I have been with my girlfriend for 2 years with plans to marry in the future, but there are things that I just discovered about her that I am not sure if I can forgive her anymore. The backstory, she came to the united states and has an asylum application pending, so legally able to live in the US. She first moved to Texas with family, then to Chicago, then to California with the plans to move to the east coast where I live. When she was in California she was arrested with 2 other friends for what I understand was that one of them was at a bar and took a cell phone, so they all got arrested for the same charges. I had to bail her out, pay for the attorney, court fines and classes. I thought that was the end of it and she was waiting for her case to be dismissed so she could move.
About a week ago, she was driving through Utah, was stopped by the police for illegal window tint. The two friends she had with her had a firearm, had put it in the trunk spare tire wheel well, and no one claimed ownership, so all of them have felony gun charges now and is in jail for a while. I decided to buy one of those online background reports to see if there was anything else and she was arrested 2 other times for theft, but has hid all of it from me. Apparently I was paying the fines for multiple court cases, but she was telling me it was from the one that I had already known about.
If she is convicted on the current charges, not only will she be in prison for a long time, she will be deported with no chance to return for the rest of her life. She is adamant that she had nothing to do with it and confident that her friend will accept the charges and be released, but I am not as confident given her history that I just discovered. She knows I am ready to just take the ring back, but waiting to see what happens.
I know the comments will be, just end things, get rid of her, etc... but I am interested in knowing if anyone has a similar situation and how you handled it.
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I can agree with you immediately that I absolutely hate when I ask for advice on here and someone just says to move on. It isn’t that simple when you have feelings invested in someone. However, I think you need to step back from this situation and really think about whether this is someone you want to be with long term. The things she’s doing could one day end up getting you in trouble. A few years ago, when I was with my ex, he decided to tell me 7 months into our relationship that he was once arrested for attempted murder. I had known that he had a criminal record but I thought it was a DUI. Once he told me that, I never looked at him the same again, and other things about him started to come out, and I just didn’t brink putting my safety in jeopardy for a guy was worth it. You need to think of it in that way.
That's great advice. How long were you with him until you decided to end things? I am re-evaluating my relationship as well, especially if she is convicted with the possibility of spending years in prison because of her decisions and never being able to return to the US. She apparently kept everything a secret from her closest friends too, they know everything about her. If she somehow gets through this, I think that I need to require that she go to therapy or something for me to consider continuing with her. The amount of times she has been arrested seems like an impulse control psychological disorder to me, but this is the first relationship I have been in with someone who has been arrested.
I am happy to help. I was with him for a year. Things didn’t last much longer beyond that point because I found out he was also cheating on me the whole time, which brings me to my next point. Criminals do a lot of lying and sneaking around, and she has already lied to her friends and you about her criminal history. If she’s willing to lie and hide things that serious that could affect your future, what else is she going to try and lie about or hide? She doesn’t seem to be on a good path right now and it’s possible that one day she may bring you down with her. Think of it. How would you ever trust her around your children? Would she be a good example for them? And say she does end up spending years in prison.. are you going to wait for someone who’s lied to you all this time and used your money to fight cases you didn’t even know about?
I'd be appalled and ashamed of myself for never finding out sooner. I did have an ex who had 3 personalities. Disassociation.
lol, there's a sucker born every minute.