Why does my ex act smug and does things to intentionally try to make me jealous?

[Anonymous]

Ok, so we've been apart for almost 4 months now and the break up was bad! He obviously initiated the break up with me and I resisted. I've been through this on and off thing with him and I am just tired of it. So about 6 wks into the breakup and me doing no contact, he comes and asks if I want to be his friend and I told him no.

Every since then he has been acting smug and tries to make me jealous. I have to see him at least once a wk. because we have a child together. A few wks back he tried to make small talk with me and I answered his questions but let him be.

Today after the exchange he parked his car next to mine so I could see that someone he is either dating or talking to put the letters Happy Birthday on his stairing wheel. When I went to get my son he was looking at me smugly and waiting for me to ask him about this. Why would a guy do this?

He has also done the tactic that when we exchange our son he will intentionally be on the phone and then looking at me with a smile on his face.

[bluesy33]

He wants you to react, be jealous or whatever. Even though he dumped you, some people still want to see the person is hurt or can't get over them or whatever. It's totally immature and ridiculous and just shows they're insecure. Were you married to this man?

I have a question for you though... if you have a child with this person, don't you think it would be better for your child for you two remain friends? I have two children with my ex husband. We broke up because it wasn't working, we weren't getting along, seeing that wasn't good for the kids etc so we just always felt that we should be friendly and not create drama or angst for our kids and things.

I believe your ex is acting this way because you rejected his olive branch of friendship at least, even if your relationship wasn't working and had to end. Hopefully, you will change your mind about maintaining a friendly relationship with him, find a way to forgive him for leaving and/or he will stop acting silly. Good luck!

[Asker]

Ideally I would like to have a friendship, but my ex is very abusive and destructive. He has such bad behavior that one time he left me stranded w/o a car for 2 hours at a store. Maybe at some point in the future we can be friends but he has done EVERYTHING to destroy me. Just to give you preview of what he is like... My brother died about 2 months ago and MY ex REFUSED to take me to the bus station to attend his funeral. To this very day he has not given his condolences or even acknowledged this although my brother helped both him and I out countless times

[bluesy33]

So there you go. He is a narcassist. This is why he does things to try and make you jealous, upset, etc. You answered your own question with your description of how he treats other people, and conducts himself. Armed with this richer information, I can honestly tell you it probably will never be possible for friendly relations between you two, because narcassist are pretty much incapable of actual friendships. The olive branch I thought he offered was not that at all, it was most likely just a move of manipulation. And good for you for not taking the bite. You are away from him and I will give you just one piece of advice - Always take the high road where he is concerned. Do not play into his antics and just do what you have to do for you and your child to have healthy, productive lives. At some point he is probably going to try and use your child as a manipulation tactic, and don't be surprised if your child tells you one day that Daddy says mean things about you. (contd next post)

[bluesy33]

Prepare yourself mentally and emotionally NOW so you are ready and can be at peace when these types of things happen with him. I wish you and your child the best of everything in life!

[bluesy33]

Also, I am very sorry to hear of your brothers passing. I have two brothers and can only imagine how heartbreaking that is. May he rest in peace.

[Asker]

how ironic that you would say he is a narcissist. I was on the internet doing research about narcissist and the behavior he has displayed to me is indicative of what he is. The SADDEST part of all is that narcissist cannot be cured. The times when we would go to counseling, he would basically lie and never admit his behavior. I believe his parents have enabled him to be come this. His mother continues to try to FORCE me to reach out to him, but I do not. She is very close to my son and one time when she was returning him to me she burst in tears saying that one of us has to talk to the other. (inferring that I contact him) I kindly told her that I was not the one to do the dumping and would not reach out to her son. She has also brought him by my apt. before. Overall it is just a really sad situation. :(

[bluesy33]

It is very sad. And I'm sorry you're going through this. I hope what I've said was helpful, or at least being able to chat about it for a bit with someone on the outside sometimes helps. If you have a good relationship with his mother, cherish and nurture that, will be good for your Son to see that there is still some kind of positive connection from one side of his family to the other :)

[Asker]

Thanks for answering my question and following up with me. I also appreciate that you gave me a heads up for his potential behavior down the road. Sadly, I wish he could change, but I know after doing my research that narcissist never change.

[Dani78]

He's an immature jerk. He's trying to hurt you. Mine did the same thing. I told him no to friends and he tried making me jealous by walking past my job with his new girlfriend. They don't get what they want so they think by trying to hurt us, it will make us change our mind. Stay strong. Who cares what they want. It's over.

[Asker]

why would an ex want to be your friend if the dumped you though? I mean what's the point.

[Dani78]

I don't know. All I do know is exs don't go away. They turn up here and there. It's really annoying when all you want to do is move on.

[BlueAngel0]

How about keeping your legs together next time and not having kids with such men in future.