Slept with him...what now?

Question

Know this guy through work (not a boss or colleague) and we went on a date. First date and we went for drinks, then back to his place. Conversation was great, flirty, etc. I ended up sleeping with him that night. I'm not a slut, and not sexually active, but I liked him, the moment and mood felt right so I didn't see a problem. He made sure I got home ok, and made comments like he would want to see me again. It's nearly been a week, and no call. Did I screw it up or is there anything I can do?

affiant · Accepted Answer

I'm sorry, but I don't fully agree with Littletad. He has some merit to what he said, but it isn't totally true.

The big question I have to ask is this: Why not call him yourself? Was this something you tried with no success? Or are you simply waiting for him?

Having sex on the first date doesn't necessarily mean that a guy thinks you are easy. It does, however, show a quickly formed physical attraction. While the chemistry might have been right, you still have to work at it the same way anyone else might (regardless of whether they have sex on the first date, a month later, or wait until marriage, or never... yikes!).

Calling him up and asking to see him again will send a signal that you like him and want to pursue more.

Let me posit it this way: If you don't call him and he never calls you back then you will likely never go out on a date with him again. If you call him and he doesn't return your call, or if he turns down the offer, then you won't see him again either. The only difference between these two scenarios is establishing the connection. I personally find it is likely to be better for oneself to pursue something and find out what the deal is than leave it to chance. If it works out, then that is great! If not then you at least don't have to spend too much time worrying about it.

Don't let rejection hurt your pride either. You two shared something special, albeit after a short time but something special nonetheless. Sex is no small deal. You KNOW you are better than just sex, and you know that because you want to pursue more than just a one time thing. If he doesn't want to pursue that... well then he isn't better than just sex and you should walk away feeling proud of yourself and not down in rejection.

I hope it all works out.

Littletad · Accepted Answer

Any time you offer sex on a first date, it's not really a good thing. It rarely leads to something worthwhile. Guys lose more respect for a girl and consider her "easy" and more likely to just see you as a fling. Or even yet, a friends with benefits sort. Your best bet is to continue to wait it out just a little longer, if he still doesn't contact you, it's pretty safe to say he just used you or just for the moment. Learn from your past actions and build on it for next time. Learn to withhold sex a little longer until you've built a foundation of friendship or a certain understanding of each other.

Reeses-pieces777 · Accepted Answer

it's hard. I think he's thinking about it, and it's hard because he and you didn't get to know each other well and maybe he feels awkward. it's been a week. or he knew what he wanted and got what he wanted.

if he's a decent guy, he will try hard to get with you for a relationship. if he's just gonna ditch you, he's a ugly bastard. you can call him up, it's been a week. talk. just say, can we hang out? don't ask to talk so that he gets on guard. see how his thoughts are.

i hope it works out for the better. this happens a lot and I've seen lots of questions on here. if a guy is automatically gonna stamp you or think you're a slut and you're not, well that makes him a gay piece of sh*t. just have the courage to call and see how it works out and talk, think about what you're hoping he'll say and tell him how you feel. good luck

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I think the rules in the book, 'he's just not that inyo you' apply here! I don't fully agree with everything the book has to say but in this case I think he just wanted sex and not much else. Maybe if you got his mobile number text him because then he isn't under pressure to reply like in a phone call. Then if he responds then maybe he was just waiting for you to make the first move. Sex on the first date isn't ideal unless you've kinda known each other for a while and had loads of contact before that wasn't neccessarily an officail date.

Alos wanting to see you again could simply mean he wants to have you for booty calls and not much else. You say you weren't/aren't sexually active, so you lost your v.card on the first date ...not so good.

shortie · Accepted Answer

I don't think you screwed it up but the prbalme with sleeping with guys too soon is that its hard for them to think of you as anything other than great sex ot just sex or whetever, so it limits the potential for a future relationship slightly- not always, but often that's how it works unfortunately, especially with guys in their 20s. I think you'll have to leave it a bit longer to tell- but the sad thing is a lot pof guys will say things like that to women i..e 'I'll call you' because they know that women want to hear that...I say don't contact him, leave it another week, if he still doesn't call than I think taht speaks for itself- but don't obsess about it xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

sBlayes · Answer

well from my experience sleeping with a guy too soon gives him the upper-hand. which means he'll decide when you guys talk, see each other, and start dating exclusively. I rain into a  friend at a club and he went home with me. I thought nothing of it...took him home the next morning and he asked for my number (standard procedure I thought). he called everyday after that, but I had to tell him that he needed to take me out if he wanted to continue seeing me. after telling him for about a month...he did it. a year laterwe're still "talking" and I still can't call him my "boyfriend" and I reaaalllly want to. it sucks

m1988 · Answer

Just call him, maybe he's waiting for you to call? Then you can try to see him again from there... and I don't think that is slutty either, it's not like you do that with a lot of guys and don't call them, you obviously felt a connection to this guy. It's not nothing to do with being "easy" and if you are then so is the guy. I'm sick of guys saying "oh I don't like a girl that has sex with me on the first couple dates" Ummm helloo sex involves 2 people, you did it as well.

nymphoman · Answer

Time will tell but I think sleeping with the guy on the first date may have sealed your role as 'just sex', hard to think of a girl as a long term serious thing when all that will be going through his mind is how easy you was.

No offence, just letting you know what he is thinking.

Virgo2010 · Answer

im sorry but you did mess it up yu should have never sleep with a guy the first nite cause 1.thats how a guy knows your not wifey material and 2.everytime he does call you and you go on a date he knows that he will get some after the date and he will charm you in to giving it up that night. good luck and think next time before you spread your legs next time!

meplusabeemer · Answer

Is his job demanding that he might be busy? This is a possibility.  Why don't you call him to say "hey" and see what's up?

anonymous123 · Answer

Eh, I don't ever remember someone being out of town as being a valid excuse to not messege you back. H e doesn't like you!

Joseph_Conrad · Answer

Of course, you are not a slut. Why a woman is a slut when she sleeps with a guy after the first date, don't think some rudimentary things. Have only man this privilege? Why don't you tell he is a slut, too?

Slept with him...what now?

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