My Deepest Confessions

[Anonymous]

I'm not perfect, hell, who is? But for me, I'm far far away from it. I wear this mask everywhere I go. People look at me and see this pretty face without realising the darkness within me. I want to take a moment to confess my imperfections, so if you are like me, you can know you're not alone.

Confession One

You know when you hear those sad stories about awful things that happen like... My wife died of an unsuspecting illness or some car ran over that young person before their time... I silently wish I was the victim. Like, wouldn't it be easy if something out of nowhere just took me away? I know it would be sad for those who love me, I still romanticise about it though. One minute I'm here, then blip! I'm gone like the wind.

Confession Two

When I was ten years old, my stepdad touched me. He was a blind ex-nurse so he knew what he was doing. Every morning before school he would check to make sure I was wearing underwear (I had a habit of going commando for comfort). It started off harmlessly, he would stick his hands down the side of my pants and feel around. Every time he moved closer and closer to my groin. I remember feeling his big ugly finger touching my area, and I did nothing. I was scared of getting in trouble, and I think I wanted it. I was young and didn't understand what was happening, I just knew it made me feel special. Now whenever a lover touches me there, I can still feel his fingers, poking at me.

Confession Three

I'm addicted to internet flings. That's not that bad, right? It is when I'm in a real-life relationship. He knows about it, he knows I do it a lot, I still hide it from him. I tried to leave him one day, I opened up to him about the addiction. He said he didn't care. To him, as long as I don't know them in real life there isn't a problem. He understands I would rather leave than give it up. He's ok with it.

Confession Four

I stay in my relationship for the wrong reasons. I love my boyfriend, I know he loves me. Some days I pray that he will see I'm unhappy and set me free. I don't love him as much as I should. He works hard to keep a roof over our heads but for me, it's not enough. I'm an adventurous person who wants to do crazy things, live life on the edge, have fun at every possible turn. He is an over-cautious person who thinks having fun is overrated. At times I have wondered if he is controlling, and stopping me from doing anything I want... but I have no fight left in me. We have argued one too many times, now I just smile and pretend I'm happy because I've given up. There is no winning against him. Things are fine 99% of the time, we laugh and smile together, only because I can't be bothered admitting things are not ok.

Confession Five

I'm the worst mum in the world. I found out I was pregnant a week after my seventeenth birthday, and oh did I cry! I was no longer going to college, permanently stuck with my boyfriend, kicked out of my mum's house and not long after having the baby, my friends abandoned me. I felt completely alone and trapped in a life I didn't want. Now that I've had my son I'm happy I had him. I still guiltily wish every day that I didn't. I can't help but imagine how great my life could be without him. How I could leave my boyfriend and it wouldn't matter! How I could do whatever I wanted and there would be no consequences. My boyfriend insisted we homeschool him and I went along with it because it is a sound idea. I have to spend every minute of my life with him while single-handedly run an Etsy shop and be a housewife. There are no breaks for me. I'm always on the job. And I want to die.

Confession Six

I wish I could run away. I met a guy on the internet and I think I love him. I've talked to him for months now. I know he's on his best behaviour, I know that he's trying his best to impress me... But he promises me the world. He listens and takes me seriously. He said he'd let me get a tattoo, something my current boyfriend would never let me do. He'd take me out drinking, another thing I'm not allowed to do. Basically, he wants to let me live my life however I want and he wouldn't say no. He wants to try new things with me and do crazy stuff. Everything that has made me hate my life, he makes me feel it could be better. But I can't have him, because I'm not allowed.

Confession Seven

I don't care if you hate me but when you can't see that I'm hurting and you can't see my side, it kills me inside. This isn't the first time I've talked about this stuff, and it won't be the last. It helps me. I feel like this huge weight on my shoulders just got a tiny bit lighter. I hate myself for all of the things I have just talked about, and sometimes you don't think about that. I want to get better, I want to feel happy... but I don't know how anymore. And when you tell me off, tell me that I'm wrong, I already know. I just want you to understand me.

~Thank you to any and all who read this, and shared my burdens.~

[--Vi--]

I can't imagine why anyone would say this is amazing or cool. I'm so sorry you have been going through this. My asvice to you is do some EXTENSIVE research on this mystery lover. Make sure is truly a good person to be with. Because maybe your current boyfriend is trying to help you. And if I were you, I would much rather prefer someone who cares for me and supports me than some drugy alcoholic that may or may not become abusive later down the road. (I'm not trying to make assumptions on this person, but think is he someone you would want to be with in old age.

Or maybe you would do better with no boyfriend for a while, taste the freedom a little bit. Then you could do what you want when. Travel, live, whatever.

And always remember, life isn't about looking forward or back. It's about seeing what you have in front of you right now. You could dream of an infinite amount of possible better life outcomes for yourself, or you could look and see the good that your real decisions have given you. You may not have went to college, but college is overrated these days and overpriced anyway. You were also given one of the greatest gifts of all, a child. You always have the choice in everything, but whether it is right or wrong is not of your concern. Because all things in life have bad and good sides. The key is to focus on the good. For example, you just got a new high paying fun job, but that also means that someone else didn't. See, good and bad in all things. Focus on the good.

Also, suicide and death is never an escape. Whether you believe in life after death or not, this is an indication of weakness. Do you want to be remembered for you weakness, or for your goodness. Think about how your child will remember you as you grow old. Will it be fond memories, or sad and depressing. Life is what you make of it, and the challenge is there to keep us engaged.

[evm987]

Thank you for sharing. I understand a few while others are far from being my reality, but it is clear to me that you have a huge burden. I don't know you, not at all, but I want to hug you. I hope that you can find the strength to start turning your life the way you want it to go.

[DoctorSex]

You need to grow the fuck up. There's people in this world with some real issues. You got touched... your boyfriend is looking after you. You have a child... and you're miserable. You should go to a refugee came and hear their stories.. maybe a woman's prison instead.
Your sadness comes from being a privileged snowflake.

Today I spoke to a girl who had been gang raped. Abused by her father. Her mother tried to kill her. She was homeless.. had no money, no one to turn to. Yet she fought her way out of it and is a cheerful happy character.

So yes. Grow up

[Thrasherho]

just because some people have worse issues than others, we still shouldn't overlook things that affect other people. You may not like it but not everyone is as tough as you or the people who suffered in other ways. If someone is affected by it, it's an issue. And you should let them vent about it and be respectful towards them.

[DoctorSex]

@Thrasherho Maybe, but this snowflake stuff is really whats bringing the west down.

Dust yourself off, pick yourself up and move on. All this pampering and rubbing each others belly every time the wind blows in the wrong direction... it just shows a person detached from reality.
In my opinion we shouldn't be engaging with victim narratives like this. She has a husband and a baby and her partner works bloody hard and long hours, boo hoo... if that's your complaint in your current life, then detached from reality is being generous.

[DementedCutie342]

Just because her issues aren't as big as other issues doesn't mean they aren't still valid issues. It's like it has to be a competition my life sucks worse than yours. At the end of the day we are all going through things yes some have it worse than others. But should a person not have a chance to tell their struggles and have their voice heard just because it might not be as horrible of a tale as another person? This is called "mytake" this is her reality she is just speaking about her life and venting.

[Philyouup]

I am so sorry your life is like this.. I used to call those days, Catch a stray bullet day" were I wished a stray bullet would have just taken me out. I know the need of wanting to do "Different" things, exciting things, and not trusting you partner enough to express them. I know the titillation the "internet romances and flings" bring, like little moments where you can breath.. But what you want is somebody that wants you for you.. and you can be what you want.. I wish you well love.

[xkildy]

Im on board with confession 3 , I am addicted to internet flings.. I look for them I chat with anyone that will talk to me , when i find out there a women i try to start moving forward with the relationship of lust , she even loves to watch me pleasure my self , While she moans in the background for me. I ask for pictures but she never sends them. I think one she does It will be over cause i will have what i want.. How patchic is that. ? but its just a fling its not a commented relationship

[youngdumbandbroke]

I'm sorry to hear about your confessions, but you have to know that all these things aren't your fault. I do agree that life must be lived to the fullest, and if you do decide to leave your current boyfriend, you can still share all of these cool future adventures with your son. I wish the best for you, Hun!
:)

[CubsterShura]

Confession Two story of every girls life. Even I experienced shit when I was a toddler. :'(

[myTake Owner]

Sorry to hear, unfortunately, it happens with one out of four girls. And people don't realise it's something you never get over. I'm here though if you ever need to talk.

[CubsterShura]

I'm pretty sure that it's more than one in four, to be honest. And it is always the closest people like family doing it, ugh.

[xButterflyKisses87x]

Sadly agree with both of you 😓

[Sublime45]

My deepest confession was explaining to my mother that I was asexual, it was hard for her to understand and grasp it but she learned to accept it over time. She wanted grand children really badly so I feel guilt from time to time denying her that because of my sexual nature.

[ENTP_EMO]

I read every single word.
I never read a full mytake before.
I feel you I'm speechless.

Thank you so much for making me feel grateful for what I have.
I'm sorry for not being able to help

[Thrasherho]

Hey girl, I really think you need to talk to a therapist... I'm so sorry this has happened/is happening, but stay strong knowing you have or can find support in these tough times

[monkeynutts]

Hey mate the expression the grass is always greener on the other side, it ain't always true, you do have a lot of responsibility, it comes with motherhood. If you have not seen the movie groundhog day, you should watch it. Plus you need help, professional counciling, maybe medication will help with your depression. You probably have a life that have the population of the planet would only wish for, so you should not hate yourself for any reason.

[VixenRach]

I'm glad you shared and that you feel better for it. Hopefully things will work out for you 😊

[sexcrazed123]

great My Take.

i can agree with a few of them ;-)

message you rather, how ever it may bring about a block. it has in the past by some girl or 2.

[Notabadguy]

Umm didn't you learn about physical education or learning that if you have sex you have a chance of getting pregnant? Boi I don't know whether I should feel sorry for you or call you dumb?

[Bowla90]

I feel for you especially the first and 6th about being allowed to be you

[Anonymous]

Sometimes, the route you take in life requires you to leave behind everything you have right now in pursuit of a better life.

[Xoxogirlsimfo]

I’m a mom I feel the same way. Sucks I’ll have to feel this way for the rest of my life

[Pinknpouty]

You sound deppressed, i think you should ss someone who could help

[BlackDawn]

Honey.. *hugs* I'm here when you need to talk

[CT_CD]

Thanks for confessing

[Browneye57]

Ah... another victim. Standard MO. :)

[RIVERTAY888]

Great take talk with your doctor

[Anonymous]

Well presented.

[Secretgardenblood]

Good take.