There is no generic answer for this. There are plenty of men that would date single moms and plenty of men that, like you said, won't take the relationship/friendship to the next level. I can tell you that the ladies at work that are single mom say exactly the same thing you're saying, and there is no magic formula out there; one of my friends though, always meet guys that for wahtever reason, don't mind her having a kid; she had a boyfriend for 2 years and then they broke up; within 2 months she had found another guy that didn't mind the fact that she had kids; yet, I know other women that haven't had a boyfriend in the past 5 years cause they are single moms. Go figure.
Of course, question would be, the guys that you meet, where are you meeting them, and do you know what their status is? and by that I mean----do you know if they are looking to settle down, or if they are just 'dating'? You could eliminate a lot of guys by not dating those that are not ready for a serious relationship.
From what I have discovered, most single moms I have met are usually more mature then many women without kids. She has priorities yes but also more established in a routine and have a clear idea of what they want. I'm also more likely to trust her as she clearly demonstrates a commitment. Being a single mom is hardly a deal breaker for me as she is usually more clear about what her priorities are. Single moms are very sexy to me if they exude confidence and are responsible mothers. Single or not. A tell tale sign of the character of a women is how good of a mother she is. Shows she has a good head on her shoulders. So try not to fall into a negative mindset. See it as an asset on your part What you should do is seek someone who appreciates and respects you as a single mother. He is more likely to to want to take things to the next level and really put an effort into the relationship.
Thank you!
Real mean do not find a woman less attractive if they have a child. That shouldn't matter. Find a MAN. A real man. Not a shallow little boy. You said that guys are usually attracted to you because of your looks. Find a guy that is attracted to you because of YOU and not just your body and that is the man that will stick around and not mind if you have kids. Good luck and I hope you find a real man!
@AndrésC64 Yes, a real man. Meaning a mature man who isn't only chasing after physical beauty.
@AndrésC64 Oh, I had a typo. lol Sorry.
@AndrésC64 To each their own. I still think it's immature to dismiss a woman just because of that fact.
Guys don't like the idea of raising another guy's kids. Sorry, but it's true. They also probably know that you're not going to be as free and fun as a girl without kids would be. They can accept being restricted when it's their own kids, but a lot less so when it's someone else's.
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19Opinion
there are lots of reasons why guys might not want a women with kids, ranging from their not wanting children at all, to fear of being "sidelined" in favour of the children, to being unable to cope emotionally with the obvious evidence of the woman's previous sex life.
having said that, there are plenty of guys for whom have kids around can even be an attraction, especially if there's no father around & they get to take on that role without having to go through all the "scary" baby stuff. my brother's wife has a 13-yo daughter from a relationship which ended more than 10 years ago, and the father has never been involved in his daughter's life, so it gave my brother the chance to be an "instant dad" & he loves it.
maybe the difficulty you're having is more related to where you're meeting guys? I don't want to suggest using parent activities (eg taking kids to sport, etc) has a place to find matches, but that sort of thing might be more compatible than meeting guys in clubs, for example.
good luck!
"I am attractive and very active."
Somebody's awfully sure of themselves! And apparently been reading quite a few children books, cause your rhyming skills are hardcore. ;-)
It's not necessarily a deal breaker to me. It has the potential to be, but it really depends on the situation. However, I would say that most men do not even want to consider a relationship with a single mom because it's difficult.
Personally I check out how the kids act. If they are sweet and mind their mother than yes, it's not a bad thing at all (I like kids). If they are out of control, obnoxious, or flat out demented then it is a deal breaker, no matter how nice or good looking she is.
If she can't have her children mind her, then she doesn't have that good of parenting skills and it WILL put a strain on any relationship. That and with any future children it shows she can't handle the parenting aspect correctly.
There's always the issue of her putting her kids first, and it's always a concern. Deal breaker? I don't think so. but maybe.
And what so wrong about being sure of myself? Its called confidence sweetness!!!
: )
Sweetness? Ah, so you're cocky AND forward with men you don't even know! ;-P
I guess it ain't a crime, but I am a bit disappointed... you didn't rhyme.
This is going to be harsh. Single moms are not attractive (to me as the young childless guy that I am) because it can be a reflection of your personality. Parents should be dedicated to each other and the mother should know if the man (before he's a father) is willing to commit to her before they have children. The fact that you are a single mom could possibly mean that you decided to have a child without thinking about it first, because of the simple fact that you and the father are no longer together.
It can be taken as bad decision making skills on your part. If the father was destined to leave you or not be dedicated to his children then he should not have been the father of your children in the first place.
This is a stereotype and I am making a conclusion too early. There can be infinitely many reasons why you and the father parted ways, but this very negative stereotype comes to mind first. When I see a single mom who is young I always wonder "why did the mom have children with a man who was not dedicated to her and his children?" It may be true that the father is dedicated to his children and it may be the simple fact that the father and mother just can't get along and had to split, but this scenario is not commonplace.
What if she's single because her husband is dead? Or she was raped? That's the problem with stereotyping.
Single moms are a red flag. It usually means she's a fuck up. And if you're really 45+ and a single mom, it's an even bigger red flag. Not only does it mean a man is going to have to raise somebody else's kid, but you're also likely too old to have another kid to carry on his line.
It's no different than women typically rejecting men who live with their parents and/or are unemployed or are short, etc. There's no point in getting upset about it or chastising people for being superficial, because like it or not, nobody has time to get to know everybody on a personal, deeper level and see them for who they really are. Red flags exist because, on the average, they weed out the bad apples even if they might be occasionally wrong for individual examples.
The important thing for people who possess those kinds of defects is to not let it get them down and put their best foot forward in all other areas of life. There is no magic bullet though, so it also means you might have to settle with being single for the rest of your life. Either way, just be the best person you can be and it will cover both bases.
I'd say on balance it's definitely a hindering factor for women, this is just the hard truth. I'd say it's a VERY common man who finds it a drawback, a reasonably common man who is a neutral, and a pretty rare man who is stoked about it. I'm a dude, and I mean there's no way to slice it, getting involved with a girl who has kids that aren't you own is a massive sacrifice on YOUR part. Her #1 priority isn't, and will never be - you. She's constantly interfacing with her ex (if he's co-parenting) or if he isn't, then she's on full-time parenting duties. Again, even if she asks the least of you possible, you're still investing time, money, or both in another man's seed. It's just not attractive to most of us, unfortunately. Single parents find mates all the damn time though, so if the guy's put off by it, he's not the right fit. And there are plenty who aren't. But yes, being a single mom will present extra dating challenges, and that's just a fact. You can succeed though! Just understand that asking a man to enter a serious relationship with you while you have a child that's not his IS asking for him to make serious sacrifices and sometimes it is going to be extremely hard on him. So if you're in it to win it, you need to understand that, be prepared to make serious sacrifices of your own, and make him feel like the luckiest guy on Earth.
The diffuculty is moving past the abstract idea of 'kids'
ie a massive burden of responsibility which you will have not even have any power over while you cuckold yourself investing in the product of another mans seed
and for the man to know these 'great kids' as people who bring joy and value to his life.
A before you get all shirty with me I've been there and done that and I know it from all ways around.
Ready made family can be a good thing but when most are too scared to even have their own kids taking on someone elses is a big ask.
This is what I wrote in a similar thread recently.
"I would rather someone who didn't have children if I'm being honest. Not so long ago I couldn't really see myself with someone who had kids at all and even now I'm not sure it would work. I am awkward around children and this would surely be a problem in any relationship with a mother. Also if the father was absent or a layabout would she expect me to fill the void? I'm fairly sure I don't want kids of my own, let alone somebody else's.
But then I could be missing out on something fantastic and you never know unless you try, so I wouldn't rule it out altogether."
The answer is in the question.
You don't recognize that it is a sacrifice in someones life to raise children that are not their own. Lack of recognizing it as a sacrifice only means you are ungrateful for the sacrifice being made.
You just have no clue and That's why you ask this question.
When I guy begins to see that you have no clue about the sacrifice he is making and how ungrateful you are for his sacrifice. He walks away.
TBH, you sound like you just don't need a relationship at all. If you don't need one, then you shouldn't be asking guys for one. Relationships and marriage are for people that need relationships and marriage. Not for people that are so successful they just don't need.
There's the 'Used goods' aspect of it as well. Stretch marks, cellulite and saggy breasts are not attractive, and don't kid yourself that you are a 'tiger who has earned their stripes' or any of that other trite nonsense.
Before you start indignantly huffing and puffing, why do so many women wear push up bra's, spend hundreds of pounds on anti wrinkle and anti cellulite treatment (not just celebs), spanx, gym membership, personal trainers and constant diets? Pressure from chauvinists like me, or peer pressure from Cosmo, Vogue, Elle, etc?
The thought of a once tight and neat vagina being torn apart by something the size of a bowling ball ripping through skin and tissue, really does remind a lot of us of the film 'Alien', and 90% of my male friends who've been present at the birth of their child have said it caused serious problems with their libido with their partner.
Easy to dismiss this as trolling or baiting, but I'll bet you, if you ask a guy for an honest opinion...
So men who have those same physical aspects are also used goods? As a lifeguard for over 8 years, I saw more saggy-man boobs, stretch marks, and saggy balls to last me a lifetime. And they didn't even grow a human. At least you admit to being a chauvinist. And for the record, not all moms have vaginal births. No duh libido goes down after having a kid, regardless of vaginal delivery. You have a baby. Sleep becomes more important than sex for the first few years because parents are just thoroughly exhausted. ALL bodies will wear out over time, regardless of pregnancy. That really shouldn't be a factor when dating someone unless you're just completely shallow and immature, which it seems most young men are these days.
Does your mother know that you find her unattractive for having you? I hope you have a daughter some day.
there's nothing wrong with you being a single mom , for me I don't care if I'll date someone who has children because I love children but there's some guy's who don't want to involved with a single mom they think its a lot of responsiblities , good luck
If they find you unattractive because you have children, they are probably not the type of guy you want to be with anyway. Some guys will not have a problem with this, but yes it is true that generally guys will be hesitant to be with a girl who has already got children.
Its not about your looks. Men don't want to take care of another man's mistake. We don't want a ready-maid family
Good luck finding a man dumb enough to take care of a kid that isn't his...there's a sucker born everyday I guess...
I have to comment on this because it made me so angry...for your information many SINGLE PARENTS are not looking for some other TWAT like yourself to father their children, because in most cases the fathers are still a big part of their children's lives, they are looking for a special person to spend time with. Single mums don't have MISTAKES they have children who they love. You are obviously very shallow and need a @@@*ing good kick up the arse...enough said.
@01scorpio "... the fathers are still a big part of their children's lives..." Yet you think that another man should feel comfortable with that idea? Also no need to be all philosophical when you know what "lockjawx27" has refereed to. Being a young, good looking guy, I certainly have to agree with the first part of his post, out of all things i would do in my life, I would never raise other men's children. I want children someday, but i want them to be my own. The only exception i would ever make is to adopt kid but only if both me and my wife can't have one of our own. I was in situation where i found out that a women has kids after dating her for a month... Needles to say, I wished her all the best and and i didn't see her after. Women with kids are like damaged goods for many young, single men, I mean I certainly don't look for virgins but at least they have to be childless.. If you ask me - best bet for single mothers is to date single fathers. Also being a bitch doesn't help..
I am actually a little dumfounded after reading a lot of these comments made by guys. I actually can't even believe that you guys think this way... it's almost like we are, damaged goods? Children are NEVER mistakes. Yes, having sex with someone may be a mistake, and sometimes it results in getting pregnant, but that CHILD is NEVER A mistake.
I do not understand when a guy can blatantly say that it was the mistake of the mother to get pregnant because she didn't make sure that the father was fit to be a father before she had a child. Okay, for one, how can you blame this all on the mother? Getting pregnant goes TWO ways, and sometimes birth control fails (happened with me), condoms break, stuff HAPPENS.
I agree with 01scorpio, us single mothers are definitely not looking for another immature guy to have a future with. My child's father is not a part of their life, but i am still treated like damaged goods.
Imagine yourself in our situation and you might think differently, be human.
There are tons of reasons a single mother could be single. Domestic abuse, her husband died, etc. Why do they automatically assume it was a one-night stand at a bar and a mistake child? So messed up and shows how immature young men truly are. Want my advice, ladies? If you can't find a mature man your age, go for someone older. Most men take a LONG time to grow up, if they grow up at all.
And good luck finding a girl dumb enough to date a guy who doesn't know the difference between "maid" and "made".
I personally do, i don't like kids at all. Also parents annoy me as all i ever see is the girl be all "me, me, me" when she has a kid. Everything is about her and her kid
The problem may be the kids; they tend to take up vast quantities of space, resources, and intimate time. Disciplining kids that aren't yours can be difficult and problematic.
Hell nah, won't waste my time and resources on some other dudes miscalculation. If she wanted a friends with benefits situation where I'd have no contact with the kids, I'd be cool with that though.
The woman can be attractive. Her children can be attractive, but her ex and his mom certainly are a PITA.
If there's no ex,(just a Saturday evening mishap) it's less of a problem.
Obviously it depends on the guy, but probably. Unless of course they want children immediately.
I find less attractive, because they become less attractive after pregnancy
What a horrible thing to say. You are extremely shallow. You obviously are only looking for someone to be with because of their looks, and that never ends up going well. As I read more and more of these comments I am amazed at the immaturity level of every single one of you guys.
You kind of guys are the reason that a lot of women are single mothers (not all of them), because we want to raise our children with a mature parent, and you definitely are not mature at all. It's amazing to me that guys like you even exist. Stop being so cocky, because someday you are going to be old, and wrinkly, and nobody is going to want you, because your looks probably will match your personality. Good luck.
@sav96 Most of these guys have to be really young, or really ignorant. Or both? it's the classic male stereotype: chasing after girls in their early 20s while they themselves continue to age and rot away with beer bellies... it will get old to them eventually. When they're in their 50s and still chasing an empty life, completely alone, no children (unless they had an "accident'), they'll regret living such a shallow existence. I look at this as a blessing. At least they are painfully honest about their shallowness and decent women can avoid them :) When I married my husband, he had stretch marks and I didn't have a single mark on my body. Did I find him less attractive? No. Women aren't the only ones who get marks in life. Men can have all of the same "pregnancy" problems: saggy man-boobs, cellulite, and stretch marks, and they don't even have the excuse of growing a human. Some of it is genetic, some of it is lifestyle, but the point is, no one is perfect. Women literally sacrifice their bodies to have children and if this ignorant young male-child cannot see that for what it is, he doesn't deserve to be with a woman.
@2Bunnies1Babe Or, they simply don't want children or at least don't want them immediately. Maybe they don't want to have to deal with your baby daddy. Maybe they want to have time with you alone.
@AndrésC64 And I totally understand that. This particular person mentioned only the physical aspect, so that's why I said what I said.
Yes. Less time for relationship.
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