh brains over looks
No, looks are the most important
Select gender and age to cast your vote:
Please select your age
Updates
+1 y
A lot of opinions are aimed at telling that intelligence matters. I know it does. Nobody would put up with a dumb person. What I mean by my question is would you be attracted to a person if they are average looking but very intelligent rather than a person who's got the good looks with average intelligence.
I'm a heterosexual woman. I don't believe with all that sexuality crap they keep making up as I go along and spewing it. Shallow people think looks as the most important. People like me care about the person regardless of how a person looks. If I don't love the person then there's no point to a relationship. I'm not going to use a person for sex and now they're not going to take advantage of the person. People who dance looks most important looking from the sexual aspect parent that doesn't guarantee they love you. That's why people can be dating and married for a decade and want to know why they have so much problems and want to know why this spouses or Partners treat them like crap. Because again, it's about the intent. It all boils down to what their intentions are and their overall purposes is. For me it is most certainly not important. And I don't take too kindly to men who only see me for my body or just my intelligence. I just seen me for me, or don't bother at all. Plenty of women you can screw around with.
Well, I'm not "fully" Sapiosexual, but it is a factor in my attraction. I cannot be attracted to an unintelligent person or someone with a crap attitude. I do also need physical attraction, but it is not the only factor that matters. All forms of attraction are spectrums and though there are definitely extremes on all spectrums, most of us aren't completely one thing or another, more of a mix of more factors.
No. In my experience, most women don't want a man who's smart, because it means they can't manipulate that man, play mind games, or out-argue him. It may offend you to admit this, but I consider myself pretty intelligent and any woman who has figured this out tells me that it "intimidates" them, but for the above mentioned reasons that they don't outright admit. It's hard to control, manipulate, or gaslight an intelligent man. And whether women admit this or not, I believe they're always trying to psychologically control men.
So no; no woman is "sapiosexual." I don't even think any woman (who wasn't a genius herself) even wants intelligence in a man.
Just like most fetishes like foot fetishists and whatnot, a percentage of the population is genuinely aroused by it. Same with this "sapiosexual" shit. But im 99% sure most of the people who say it are saying it just look smart or something.
I also value intelligence a lot in a relationship (and lets be honest, most do), but this doesn't make me a sapiosexual. People are just desperately looking for labels to put on themselves to stand out or whatever, and end up doing the exact opposite.
People are attracted to being pissed on so it’s not that far fetched to think women like intelligence. But do you think it’s the kind of intelligence that you can tell them word for word from the encyclopedia about the Grey Wolf or the confidence to know what your saying it the truth while you tell them about how the alpha pack leader Grey wolf dominates over the pack and leads them to a cruel precision?
Women like intelligence but not nerds because they don’t like intelligence. They like the confidence that comes with it and the control men have when their intelligent.
Ignorant people are the most confident in my view. A person who thinks there is no chance he can be wrong, would obviously be more confident than a person who's intelligent enough to know he doesn't know everything
This sexual naming is getting outta control. Unless is something gross, dangerous or against the law, who the hell cares?
That being said, of course people can feel drawn to intelligent people, and get emotionally repelled if someone clearly lacks wisdom. Intelligent/wise people generally have more interesting lifestyles. That’s normal. And attractive people generally have higher than average IQs.
But if people were truly sexually aroused by intelligence and wisdom, they would get aroused when reading Plato.
But on a relevant note, I think the reason why it's not possible is because we can't fuck a book. For a person who values looks over intelligence, I imagine it'd be akin to getting turned on by a hot mannequin.
It's complicated. Generally people idealize others they are attracted to and belittle those who are less attractive in their perception. It means being smart but ugly is less effective than being dumb like a bun but good looking. It's easier to attract people with good look it's difficult to keep them without any eloquence and knowledge. Nevertheless it's a different if a guy has high social status. He has lot of people who talk positively and respectful about him or he has some talent. This attracts girls sometimes much more than good look, but being tall and handsome is never a disadvantage in matter of attraction.
Yeah but I'm not talking about just attraction here. Getting turned on is not the same as getting attracted. When you're attracted, you're mostly just curious about the person, and you don't know them either. But when you're turned on by a person, you know them already in most cases. In such a scenario, what is it - looks or brains - that gets you more often than the other.
As a man who has a verified 145 IQ and multiple degrees, I've often dated girls who almost flunked out of high school and are literally super dumb. I find intelligence almost irrelevant in a woman. Sure its nice, I've dated some very intelligent girls but having a kind heart, sweet personality, morals and being trustworthy are essential, while highly intellectual conversations are not.
I think this whole "intelligence" is sexy is PC nonsense. I was just reading a study the other day where they found men who rated intelligence in a woman as highly important. Then they put them in a room with very smart women and very dumb women. They almost exclusively chose to go on dates with the dumb girls over the smart ones. As i said before, more simplistic moral attitudes and general kindness are far more important and smart women tend to struggle in those areas.
I tend to think about it on the lines of how that morality cone to be? Was it passed on through generations, friends, etc? Or was it developed out of a person's own experiences?
In the case of the former, I think those people are good to settle down with, but maybe not the right ones to grow with as I tend to think that they'd rather hold on to their old ways of doing things than changing their views as the world progresses.
In the case of the latter, I believe what you said is true about them not having simplistic moral values because those views were changed when they started experiencing the world. But I respect the thought process that goes on for creating that morality as that would be key to making my life easier whenever I need help in dealing with any issues.
Although I do agree that it's difficult to keep those women with you for a longer period of time. But ain't that going to keep me on my toes, trying to become a better version of myself? That's a challenge I relish.
I dont find it to be "better version of myself" they often push towards. there's a certain type of dumb person who is a good person and a kind thats just as bad as anyone, same with smart people. Its just easy to identify good simplistic morals ie never lie to someones face. A dumb person who believes that usually believes exactly that with no exceptions. Its too complex for them to bother to make exceptions or they just dont feel its up to them to decide. While a certain kind of smart person will feel capable enough to themselves to decide upon exceptions. This i find to be a problem such as with marriage, where someone with simplistic morals might say divorce is wrong. Where a smart person with complex morals might say the same thing but it its your wife how man exceptions to the rule do you hope she has? None really lol.
Well, whether we like it or not, people change and in many cases, they outgrow relationships. In that case, would it be better to get smothered with a dumb person for the rest of your life or would it be better that the other person understands your circumstances and says 'well, shit happens' and agrees to a divorce? I would like you to think without the alimony part here.
Also, not being able to lie - I see that as a disability. Because lying is not only used for cheating, it is also used to save people from getting hurt. To put it in perspective, I would rather be with a person who can believably tell our kids how well we are doing in life even during the tough times than with a person who would just tell them the truth and make them come to terms with it.
" I would like you to think without the alimony part here." This is real life and thems the facts.
"than with a person who would just tell them the truth" well thats your choice. I dont believe i lying to people. I am smart and do have exceptions but after all my experience its better to tell a painful truth than live a beautiful lie. But thats your opinion.
I saw another post on gag that was a poll which is more important for a girl kindness or intelligence. Of which kindness was much more chosen by men. Just something of note.
That gets said a lot but beauty lasts a very long time. If one eats healthy and exercises and pays attention to their appearance a woman can remain attractive from 18 to say 60. (I personally know a late 50s yoga instructor with a perfect body and still pleasant face with nice feminine presentation). So say 40 years. You can bang a swamp monster for 40 years but i certainly would find that 100% not acceptable. 😂
Okay, so that's where we differ. I'm not just looking at banging here. I'm looking at raising great kids through this union.
Also, in case you haven't noticed, they all feel the same down there when you're in business. Doesn't matter what the face looks like - the dick feels what it feels.
Anyway, you get turned on by the looks, I by the brains - and that's that. To each his own I guess.
by the way, the polls have become much more interesting since the last time I referred to it. Intelligence is now leading for the first time, albeit by the slightest of margins... don't know for how long though 😅
"I'm not just looking at banging here. I'm looking at raising great kids through this union." But how do you stay motivated for decades to someone who is not attractive? Plus dont you want your kids to be attractive? Physical characteristics are quite hereditary while intelligence is not as hereditary. Ie two smart parents are about as likely to have an average intelligent child as a smart and a dumb parent. Where two parents with attractive features are more likely to have attractive kids than one good looking and one ugly parent.
Intelligence can't be seen - doesn't mean it isn't passed on. How do you think men evolved from apes and then kept on progressing? Dude, read a bit about genetics before claiming things out of thin air.
As for staying motivated, as I said earlier, to each his own.
"Dude, read a bit about genetics before claiming things out of thin air." I have. This was an important issue for me until i studied it. Intelligence is a group of traits that work together to make someone intelligent. A particular trait on its own does nothing and in one combination of traits can make someone smart yet in another dumb. So in practicality it is genetically passed on as a "regression to the mean" (google that phrase and intelligence to get tons of research on the topic). Meaning no matter the intelligence of the parents, they are most likely to have a more average intelligent child. Two brainics will most likely have all less intelligent kids than themselves. Two dummies are likely to have smarter children than themselves. Two smarties will only be a bit more likely to have a little more average intelligent kids than say a smart and a dumb. The difference is so tiny i dont think its worth factoring in personally. Id rather a hot dumb girlfriend than an ugly smart. My kids may be 30% more likely better looking vs 2% more likely smart. I think thats the winning deal.
But I get your point. You're interested your progeny be better looking than them being smart. I get it. As I said earlier and repeating a third time, to each his own. Cheers.
And? What you posted doesn't say anything that disagrees with what i said for example "These studies have not conclusively identified any genes that have major roles in differences in intelligence. It is likely that a large number of genes are involved, each of which makes only a small contribution to a person’s intelligence." Complex traits like this typically have a relationship such that they regress to the mean. However a simple summary of 2 paragraphs is not going to dive into much.
here's a good summary and example off wikipedia just to get an idea: "Polygenic traits often appear less heritable at the extremes. A heritable trait is definitionally more likely to appear in the offspring of two parents high in that trait than in the offspring of two randomly selected parents. However, the more extreme the expression of the trait in the parents, the less likely the child is to display the same extreme as the parents. At the same time, the more extreme the expression of the trait in the parents, the more likely the child is to express the trait at all. For example, the child of two extremely tall parents is likely to be taller than the average person (displaying the trait), but unlikely to be taller than the two parents (displaying the trait at the same extreme). See also regression toward the mean."
There was a girl who said she find intelligence sexy and said how special my way of thinking is so I was like okay so let's hook up and she said that she doesn't just want sex. I was like bitch then don't say that intelligence is sexy in this context. I also had a girlfriend who in theory was really into my mind when I was popular, but having the same mind when I started to hangout less with our mutual friends miraculously she started to be bitching on me and intelligence was not the main thing anymore. Most of the time it's just bs, and people say that they are sapiosexual who think that intelligence is an std and they'll catch it with the social status that comes with being intelligent.
Physical attraction is supreme to me. I can’t be with a less than attractive woman no matter how smart or kind. That’s why at 37 years I’ve only had 1 nightmare of a girlfriend. I think we have evolved to favour physical beauty because it indicates a healthy partner and therefore a greater chance of survival for our progeny.
I once masturbated listening to a Ted talk it’s the mental stimulation for me 🤷🏾♀️ I never gave it a label but intelligence is much more gratifying than looks…even if the person is ugly. However there is a difference between ugly and repulsive 😂
I prefer intelligence above looks, but that doesn't mean looks don't matter, its not an all or none situation. You cannot be entirely attracted to some one based solely on their intelligence, that is why any one who claims to be sapiosexual is also not dating some one who is hideiously deformed.
However that doesn't mean that people will refuse to date some one who is physically attractive if they are not attracted to their mind, again this is a false binary.
I absolutely am sapiosexual. Yeah for sure if somebody has Intelligence it, and even raw intelligence that's not necessarily from an institutionalized path I am like so turned on.
That’s a huge lie. Most nerds , guys from science fields from top universities struggle through their whole life for even getting a plain girlfriend. Most science Nobel laureates had struggled to get a girlfriend. But if they are conventionally attractive then only intelligence is a plus point. This happens to women too , but women can get dates easily than similar men.
I don't approach girls in bars or party... for instance she gave a talk where I was and I was opportuned to meet her, yes I would have.. i have my boo for that now.
The first girl I dated is exactly like this girl. I wasn't after looks.
Because we got brains that helps us enjoy the aesthetics of nature, and then the same brain helped us develop technology so that we could wear the colours we like.
We alone have the means to do it, so we do it. Other animals either don't have the brains of the physical structure to create such stuff, so they don't. But all animals are attracted to colours same as humans.
I don't mind "talking" to people, I like communication. But I don't understand body language, and I find eye contact to be physically painful. When you throw in judgement on things I can't control, it's far too much. I don't do it and I wish everyone else would stop doing it.
Well, body language is easy. Just notice what the other person is doing and later on think of why would you do it. If you can come up with a scenario, then that's one sign you've learnt. That curve is not an easy one, but it's not an impossible one. And by the way, learning body language helps in communicating with animals too, cause that's our natural language; words are artificial.
People can't lie through body language. I think you're confusing it with facial expressions.
Facial expressions are totally apart from body language. Body language is actually how a person is using their body, which does not include the face, during a communication - like how they're using their hands, what's their stance, how they're walking, sitting, etc.
Yes, but they try to hide it sometimes. And your face is part of your body. My chinchillas aren't going to try to hide that they're sniffing me, or looking at me, or that they're displeased with me. If I'm making them unhappy, they tell me. I can understand them. I can't understand humans, and they only make it worse by saying what they don't mean, and trying to hide their true meanings and feelings.
Ok. Can I ask you who are these people whom you're talking about? Like are these friends or classmates or parents, or boyfriend/girlfriend? And with whose language are you confused more often than others'?
Neurotypical homo sapiens. Which would include all of those groups you mentioned except boyfriend/girlfriend as I don't have one. And the language I have the most trouble with would be the language of lies and hypocrisy.
Haha right. Ok, first things first - lying and hypocrisy are not language. Lying is an art of using language, and hypocrisy - well there's no way to defend it - it's used by dumb people to justify the things that they do.
Now, since you understand that it's not easy getting away from humans, you need to learn how to lie and how to spot a lie. On second thought, I think you already know how to do the latter, but are not comfortable with learning the former. This may be because you think liars are degenerates who only go around cheating people and breaking their trust. Well, I wouldn't disagree with that, but that's not the only reason people lie. Many times they lie to save a person from feeling hurt, or to help someone out when truth might actually jeopardize them. In that, lying becomes an act of courage. That's because no matter what you do, every lie is uncovered sooner or later.
Hence I say that lying needs to be learnt - not for causing people hurt, but for doing the opposite.
Hypocrisy should always be abhorred and people who practice it must be distanced. Spotting a hypocrite is pretty easy - you just need to match how they conduct themselves with how they want others to conduct themselves - that's very much the crux of it. They're not necessarily bad people, but they're definitely stupid people who cannot be trusted going forward in life.
Lying makes my stomach burn, and I end up confessing, assuming that I wasn't caught within 30 seconds. I've learned to look for loopholes and to use my words carefully. But lying just isn't something that I can do without the truth coming out. Out of my mouth. I don't think most people get the burning feeling, but if they do, then I will never understand why they lie about things that only hurt.
Because more often than not, they don't see the bigger picture. They're mostly thinking about escaping the current moment. For a lot of bad liars, planning comes after the act. For the good ones, their lie is part of a bigger plan. More like they think it through before lying. Thinking it through is the only thing that can keep your stomach from burning - for a period of time, because every lie is caught sooner or later. But anyway it won't burn as bad as it generally does.
Yes, I dated few very intelligent PhD level of intelligence, in looks department they are avarage or below avarage, once date above avarage, but she had only MSc.
I liked them more the very nice looking low IQ speciment as she is not able to hold proper conversation and only knows about makeup, some silly diet she seen on FB or gossip... and not even able to cook, when even I can cook.
Yes, I prefer intelligent even, if she is avarage or below avarage in looks department.
We went to the same high school, I barely talked to him the first year even though we had the same classes, and I wasn't interested in him in the slightest. Then he reached out to me in the start of our second year, just about something practical, he wasn't looking to date me, but after that we started texting regularly. I noticed we had the same kind of humor, very similar interests and views. I also realized how smart he was, and I am very much attracted to intelligence, since I want someone who can keep up with my nerdy conversation topics xD.
Not everything in a relationship is about sexual stuff, sure it might be easier to get hard with a dumb and hot body than with an intelligent but obese body, but enjoying their company as a whole will be harder, depending on the person. That affects the relationship.
When I say "turned on", I don't mean it literally. But who knows? Maybe there are people who masturbate to people talking about brainy stuff.
lol, so people who are sapiosexual, looks don’t matter to them? It’s kinda bs in my opinion. Looks attract me, personality makes me stay. Although, intelligence is a huge turn on
Agreed. But can there be a scenario where intelligence could attract you e. g. you hear somebody talk to a group of friends and he seems really smart. Would you be attracted to such a person if he has average looks?
Sure. I liked a guy like that once. He was average looking, but I was very attracted to him. He was very very intelligent. He knew random science facts and he loved science and yk? He was a very good conversationalist. I never got bored of him. And there was this other guy, who was a model, I was attracted to him at first, but he wasn’t so smart… he was a little dumb, not being rude, but yeah. I had a hard time making a conversation with him, but with the first guy, it was amazing. Looks do matter, but it doesn’t matter much
No. There’s maybe a little point of interest about it, but it’s not *the sole defining aspect of their sexuality*.
People just want obscure labels for themselves because it makes them feel interesting and special. People want to be able to identify as things, it gives them an identify to cling to.
In my case it is. I literally can't get hard if the girl doesn't have a sense of humor or isn't witty, which I consider the easiest way to judge a person's intelligence.
I don't consider it a sexual orientation. That's like saying you're attracted to intelligence and you don't care if they're male or female. Which is ridiculous. Unless you happen to be bisexual as well.
@stri_dante how can you rely on a person who can't think on his toes? Or somebody who can't find effective solutions to your problems. I agree he doesn't have to be genius, but if he needs to ask a friend about any issues that he or you are facing maybe in life or at work, I don't think he can be relied upon.
I'm thinking you're attracted by the behavior of these men. The confidence, how they talk, behave, etc. I understand that these are very intelligent men as well, but that's what I'm sensing from your response.
The reason being I don't consider what I watch people doing or saying on TV as them being their honest selves. I mean Bill Gates recently got called out for being too flirty (for the lack of a better word... ok, I respect the man) and who knows what Dan does in his personal life.
My point is people rehearse before getting on a podium or on a talk show, so that's not the real them. You can only know about people's intelligence really when you know them personally. And I'm not talking about being good at math or psychology. I'm talking about sense of humor, street smartness - things that tell you about their personality.
Intelligence can be attractive, but it’s not the only thing in the equation by any stretch of the imagination. I think most people are mostly attracted to looks, with things like personality and intelligence coming in with a smaller percentage.
But I'm not talking about attraction. Attraction is generally based on looks, I agree. But that's because you can only get attracted to people you don't know.
What I'm talking about is the stage that comes after attraction. What keeps you going? Are looks enough?
Girl's Behavior 
Guy's Behavior 
Flirting 
Dating 
Relationships 
Fashion & Beauty 
Health & Fitness 
Marriage & Weddings 
Shopping & Gifts 
Technology & Internet 
Break Up & Divorce 
Education & Career 
Entertainment & Arts 
Family & Friends 
Food & Beverage 
Hobbies & Leisure 
Other 
Religion & Spirituality 
Society & Politics 
Sports 
Travel 
Trending & News 
Most Helpful Opinions