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| Posted 3 months ago |
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Category Behavior |
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Revenge Against Opposite Sex : A Losers Game
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Common scenario one: A guy falls in love with a beautiful but cold-hearted woman who uses his good nature against him. After attempting to buy her affections and lavishing his attention on her so she could see why she should love him, in the end, she ends up using him and laughing about it. Dude eventually wises up, but instead of learning from his mistakes, he becomes bitter and decided to make all women pay fro the sins and actions of someone else.
Common scenario two. A girl falls fro the "dangerous type" a guy who seems fun and adventurous. He is charming, the kind of guys chicks go for. At the end of a yearlong relationship and three infidelities by the scoundrel, home girl is sick and tried and decides to leave. She rushes into the arms of another man who ends up being the same kind of jerk as her last boy friend. Eventually, homegirl decides that all men are worthless pigs and decides to dump all her anger on the next guy who comes along by playing games and using him for all he is worth.
Sound familiar.
Unfortunately, the two above people are a bit to blame for their own fixes. This is not to say that jerks and bitches who seek to hurt and destroy are faultless. Karma is no respecter of persons, and inevitably, such people get their just desserts.
No, the problem arises when these people first seek to lash out at the world for essentially making an error in judgment in who they should love. Some even keep repeating the same mistakes, but instead of internalizing and seeing how they need to change to find something of value, they blame all men or all women and say there is nothing good out there to begin with.
This is just fear and childish anger talking.
Fear comes from the idea of getting hurt again
Childish anger comes from not getting our way.
Guess what? In the real world, we don't always get our way. The hero doesn't always win and the geek doesn't get the beauty Queen after showing his true heart ( unless said geek is Bill Gates, but that's another article for another time.)
There are so many wonderful people in the world, guy and girl alike—I know, I've met them. Some are taken and others are smart enough to wait until they find the right person, For many, their patience pays off, as they are able to see beyond superficial things like looks and money to discover someone who is a true soul mate.
So, how do individuals who keep falling into the black pit of bitterness, revenge and toxic relationship find what they want?
Easy.
TAKE RESPONSIBILITY—that's right. No one made you stick round to be mistreated. At a certain point, and particularly when you realize things aren't working out, it is best to simply move on. Staying until things reach a boiling point doesn't do you any good and is a bit foolish. If you do come to the realization you have been played, then learn from the experience—avoid that creature when you see it in the wild again—look for something else completely.
BREAK PATTERNS—so many people think they are at the mercy of their chemical attractions. They say things like they have a certain "type" and can't seem to get into anything else. While it is true that we should know what to look for in our potential mates, if something we desires causes us pain, like dating high maintenance, shallow girls or jerks who are insensitive and emotionally unavailable, then it is time to change our "type." The riddle is often steeped in self-esteem. Do we think we don't deserve a nice girl or guy? Are we attracted to people we know won't return our love because we had unloving parents? Or are we secretly afraid of commitment? I had that issue myself, and when I learned this, I started working on myself. I finally met and married a magnificent man, whose worth I would have never recognized if I had never seen why I was supposedly attracted to jerks.
BECOME SELF AWARE—find out what is really behind your anger and bitterness. Are you pissed off at all men and women just because you were hurt in love, or hurt in childhood? So what Suzie Cheerleader broke your heart! It is life. Why would you lash out at the opposite sex? Could the responses be mired in issues with rejection that stem from family relationships? Are you now projecting that anger out onto all women after yet another person has disappointed you?
When you can look inside yourself and accept where you are flawed, you are less likely to get angry when things don't go the way you plan in life.
Now, to be clear, there is a big difference between a person reacting because they have been hurt before and people taking revenge out against the opposite sex. Men are especially bad at feeling as if a woman who has been hurt is making him pay for her past. What men, and women must realize is that, if you run into anyone who has any time in this world, they will have made painful errors in judgments. Because of this, they will automatically be resistant to making the same mistakes again. This will make them very hesitant and afraid, and understandably so.
If your intentions are pure, and you treat them with love and respect and understanding, then in time, they will let down their guard and feel free to be open again.
Keep in mind that all human beings are the sum of their experiences.
Fear of commitment after trust is broken is human...taking revenge against innocent parties after someone hurts you is just being downright mean and immature.
My hubby and I both had trust issues when we met, but our love and understanding helped us to evolve past them. While some wounds have healed, others are slowly starting to scab over because of our patience and nurturing with one another.
The vengeance aspect I am talking about is a whole different animal that needs to go the way of the dinosaur. Humanity must grow up and stop acting so petulantly when it comes to love. Mankind will not evolve as a race if we keep giving in to juvenile impulses and teaching our kids to do the same—we need to start accepting blame for our own choices, and if need be, to step away from the dating game until we have healed enough to treat the next person we encounter and grow to we care about with the respect and care they would deserve.
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