Before getting engaged should you pay to have an extensive background check starting with criminal, driving, educational, and financial records?

[Kelley1]

Updates

1 y

The government, corporations, and the extremely wealthy do background checks. Low-IQ commoners believe they should not.

[OlderAndWiser]

Before getting engaged, you should date someone long enough that you don't feel the need to do an extensive background check.

You can ask your partner about these areas. I have always had women be honest about their past when asked. And if you think a guy will lie because he wants to use you. . . don't be so damned quick to jump into bed with a dude and the users will soon reveal themselves by running away from you.

[msc545]

Good idea

[msc545]

Actually, before getting engaged you should sit down with a lawyer and ask him exactly what can happen to you if you do this. If this doesn't discourage you then you really aren't thinking clearly.

[avery58]

I think there should be a certain level of trust for something like an engagement. Trust is the most important factor in relationships anyways.

[Kelly6]

@Kelley1 always and should be seen as mandatory

[Kelly6]

@Kelley1
Thanks for mho

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

Why not? I like doing some detective work myself and find out stuff about people I date/engage socially with.

After all, one of my nicknames in my party is "chekist" and my work commission has its name set up so it spells out as Stasi. I like to know everything about people.

[DrPepper12]

Seems prudent. Sure why not? I don't think I would be offended. This should probably become the norm.

[Kelley1]

I think so too, especially in modern times when you don't marry people you attended school with.

[lightbulb27]

actually, maybe.

depends on scenario, how long known. have heard the horor stories in media. never seen myself. should be nothing to hide.

[Chazmatazz269]

If you haven’t developed the necessary trust to commit to life with another person, there are no results from a background check that can create it. Without trust, the relationship is doomed. Just break it off and move on.

[midnightmoon05]

As an employer yes.
as a partner, no… because that is why we date to get to know before the next step.

[Summeroflove]

Before getting engaged you should KNOW these things about someone. If you don’t know these things when the relationship starts being serious there is a major problem. Especially people who marry too fast.

[DeeDeeDeVour]

Nowadays, I think it would be wise to do so.

[Lliam]

I would reject someone who felt entitled enough to pry that deeply into my life. That's scary.
They are the type who would want full access to my devices, too. RED FLAG!
I wouldn't want anything to do with someone who embraced "Big Brother", NSA-style monitoring.

I'm glad my dating days were before electronic spying and digital record keeping. People weren't crazy and paranoid.

[Kelley1]

If you have something to hide, I am out of here.

[Lliam]

When someone "assumes" I have something to hide and expects me to prove that I don't, I assume they are a monster.

[Kelley1]

Obviously, we are not compatible, and the sooner I know that, the better. Hopefully, by the end of the first date.

[Lliam]

Thankfully, I was not afraid of women.
I didn't let them take advantage of me.
I assessed their personality and values myself without doing background checks.
That worked out pretty well, considering the fact that I have been happily married now for almost 29 years.

[Levin]

That's a weird concept to me.

You should get to know someone before you commit. All shall be revealed fairly quickly. Most people are entirely transparent, unless you just see what you want to see.

[Dongie]

You should know the person long enough not to need to.

[Dongie]

Update: some folks just don't get married. Ruling out putting forth any trust to anybody with their material wealth and health and pursuit of happiness.

[lilBigPotato]

You're getting engaged... So you have been together for quite some time. Asking this stuff just means you don't know and don't trust the other person, do why would you get engaged?

[lilBigPotato]

So*..

[itsannalee]

I don’t really care about their past, as long as they good to me that’s enough. Just pervert or rapist.

[capriVib]

If they haven't known the other person for a long time, it can be looked into.

[NaultD]

Just don't get married if you are that far in the weeds.

[slatyb]

If you don't already have a good idea of what that will reveal, you aren't ready to be engaged. This stuff comes out over the course of a year or so.

[Finchie40]

That sounds like more of a contract over an actual relationship lol , I’d sign it saying GO FUCK YOURSElF !! LOL

[DryGermanGuy]

Dude… that doesn’t exactly sound like the start of a beautiful friendship. 😵😵😵

[exitseven]

No, if you do not know the person enough that you cannot trust them you are not ready to be engaged

[Simslover92]

After a six months to a year of being in a relationship, most of those things should already be known.

[Kelley1]

Even if in the unlikely event that was true, who wants to waste 6 months to a year, when $200 will discover most hidden problems after a few dates?

[Simslover92]

True but spending $200 for all of that seems a bit much when if you're truly in love and meant to be with each other, these things will naturally come up in due time. It might not take as long as six months to a year. I know in my relationship we found out all that stuff within a few months of dating but it was because we were friends first and knew each other for a long time. With dating someone you don't know, it's going to take time before you get all that information out of them.

[Kelley1]

My time is too valuable to waste on the possibility that I may discover lies about debts and past criminal behavior after 6 months or even 3 months. If you are hiding things I need to know, I am out of here.

[Simslover92]

I can understand that. I'm just saying what on average when a person might find out all that information like financial records and driving records but it's totally understandable if you would want to know about past criminal behavior and debts early on especially past criminal behavior. I would want to know that off the bat as well.

[Kelley1]

If you grew up in the same neighborhood, played together, attended the same schools, visited each other's homes, noticed if he or she cheated on exams, shoplifted when you went places together, noticed if he or she tortured pets or animals, heard about the problem of the parents, and was a bully, or was bullied, you would not need to a background check.

[Surely]

You forgot to mention a medical history.

[Kelley1]

You are correct. That should be included.

[Surely]

@Kelley1. After all. He might have a gift that keeps on giving! Maybe even a DNA problem.

[RedInnocent69]

That seems, excessive. I would expect you would have known someone longer and better than to need it

[dustybiker2]

Probably best.