Why do I suddenly miss him so much?

[Anonymous]

I know the answer might seem obvious seeing as we've only been broken up a little over 4 months, but we only dated for 4 months. So put into that perspective, we've been broken up for ages.

We broke up mutually, as it just wasn't working. I was speeding up the relationship accidentally as I had come out of a longterm one right before we started dating and was subconsciously trying to bring the new thing up to the old one's speed. his last relationship was intense, so he was noncommittal and a little bit cold. As you can guess, it was a disaster. He said I was making it intense (fair enough) and he fell out of love with me (but given how short it was, it was probably only infatuation). I constantly felt left to the wayside and hurt. The more he backed off, the more intense I got. It got too much for the both of us and it needed to end. So it hurt, even if the break up was half my idea.

we tried to be friends briefly but it was too hard, so I cut him off cold and he returned NC immediately.

During that time, I moved on quite well and quite quickly. I've made healthy changes to my lifestyle, my studies/career has been flying off since I've put more effort into it, I've made a lot of new friends and there are several great guys who are clearly interested in me. During that time, I may think about him often, but only in the sense that a quick thought pops up in my head during the day, nothing emotion-inducing or soul-destroying or anything. I could push those thoughts out of my mind quicly, or I'd tell myself its over and clearly for the best, and it would go away.

Someone once told me once the same amount of time as your relationship passes, you will be well and truly over the person. It has been enough time now.

however, recently, I've really begun to miss him. it started when I slept with a guy on nye for the first time after the break up, and all I could think was how it wasn't him. Two or three times in the last week, I've started crying spontaneously walking home past a garden where we shared memories, or thinking about how he's probably with some other girl now.

I'm about to take on an amazing opportunity for my career and it's something I've always dreamed of. And yet, all I can think is how unwanted I feel because I wished he had just loved me back.

So basically, does this mean that I actually love him? Should I contact him, or this is a passing thing.?

[Paris13]

You sound like a VERY intelligent girl and you certainly have so much to offer, so much to look forward to in your young life, a bright future, that "a blast from the past", that wasn't even considered a REAL relationship, could definitely put a "monkey wrench"in your plans and in your dreams, sweetie. All it takes is one text, one phone call, and when you least expect it, somehow, something, might just "come back to bite you," as they say. You have been doing absolutely beautifully WITHOUT this man, moved on, gotten together a marvelous life, and even just said so "healthy changes to your lifestyle", and naturally, and IT IS NATURAL, to feel like you did BECAUSE OF the guy you had slept with NYE(probably even a rebound), for it brought back memories of the "man who got away," and perhaps somehow, you were even finding yourself "comparing" the two". So now , you have found yourself "drumming up old feelings" from "last year," and of course, you want to contact him and hear his voice and find out if there might be another chance. I am sure all of these thoughts have been going through your head like a WHIRL WIND, but please, stop right there and go back to thinking logically again. You have come full circle in your lovely life, why not NOW "let sleeping dogs lie", as the ol' saying goes. Leave the past behind, and continue to tell yourself, he will not change, is not ready for a relationship, is sporadic, unpredictable and---"can't love ME or ANYONE right now." You will someday, when you least expect it, find someone who is ready for a long term relationship and be everything you want and more for you. "Blow him off" , you both had your time, and now are like "two ships that have passed in the night."