A confession

My first love was an unexpected sweet 14. Of course, you hear the saying "love is bittersweet". Well it is but the person I fell in love with is shockingly incompatible.

I met him online, fell straight for him and asked him out when I don't ask guys out (NEVER in my life even now). I met him real life 3 months later. He was tanned, hot and just the kind of guy with looks, brain and body. But didn't I say we were incompatible? Yup, because do you know how old he was? 24. I told my close friends about him but they gave me a lecture for it. Honestly, they dont know how it feels to be in love.

Love isn't something that you can have when you want it, nor does it let you chose the person to have it with. Love is blind. Love is like gripping sand where if you grip it too soft; or try to hold on to it too fast; or grasp it too hard, love flows away. If you haven't fallen in love and lost it, you won't understand what I mean. I never understood love phrases until I experienced love.


But the problem wasn't only age, it was our future. He was a drop out from high school and what am I? I have a promising future. I was born in an educated family where everyone looks up to me. I cannot even bear living a poor life because I got used to being pampered. I told myself, I cannot love him. Even if I do, I cannot be with him because otherwise I won't be able to achieve my dream. He knows what the problem was and that's why I've found out that he's been hanging out with different girls every night. So that did it. We broke up.



But this isn't what love is about. Love tells you how it feels to lose something. It changes your attitude and your life usually for the better. Say if I haven't suffered the bittersweet of love, I wouldn't even have the enthusiasm to persue my dream. I'd still be the clueless 'love is sweet' girl who was inexperienced and clueless.

Pain isn't all that bad. I love who I've become because compared to others who hasn't fallen in love, I feel as if I'm at a higher level. I can help them with their problems. I can see what they can't.