I believe in love and I still want to get married someday. I've always believed in these two things no matter if I was a ten year old marrying her Barbie and Ken together or where I am in life now. I've been told at my age, the odds are getting slimmer and slimmer and that may very well be true in the minds of some, but other people's negativity about relationships, love, and marriage have never made me feel like "at my age," I should just give up on love.
I don't want some fairy tale white knight to sweep me up in his arms and our lives to be perfect, because that's not reality. That's what stupid people think love is---a pure fantasy where nothing ever goes wrong and no one ever gets hurt, or fights, or gets sick, or has to apologize. I want a partner who loves me and vice versa. I want a partner who wants to be in it for the long haul. I want to be in a relationship where we both have our flaws, but we learn to accept each others. I want to be with someone who has dreams, and hopes, and fears, and we support each other through those phases of our lives.
I don't want to decide that love isn't worth it anymore just because I don't have it in my life right at this second, and I don't think others should either. We are surrounded in this world by this intense right here and right now attitude that if something isn't going on at this second, we move on, we forget it, we leave it alone, we think it's stupid and not worth it, but ask all those people who have found love, if it was worth the wait.
I know some days can get really hard and really lonely, and I'd be lying if I said, I haven't had my fair share of those, but turning ones back on love is counterintuitive to wanting to replace those feelings with the feelings of reciprocal love from a partner. If I or you, say, I'll just give up on this thing, that doesn't help us feel anything else but more and more lonely days where we move from a place of trying to a place of quitting, and giving, up, and giving in. Once you hit that spot, you tend to feel as though you have very little worth...simply because you haven't found love, but in my mind it's quite the opposite.
I am a person worthy of being loved and loving others. That doesn't change because I'm not in a loving relationship right now, nor does it make me want to stop searching. I think of all the moments in life where something has been hard, or difficult, or seemed impossible, and I think of all the times, I have just given up and stopped trying---my life didn't improve by quitting. In fact, it was those tough times, those times I had to push which made me stronger, which made me fight harder, which made me want to accomplish more, and do more. Love is like that in many ways. I believe in the sun when it's not shining. I believe in the rain, when it's not raining. I believe in the air, even when I can't see it. I believe in happiness, even when I'm in a bad mood. And I, and you, should still believe in love even if you don't have it, right now.
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