Emotional Bond or Just Physical, Which Leads to Less Heartache?

Is having an emotional relationship better or worse than having a purely physical relationship with someone? That is a question that is tough to answer for me. I have been in an emotional relationship with someone for many years and we have been friends, close friends. I have been his emotional girlfriend so to speak. When he needed an ego boost I was there, when he needed someone to show they cared I was there, when he needed a shoulder to cry on I was there and he for me.

Now that has all changed. He has a physical girlfriend and I have been placed out in the cold. The fact that he has a girlfriend does not matter to me, it is how I was treated. He has pushed me out of his life with a simple "Sorry", and "we can still be friends, what is the matter with that?" Were we really that close at all? Does he just tell me what he thinks I want to hear? I feel hurt and disappointed. In a way it is worse to feel that way than it is to be angry at someone.

Would I feel this way if we had just had a friends with benefits relationship? Would I feel this way if we had never expressed our feelings to each other that cold October night many years ago? Would I feel this way if I had married him and had his children like he wanted me to, even though I was not ready? Would we be enjoying the wedded bliss of 5 years or be heading to divorce court fighting over our children, using them as pawns? Would we be going through this if I had just "given it to him" years ago? Have I brought this on myself by not taking him on in the first place? Do I miss him or just miss my place in his life? A lot of questions with no unknown answers.

If you had asked me oh so many months ago how I felt about him I would tell you that he is not only kind, but kind-hearted, sensitive, caring, and when I am with him I feel tenderness, protection and...love. I would tell you that he listens to me, gives me great advice, and never sugar coats anything. I can feel the tenderness in his touch and his kisses. I feel the respect that he has for me and my body by not pressuring me. I feel safe and secure whenever he is around. We share our thoughts and feelings with each other and he has a wicked sense of humor. Just knowing him makes me a better person. Our friendship means a lot.

Now...after months of despair and heartache, I would say that he is a sly, sorry, pathetic, manipulative, cunning, sick, son-of-a-bitch who only thinks of himself without any thought or feeling for anyone else. He is a... liar. There it is out. I have stopped making excuses... for him and myself. What a difference a few months makes. Still in the back of my mind I hope for a time when we can be together.

I conclude that being in an emotional relationship is much worse than being in a physical relationship because in the end emotions are stronger than sexual urges, especially for a woman. I held our emotional ties close and thought he did the same, but I see that he will throw away a tried and true emotional bond for a young thing who offers the promise of some tail. In a purely sexual relationship you know where you stand, in an emotional relationship you always assume that there is that bond, but it can be one-sided, especially with someone who does not share his true feelings.

He does not think of me and I try not to think of him. I go on with my life and grow. I have learned that I am stronger than I realize. The crying has stopped, my appetite is slowly returning, the darkness of depression is slowly lifting and time is passing by as it should now. Rejection is a hard thing to deal with. I cried for the opportunity lost, the "I do" never said, the babies never held. It is time to move on? As for the friends part, I hate to lose him, but am not ready to see him. I am still vulnerable when it comes to him, but at least I know it.

One good thing did come out of this: I did lose those last 20lbs I wanted to get rid of!