I see this question posted with some regularity in the many personals sections on the internet and what not, so I thought I'd take a minute to explain things to the ladies out there that haven't figured it out quite yet.
What happened to all the nice guys?The answer is simple: you did.
See, if you think back, really hard, you might vaguely remember a platonic guy pal who always seemed to want to spend time with you. He'd tag along with you when you went shopping, stop by your place for a movie when you were lonely but didn't feel like going out, or even sit there and hold you while you sobbed and told him about how horribly the (other) guy that you were f***ing treated you.
"See, if you think back, really hard, you might vaguely remember a platonic guy pal who always seemed to want to spend time with you."
At the time, you probably joked with your girlfriends about how he was a little puppy dog, always following you around, trying to do things to get you to pay attention to him. They probably teased you because they thought he had a crush on you. Given that his behavior was, admittedly, a little pathetic, you vehemently denied having any romantic feelings for him, and buttressed your position by claiming that you were "just friends."
Besides, he totally wasn't your type. I mean, he was a little too short, or too bald, or too fat, or too poor, or didn't know how to dress himself, or basically be or do any of the things that your tall, good-looking, fit, rich, stylish boyfriend at the time pulled off with such ease.
"Eventually, he took the hint and moved on with his life."
, as your relationship with the boyfriend got more serious and spending time with this other guy was, admittedly, a little weird, if you weren't dating him. More time passed, and the boyfriend eventually cheated on you, or became boring, or you realized that the things that attracted you to him weren't the kinds of things that make for a good, long-term relationship.
So, now, you're single again, and after having tried the bar scene for several months having only encountered players and douche bags, you wonder, "What happened to all the nice guys?"
Well, once again, you did.
You ignored the nice guy. You used him for emotional intimacy without reciprocating, in kind, with physical intimacy. You laughed at his consideration and resented his devotion.
You valued the aloof boyfriend more than the attentive "just-a-" friend. Eventually, he took the hint and moved on with his life.
He probably came to realize, one day, that women aren't really attracted to guys who hold doors open; or make dinners just because; or buy you a Christmas gift that you mentioned, in passing, that you really wanted five months ago; or listen when you're upset; or hold you when you cry.
He came to realize that, if he wanted a woman like you, he'd have to act more like the boyfriend that you had. He probably cleaned up his look, started making some money, and generally acted like more of an asshole than he ever wanted to be.
Fact is, now, he's probably getting laid, and in a way, your ultimate rejection of him is to thank for that. And I'm sorry that it took the complete absence of "nice guys" in your life for you to realize that you missed them and wanted them. Most women will only have a handful of nice guys stumble into their lives, if that.
So, if you're looking for a nice guy, here's what you do:1.) Build a time machine.
2.) Go back a few years and pull your head out of your ass.
3.) Take a look at what's right in front of you and grab a hold of it.
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I suppose the other possibility is that you STILL don't really want a nice guy, but you feel the social pressure to at least appear to have matured beyond your infantile taste in men. In which case, you might be in luck, because the nice guy you claim to want has, in reality, shed his nice guy mantle and is out there looking to unleash his cynicism and resentment onto someone just like you.
If you were five years younger.
So, please: either
stop misrepresenting what you want, or own up to the fact that you've f***ed yourself over. You're getting older, after all. It's time to excise the bullshit and deal with reality. You didn't want a nice guy then, and he certainly doesn't want you, now.
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Article Comments
BULL. SHIT.
Women aren't vending machines. You can't put in nice coins and expect sex to fall out. What the hell is wrong with a woman expecting a nice guy to be a *friend?* Holding you while you cry, letting you vent - those are all things that girls do for their friends. Even guy friends. I'm tired of women being vilified by so-called "nice guys" for expecting the friendship she f***ing signed up for.
And so true
I was involved in this type of "relationship"
I never let it change me though
Heh, I guess this is why I am Mr. Cynical toward women... LOL
few weeks ago I seen some girl walking down the street trying to get away from her ass hole boyfriend, crying her eyes out. And the only thing that came to mind is "you made your own bed" thinking about how many nice guys she passed up to get to that ass hole makes me sick to my stomach and therefore impossible to have any sympathy for her.
Everything the poster had to say is backed up by Objective evidence in first year psychology. Trying to pass off responsibility by saying "you here just as shallow" or calling them "Bitter" is not based in any provable fact and goes to show that these women still refuse to accept responsibility for they're actions and the psychological effect it has on nice guys.
The fact is, that most girls really don't want a nice guy they just say this to be polite.
Girls say they want nice guys but don't. The term "nice guy" is a misnomer. The "nice guy" they are looking for and "nice guy" they reject are 2 DIFFERENT THINGS. Women want someone who is confident, witty, outspoken, learns what makes them tick, and is a charismatic who doesn't reveal too much of himself too soon. Women don't refer to this guy as a "nice guy" because "nice guy" has already been used by women as code word for wussy. One who exhibits approval seeking behavior.
If a girl (or guy) does not see YOUR WORTH, just move on to someone who does. The problem with this article is that the self-proclaimed nice guys are not actually good guys. If a girl / guy has established you as a friend and both parties are very aware that they only see as a friend, they are not using you. Friends mean you support each other. In this case, it seems like you expect acting like friend will get romance.
I learned a long time ago the hard way.
That's what I did when I was younger, at least until I realized I could just be me and still meet girls. I was just looking in all the "wrong places" so to speak. Although this guy's rant is pretty one-sided and angry there is a fair amount of truth in there.
We cannot control attraction.
Great article...
@rainydaydreamaway: I agree with Snorkledorf. There's nothing wrong with making the first move!
I'm totally for open expression, but for above commenters, it's not always necessary to equalize extremes....I think the bimbo conception is far more ramprant, and therefore, goes without saying.
ur totally right
i mean I'm a nice guy and have never treated a girl badly
and if I did I said sorry and apologized
but all the time the girls use me
& then they say "why do guys treat me so horribly"
& I wanna say "cause you treat me so horribly even tho you know I'm here for you u just take advantage of me"
but always say something else
& when you said "See, if you think back...you, he'd" no doubt ur right
& say I want a niceguy but want bad boys spontanou
Don't even get me started on the "nice guy" conversation. That would be a long-winded battle of keyboards.
I supposed every woman owes this puppy dog her life. Women need someone who they have chemistry with. Wake up dude! These nice guys pursued these girls for superficial reasons of their own and then they want to throw it in womens faces for not choosing them!? Have your pity party by yourself about not being able to attract the hot girl!
When I first start to like someone, I try to figure out his flaws first to see if I can handle it. accept them.
Today it's true many women and men alike are shallow. Seems some people look at a significant other as a fashion accesory or confidence builder versus a soulmate. I noticed though, the ones who hate this letter ARE the shallow ones! "You want the truth? Well YOU can't HANDLE the truth!" J.N
You've got to take a step back and realize that I've pointed out some pretty accurate things, and apparently you have a problem with how society is right now because that's it.
Most women are horribly shallow, especially at my age. You are thinking in the generation in which you grew up, and I'm sorry but its outdated and you have not experienced the new generation of college age kids in america.
why is it your idea that you are supposed just be handed any girl you want? some guys have it easier--so what?
why--she is sayign nothign no differnt then what you are.
Bsides, I was otssed aside by guys who cahsed afrter bond bimbos--I kenw I coudl give them the lvoe they desires--they called me thier "friend" while they kept gettig
Good Article.
SHE SHOULD READ THIS AND START TO REMEMBER WHAT SHE DID IN THE PAST !!!!!!!
I think I figured certain things out; at least to a small degree.
I want a woman. Not a girl. The females you are describing are not women but girls. There can be 18 year old women, and 30 year old girls.
Great women are rare, and they usually get "snatched up" quicker than the guys because of the way our culture is. It won't stop me from looking. I just hope I don't become bitter and nasty with all the waiting and pain.
Women (and even men) who have their heads stuck up their arses don't even deserve the attention of the nice guy (or nice woman).
I was the "nice guy" up until a few years ago. Now I am the total asshole as told by most people. Yes, I'm getting action like you wouldn't believe, but, I find it quite boring honestly.
For Trickstir85: It sounds like your friend already "shed his mantle"....
Some girls get it though. I'm with a wonderful girl right now, that was looking in all the wrong places for what she now claims I am, the best man in the world. I love her to bits, even if though it took her a while to realize it...
1 star.
Women do not teach men to be anything but assholes.
http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/lax/483318927.html
Plagiarism is so not cool. :(
And when those women say that they want a "nice guy", they don't mean you.
Also, take a look at my age. I'm sure it doesn't apply to older individuals, but it applies to me. I'll write another article once I'm older about how I feel. Thanks for the feed back.
Good-Job person Lidepi :D
Plus, I think it's much better to be rejected outright for being "too nice" than be with a girl who secretly harbors that attitude.