My boyfriend of 2.5 months now speaks in a somewhat crass verbage and I was just wondering if this is normal?

Question

guy speak...  Instead of saying he wants to make love to me he said I want to put my d*ck in you or f*ck u...  But otherwise he is very loving and very attentive.   Also he wants to know all of my business where everything is at my house = he says I am his lady and he should and does want to know all about me - and it seems he is MORE serious about the relationship than ME - I thought he was being extra nosy but he said we are together so nothing should be a secret for the most part... And we usually text and talk the entire day from first thing in the morning to when I go to bed - as he goes to bed later due to work...  So is it disrespectful to speak in that crass manner or is that just how some men are he said before when I said don't talk to me like that - he said why you are my lady not just some female on the street..  what do you think?

Lightsron · Accepted Answer

It depends on how his manner of speaking to you makes YOU feel.. 2 1/2 months is moving really fast to be that serious in a relationship. As you know All women have their secrets ( just like the men do). That's why there is mystery, and it keeps us interested.. If he is speaking to you like this now, how will he speak to you 2 years from now.. Assuming the mystery has not run out with his interest.. If the way he is speaking to you makes you feel uncomfortable, TELL HIM. if he still does it TELL HIM AGAIN.. If that doesn't do any good. Give him a nice break from you, say 2 weeks of no loving. Not a total break from you,talk to him about it, tell him that you supposed to be his lady, but he doesn't make you feel like one. If and when you start sleeping with him again and he still does it. Move on..He's not into listening to you and treating you like your feelings matter..

I had the problem with my man a few months ago.. He actually made a Booty Call, even though I told him I would not be treated like that.. ( What I mean by booty call is him coming over at night getting his and leaving the same night.) I also told him I am not a Friend With Benefits, and he still kept calling me Friend!. So I stopped letting him come over Period! but I still talked to him, letting him know why.. ( A good friend once told me , NEVER take away a mans hope. and she was right about that). After about a week he knew I was serious and he started listening, but to drive the point home we waited 2 more weeks, cause I thought if I gave in too soon he would do it again. I just kept telling him my feelings were still hurt and I wasn't ready yet.. We have been going good now for about 2 months and he has not repeated the behavior, he does call though and ask if he can spend time with me, ( Code for I'll stay for the night) and the word " Friend" doesn't come out anymore, " Our Relationship" does..

If WE ( Men and Women) are silent and not heard by our partners then its doomed from the start.. Know what you want. Express it.

Tamikaze · Accepted Answer

I don't see this as a matter of what is normal or not normal, but a matter of what you want and what works for you.

At 2 1/2 months, this is a period of time where you can either let bad habits start forming or you can redirect your partner towards treating you differently and that will become a lasting habit.

A lot of people like to talk dirty as part of lovemaking. Nothing wrong with that. But, if you think it will wear on you to constantly hear him talking like that, speak up now. Don't make a big thing of it and get all emotional. Just tell him you would prefer him to say something different and tell him what that is. Maybe you are cool with that language in the heat of the moment but would rather not have him start things off by approaching you that way. So, again, decide if this is cool by you or if you think it will eventually irritate the h*ll out of you and fix it now.

As far as being extra nosy, well, hmmmm. I am a cautious person and I would not let any new person in my life be all up in my business. Are you free to scour his place and see every personal thing he has laying around? I don't even know how good of an idea that is. My fiance decided to start peeking at all my old photos and told me he wanted me to get rid of old ones (like from 25 years ago) from my first husband. I told him he could forget about it. Those are pictures of my past, my life, not of my ex, and I am not going to have some jealous man tell me what I can and cannot keep. I had gotten rid of pictures of my last boyfriend and, frankly, my last boyfriend was a narcissist who constantly wanted his pic taken so all those pictures were annoying reminders of his annoying *ss so I was happy to get rid of them.

So, I cannot say I consider this snooping thing to be a norm or even cool, but that is for you to decide if it works for you or not and lay it out now for him. Good luck!

MissAndee · Accepted Answer

I think that its totally your call. I actually like the dirty talk sometimes and it gets me in the mood.  If he is into you and it makes him comfortable to talk to you this way enjoy it.  You don't want to make him change his way of speaking and thinking because that makes the relationship boring one and he will begin to feel like he is walking on eggshells with the things he says and does.  He is basically letting you know who he is and its up to you to decide if you like him as is.

islands7 · Accepted Answer

You are from different worlds BUT that's OK, some say opposites attract & stick longer.

If you want to meet him somewhere in the middle prematurely, so that your sensabilities are not so offended and you can more clearly see his feelings ... you'll have to take that leap. How?

Perpare yourself to be The Crass One during the next few sessions.

YOU say I'd like you to put that *** of yours right here.

While in the throws of love making, take control by saying - do you want me (or ... my ****) to make you cum? Does THAT feel good? etc ... and really dish it back to him in same fashion. He will explode & think he's in heaven ... sooner or later, HE won't have to work himself up, self-stimulate in order to "get into it" - because he can count on you ... every once in awhile to grow his spicy sausage. He will eventually become less crass, meeting you in this middle ground.

Phoenix52 · Accepted Answer

There are guys who would say "Let's make love". But there are plenty of others that want to say "I'm gonna f*ck the sh*t out of you".

Personally, to me, I like speaking the bad boy way to a girlfriend. The very thought of me being dirty with my talk and telling her "I'm gonna f*ck you so bad" turns me on and gets me going. If I tell a girl "Let's make love" or "Let's have sex" = I'm not so turned on.

The softer, lighter talk is more nice, and more feminine. The bad boy talk is more dominant and masculine.

I wouldn't worry so much of this. The nosy part is what bugs me though. There's really no need for a boyfriend to know what his girl is up to, what she's doing at all times. And calling her every morning and/or night can be too much investment. Girls want some space from their relationship too, right?

tallnhungjoe · Answer

Is he saying this stuff in bed or during conversation? If in bed, well maybe he just likes dirty talk.

If he's saying this in conversation... sounds a bit weird to me.

Sounds like he is WAYYYYYYY to possessive... notice where he said "you are MY lady" people say what they mean... you just have to read between the lines.

I'd be very concerned about him wanting all these details after only a few months...

EXCESSIVE Jealousy is a VERY VERY bad thing, I'm afraid this guy could be a "fatal attraction" type. Hopefully I'm wrong.

Joe

untypical-joe · Answer

he has developed a street pimp mentality maybe from p*rn or his local guy friends and is thinking you need to adopt it too. if it offends you tell him so and say that you don't accept that language as something that attracts you romantically so if you want to stay with me clean it up. he also sounds controlling and wants to feel like like you are his whore and wants to control and know everything about your every whereabouts.. back off from this guy a bit and question his motives as well as his psyche.. until you figure things out.

Delirious · Answer

If you feel he's being to crass the best choice would be just to sit down with him and tell him, is you feel he is being to pushy, tell him, if you feel he is being to crude in the way he is talking to you and would rather him speak too you in a more respectful manner. Then you got to sit down and talk too him, not just text and phone (guys know how too tone people out). If you would rather him speak to you like his girlfriend instead of a hooker, sit him down and speak to him about it.

If you do do decide to speak to him, I would recommend going at it in a kind but straight forward way. So good luck on your relationship.

Anonymous · Answer

Some guys just like dirty talk! If it offends you, I'll go with what the other ladies say, and suggest that you politely tell him your point of view.

Again, as far as privacy goes, it's about mutality. Does he also allow/let/encourage you to "pry" in his affairs as he does with yours? Or is it very one-sided?

About my partner's past, there are things I would PREFER not to know myself. Why make yourself insecure? One partner offered to tell me, and I just cut her short (to avoid any jealousies or insecurities later).

In another case, I was joking once (in an e-relationship at that) about rummaging through my partner's bag. She took offence (we were miles apart anyway), and told me even her kids were not allowed to do that :-) So I took it just as a negotiation of personal space. Fine by me, as long as (i) it's mutual (ii) it's agreed on in advance, or as early as possible to avoid later disappointments.

kheserthorpe · Answer

Its not about being disrespectful, I suspect using those words - in that context - turns him on.  If it really turns you OFF, then you should probably discuss it with him, but if its just a matter of you wondering what it means ... I think it means he really is attracted to you and wants to express that in a primal way.

Skyler123 · Answer

Nah, if he is treating you right and only talks dirty to you only when you're being intimate or alone I don't see anything wrong with it. One of my exes use to do that. It didn't mean he disrespected me its just that men like a dirty filthy whore in the bedroom. I know it sounds terrible but deep down men just can't get enough of a bad girl. Talking dirty to us and us acting on those words gets them all the more turned on.  They likes the dirty girls. :)

-Darling · Answer

My boyfriend tells me that he wants to f*** me like the slutty whore I am.. umm what you say about that? lol. Its just something that turns him on. It turns me on a lot as well so its a win win, I would to be honest like even more name calling etc but everything to its time ;-) I don't really get why you don't want him to say stuff like that, its hot :-P

darksidekei · Answer

hes just being a guy thinking talking like some tough guy acting like he's in control instead of saying baby I wanna make love to you which would make him sound gayish you could say so he's gonna say baby I wanna f*** you but for the other stuff maybe he's just being overprotective but like most girls you gotta show the boundaries even if your dating in love and whatever

sal-star · Answer

Messege me I'll try to help out but I think its normal but you could always ask him to say it more nicley to you

6Paul11 · Answer

I think you're overanalyzing. Don't sweat the small stuff. Choose your battles wisely.

wob357 · Answer

Guys sometimes can't help it. We are "wired" for the physical, not the emotional. Doesn't mean we don't care or don't love our ladies. Just tell him how you feel. He should at least be open to that if you guys have been together for a long time.

dakraziest · Answer

U shud be happy the guy wants to spend his life with yu so if you want a fairytale life stick to him

Anonymous · Answer

I would honestly prefer "I want to f*** you so bad" over "I want to make love to you"...I'm not one for that sappy sh*t.

My boyfriend of 2.5 months now speaks in a somewhat crass verbage and I was just wondering if this is normal?

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