1. He's gay
Hey I swear it happens! but is a bit of a long shot. However! I remember when my mom found a bag of dildos in my stepfathers closet, later we found out later they were for him and his tranny boyfriend. (Can’t believe I picked one up!!)
2. You want it too much
If being gay is the most unlikely this is probably the most likely. There is a pretty darn simple rule when dealing with other people. The more you want it, the less he wants to give it. (Of course if you are talking about giving him oral sex… he might be swayed)
"If he is not making the moves after a few years, it is very likely that he never will."
3. You haven’t laid it down
If he is not making the moves after a few years, it is very likely that he never will. This is when you need to make it clear, “no ring, no relationship.” Put the fear of absolute loss in front of him, but don’t do what an ex of mine did, ask my parents if she could marry me and then actually offer to buy the ring. (We had only been dating 2 months and I didn’t say yes)
4. He likes free milk
This is pretty clearly related to not laying it down. We have all heard this trite saying many times but there is truth here. Why should a man severe his umbilical cord to any possible sexual relations with any other woman EVER AGAIN. That is like asking for his testicles for safe keeping, no way! (P.S. I like the female version of this saying, “Why buy the pig if you can get the sausage for free!”)
5. Sex is bad
I was sure FINALLY that this was the one but, after 2 years of attempting to bring out her inner freak I finally gave up. I realized I could never marry a woman that wouldn’t allow doggy style because, “I feel like an animal when I have sex like that.” Ummm… Yeah?
6. He doesn’t feel he has enough money
Right now in my life I don’t feel entirely flush with cash, this not only puts a huge damper on my dating life but the idea of marriage?? No freakin‘ way. In a guys mind getting married is as big a financial obligation as buying a house but at least with a house he might get a return on investment! (However if you are the rich one, discard this)
7. He is terrified of the whole forever part
Telling a guy that his sexual future is going to be bonded to one woman, FOREVER is a bit like making him commit to one food forever, with the added benefit of probably getting sick of it after 2 years. While this would be an excellent diet plan the thought of committing sexual suicide might have him a bit spooked.
8. Witnessed too much divorce
This is my personal demon, I have 6, count-em’ 6 parents! How does that happen??? Think you’re confused? Try being the best man at your stepfather’s wedding to your new stepmother. Witnessing a pile of broken marriages, cheating and the wreckage that ensued taught me very young that marriage was F-ed up. How to fix him? Drug him and go to Vegas, it’s the only way…
9. He's too comfortable in your pseudo marriage
Why in the world should be pull the trigger when it already feels like you are in a marriage? You live together, you sleep together, you shop together, you make him buy tampons and vagisil. What is he really missing that you aren’t already providing? The pseudo marriage is a fun time to play house but may ultimately destroy your relationship! Think about it, all the pressures of marriage without the absolute commitment? It rarely lasts.
10. Doesn’t want to give you half
He has some cash and you are broke with two kids. Why in the world would he want to surrender all that he has built for something that honestly isn’t all that sacred anymore? He believes that divorce is worse than a house fire and doesn’t want anything to do with it. (Ever play Robert Kiyosaki’s Cashflow game? One of the major financial obstacles is DIVORCE – “You lose half of everything you own!” Maybe he played this too?)
11. He is waiting for a better option
I know this kinda sucks but you might be what I call a “place holder” you know when you buy a frame and there is a cute guy/girl/couple already in the picture? You might be a version of this for him. He keeps you around because you kinda, sorta fit the bill but not quite. He can’t and wont pull the trigger with you because you are not the “ideal woman” he imagined. I would recommend heavily cheating on a guy like this and preferably with his best friend.
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12. Terrified of the whole “kid” thing
Now this is something that I do see as being pretty valid. I was lucky that my mom found a great guy that was willing to be my stepfather when I was only 5 years old. I think this is a challenge to a man who has never been a father. Personally, I would rather raise money for Bill Gates than raise someone else’s child.
13. You are in debt/make little $
Closely related the whole “half” thing. I have a good friend that just became a doctor and started making 30,000 to 50,000 a month. My friend has slaved through 18 years of college to finally get this payout. (18 fucking years!!) I imagine his feeling is any girl that makes 2,000 a month will be a HUGE financial drain on his future. Fair enough, but not so cool for his girl… (Curious to see if the money will upset their relationship. Jumping from 3,000 to 30,000 a month, might be a bit confusing!)
14. He is a guy
If you are married, you are one of the lucky ones. I hate to say it but most guys I know refer to getting married as temporary insanity. (Many women I know feel this way too) I know this is biased but having the perfect marriage is something most men just don’t dream about as often as waitress over at TGI Fridays. (That is the second time I have mentioned her… maybe I need to pursue this?)
15. Marriage is jail
An old friend (no longer) who has been married to his wife for almost three years, likens his marriage to Jail. He wrote a post for me here, Marrige and death, a married man’s point of view. He hates marriage so much that he verbally and emotionally tortures his wife, he is so abusive that it shocks me she stays. Do you really want to be a cell mate with a guy that punishes you daily, thinking you tricked him into this jail? (You might want to read his post and then leave a NASTY comment but unfortunately only I would get it)
16. You aren’t sexy enough
Before you bristle at this, let me explain that this really is more his problem than yours. He most likely is using this as an excuse to not take the relationship to the next level. Even if you were to get a boob job, ass job and a offer a life time of hand jobs, it wont matter. He wants something that doesn’t exist, a woman to melt his fear.
17. You are too nice
If the closest he gets to proposing is when he has finished a bottle of Jack, you might be too nice. I know you are focusing like mad on being so sweet and kind so he will get this hint but this isn’t going to work! In fact, it probably is currently backfiring. Drink a little of that Jack yourself and gather up the guts to MOVE ON.
18. You haven’t been together that long
I had only been with this girl for two months when she told me that she thought I was, “The One!” My mind immediately pictured Keanu Reeves in the Matrix and I thought, “Yeah… that would be cool.” Two seconds later I snapped out of my guy fantasy and realized what she meant. So I focused my matrix powers and ignored her until she went away.
19. His/your parents don’t approve
“Oyasuminasai!” (Have a good night!) I said in Japanese at her mother while she aggressively ignored me and crawled away on a broken leg, and slammed her bedroom door! (Seriously she did this) I really loved this girl but I could NEVER marry into a family that couldn’t handle the fact that I was a foreigner. I imagined meals in bitter silence while her family silently rebuked her for marrying a gaijin. Screw that, if I wanted that kind of misery I would be friends with Moxie. (Inside joke)
20. You asked him to marry you
There is a fine line between hinting and forcing. You do need to lay down the law with some guys that refuse to let go of their forever bachelor fantasies but laying it down the wrong way can back fire. I recently saw this with some friends of mine, she demanded marriage after one year, only to find out that her best friend was preggers with his baby. A year later her married the best friend, ouch… (Maybe this story doesn’t illustrate my point well?)
21. Was married before and it was BAD
Ironically, I think I know more women that feel this way than men. Clearly it wasn’t marriage’s fault but he/she has that association now. Kinda like when you were a little kid and stuck your finger in an outlet for the first time. If not, go try it now, I will wait… Want to deprogram this? Good luck… if it works tell me and I will apply your technique to my neighbor’s incessantly barking dog.
22. You are “Angry girl!”
Why doesn’t he want to get married? because he is afraid! This fear could have many sources but one might be your anger. The thought of tying the knot with a woman that will emotionally flog him the rest of his life might be a little scary. Solution? Get him into S&M and train him to, “SHUT UP AND EAT IT!”
"The thought of tying the knot with a woman that will emotionally flog him the rest of his life might be a little scary."
23. It's been 5 years, what’s another 5?
This one is insidiously simple and something a lot of couples get caught in. They simply get too comfortable and if it ain’t broke, why fix it? I know you have been patient for an amazing 5 years but jeeze… if you are this much of a weakling I am sure you will put up with five more, right? This is a grave that you dug for yourself, so don’t complain that it stinks!
24. You or he is/are still married
This one always surprises me. Seen it enough times and it still blows my mind. My friend’s brother is having an affair with a married woman and… SHE is pressuring him for marriage! But she is already married!? Does she view marriage like job security? To top it off, he is married too. Personally I think they should give their spouses a chance to find a “new job” as well. (This one plays out in about a month and I am excited to here how badly it goes!)
25. Another woman is stopping him
This one is not what you might think. A very close friend of mine hasn’t slept with, or been physically close to his wife in 6 years. (This was her choice) He became very lonely and met someone he loves very much. He really wants to marry his girlfriend of 4 years but… he doesn’t do it. Why? Not because of his wife but because of his daughter! Of course, this is just an excuse, the truth is my friend is simply afraid. He has been beat up by his controlling wife and is terrified to do the right thing. You would think that when people reach their 50’s that they would be wise, but conditioning is a bitch.
Mike Masters writes a blog for women about relationships at MikeTheMasterDater.com
. Traveling the world and dating every single he met along the way allowed Mike to make an uncountable number of mistakes in relationships. These mistakes led to a fluency in the psychology of dating that could only be gained from radical immersion.