Nurse marries patient she cared for three years - thoughts?

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

Local news in my area. A then 46 years old man got involved in a car accident that left him paralyzed and dependent for care for almost three years, and the - then 25 years old - nurse that followed him through the whole path of rehabilitation are getting married this spring.

The man is completely rehabilitated and healthy now, and although most people - me included - think it's a very sweet story; some other people are commenting that this is inappropriate and that nurse is violating the professional ethic, and some even suggest that she'd been "seducing" him all while long. Of note is that they began dating after the man got dismissed from the hospital and that both the doctors and fellow nurses assured that nothing inappropriate took plave between them when he was hospitalized.

[AmandaYVR]

People sure do find things to get up in arms about. I see nothing wrong with this. Absolutely nothing.

Let love reign. People meet in all sorts of unexpected ways.

Nurses are caregivers and that's a beautiful thing.

People fall in love with their mental health therapists, but that's considered very unethical on the caregiver's part because they may have the capability to manipulate the mind of that patient. Which is understandable. But people do legit fall in love. This was fascinatingly portrayed in an HBO series, "In Treatment" with Gabriel Byrnes. It was one of my favourite series. It was mainly about how a doctor had to navigate the complex relationships to his patients, many of whom verbally attacked him personally, yet he could never react in kind. Necessity, but nonetheless extremely challenging for any human, regardless of their profession and training.

There are all these rules in society about hierarchies. Many companies make it a policy that there is to be "no fraternizing" (though they probably call it something else nowadays) but as I've written here before, I don't think it's companies' business to decide this. But where does it end (and begin)? Someone is in a position of 'power', and another is the receiver or recipient of their knowledge, information, care, etc. etc. Can a woman not fall in love with a fireman who rescued her? Can a Captain of a ship not fall in love with one of his crew? It's messy, but I don't believe laws should prevent it. You can't take the human heart out of humanity.

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

I agree.
The article was literally titled "now they have to face the ire of the web" and I was like "WTF does that mean?".
I think that some people are just bitter and want to relieve that bitterness by taking it out on others. I went through that myself.

Being a therapist is quite the tricky profession a- you have to be both very empathetic but at the same time, impersonal and detached.
I once asked one of my therapists what she would have done if she ever fell in love with a patient - out of curiosity.
She told that first thing she would immediately refer the patient to another therapist and write down a report about how she would not be fit anymore to treat them.
She then said that exactly because of the things you said, she could not still get involved with them - once you know someone's weaknesses so intimately, it's very difficult to not use them to manipulate that person.

[AmandaYVR]

That's interesting, because in "In Treatment" a [beautiful doctor female] patient fell in love with the Dr. Paul Weston and he tried to transfer her to another doctor. She became enraged. Also, of course, very hurt. And they had long discussions about that. She said that even if he felt uncomfortable, this was his work, and he needed to figure out a way to handle it. She refused to see another doctor, start over with someone new. Which I can actually see. It's hard enough to find a doctor you like (3 is the average number of therapists a person visits before settling on one) and that is no small task, to having re-tell the story of your life, yet again. I kind of agree with her.

They, of course (HBO) had professional consultants on retainer to discuss every aspect of the therapy, so this must occur often, this scenario.

If I was that patient, I think I wouldn't say it. Because I know the repercussions of that. And I would not start over with a new doctor.

But I agree with everything you said.

It's an interesting topic, all this.

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

That sounds like a very good series, I'll have to check it out.

I can understand the woman's feelings, but I agree with you - if I ever developed feelings for a therapist, I'd rather keep quiet about it.

I myself had to change three therapists before setting on the two that I see now - one thing not many people know is that you can have more than one therapist, as long as they at least check up on each other to formulate a common plan.

[AmandaYVR]

That's interesting, two at once. Why do you prefer that?
Do you ask the same qs, and get different perspectives? That would be fascinating.
It must make them a bit nervous, lol.

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

Exactly. But there's also the fact that both of them are suited for different areas so to say, so I can bring different issues to the person that's more suited for it.

It's actually pretty serene and sometimes we have two-on-one sessions.

[PBandJ_Nerd]

I think the story is sweet and lovely. But it could be ok for them to date since he's no longer her patient. It'd be different if they dated while she was caring for him, since that's against rules for the hospitals.

[OlderAndWiser]

In my profession, our rules of ethics state that it is inapproprate to begin a sexual relationship with a person while they are a client, but that you can initiate a relationship after they are no longer a client and there is no remaining business for the attorney to transact on behalf of the client.

[OlderAndWiser]

Thanks for MHO!

[NewsReader]

They are allowed to do whatever they wish as consenting adults as long as it does not take place in the hospital during work hours. I don't there is any law saying that nurses and their patients are not allowed to get married or whatever as long as it does take place at work.

[Flower7]

It sounds like a beautiful story to me. Not inappropriate at all.

[Jamie05rhs]

I personally could never do that. I've had nurses try to flirt with me before and I just act super pathetic on purpose to try to turn them off. I'm not trying to mac on someone who's giving me medical care.

[ShesRad80]

it sometimes just happens. nothing was done while he was a patient. there are far more pressing issues in the world. i work in healthcare if boundaries weren't crossed while he was patient people need to get over it

[Heterosketero]

Used to be, that was a great story of how mom and dad met, but these days...

Humanity can be sad

[exitseven]

If the guy was rich I might be suspicious but it is a clear case of Nightingale syndrome. A guy falls in love with his nurse.

[Juxtapose]

It's between two consenting adults, who gives a shit?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like a nice story to me and I believe that’s the Florence Nightingale affect but some people always have something to complain about

[Randalama]

Sounds better than a dating app. Hopefully she doesn't go AH on him.

[Shamalien]

I think it’s a beautiful story

[driven159]

If they are happy more power to them

[Anonymous]

It's totally fine.

[Noodle_fan]

well i think that is sweet