Technology Has Changed the Way We Date and Not For the Better

[gypsydream]

I am in love with love and my idea of it developed through the way media, books, and movies have portrayed it. Watching old romance movies has left me feeling like such a hopeless romantic. I so badly wanted to feel what I saw these characters feel. Something so simple you do everyday, like riding a train, leads to you meeting your prince charming who is just smitten with you.... This whole concept made me look at every possibility of going out as an opportunity to have my real life rom-com moment, but that's not the way we live anymore.

In a world consumed by technology and media, we search for love through dating apps, direct messages, snapchat, etc. And it is not a grand approach, yet when we are on the receiving end of it, we feel so giddy inside. But why? It only takes a few seconds to send a good morning text and girls are known to LOVE this, but think about just how lazy and effortless this is. Since when did a pathetic text message or a heart eyed emoji become a grand gesture just asl a guy opening your car door would be?

It just feels like people are not meeting in a natural or organic way anymore. This isn't a horrible thing but what happened to a social approach? Why are we getting to know people through text messages or via internet as opposed to going out and meeting people? I am a people watcher and when I am sitting in a college class, no one is trying to talk to anyone. It's like we use our phones as a crutch and forget that before they existed people actually went out of their way to woo one another. The only time we feel confident enough to make a "romantic" approach is when liquid courage is involved and we're in a party/bar/group of friends scene.

It also bothers me how nervous we get when sending just a text message! It is just a written message! It has no tone, feeling, or life to it.

There are many other issues I have with technology and dating. Cheating is easier, you become consumed in showing off your relationship online, you stalk your SO/crush, etc.

Maybe I am just an old romantic but I want to be wooed and I want to be approached in person. I feel like I can speak for a lot of people when I say this but I find it easier to talk or flirt with a guy through my phone and wish I knew how to in person. This has been the norm for so long that I think we forgot there are other ways to pick up people than via phone. Do you agree we need to be more social when it comes to dating?

[coachTanthony]

Technology has made it easier to meet people plain and simple. The problem is their are a lot of people who just prefer to remain online and not actually take it off line because its more comfortable. I view technology like a tool... my clients are making coffee dates every Saturday morning and most are having success. When is the last time someone met someone in a bar and then actually met up with them days later for coffee? Doesn't happen too often anymore unfortunately.

[Rissyanne]

I agree. If it weren't for on line dating I wouldn't go out at all. Where would I meet someone? I met my boyfriend of over 2 years on line.

[coachTanthony]

Thanks for the MHO!

[somewheresomeway]

Just had this problem on match. I messaged a girl back and forth for 3 weeks. I then gave her my number and asked if she would like to get drinks. She kept on coming up with wishy washy excuses and never counteroffered.

Anyway why do women waste time "messaging" guys they have no intention of ever meeting?

[coachTanthony]

@somewheresomeway They don't have it in them to just say NO.. they don't want to hurt your feelings but in the end is much worse. I always suggest you get the number and date within a week of chatting...

[somewheresomeway]

Yeah i know. But if that can't outright say that on a dating website where they are 100% safe than that's rather pathetic.

I usually go for the number right away. But this girl seemed cool so I was more patient than usual. Turns out she gets off on just virtually messaging guys.

[coachTanthony]

@somewheresomeway I would say 65% of people who online date have no intention of actually meeting anybody offline... much like Instagram it's internal validation that some seek... new messages, likes, compliments all sets off this chemical reaction that creates dopamine and everyone online is now getting addicted to this shit.

[somewheresomeway]

It's pathetic way to get attention.

[coachTanthony]

@somewheresomeway maybe but it's also super simple to get that fix.

[holograph]

We do need to be more social, absolutely. It's difficult for many guys to approach any women at all these days because so many women complain about how guys are "creepy" for doing so. All sorts of normal behavior seems to be described that way these days. Fortunately not all women contribute to this.

I'm not really sure how those particular types of women think that our species survived for so long if it's not acceptable for men to talk to women. And I'm not talking about the actual creepy guys that we all know exist. But there are creepy and poorly-intentioned women out there too and guys aren't going around calling basic behavior of women creepy...

While online dating can work, it's much less personal, guys don't typically get many replies to messages, you don't learn what the person is really like to be around because nobody's profile is 100% honest, etc. It's just a really piss poor way to date and I feel like society is using its existence to justify "socially sabotaging" the traditional, and better, ways to meet people.

The thing is... if online dating disappeared for good right now... would we learn to meet each other traditionally, and learn to just in general be more open to each other once more? I don't even know.

This isn't limited to dating. It just happens to have a large impact on dating. But let me ask you all this... How many of you know your neighbors? And if you said you do... is that just one or two of them, or a large portion of them? I bet most people don't.

Doesn't help that we're working all the time... 40 hour work weeks doing unnatural work were never healthy but I know people working 60+ hours a week... Who's got time to meet people in person? Instead of fixing the actual problems in our lives, like how we've got our priorities all fucked up, we instead turn to fast food and online dating to save time in our lives so we can work more.

[PlacentaSalad]

"Maybe I am just an old romantic but I want to be wooed and I want to be approached in person."

Yeah, well, so do men. But women often do not approach or "woo" them either. In fact, I'd say the modern woman does it much less than what the modern man so at least one gender is still trying to go for what they want. Regardless, it isn't really a man's responsibility anymore to actually approach women so if you're a woman and you want a relationship, sometimes you just have to get over being an "old romantic" and initiate the conversation yourself. Most women are still single against their own interest because of this mentality that men should be approaching her.

It's easy to blame technology for why people aren't approaching each other, but there are other factors that are affecting the lack of socializing as well. The dating scene, for example, is just very hostile for men and women don't really understand just exactly why and how that is. Using the internet is just much easier to meet people.

[tyber1]

Agreed

[vonasaurus]

i don't think there's anything innately wrong with online dating: only with those who would abuse it for selfish reasons (people have been cheating on their partners for far longer than the internet has existed).

all of my previous relationships had been with people i'd met in person, but i tried online dating for the first time at 27. here's why it worked:

1) i was a young professional working 6 days/60+ hours a week. my schedule was wildly unpredictable and i barely had time to eat and sleep, so "going out to meet people" was off the table.

2) i am an introvert; online dating allowed me to meet new people from the comfort of my own home, minus the anxiety, general awkwardness and trying to form an ecape plan in my head if things weren't going well.

i talked to quite a few different folks, but only one held my attention enough to want to meet him in person/sacrifice my me-time/give up my only day off. our first date was awesome, and we've been inseparable ever since.

we're in our 3rd year together and we're happier than we've ever been. we do have each other on fb, but we keep it pg (save the mushy stuff for private messages, guys) and i don't believe in any of that relationship surveillance garbage.

as with anything else, technology is a great servant but a terrible master.

[Whizzy83]

Check your six chicka, he probably has a sancha on the side.

[YBarros]

funny because you did block them guys in friendzone, they're already dead of heart.

[sedrftvgyhujik]

Do you think you where actually any more productive having to work 60 hour weeks that a more focused 40?

[vonasaurus]

@Whizzy83 the butthurt is strong with you lol.

@YBarros I'm only one person and I (nor you, nor anyone else in the world) is everyone's cup of tea, And the "friend-zone" doesn't exist: it's simply a modern term for unrequited love (ie: one-sided 'love' that exists only in the person's mind.)

@sedrftvgyhujik great question; while i think that working that many hours is ridiculous, it's pretty standard for the field i was in at the time. that particular sector is known to abuse the fuck out of their staff and have a high turnover rate as a result (hence why i no longer work there).

[sedrftvgyhujik]

What industry was it if you dont mind me asking?

[sedrftvgyhujik]

Warehousing , retail, call center , ironically hospitality and catering?

[vonasaurus]

@sedrftvgyhujik call centre, telecommunications; mandatory overtime is par for the course, and it's not unusual to work 50-60 hours/week with no overtime pay. there are so many legal loopholes that call centres exploit, in order to take advantage of their employees.

i hate call centres, and both hubs and i have agreed that we'll never work in one again.

[ClauseViter]

How taken up you are with 'romantic' ideas and at your age, it's a shame.

What's needed here is a healthy dose of pragmatism.

Will you confuse love with 'passionate outbursts', lack of rational action and a want of tenderness?

Love to such people as you is an idle occupation, lacks any enduring foundation and is bound to dissipate into vapor. What is it you want out of such emotional outpourings. You wish to have some man take interest in you, twaddle his fingers, engage you with irrelevant conversation and praise his wanting of you for a reason unknown to himself.

Instead let us think a moment of the instances in which it is proper to engage people and this way avoid seeking them out by the compulsion of caprice. When you are to approach someone let there be a very obvious reason for doing so, let not hidden intentions produce idle chatter, and above all let not such activities take the place of one's prime occupation. Use your head, keep calm, carry about your business, approach people only with a legitimate justification, and your life will be well order.

[Anonymous]

My dad and I got in a long conversation about this morning. Much different world now than what he knew.

However I have to tell you that I've met countless rude women in public when I try to approach them. Sometimes I don't know if they are married or have a boyfriend. Sometimes I don't know if they are having a bad day or not. Above all I don't know if they find me attractive or not (women are better at hiding this).

At least with apps the risk of being publicly shamed is lower. That sounds like beta male crap to say that but it's true. Lots of guys use apps not just because we are lazy but because its lower risk of outright painful rejection.

On the flip side women can be EXTREMELY picky on apps. They match and never respond. They may respond to one message and nothing more. Plus women who are the heavier side can use headshots/angles to hide their bodies.

Anyway those romantic novels were always a lie and fantasy anyway. Every romance movie I've seen never replicates real life. The guy who is cool can say things that look cool and funny in a movie. However in real life women would likely be creeped out by him.

[Opinion Owner]

For the girl who downvoted me please tell
me why. I'm sick of these cowardly objections with no argument.

[Kuraj]

Technology has not changed the way we date, women have changed the way we date.

What you described is cute, but the reality is that your prince charming is currently sitting on a dating app somewhere counting the hundreds of average looking women who have already ignored his attempts at communication.
Now translate that to how much wasted time, money and potential harassment claims would that equal in real life.

What you desire is simply not feasible for any average modern male and those 5% who are good looking enough to have success in person are simply banging good looking chicks for free on tinder.

[vvn604]

What's with all the guys these days blaming women for their lack of love life. Guys seem to be lacking father figures to show them how to get girls the right way.

[tyber1]

@vvn604 because it is women... times are changing but women are refusing to change with them. You can't expect a guy to woo you just for being a woman, that's ridiculous. Romance is a two way street, women need to stop being so lazy.

[vvn604]

@tyber1 nothing could be further from the truth from what you said. Times are indeed changing and guys are in fact blaming girls to change with them by engaging in frequent sexual relations with many guys who of course end up reciprocating and vice versa. Guys need to stop complaining and step up by making hard decisions. Casual sex or genuine relationships. The choice is yours.

[vvn604]

And it's a common knowledge that guys enjoy the chase hence they are more often than not expected to woo a girl rather than the other way around. Guys knoa this. You are complaining for reasons that lead to nothing significant.

[Kuraj]

@vvn604
What's with the guys?
I don't know, maybe they are stopping to be amused by how certain entitled women keep thinking how doing things the way that suits them is "the right way".

[Stamps]

@Kuraj

I agree, though I think it's more like a typical ''All guys agree, all girls disagree'' topic.

[vvn604]

@Stamps That is your assumption. Most guys your age just want sex and would play the pity party when they can't get any.

[tyber1]

@vvn604 let me fill you in on why you keep getting used for sex, since you haven't pieced it together.

Guys who pursue a lot of different women typically have dominant personalities, like I do. We don't respect people who are weak and submissive. So the most you will get put of these guys is a few nights if fun because while he is enjoying himself, he doesn't respect your docile attitude. He will repeat this cycle of sleeping with women he doesn't respect until he find a woman who can take charge, who he can respect, and then he will date that girl.

[vvn604]

Well of course guys like you would go for girls with a "docile attitude". It is easier to get sex from them. The girls who can take charge simply won't give you sex unless you respect her first. It isn't that her docile attitude specifically that puts you off from wanting a relationship with her. She is simply easier to get in bed.

[tyber1]

@vvn604 not true at all, we simply admire powerful personalities. It has nothing to do with how easy she was to bed. We don't respect people who can't take charge. If a girl who is not up to par doesn't put out, a dominant guy will just move on, they won't move on if she is awesome.

[gypsydream]

@tyber1 Are you saying even the attractive guys that are successful in person, Still end up banging chicks from tinder?

[tyber1]

The men who are successful with women have a tendency to be really successful with women, I would say in many cases yes. I can't really say I blame them, either.

[backtoblackkkk]

Technology has its upsides and downsides. It's made it easier for people to communicate with others but at the same time it has alienated people from each other, ruining social skills. I think you have a point and I'd also rather flirt with a guy irl than online, but your problem is that you expect Mr. Perfect to come your way. Most media, books, and movies don't portray love accurately--only very few ones do. This whole "romance" stuff is garbage. Love isn't simple and it's a relationship of giving and taking.

[gypsydream]

I agree but it's like no one goes out of their way anymore. No one hardly even looks up from their phones either

[NatashaJ]

Also technology makes it easier for guys to harass/stalk/annoy you on the internet nowadays. My friend deleted her fb because she went on a date with a guy she wasn't really into but try to give him a shot. He scare her with his creepy behaviour. Out of nowhere after that date some random fb account message one of her sister's account and message them to let them know that my friend was dating a 30 year old and had sex with him (ex boyfriend). Also she was Muslim so it was big deal she had sex and she made her sisters think she dump that guy a long time. Luckily she went in her sister account and deleted the message. She got scare to the point where she deleted fb and haven't been back on it since and she not planning to. She also block his phone number off her iphone and made him think that she was going to come back on social media so they can date she never did.

[NatashaJ]

Also I just want to add no other fb account ever message her sister fb again after she got rid of this guy out of her life.

[gypsydream]

wow that is scary! Glad she caught it! Did she figure out who it was that sent the message?

[NatashaJ]

She really believes it was the weird guy she try to like but couldn't be attractive to because all that happen after the date.

[NatashaJ]

Also since she rogue and kick him out of her life nothing like that happen since then but the nerve of that guy to think he had a right to but into her life like that is beyond me.

[godfatherfan]

Ugg that first paragraph made me cringe. Do you women understand it is a MOVIE right? Books and movies are not real life. Women get things built up in their head from things are are not real so they have unrealistic expectations of what men should do, say, feel etc... Young women already have such screwed up thoughts about sex to start with.
Phones have made things worse. The only time I will look at my phone on a date is if my kids text me. Everyone has their own text tone so I know if it is important or not. But I have been on dates where women get on their phones constantly. I once had a date where she spent most of the date on her phone. I didn't bother to call her again.
Technology or not, you need to be realistic about life and align your expectations of men appropriately.

[Crumbles]

Hi there, @gypsydream. I’m going to try and answer your question as honestly and genuinely as possible. It’s going to be a long response, cut into different parts, but please bear with me.

(Also I must say after reading through my whole entry, it may start out as a little pessimistic, but it ends on a sweet note in my opinion)

I think I'm fairly similar to you in the way that I romanticised love throughout my life right up unto adolescence. It's over those years of my youth that I started to mature and really understand the world around me and the people in it. I too, like yourself, took up the art of 'people watching'. It's something I do whenever I'm by my lonesome in any public space. One thing I've noticed both from experience and just interacting with others and watching them is this (this is a personal entry from one of my diaries (real manly I know)):

[Crumbles]

————————————————————————————-

I FEEL MORE LONELY AND DEPRESSED AROUND PEOPLE

It's a weird thing, you'd think in this situation, it would be reversed... but it's not. I think this stems from the idea that no-one can truly connect with anyone else. There's a world inside each of us and no-one can enter someone else's world. You can get close to that world through love and intimacy, but it still doesn't change the fact that there's a barrier, a barrier between our souls. With those sorts of relationships I actually get worse mentally and emotionally because it just feels like someone's knocking on your door constantly, you want to open that door and see that person behind it and allow them to see you too, but that door just never opens; it's forever locked and you don't have the key to open it and you never will.

[Crumbles]

Being out in public or around friends and family actually makes this feeling more profound and at the forefront of my thoughts: "Look at all these people, all these people that I can't truly connect with, no matter how hard I try; I’ll never really know them and they'll never really know me." This makes me more depressed and anxious than I would be sitting at home alone in my room without any form of contact; this way, no-one would be anywhere near that ‘door’, they wouldn’t be knocking and in return I wouldn’t be in so much pain.

[Crumbles]

I've discovered this personal philosophy only a couple of years ago and it's something that has only grown stronger and stronger in my mind over those years. I'm at the point now where I can't be bothered talking to anyone because I always have that same constant thought: “What's the point of talking to someone if you aren't going to truly connect with them?". All I see people as now are tools, or gateways, to get information and understanding over different things (for CEOs they would view people as the means to run a business and earn money) -- not as a gateway to be happy, satisfied and fulfilled, which was what I originally thought; I don't think another person can make you feel those feelings and I don't think you will experience those feelings in your life either… sure in small bursts, but they aren’t constant, they’re sporadic.
———————————————————————————

[Crumbles]

Going of this diary entry, I think lots of people are starting to have that philosophy, especially when it comes to relationships (or it could just be me).

Normally it starts out with infatuation and that infatuation leads to you conversing with someone and asking them out on a date once you know them well enough. If that plays out well, you’ll begin to date that person, then you’ll continue that relationship with the person you ‘love’. At first, you’ll make each other feel happy, satisfied and fulfilled (this is the part that is shown in romance novels and movies). Overtime those feelings will start to wear away after (x) amount of time and you’ll start to feel unhappy, unsatisfied and unfilled by that said person and them too in return. Maybe these feelings will start to manifest from the realisation that you can’t truly ‘connect’ with the person you love and you’ll start to feel just as lonely and isolated as you did before the relationship began.

[Crumbles]

I think this is why so many marriages are ending in divorce nowadays and why so many relationships in general fail. And I think it’s been this way throughout history, it’s just been hard to tell because divorce was frowned upon until fairly recently, sadly. If you look back to the 60’s and such, you’ll find that most people in marriages ended up sad and miserable as time when on, which can be seen in the movie Revolutionary Road (loved that movie mostly for its honest take on relationships, also the movie Blue Valentine, although that one wasn’t based in the 60’s).

[Crumbles]

Maybe this generation are starting to become more conscious of this at an early age for whatever reason and in return can’t be bothered talking to people and starting relationships with them (they’ve given up); they realise it’s a relationship doomed to fail after the novelty wears of and reality kicks in. That’s why you see articles from Vice and other news outlets that millennials are starting to have less and less relationships with each other.

Technology nowadays allows for us to connect with people faster. It’s a tool that we can use, especially by this generation, to get all the trivial talk out of the way so that we can engage in quick meaningless sex; we don’t want relationships anymore, we just want pleasure, because we’re more hedonistic.

[Crumbles]

Just this month, or the past couple of months I should say, I’ve changed my whole perspective on this and this whole perspective came into fruition after watching the film ‘Arrival’. I won’t spoil anything for you in case you haven’t seen it, but it raises a very important question, which is: If you know a relationship is going to end badly, will you start that relationship anyway, knowing that it’ll eventually come to an end?

[Crumbles]

It’s when I was confronted with this question that I realised this: Yes all relationships will wither, but at the end of the day, you need to think about the time in-between. There’s a short moment as I mentioned above, where at the start of a relationship you are happy, you are satisfied and you are fulfilled. You feel connected to your partner and you love them and they too with you. That moment, however small, makes relationships worth it even if they will eventually end. It was this revelation that sent me into tears and yes I did cry a little but it was such a profound moment for me and it shifted my whole pessimistic view on relationships.

[Crumbles]

I think that people nowadays need to realise that, they need to stop being so pessimistic and nihilistic when it comes to relationships and just realise that yes, nothing good last forever but that’s ok — it isn’t supposed to. We need to start being more genuine and sincere and climb out of this cave we’ve fallen into and allow ourselves to think and feel again instead of hiding away from others through technology.

[Crumbles]

I’m at a point now where I don’t connect with my friends and family on social media platforms. As well as that I don’t use a smartphone anymore, I sold it quite a long time ago and all I have now is one of those cheap twenty-dollar phones that are remarkably like those old Nokia phones from back in the day, so that’s handy dandy; nostalgia for the win I guess. All this is an attempt to live more in the moment and allow myself to connect with people in a more genuine way instead of an artificial way.

[Crumbles]

I’m also changing the way I talk in the sense that I’m as truthful and honest as I can be and not just spouting out things that I’ve been programmed to say. An example being the question, “How are you today?” It’s when I’m asked this that I’ll answer it truthfully, sometimes saying something like, “Not doing too well actually.” Instead of, “I’m fine thanks.” Where in reality I’m externally: :) and internally: :(.

[Crumbles]

In this vein, I’m also trying to steer trivial conversation into deep and meaningful conversations, which I think is extremely important. I’ve had so many friends in my life that were just superficial in our relationship and just spoke about trivial things; it’s those people that I’ve begun to take out of my life. I think there needs to be an important balance of those two things: trivial conversation and deep and meaningful conversation for a relationship to flourish. That’s what we need more of today and we’re losing that with technology and that’s a problem.

[Crumbles]

I think I’m starting to mumble on a little bit now. I don’t even know if I’ve really answered your question or not. It’s taken me a couple of hours to write this and proof read everything and I don’t even know how coherent all of it is. But in essence, I think that people have turned to technology as a result of their philosophies (which are mentioned above) and it’s those philosophies that have made relationships worse, not the technology itself (although it does enhance it all). At the end of the day, we need to shift our mindsets and once we do this, refrain from technology more; once done, relationships will begin to flourish more and more, if this will ever happen… who knows.

[Crumbles]

On a side note and I’m not hitting on you, it’s merely a compliment and you must get it a lot, you’re absolutely beautiful and I don’t find many people beautiful nowadays so that’s saying something (trust me) ;).

Anyway, I wish you all the best in the future and despite what I said, I hope you find your Prince Charming and have your rom-com moments and live out the rest of your days like you’re in one of those books or movies… one can only hope right?

P. S. Even if it doesn’t happen, you can always fantasise, I’ve got a whole rom-com world that I return to right before I go to sleep and it’s a peaceful way to go out ;)

<3

Regards,

@Crumbles

[Crumbles]

I forgot to add something; knowing that a relationship is going to end and being fully aware of that, makes you cherish every moment that you have with your partner, you make the most out of it and you live in the moment with them for as long as it lasts -- it's liberating and bittersweet and overall it's a blessing to know that and be aware of that while it's happening before your very eyes (I don't know if I articulated that very well but what can ya do).

[Sluthater]

Totally disagree. I would have never set foot in a night club if a Match. com or a POF had existed. Can't imagine all of the time I wasted on dates with women who had a different value system and lifestyle than me. My sole reason for going clubbing was to meet Ms. Right. Absolutely hated it. Never occurred to my naive ass that 99% of the women there actually ENJOYED going to clubs. Caused unimaginable problems during attempted long term relationships. Finally, I quit going to clubs and refused to date women who did. Took me until I was 32 to meet what I consider a marryable women. I wish there were an online thing. I would have listed all the shit wrong with me and describe what I was looking for in a girlfriend and what my deal breakers were. Save everyone the aggravation.

[Dale1982]

I'll never date online. I learned how to talk to women from the old masters I used to hang about with. Meeting somebody after chatting online for weeks would be piss boring. When you walk up to a girl you know fuck all about her and you've got to fish for info and get her in a good mood. That's proper dating. That feeling when your getting somewhere and starting to relax in each other's company is priceless. The only way is talk tonslmebody online is maybe finding out about her basic interests and that's that

[Whizzy83]

Like a boss!!

[pavlove]

On the one hand, this is annoying because it's clear you yourself are not capable of being more social and this is really a call for men to start approaching and developing relationships in person rather than text messaging.

On the other hand, you bring up a good point that we supposedly live in a self esteem age but everyone is doubting themselves more and fear other peoples reactions more than ever before and the methods for dating reflect this. tinder could never work in a youth culture that was almost entirely self confident

[Anonymous]

80/20 rule in dating now buddy boys. If you aren't Chad better settle for being in LTR with a sloot who most likely will occasionally cheat on you with Chad.

i3.kym-cdn.com/.../ac7.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/uk75fFi.jpg

If you can't get that then wait for women when their past their physical prime and mentally fucked now wanting to give you what's left of them for commitment.

starcasm.net/.../90_Day_Fiance_Anfisa_photos.jpg

[Curmudgeon]

However, you are responding to a she, not to a he. So admonish her to not pursue Chad cock.

[Astoriana]

You know that all of those romance movies and novels and songs were a fantasy all along? It's highly unlikely that any relationship ever began the way they do in movies.

One set of grandparents got married because they were next door neighbours. She wanted out of the house to get away from her abusive parents. He wanted a new wife to replace the one that was killed during Nazi shelling.

There's a difference between fantasy and reality. You would do well to learn it.

[ThisDudeHere]

Whether you think that people "need" to be more social or not is irrelevant - people will continue doing whats more convenient anyway.

Also, you're saying that dating needs to be more social. Define "needs." I mean, what are you proposing? Will you aggressively force dating quotas? Will you passively try to popularize your ideas? What is your solution?

[vvn604]

You saying "people will continue doing whats more convenient anyway." shows that you're trying to take the easy road. Good things in life don't come easy.

[ThisDudeHere]

@vvn604 good things in life indeed don't come easy but that doesn't mean that people will stop taking the easy path at every convenience.

Either way, you didn't answer my question.

[tyber1]

@vvn604 "shows that you're trying to take the easy road. Good things in life don't come easy."

Tell that to all the women who won't approach

[vvn604]

@tyber1 And you're saying guys don't enjoy the chase? That you would value something more if you had to work less hard to earn it?

[vvn604]

Your questions aren't getting to the root of the problem.

[ThisDudeHere]

@vvn604 actually my questions so just that. All you did was rant about how things today are bad and etc. So I'm asking what is your solution?

Also, it's very convenient for you to excuse women not approaching by saying that men prefer the chase and that they wouldn't want something easy. So then why is it that you can have it easy?

Apps often make it easier for guys. All you want is a return to the olden days when guys had to do all the heavy lifting without anything to help them out whereas you just went along for the ride, being taken care of.

[vvn604]

What's with you and the word "convenience"? And you know what they say. Thoughts turn into actions. Clearly you are the one who is trying to have it easy.

[vvn604]

And let's say I like chasing guys. They won't value me as much as if they had to chase me first. Otherwise I would be seen as too easy to get and therefore less valuable to them. Guys have always been hunters. Just like how why guys crave sex more than girls. It's embedded in the male biology.

[ThisDudeHere]

@vvn604 and it is also imbedded in to human biology to make things more convenient. Simple.

So I finally get it. You like it when guys have a harder time competing for you. That's your main issue here. Pretty selfish.

[tyber1]

@vvn604 I am confirming for you right now that most guys do not enjoy the chase. Make a poll if you don't believe me.

[tyber1]

Take a hint from all the guys here that are *telling you* that they'd like women to take more initiative. We are *literally* telling you what we want.

[vvn604]

To take responsibility is having to endure convenience. People who are capable of being responsible understand that the natural human tendency to hear towards convenience often times does not lead to desirable outcomes worthy of significance. Clearly your intentions to have things be convenient shows you still lack the qualities to take on greater responsibilities and to endure hardships as a man. You are 22. Your capacity for rational thinking is still being developed.

[vvn604]

Fix: not endure convenience. But to overcome convenience

[vvn604]

gear towards convenience*

[vvn604]

You are making things up. You say I like it when a guy has a hard time competing for me? Guys are competitive so it's a game they have set up for themselves.

[vvn604]

@tyber1 I would be careful with what you are saying. "Take a hint from all the guys here that are *telling you* that they'd like women to take more initiative. We are *literally* telling you what we want."- does not represent all guys.

[ThisDudeHere]

@vvn604 You have assumed that I represent what I wrote. I don't. I am merely stating the way I see things working out. Your view is idealistic. Mine is pragmatic.

[vvn604]

@tyber1 Sure. Make a poll. However, you must follow through using the empirical method as they do in scientific studies in order to formulate valid conclusions to support your hypothesis.

[vvn604]

" I am merely stating the way I see things working out." is in fact a very idealistic view seeing and going about things.

[vvn604]

view of*

[tyber1]

@vvn604 I told you to make a poll. I have already done so in the past. You do it, then you will have no argument that I'm distorting the statistics somehow.

I know I don't speak for all guys. But I do speak for a significant majority. 80 or 90 percent. Do the poll, and you will either prove or disprove my statistic.

[10dsw]

"but I want to be wooed and I want to be approached in person."

It's not going to happen anymore because this is bordering on being a dangerous activity for most men nowadays. In some parts of the UK, approaching women is already illegal.

I agree with you and I think that online dating is especially bad, making for a disposable dating culture. But it's only going to get worse sadly lol

[Unorthodox91]

'In some parts of the UK, approaching women is already illegal.'

what?

[10dsw]

@Unorthodox91 Yep, that's a fact.

[Unorthodox91]

source?

[10dsw]

@Unorthodox91 Look up Nottinghamshire Police Department

"A police force revealed today it has become Britain’s first to recognise misogyny as a hate crime.

Nottinghamshire Police is recording incidents such as street harassment, verbal abuse, unwanted physical approaches and taking photographs without consent within the hate crime definition.

Unwanted physical or verbal contact or engagement is defined as exactly that and so can cover wolf whistling and other similar types of contact. If the victim feels that this has happened because they are a woman then we will record it as a hate crime."

[10dsw]

Anyways I find it funny how in some jurisdictions women are complaining about men not approaching them while simultaneously lobbying laws to prevent men from approaching them. It's like seriously?

[Unorthodox91]

'street harassment, verbal abuse, unwanted physical approaches and taking photographs without consent within the hate crime definition'

I think most of that is just standard: approaches that fall into the 'harassment' category, not approaches in general. People that pass this kind of legislation do need to define their terms better however.

[10dsw]

@Unorthodox91 The reason I know about this is because I have a relative that lives there. Agreed but unfortunately many LEOs are including all approaches to be illegal, simply twisting the existing law to their own benefit, and I mean there's no arguing with this particular law until it's reworded

[Tanisha69]

I agree with a lot of this the social media ruins a lot of the romance. also when you can see his dick pics before you even do anything together its just stupid.

[gypsydream]

you should like get expelled from the internet if you send an unsolicited dick pic lol

[Tanisha69]

yea lol

[Anonymous]

I don't know what the hell changed. I was in a 15 year relationship. I remember dating before, and it was fun.
After my relationship fell through I was back on the scene 15 years later. What a difference.
Women are unfriendly to approach, the games people play, the expectations people have.
It has really turned into something unpleasant.

[vvn604]

It has become a game because guys now have access to easy sex, especially ones in the 18-24. By the time they are older and want a genuine relationship, women have learned the hard way after being used up by guys in their early 20s so when the same guys try to approach women after everyone has played the field, these women no longer trust them.

[Opinion Owner]

@vvn604 apparently they trust no one. Especally one who may be the man of her dreams, who isn't looking to play games or bullshit. I am treated like I'm a rapist.
Again last night I get treated to the games, runaround and suspicion.

I'm tired of this shit. No more trying to simply meet and get to know a gal. Such a waste of time and heartache. If you wonder where the good men are; we have been pushed away by your assumptions and unnecessary rude behaviour.

[KenM9215]

if you don't mind me asking, what makes you feel that women are unfriendly to approach? also what games are you referring to? (not trying to be a jerk and call you out or anything, I'm just genuinely curious is all).

[Opinion Owner]

@KenM9215 let's see... I tend to get one of two responses.
One is they are so nervous that simple conversation becomes impossible. Even when I do back flips to carry the conversation and make it as easy as possible.
The other is just plain rudeness- ignore you or respond with something insulting.

The games are things like flirting and showing interest when she already has a boyfriend, hot and cold interest, friendly one moment but ignore you the next only to then show intrest when you walk away, endless getting to know someone stage that never results in a date, giving out a number to never respond, her never quite knowing how she feels- her gut says yes but she is too worried I'm going to play her, flirting with others while watching you, etc.
I won't even go into online dating. Which is about as much fun as being dragged by a car.

[demonics]

I'd love to do things 'the old fashioned way' but the first thing out of a girls mouth when you meet them is "do you have *insert Snapbback Bookgram, Instaderp here* ? a basic conversation is like pulling teeth what with all of the 'ummmms' and 'uhhhhhs' and uncomfortable silences. And don't even bother if you don't watch tv. You're screwed if you didn't watch the latest episode of Tits and Stabbings.