What should pro-choice men be doing to be better allies?

[Anonymous]

I am pretty hard to convince to change my viewpoint, so if you're bringing a pro-life argument please just save your time and don't bother.

I am asking this because I've heard the sentiment that "men can't have an opinion about it," and "no uterus no opinion."

It makes me feel like I'm not allowed to care or have sympathy of any sort?

It's a traumatic experience to go through with one, but I feel the choice should be there as a physical & mental healthcare option. No one should be forced to carry a child to full term if they do not want to. But now that seems to have been taken away, where I live. Side note; do trans-people get to voice their concerns?

I'm trying to figure out if I need to donate, attend rallies, or simply vote more. But I think ultimately I just need to know why telling me to shut up is the most common thing I hear?

Am I missing the point? Bear in mind I'm like half autistic so I'm just wanting a straight answer, in plain terms without sass.

I'm leaving the option to answer open only to self-identifying women, to limit blue trolls and such.
I am asking as genuinely as possible and will read each reply. I'm trying to educate myself even further and Google isn't helpful and the people in my life aren't supportive or understanding.

Updates

+1 y

I also want to apologize to the blue trans accounts that aren't able to reply to this. I was tempted to leave the conversation fully open but decided last minute not to.

[provokeesmokee]

Attending rallies, writing to your politicians, and speaking out/calling out anti-choicers is all you need to do.

If you know local clinics are experiencing harassment, consider seeing if you can volunteer to help the clinic or its patients safely bypass those obstacles.

You don't have a uterus, but not every woman does. Nor do you need to have one to want to stand for a person's right to bodily autonomy (which also includes seeking surgeries, like gender affirming procedures).

Keep speaking up, keep supporting the people in your life affected by anti-choice policies, and don't mind people who try to gatekeep you from having opinions.

I think the idea of "if you don't have a uterus you can't have an opinion" has its positives but it's 100% inaccurate and not helpful. One, not every woman has a uterus. Two, one doesn't need to be identical to a demographic to have thoughts about them. Three, most men support bodily autonomy anyways and what's a woman gonna do if you have opinions - nothing. At worst, judge you and be mad. But you can still form those opinions.

I think it'd be more accurate/appropriate to say "don't make policies which restrict bodily autonomy*".

Which is slowly becoming a political truth, for better and worse. People get really upset when governments try to regulate what they do with their bodies.

[Asker]

Alright! I appreciate your in-depth answer.

My partner scolds me when I argue with anti-choicers because I'm cis-het male, so that was a concern I had. It's been gnawing at me from the inside so I needed extra viewpoints. I didn't know what else to do.

I used to proudly be against voting because I thought "the world sucks anyway" but these past few years I've really been making an attempt to be as open minded as possible. Even today I was told pro choice women don't need my help... "Shut up" is usually all I get.

I appreciate your comment. Thank you for the serious answer.

[provokeesmokee]

That's ridiculous to say pro-choice women don't need your help. Of course you'll have limited experience as a cis het man compared to a cis woman, but law makers are disproportionately cis het men right now.

So absolutely cis het men's help is necessary.

Please ignore those arguments. You're allowed to have opinions. Even if others don't agree with them or think you should have them.

[Asker]

I appreciate that. I felt a bit alone.
I live in a predominantly red state in the southeast, if that makes sense.
Your advice feels validating, and now I can focus on actually using my votes for something more useful. I work with mostly female coworkers and over the years I've begun to understand just a little more. If nothing else my votes would at least cancel out whatever my dad votes for. I just want everyone to be happier, and bodily autonomy is something I care about. I could discuss this topic all day, cause hardly anyone here cares to talk about it with me, or thinks I'm just kidding. It's frustrating.

[Asker]

I'm also incredibly reserved and shy so confrontation isn't what I enjoy. I truly hope better days are ahead for everyone, however far off that might be.

[provokeesmokee]

That's all totally fair and valid. And yeah, I hear you. Sometimes voting does feel like it doesn't matter, but it really does and the apathy you used to feel is precisely the goal of some bad actors. They don't want you to vote or exercise your right to do so. Some parties even today try to remove voting rights by introducing hostile rules and regulations to make it harder. So voting becomes even more important.

I'm sorry to hear you live somewhere where it's hard to be progressive and dangerous to be openly so. Above all, keep yourself safe. You can't vote if you're dead.

Definitely keep trying to have those conversations, but know you don't ever need to tolerate confrontation you're not comfortable with.

You can always walk away. It's valid and ok to be reserved and not a fan of confrontation.

I hope as well we have better days ahead. However, having hope is passive. Doing what you do, voting, continuing to speak about your values even when others don't care or think you're kidding, is active and it's what will help.

Keep your chin up, bud. You're doing your best, you're speaking your truth, and you're brave for doing so.

[Jumpintoadstool]

I think when people say that, they mean people who want to impose rules on a reproductive system they don't even have. Pro choice men are not pushing for such things, so voicing support for our choice is not speaking over us. Its encouraged. I wish there were more pro choice men out there. Its no secret that most pro lifers are men. There is a reason for that. If they knew the full extent of what pregnancy does to a womans body and had to experience it themselves, they wouldn't so gung ho about limiting our choices.

[Asker]

Hi, thanks for taking the time to leave an opinion.

In my experience I've multiple pro-choice women tell me (or someone with similar viewpoints to mine) that it doesn't matter whether or not I'm pro-choice or pro-life-- that my opinion is literally irrelevant due to my gender and talking to them angered them despite being in agreement with them regarding bodily autonomy and laws regarding it. It's confusing, and I feel like I'm in the wrong no matter what my stance is.

Here recently I've been told "not to talk about it unless someone asks me what I think," but... that just feels wrong, somehow.

And yes I agree with you that a lot of men are mindlessly pro-life and lack empathy about it. It's insane that Roe even got overruled. And I feel that the more people speaking up the more likely change can happen again. It might not affect me directly but it affects the people I care about (and ones I don't even know!) and the sheer *idea* of a law telling me to do anything regarding my body gets me heated.

And the area I live (deep conservative south) has very strict laws stripping away rights for no good reason. I don't even know of a nearby clinic that is still active, for instance. It's either donate, vote, or speak up, and when it comes to speaking up I get push-back for being male from close pro-choice friends. I've considered it's still a touchy subject here, but... I don't know. I just wanted someone to tell me it's okay to even care about it. Thank you for the kind reply. Stay safe and take care.

[Jumpintoadstool]

I just want to say I'm sorry for the bad experiences you have had with some people in the community. I do not agree with that sentiment at all and it only harms our cause by alienating and driving out our allies. I promise not all of us feel that way and I appreciate you and people like you. I hope you have better experiences in the future. Keep doing your thing, man. You tske care as well.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, you're a woman.

[Asker]

I don't know how to respond to this, sorry...
All I can say is I'm not.

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah sure, you're a woman.

[Asker]

I'll just take it as a compliment.
Why do you think that?

[Opinion Owner]

It's not a matter of opinion.

[Asker]

Oh?
Okay.
Let's say I am male, how would that change anything I've typed?
At this rate I feel like you might be a guy, trolling as a pink account.
Call me whatever you wish to. At least you're not saying anything mean.