My boyfriend broke up with me and says he doesn't love me anymore or care about me as anything but a friend.

ok this is what you do

if he doesn't want to be with you , then give him his wish
u won't be friends with him... its either you are together or not. not in betweens. why let this guy think he still has you when you guys are broken up ? he knows ull always be around and that's why he's taking advantage of you. it is true you cannot control him but at the end of the day you were his girlfreind. not some random girl. his GIRLFRIEND. if he didn't have respect for you enough to not test the waters with this hoebag then he isn't gonna have respect for you chasing after him. itll be hard, but just leave him a lone for about a month. itll make you stronger. this will make him realize finally what he shouldve realized the moment he broke up with you and that is "OH CRAP. THIS GIRL THAT I LOVE IS OUT OF MY LIFE AND I MISS HER LIKE CRAZY! I NEED HER BACK. I HATE BEING WITHOUT HER. SHE MEANT SO MUCH TO ME" and trust me love, he will EAT HIS WORDS ... and he most likely will come back saying how sorry he is. don't let him backk too quickly though. he needs to earn ur trust back.
us girls make it too easy for these guys and go chasing after them all the time,
he says he deosnt want you?
alright. give him what he wants,
take yourself out of his life
and hell realize how much he loves you
:)

You mentioned that he lost a lot of weight. I'm guessing you were his first real girlfriend. Not his true first, but the most serious. So this means that for those 3 and a half years you were together, you were living in a world that surrounded you both.

When he lost weight, he saw himself in a different light. For all these years, he never thought to try talking to someone else, or thought to think outside the relationship. Now, he is doing that. I'm sorry to say this, but it seems like he is simply trying to find more interesting things than what he's been used to all this time. He's confused about this, cause all he really knows is you. This is why he was confused about being with that girl. Cause he's never really had good friends, just you.

So I'm sorry to say this, but it seems he has grown tired of you and the relationship. And he simply wants to move on. And I think, for your sake, you should do the same thing. It's a horrible thing, that he simply wants to view his life outside of the both of you. But that is basically what he is doing.

You weren't controlling it at all! Everything you did was what any girls would do when their boyfriends starts loosing interest and seeing another girl. It's really hard to maintain and keep a close relationship like it sounds you had for that long when you're not married. Even then couple lose interest especially when they've already had the whole spectrum of sex stuff together before they even got married. It not only takes love, but also total trust in each other and total commitment to each other. Unfortunately, he started getting bored with what both of you had together for whatever reason and started having an open eye to other girls. It just so happened that the girl where he worked was just what he was looking for. I assume you guys had sex together and that'd be a big reason in itself because couples not married eventually get tired with that because the excitements dwindles away gradually and what they once found overly attracted to the other doesn't look as attracted anymore. This is the case far more with guys than with girl. Seriously, I don't know what you could have done different because if you had not checked on him he'd probably cheated on even much more. That's the story of mankind. He just happened to be one of those guys that probably hadn't planned on sticking it out with your for keeps. He just decided that the grass looked better on the other side of the fence. You can think all day and more than likely will still never figure this out because you can't read his mind and he's the only one that knows what triggered that. I don't think there's anything you can do now except to let him go. He's gone and I doubt very much that she'll turn out to be anywhere near as good a girlfriend as you were to him. He needed something to blame his roving eye with his coworker on and blaming you for being controlling is bull. He had already started the flirting and missing around. You did what was right, and that was to attempt to protect the relationship with him that you loved so much. Not to do that would have shown you didn't care. This is very unfortunate and I feel sorry for you. He's not worth getting back now, so the sooner you can get over this the better. He broke his trust and he ran around behind your back. A guy like that isn't worth having. Look for something better because you deserve it. You'll soon find out that he's not the only guy in the world that you can love. You may also find a better bargain than him.

"and I think that happened but he wasn't looking for a girlfriend just another best friend to replace me. He doesn't have any close friends besides me and always said he was lonely and that this girl was a good friend."

That's what happens when people object to their partner having any other (opposite sex) friend than themselves, even if the contact is non sexual:
"I feel like he cheated on me maintaining a relationship he wasn't supposed to with her. "
Some men accept that women demand that kind of exclusivity, even in non-sexual domain. Others feel they're "pussy whipped" then and react. (I've 'received' that expletive here from some male posters who didn't like my answers. I had to look it up in the Urban Dictionary LOL)

He did not feel he was cheating and may have resented it as an exaggerated accusation, a lack of confidence (there had been no sex between them at that moment, if I read you right)

In this case he reacted by running away from you (even more than running to her) but thus choosing between you two.

Had there been other similar incidents before? He seems to have resented it as unjustified jealousy and if nothing had happened between them at that moment, I can understand his feeling. He really should then have talked about it to you.

"He also dropped a lot of clues that he left me bcuz I was trying to control him in that earlier situation with her or that he wants to be able to do what he wants."

It's not really important if you were/are controlling him, his perception of you controlling him is way more important and you seem very well informed concerning his whereabouts. Of course, if that girl had an eye on him she's likely to have fuelled his feeling.

You're romantic relationship with this man is over. You're broken up, and this implies certain things. It's none of your business who he sees, now. You can express your unhappiness. You can even have a good cry. But that's about it. If he wants to do this hottie, he's free.

I bet if you looked back over the end of your relationship, he probably dropped numerous hints that he wanted a little space. An unfortunate lesson a lot of girls learn is that if space isn't given, it's taken.

Note: while you missed his hints, his new girl didn't. She saw her opportunity, and seized it.

Your only remote chance with this guy, is to let him go. Wish him well, and walk. This way, he can't accuse you of controlling him, and he can freely make the choice to return.

Sounds kinda interesting- I would say that he's not worth it. . .Its better you found out that he was like this now, rather TEN years down the road when you are married and have kids. or something. Guys can be really manipulative sometimes; I would say let him go. . .Thats just me though...From a guys perspective; I think he is immature and a chickensh*t...and possibly a cheater.

Let him go, Its over. He is a jerk and a guy that is wish-washy like this is not worth your time. One, he lost a lot of weight and now has a confidence boost so he is going to leave his devoted girl friend High and Dry. Jerk! Two, He most likely has feeling for this other girl and has had them a while and he thought that he could try and cutting off their relationship but when he did that he realized that he really likes her possible loves her and that his feelings for you not only faded but that there are new and exciting feeling for someone else.
He used you pressuring him as an excuse to end thing. I know its seems like 3.5 years is a lot of time invested to give up but its not. Your young and you really don't have a choice if he is the one holding all the cards. Don't give him any more power or a minute more of your time. There is someone better for you out there, he is not it.

You are a control freak and need counselling for your unhelathy obsession. You are a bully and possessive. You are quite a nasty person and good for him that he is getting on with his life without you. Good for him!

That guy's an idiot. Kick him out of your life and pretend he's dead. You don't need someone like that. He was into that lady before the relationship ever ended man. And hell, he'd get mad at you and claim you've got a problem. Screw him. Didn't even want to respect your friendship like that after three years, that guy...he's worth nothing to you.

obviously he doesn't love you anymore & just wants to be friends, he likes that other girl now. & you need to stop controlling him. he isn't your puppy dog .

just because a guy looks good doesn't mean his personality is good
if he's that two faced, it's better to be free froma guy like that
in the long run, a relationship with a guy who's that shallow isn't going to last anyway
when he's all old and ugly, I wonder what he'll do

When someone falls out of love with you, there is no amount of counseling that can get that back. Counseling is for people that are still in love but are not getting along. The weight loss and other changes are the type of thing that happens when people are unhappy or fall out of love and are opening themselves up to meet someone new. It happens all the time. We had a friend of the family who had been married to his High School sweetheart for 20 years. He dressed the same way all that time. Well all of a sudden he started changing the way he looked, dressing better and just overall having a different attitude. Come to find out he was having an affair and he ended up leaving his wife. I personally think that some, not all, cases of someone suddenly improving their appearance could be a sign that you should revisit your romance and see if you need to tune it up.

who says"they never leave unless there is someone else." ? that isn't true at all. To be honest, your boyfriend was a half hour late and you went driving around looking for him? It sounds like you were a bit controlling. You need to realize that people are going to do what they want, even if its behind your back. Guys get nervous when girls get overbearing. Let him free.

If he doesn't care about your feelings anymore, it means that he's not interested in you any longer. Next time, find a guy who really care about you. Also, look at his actions not talk only. At least he's being honest with you. We also can't make people love us because we can't control their actions, we can only control ours. If they don't love us then forget it and find someone who does. I know it's hard but someone who cheats or lie is really not a good quality.

Something similar happened to me a few years ago. My boyfriend and I had been dating for several months then out of nowhere he said he didn't love me or want to be with me. I later found out that he had a thing for one of his coworkers. He went to work after breaking up with me and started talking to that girl. He, like your ex, told his coworker about all of our relationship problems. She baby talked him and told him everything would be ok. He then asked her out. She told him that he needed to wait for a little while since he just got out of a relationship. HE wanted to try to make ours work again. We tried again for a few months, but it wasn't the same. He was lethargic and wasn't interested in me. All he thought about was that other girl. I finally ended it--for good! The way I see it is it's his loss.

I know its going to be hard, but put on a smile and move on. I'm sure he'll realize what's he's done in a few days/weeks and try to come back.