I have been involved in a relationship with a man for almost a year. We had met each other on a few occasions through mutual friends, and some time later we wound up hooking up one night and then went on a couple of dates, but nothing came of it. I assumed it was just a dead fish in the water, so I left it alone. By some twist of chance we wound up working on a project together. It was a little weird at first, but we cleared the air. In a nutshell he gave me the "i don't do relationships" speech. He got no argument from me. Once the project was over I didn't expect to hear from him, but he would call me randomly and we would have lunch. The random lunches became fairly regular, once a week on the average. All of this spanned about a 4 month time period. During that time there were admissions of attraction, etc. But he just didn't feel he was in a place for a relationship, which after getting to know him, what he had been through...within a 4 year period he had lost his dad, brother and fought in Iraq. I had a good deal of compassion, and had no need to be a source of pressure for him, so I stayed true to the friendship. In September he decided to move, get out his slump and find a new perspective. The next month we spent more time together and before he moved in November we slept together...and much to my suprise he was the one who initiated everything. I was so not expecting it. He moved, we stayed in touch. I wrote him a letter professing my feelings. I made it clear I was telling him all of this because I couldn't have an friendship with him and not be honest about what I was thinking and feeling. I knew it was a big risk, but I had to put all my cards on the table. He told me I was amazing, but he was just in a weird place. I said I respected that and I wasn't trying to manipulate the situation. I told him I did not want to force anything, but I wasn't going to fight it. I though after a conversation like that he would have run in fear, but instead the relationship continued and he came back once a month after he moved. Recently I went to visit him. Before I left he said he was confused about what was going on, but he still wanted me to come, but he felt we shouldn't sleep together since he doesn't feel settled about where he's going to be next. I said that was fine, it that's what he needed. That our relationship is more than just about sex. I visited him, he asked me to stay longer than I planned and I did. We had the most fantastic time. He was so good to me, treated me like a queen. It was so easy. The night before I left he would tell me how great I was...He called me on the road and left a message that was so unlike him. There was that school boy excitement in his voice and he just said some really sweet things. Now of course I'm more confused than ever. His actions don't seem to match his words. What's going on? I'm crazy about him, does that make me crazy?
Judge a man by his actions, not his words?
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