My friend gets all the attention at clubs.

Question

When I go out with my friend, all these guys flock to her. We're both Asian but (and this will sound arrogant, but I'm really not) I really believe I am much more attractive than her. She is cute but not gorgeous but is really sweet and looks like your stereotypical "innocent" mail order bride Asian girl who will never talk back and believe everything you say and not turn you down. My guy friend said she has "easy target" written all over her. But guys really do flock to her and don't really approach me. The ones that do approach me are extremely pompous and full of themselves (and become even more so when they find out I'm a successful attorney). I am pickier and have low tolerance for arrogance and b.s. but I'm not snobby, but guys wouldn't know this before talking to me (unless there is a vibe?).

To tell you the truth, she really never turns down guys even if she doesn't think they are attractive. She will talk to any guy for 30-45 min just to be polite.

Is this really what guys do? If there are two girls, one which may be more attractive than the second (but the second still cute), will they really only talk to the second one just because she looks innocent and easy? But it's not that they look at me and her and then decide to approach her, sometimes they just make a B line to her. Maybe they can pick up her vibe of being an easy target and that catches their attention? I'm so confused...

MystiKaL · Accepted Answer

If I have to be honest you sound like an unapproachable type of girl, the type of girl to give blank stares to guys who don't interest you, the type who turns her head when she's not interested. I'm sorry if that's not really you but this is how you may be projecting yourself. Your friend sounds like the bubbly type of girl, the type who has a smile on her face quite often, the type who will chat to anyone and not look down on guys irrespective on how they look. You see the difference in you 2, although you may be a lovely girl deep down you sound like the snobbish stuck up girl, your friend sounds like the charming funny girl. Guys like warmth in their girls and would prefer to approach the cute funnier girl. That's why you have have snobbish guys approach you, the type who generally lack emotion themselves.

Now what I advise is that you start to evaluate your outlook and see where you can make changes so that you project a more postive image towards guys. Now I'm not saying you should chat to every single guy who approaches you. What I'm saying is if a guy does not interest you, have a smile on your face, sound friendly and slowly drift away from him. When your in a club/bar try showing your a happy girl with a classy side. Have a smile on your face, give lots of eye contact to guys you are attracted to, basically give out vibes that you ain't an unapproachable type of girl. I'm pretty sure if you start to make positive changes that surround your personality, you will have more guys approaching and chatting to you. :)

blue-kev · Accepted Answer

Friendliness is a major turn on to guys. An upbeat happy girl is fun to be around. Girls think guys always go for the better looking girl. What they don't reaise is if the girl who isn't as attractive seems friendlier and flirtier guys will go for the less attractive girl. At a coffee shop I go to there is agirl who is our waitress. She always smiles and laughs and even does a little dance thing.2 of the girls behind the counter are more attractive then her by a little bit. But we give this girl all the attention. We go to the coffee shop only when she works there. She says we are her favorite costumers. Guys like to be around friendly women.if you make yourself more friendly upbeat and happy. More guys will approach you. The amount of money you make or job status is not as important as it used to be. What is important is being happy. If you are happy guys will want to be around you.

missnicole · Accepted Answer

Putting it together that you are a successful attorney, and that you said you feel you are more attractive than your friend and the way you describe her...I do have the feeling that your vibe carries all the confidence with it, which guys can find intimidating.

From how your friend seems, especially that she's so friendly she will talk to someone for awhile even if not interested, Id say she just seems she gives off the vibe that she's friendly and approachable.

Also, if you're upset cause she's getting attention and you're not, then that's going to come out in your vibe too... There's nothing wrong with being confident...you want a guy who isn't going to be scared of you anyway...Id totally drop being jealous of the attention your friend gets though.

Concentrate on giving off an approachable vibe...before the guys come, talk and laugh with your friend..when the guys start flocking, she can't talk to all of them at once can she? Nope...and yorue there together...so striking up convo or including yourself into a convo with these guys is way better than standing off to the side shooting daggers with your eyes...

Its not about stealing attention from her, especially not if its a guy she seems genuinely interested in, or about competition for who gets the most attentions..shes your friend! But your reaction can make or break your approachability factor...

helms_girl · Accepted Answer

Do not resent your friend. This is a great opportunity to watch and learn from her!

Not to say you need to be like her, but there are certain things that guys look for aside from looks. I believe that all humans are made with very primal and intuitive instincts. When people go out for fun, they are looking for fun people to have a good time with. Men and women can spot confidence, fun-loving attitudes in the other sex from a mile away just by watching someone's body language. When she goes in there, she's ready for fun and the whole room can tell. When you go in you have a guard up because you're thinking in your head "here's another night with this bitch - whom I love dearly, by the way! - who just hogs all the attention from me..." You aren't confident with yourself, and if you are, you aren't showing it as much as she is. If you want to take a little more limelight for yourself you need to smile more than her, dance more (and better) than her, talk to people for a little longer than she does and concentrate on nothing but having a good time while doing it! If that sounds like a difficult task, you probably won't be able to do it. Once you stop caring is when the men come flocking, believe me. Give it a try.

FlgirlAna · Accepted Answer

lol try going out with a different girl and if guys don't give you the attention you want then you need to change something about the way you come off. No guy likes a girl that makes them feel less of themself guys like girls that boost them up a little bit but can bring them right back down. Your friend she probably is well loose. and very open maybe. I had a girlfriend who when we went out it seemed like guys flocked to her too come to find out she was intiating the conversations the whole time and being very provocative emmmhmmm lol so I was like well she maybe getting all the guys now but lets see who can keep one. Yeah defiantely me! the guys your going around are looking for sex. if that's what you want then be like her if you want something she will be jealous of then go somewhere classy and get a relationship man who likes to have fun and take him out with you guys and you'll see she will envy you. AND nothing attracts more men then the scent that a girl might be taken a competition wow they love it!

4everormore · Answer

You answered your own questions..

HER:

-She's easier to approach

-Friendlier face

-Humor men for 30-45 mins.

-Are you sure you are better looking than her?

YOU:

-Don't tell the guys that you are an attorney, unless he is one himself or a doctor. Men sometimes can feel less when their income doesn't match.

-Hold a drink in your hand to appear carefree & approachable.

-You can't be your critic to say you are snobbish. Guys look for the easiest way in possible.

-Don't shoot down guys when you aren't feeling the chemistry. Because when you send them back, the other guys feel the pain too so only arrogant guys feel to sure of themselves that they are the one to make the kill. So they come on a little too strong so that is a turn off.

-You are your own enemy.. Not her.

-You got to learn how to act like the woman that the man you want. Guys love girls who can laugh at their jokes, doesn't matter what their income or upbringing. It's an ego thing. You got to feed it. Get it?

And may I also add, you might not be in the right places to meet these guys. I don't know how sophisticated these clubs are, so just maybe, you might be settling for less.

I think your Title should be, " How do I snatch a guy?"

Think about it... It's a game, you got to play the game. Once you play it, you got to win it. And winning is getting the guy you want, even if you have to go through retards first. Consider them as obstacles.

Lelly11234 · Answer

I think ur probably intimidating... you just sound kinda like ur closed off or at least seem like ur only worthy of the best ppl, and that's fine but guys want a girl at a club who will like be all over them...  because the same thing happens to me with my friend... and I asked my guy friends and they said I seem really closed off and that I think I'm better than everyone, while my friends will grind against all guys, she doesn't discriminate, lol, I don't know that's just my opinion

anaughtymouse · Answer

If you are more attractive then chances are you are intimidating to men, and they think you are the girl who's got someone and you are just there for your friend. Men are also very insecure and most have low self-esteem (they'll never admit it but they do). So if your friend is average then they will go for her thinking that she is easy pray (sorry bad metaphor). If you are really that much better looking than your friend then let the guys drink a little more, they'll for get about how insecure and cowardly they are and come for you. Also drop some hints their way (don't make it look like you are asking for it though that is a turn off) let them know you are interested, but always keep the ball in your court.

1FastFC · Answer

yeah guys have different vibes that they can pick up.

one of them is the "easy target" vibe

Another is the "stuck up" and "she'll reject you" vibe.

Just from the way that you wrote this gives me the vibe that you're not someone I would want to go up to.

She must seem more easy going, and is because you said she talks to guys for a long time just to be nice.

You said you are more picky about your guys, and they can probably pick this up by just looking at you.

rocksongwriter · Answer

"We're both Asian but I really believe I am much more attractive than her." Post pics so we can compare.  :)

Cassandra_x3 · Answer

Its all about approachability.

If you seem serious and severe, then guys probably won't be all over you. After all they are at a club aren't they? They want something easy ie your innocent asian friend.

pumkinheadsweetie · Answer

I agree with what Lelly11234 said, you are so beautiful that you intimidate men. They think they have no shot with you. Just talk to them and let them know that they at least have a shot with you.

accuh · Answer

Maybe they don't approach you because your attitude is "Im successful and gorgeous. Yeah. That's right."

Marrryyyyy · Answer

she probably looks slutty, that's why.

My friend gets all the attention at clubs.

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