"I see a TON of guys on here who are so depressed over not having a girlfriend and are so pissed at the guys who seem to get all the girls."
It is human nature to be jealous of those who are better off in a certain area than you. Many men will prey to this, though when it comes to dating, there is a very specific reason for those men to be angry at how the chips have fallen. It's because--
"Also, the guys you are all jealous of are generally not good guys."
Oh, you know already? That's exactly why men get angry! Because the experiences of many men have just about proven that girls love to date assholes? Well, you know, so you're smart enough to only date a good guy, right?
"I have generally dated "bad boy" types that I am always attracted to because they're really attractive, exciting, and don't fawn all over me. Unfortunately, the majority of them have lied, cheated, and manipulated the shit out of our relationships."
Oh, so yes, you're just more proof that asshole game is very effective, and these poor saps need to learn it...?
" I have no doubt that I will end up with a "nice guy" and I can tell you with a fair amount of confidence that most girls will because no girl with self respect sticks around with a "bad boy" in less he reforms himself."
Here's a piece of advice. You just, with the kindest intentions, showing a heart that has sympathy, told the non-asshole, boring nice/good guys what many others have told them--a heart crushing thing to say. You just said, "I'm busy sleeping with the exciting bad boys and having hot sex all night in many positions, but don't worry, when I'm older and I've had my fun, you'll be lucky number 9/12/16!"
How does our society not realize what a soul crushing piece of advice that is? It's one thing to say to those men, "You need to learn style, you need to work out, you need to become a little brash and fun. (all of that would be great advice for most men.)" Yet instead we say, "Don't worry! Sure, the hot college girls are all busy having sex with the 'jerks, assholes, liars, cheaters' and getting emotionally burnt on them between steaming flings, but when she's older and she's had her fun, you'll finally get a turn!"
Ladies. You need to realize something.
More and more woman are blatantly saying such. And more and more men are realizing what it means, or translating to make sure their fellow men know what it means.
Society is changing, in small part thanks to how the internet helps with communication among men, with dating. You know what might happen in a few years when you've had your fun and you're ready for the boring plan B, since the asshole didn't reform?
There just might not be any "good guys" waiting for you after women have turned them all into "bad boy types". Women are rewarding bad boy behavior--they're getting a LOT more of it.
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Flipping the Script:
Girls on here, I want to give you a word of advice?
I see a TON of girls on here who are so depressed over not having a boyfriend and are so pissed at the girls who seem to get all the guys. The reality is, you will find some one, most of you are young and you have SO much time before you actually find “the one.” Also, the girls you are all jealous of are generally not good girls. I have generally dated “bad girl” types that I am always attracted to because they’re really attractive, exciting, and don’t fawn all over me. Unfortunately, the majority of them have lied, cheated, and manipulated the shit out of our relationships. I have no doubt that I will end up with a “nice girl” and I can tell you with a fair amount of confidence that most guys will because no guy with self respect sticks around with a “bad girl” in less she reforms herself. I have to say I hope for the reformed bad girl, but she is a rare bird and once she’s reformed, who’s to say she’ll be exciting anymore? Anyway, keep hope alive you girls, most of you sound like very caring, kind, and interesting girls who have a lot to offer.
Update: update: you girls are hard to please. I am trying to say guys make mistakes with ‘bad girls” but the good girls win out in the end. I thought that got through, but for some of you I guess it didn’t and I’m sorry. I was trying to encourage you to be good to men...
Update: I really hit a nerve! I apologize! I would also like to clarify though: I am not a 'womanizer', I am not a liar, and I am not trying to change any girl that I date from the person who she is. I guess I am drawn to girls who are a little edgy and that can be tough, but hopefully I’ll end up with a girl who suits that and is also a mature and loving human being...
(Isn't that some of the most condescending crap you ever read?!)
"you have SO much time" Right there-- Stop that. Seriously. You obviously have no idea what it's like to have the things a person says they all want and still not end up with anyone. Telling a person they have SO much time is nothing more than a cop-out for the fact that you don't understand or have an answer.
"I am always attracted to [bad boys] because they're really attractive, exciting, and don't fawn all over me." And a nice guy isn't?! That's nice for you, falling into that stereotype where girls like assholes. Great.
"I have no doubt that I will end up with a "nice guy"" I know you mean well, but if you've been listening carefully, you'll hear some "nice guys" whine about how they end up with the hot, bitchy girls who've been used up, jaded, and faded out. Then they have to deal with the baggage and attitude that the so called "bad boys" passed on. The honest truth is, some guys will find that bad attitude unappealing and walk out on you instead. What makes you think they'll be all over you when you're done being burned by bad guys? Rhetorical question.
You tell all these nice guys that they're wanted, and you go back to wanting the "reformed" bad boy? What?! You do realize how that makes everything else you say irrelevant. You want a man who "changes" himself for you or something? That's impossible. Men and women only change for themselves. At this point, everything you say is like a backhanded compliment.
What are you, 15? Don't be a bitch.
And I'm 100% a girl.
Hi, I get what you're trying to do but read a few of the questions on here and the vile responses you get back despite the guy not knowing who you are, how much you earn, what you look like or whether you can back up what you say. The only way to win these arguments would be to post your information to prove your story which would be do totally idiotic. I know it's hard not to reach out to people that seem to be hurting but a lot if these questions are just to have a whinge about women. Ill leave it to you to have a look at the threads and decide for yourself but it seems to be a total waste of time, you'll get your head bitten off no matter what you say, as you've no doubt now had happen in response to what seems to be a good hearted gesture. And guys, don't bother posting abusice or derisive comments since I won't be reading them, I'm only trying to help someone who's probably feeling pretty hurt right now, not have a debate.
Don't listen to these guys, hun. You were just doing this out of the goodness of your heart and most of these guys are turning it around, nit-picking, and making your post seem cruel and wrong. You may have just worded it not so well, which is understandable. We can't always get the words right and completely express our intentions - especially online. Anyone who doesn't understand this and is putting her down because of this is not the brightest.
So thanks for being sweet :) I don't understand why everyone has to find a mistake within everybody else.
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GUYS WHO ARE BUTTHURT PLEASE STFU & LISTEN SHE TOLD YOU THE COLD HARD TRUTH! Now that you know the truth ''The Ball is in Your Court'' you need to learn GAME & go clubbing for loose women at night clubs. You also need to pick a passion in life something physical like martial arts or extreme sports so you can prove that you are an alpha, BUT if you are already in your mid to late 20s aka 25yo+ or 30s & you've only now just learned the real truth then you need to do what I just said but DON'T MARRY AN AMERICAN WOMEN just marry a 1st Generation Immigrant 20-25yo Lady. Also if you have a good Career & a lot of money don't marry American or 1st Gen Immigrant Women instead go to Eastern Europe, Southeast Asia, or The Philippines find a 20yo bride & marry her instead also learn the native language & don't take her home to the U.S. just stay there & live the rest of your life like a king.
BTW, camp8989 Thank you for telling these men the truth they don't know it yet but you've really have saved them from their own naivety tbh I only made & account cause I read this post & I had to try & save some of these fools that actually believe in Disney fairytale movies & true love...QA: let me first apologize on behalf of the immature guys here. As a guy I'm pretty embarrassed by them.
I also want to thank you for your honesty about a subject that most women are anything but honest about. I get the impression you actually understand why most guys are frustrated with how women go for bad boys, ignoring the good ones, then end up denying it and complaining about how guys are assholes while good guys stand by helplessly frustrated.
But I do believe you're right when you say that the good guy often gets the girl in the end.
Thanks for the 5 star question."I have no doubt that I will end up with a "nice guy" and I can tell you with a fair amount of confidence that most girls will because no girl with self respect sticks around with a "bad boy" in less he reforms himself. "
Sorry, nice guys don't want another mans scraps.
Women who dated bad boys are usually emotionally and mentally damaged. Sometimes physically.
In translation you mean: "Just wait until the bad boys run through us, then you can have their leftovers when we want to settle down."
It doesn't work that way.Your post made me laugh. Because you are trying to give hope to the "good guy" . lol funny and then kinda tell them that you are drawn towards the bad guy. And then are hopeful that the bad guy reforms himself. So the good guy that is reading this in hopes of hearing something hopeful just hear what they already know and still end up alone. LOL
that is funny and cruel, unintentional I am sure but still. Poor nice guys... too funny.Yes, you don't understand cause and affect. You can't have your cake and eat it too. You sound like Leela from Futurama talking about Fry. "I love his boyish charms, but I hate his childishness"
You are asking for something that doesn't exist. Either a guy cares about you, or he doesn't. If he doesn't fawn over you or pay any attention to you, it's because he is paying that attention to other women.
Also, Fuck you, kindly. I don't hate women. I hate the way that a lot of women act, and a lot of the things they do. I'm sorry, but people can call you out on your bullshit and not be sexistThis question got a lot of hate, your advice is well actually a little over used, I don't really care weither I'm a "bad boy" or a "good guy" as long as the person I like sees me for who I am, and my father was a bad boy and when I needed fine the most he changed and stepped up to help me so ya "bad boys" can change, its not weither their change or no, its if you both can accept the changes each of you goes through, and if you can accept that then you'll find a really amazing person. Well like you said everyone will find someone, just a matter of time and when your really not looking at all.
Some girls like bad boys, some girls like nice guys. Some guys like slutty girls, some guys don't. It all comes down to preference. I hope some guys realize that not ALL girls like bad boys. I liked bad boys when I was like 13. I stopped the second I realized that they'd bring more harm than good. I now look for intelligent guys who show respect, loyalty and kindness. Plenty of girls just go through a phase where bad boys are appealing but then they stop and eventually progress to nice guys. Same as with how some guys go through experimental phases at college but then eventually themselves also wise up and mature and find the nice girl to settle down with. People go through phases, it's normal and not a big deal.
So even though you admit there's no such thing as a 'refored' bad boy, you'll always be looking for one.
This is one of the rare honest statements from the girls on this subject...
But let's drop th euphemisms. By 'exciting' you mean, he spends a lot of money on you.And I would offer advice of my own that contradicts yours: people think nothing of telling another person "Oh, you'll find someone" when you never seem to hear the advice of "learn to live on your own and be happy that way. Learn not to seek a relationship to validate your existence and fill some kind of void inside yourself. Learn to direct yourself towards different areas of your life, rather than focusing on just this one as if it will kill you if you are single".
So no, I would say that telling these guys on here that someone will eventually come around is actually bad advice, especially considering the type of guys that show up on this site to begin with. Many need exactly what I mentioned above- not someone telling them to just bide their time.I also had a 'good guy' boyfriend angry at me cause I made him wait with sex for a month and let this 'bad boy' fuck me on a first date. I think he should be happy that I stay with him not the other one. But apparently he feels like he has to work hard and be patient and good to me to get rewarded while this other guy got to fuck me for free and that's a big thing for guys, that we women don't get and are responsible for. On the other hand, I can't help feeling very sexually attracted to that dominant guy and less to the submissive one. That's my nature and that of most women. They say alpha 'fucks, beta bucks' and I think that's kinda sad but true.
LOL. Who's to say these nice guys want to stick around waiting for you and other girls to change your minds?
I feel sorry for nice guys. They are feminized chumps.
In fact, I take it back. Nice guys will stick around waiting for you, because they're just that pathetic.Honestly, you're awesome. I totally agree with everything you are saying and I think some of these men really needed to read this. I will repeat, you are awesome. Wanted to add you as a friend, but you don't allow request, so add me if you'd like. Otherwise, keep being awesome :)
I love these answers ! First off let me state that when we date we are ALL dating someone's ex. Unless you are dating a virgin that has never had one date you are probably dating someone who has been with a bad guy and has some baggage. It's called life. So for all you men complaining about getting the bad guys "seconds" then don't date anymore ! Cause everyone you date has ex's and a past and you are getting their baggage. Think before you post.
I know you post this with the best intentions in mind, and with good intentions of my own, I ask that you ponder your wording a little better because it reads a lot like "bad guys will get the girls first, they will have their fun and when the girls' patience is spent, they'll settle for you. Isn't that great?". Again, I'm not trying to be hostile, but I used to be one of the "good guys" and that is how it reads like. Consider an update or this will quickly come crashing down.
Thanks for the advice but its not needed I have always been a nice guy a gentleman and respectful that will never change regardless. Bad boys are like drugs in the sense that they give you a temporary high, excitement but once the dust settles and they get out of your system you see them for what they really are.
Don't take it personally, it's a piece of advice that is very true. But unfortunately a lot of these guys are in the "I deserve this and that" mode. One day they will figure out it's "I have to work for what I want"
I equate it to when a mother tries to give their 13 year old a bit of advice. The kid won't take it and think "You're stupid. What do you know".
Fast forward 12 years and the kid realizes mom was right.These kinds of guy are emotionally hurt and underdeveloped. They can't accept reality and their fear of being alone makes them angry. It's best to let them figure out how life goes on their own.
This post is classic. Thank you QA for your honesty. Any time I doubt 'Alpha fucks, beta bucks' something comes along to reinforce it. For all the single guys, I hope they read this question and believe it as truth and conduct themselves accordingly.
I think the bad guy good guy division is a bit over used. In reality I think there's just the forward guys and the withdrawn ones. If you have no confidence in yourself and never take initiative you got the odds stacked against you. Being confident and forward doesn't make you an asshole though. Being nice and being straight forward and outgoing aren't mutually exclusive. Nice guys, stop wallowing in pity, go out there and *show* the ladies that you are nice guys worth being with.
Oh yeah I'm young and everything will work out. I guess I'll just put up with getting none while that bad boy rails my future wife. After all I'll probably get to pay to raise his children so whose winning really? Oh yeah, him.
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