Ex boyfriend vs fuck buddy?

[Anonymous]

In a bit of a dilemma. I was with my ex for a year and 9 months but he kept saying that he couldn't see a future together, was always crap with making plans and would gaslight me. Anyway, we decided to be friends and I've started emotionally detaching from anything romantic with him.

I think because valentines day is coming up, he's trying to approach me again. Saying he wants to make plans etc. However I know for a fact he won't declare his love for me, or class what we had as ever being a relationship. I genuinley feel dissapointed at his lack of effort and care, as 'he doesn't care about valentines day'or doing anything nice.

Anyway, a guy I used to see for a year prior to him- as a friend with benefits has recently got in touch. He's amazing in the bedroom and is good fun to be around. There's nothing romantic but he makes me feels sexy which is what I feel I need atm.
I feel bad for considering him, but I'm unsure if I should acceot his advances to meet up and have a good time. My feelings are with my ex, but I just know, nothing will ever change. I also know this other guy is just there to fill a void both emotionally and sexually because I feel so unwanted and he makes me feel amazing and hot usually.

A part of me wants to run away and just hide because there's so much pressure to appease the pair of them. But another side of me has been like, no I need to move on and feel sexy, I guess I am conflicted.

As a single 30 year old, I feel I deserve to have a good time. I just don't feel how I thought I would about the attention I am getting.
I know for example that my ex will never be a lifelong partner an everyone around me keeps telling me to move on and meet someone new. It's just hard

[Anonymous]

Easy, drop both of them and have Galentines Day with your friends lol. Your ex has nothing new to say and the friends with benefits has nothing new to offer. I am 32 now, but turning 30 really opened my eyes. I realized that the screwing around, casual stuff with men was cool in our 20s but now it’s time to get serious and focus on our betterment. You already have been shown what both of these men have to offer and from where I’m standing, none of it is up to par with the kind of man you deserve, not to build a life or family with. I wouldn’t want my future daughter thinking either of those men are the standard of what she should search for in a man. I also find it so disingenuous when exes or situationships come back around for major holidays, yet once spring break and summertime hits they’re right back on their bullshit. Don’t fall for it, be smarter about who is given your time and make sure he’s up to standard from the start. There’s worse things than being single on Valentine’s Day or just in general.

[Asker]

Thank you for your reply. Yeah I think turning 30 has made me realise I need something serious and someone who meets my needs and is right for my standards. I feel like I have settled to many times now, and you're right I deserve better. Its not what I would want for my daughter if I had one. I think I need to reconsider my choices and just be single and alone for a while. I should focus on my career for a month or so and maybe when I feel ready to accept new energy and meet someone, I can try too then when I'm feeling confident and better in myself.
I'd rather be alone tbh then take up any breadcrums from people that don't genuinley care for me! Can't believe I almost forgot my worth

[Opinion Owner]

No problem! I think as women we all have had that man (or those men) who we know aren’t good for us but still can’t let go. It’s hard to put some finality into cutting them off and being done, but changing my mindset made such a difference.

The biggest game changer was knowing I didn’t want a boyfriend or friends with benefits, I wanted a husband. That doesn’t mean getting married off the bat, it means dating a man who I know is equipped to be a father, provider and life partner.

I think you should adopt a similar mindset, and until a man who’s up to par enters your orbit, don’t ever settle or let a man use your body just so you can feel something. They’re undeserving and as you know, you can do a lot better.

[Surely]

I guess that if your ex says he doesn’t see a future with you. What kept him around for the 21 months? You seem to be confused and maybe a little depressed. If your friends with benefits makes you feel like a desirable woman. Without connection. With his help, you would become a happier, sexier and more desirable person and attract more compatible men, Anyway. It is your call 📞!

[Asker]

That's a good point you made. I guess today I'm just not feeling it and can't be bothered meeting up with him. I think I'll just ditch the pair of them and relax at home in peace. I am depressed yeah I spent a year and 9 months trying to progress a relationship with a man who doesn't want a relationship it seems. I was never confused, I've always wanted to be with him but there comes a point whereby you assess the situation and realise you're flogging a deaf horse. If after all that time he won't declare he loves me or even want us to be in a relationship properly, then what's the point.
But ideally yeah, I need to get back out there and feel my old self which was sexy, bubbly, fun and easy going. But the stress of all of that man's nonsense has me super deflated. I live alone and wanted him to visit me and stay over and he wouldn't. It's extremely lonley

[Asker]

Dead*

[Surely]

Good idea. Take a break and rethink things. Become your happy go lucky self and begin the rest of your life! Good luck! Happy Valentine’s Day! ❤️

[Surely]

Thank you for the MHO and many well wishes for the new you!

[Dargil]

You broke up for a reason. Never, ever look back.

[Bobbysworld]

Go with #2 have a few orgasms for "vday" then move on. Enjoy the day and yourself.