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Three Requirements For Any Healthy Relationship
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1. Communication:
Communication can either make or break any relationship. Most of all the failed marriages are because of a lack of communication. If you read about couples who have remained in love for fifty years, they all say it's because they do things for the other, or compromise, or work through their disagreements. It comes in different forms, but it all boils down to communication. It is a must, in any and every relationship that lasts. Communication is crucial to a healthy relationship, whether you have been dating for a week or married for ten years. No matter how much chemistry there is, if you talk to the person once a month the relationship will almost always fail.
Communication usually isn't as difficult in the beginning of the relationship, due to chemistry. Over time chemistry fades(a lot for some, very little for others), and unfortunately, communication may fade as well. There are many other reasons besides chemistry that communication may stop, such as one or both partners having to work, an illness of a loved one, if you are teenagers, one partner gets grounded or not allowed to date, the list can go on forever.
Ask your lover how they are feeling, and honestly care. Spend quality time with your partner (by quality I mean going out for a walk in the park, going out for dinner just the two of you. Watching a movie, TV or having sex may be fun but they are NOT good forms of communication) Tell your lover what you feel, and show them you care.
2. The right mind-set:
This is just as important as communication, maybe even more in a way, for a negative though process will kill your relationship faster than a lack of communication will. But unlike communication, this is purely dependent on how you are thinking, your lover only has much effect on your thought process as you will let them. No matter how much you like someone, if you constantly think the relationship will fail, or your thoughts belong to someone else, the relationship will fail. Simple as that.
Think of it like this.
Scenario 1- You date a girl/guy for, let's say, three months. You fall hard for this person, but he/she breaks up with you, for another girl/guy. Needless to say, you are devastated and feel completely betrayed. It stings when you see your ex with his/her new lover.
In time, you get over it. You start to date again. Things are going well with your new boyfriend/girlfriend. He/she is sweet, caring, funny, cute, the list could go on. You have great communication, you talk on the phone every night and spend every Saturday together. There is great chemistry between the two of you. The relationship reminds you of the one you had... with your ex...
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Suddenly, everything seems to fall apart in your mind. You are almost certain you love this boy/girl, but you felt that way about your ex, as well. You don't want to lose your lover, you've been hurt badly once before, so you feel the urge( it could be strong, or slight) to protect your heart. One Saturday, your lover tells you that he/she has to go You are freaking out inside. What if there are other guys/girls flirting with them at the party? Who's going to be at the sleep over? Are they meeting someone at the mall?
In general, you can think your way into(and out of) almost anything, and it applies in this case. For a no good reason, you convince yourself that since it has happened to you before, it must be the same case with your new lover. You think they're cheating on you. And, almost all people won't just sit there quiet, thinking they are getting cheated on. You either break up with them yourself, or you question your lover about it, which shows you don't trust them. Either way, it ends badly.
Scenario 2- A guy/girl who has a well deserved reputation to be a manwhor*/slut wants to date you. You end up agreeing (whether that is because you are desperate, or you don't care, or just to get some) But in your mind you (HOPEFULLY!) think," that this person has a tendency to cheat and/or break hearts. I don't care about dating them, but I don't want to get my heart broken. This relationship won't last more than a few days anyway." You aren't hurt, or surprised when you break up a week later.
Now, in this scenario, it is a good thing to think like that. But sometimes, thinking can destroy your relationship (as in scenario one) A good rule of thumb, is that when one has a reputation of acting a certain way, chances are very likely they will do the same thing to you. When it comes to how someone else hurt you in your past, don't sabotage future relationships with the constant worry that they will hurt you like an ex did. Everybody is unique, no two relationships are the exact same. It's perfectly normal to be a little bit afraid, but don't let fear rule your judgment.
3. Chemistry:
Chemistry is what separates best friends from lovers. Best friends always talk with each other nearly every day (good communication) and trust each other (right mind-set). But chemistry is what makes you physically attracted to another, the desire to date them. Without chemistry, the relationship will get boring and dry up.
To help keep good chemistry there are several things you can do.
-Maintain your appearance. Just because you've been dating for awhile or even got married, doesn't give you the right to look like a slob. You don't have to lose weight or bulk up or anything like that if you don't have any desire to. Your lover may like curvy girls, or your partner might not like strong, weight lifting guys that like to be in the gym.
-Be yourself. This is an obvious one, but I say it because it is important. Find someone who likes you for you. It's way easier to find someone who appreciates you, than to pretend to be someone your not. Not only will you be cheating yourself, (they will end up leaving you if they find out what you really are like) but it's not fair to your lover, for they are falling in love with someone who you are pretending to be.
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What do you guys think is better, being single or being in a relationship?
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Jpalms56
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