My boyfriend had an emotional breakdown and broke up with me overnight, help?

I had been dating my boyfriend for a couple of months and we were really happy together. He showed genuine signs of commitment, introducing me to all of his friends, making plans with me, making his mum change her plans so he could see me for my birthday etc. Everything was going well and we were really happy with no arguments.

Before we started our relationship, we were both aware he was leaving for a year abroad in eight months. I said I was okay with just seeing how our relationship went, even if we probably have to break up then. He said initially he didn't know whether he could do it knowing it has to end, took some time off to think, but then came back and said he liked me too much to be rational.

So for two months we were happy. He gets an email reminding him that he is leaving, and suddenly instantly goes quiet. I called him that evening to see if he was okay, and he just kept saying how he feels awful that he is leaving (in seven months, mind you) and it looms over him every time we are so happy together. He was crying/very emotional so I suggested to meet up the next day to talk about it. We did, and he broke up with me because he said he just feels too shit even though I tried to be rational with him that it was seven months away and it was too soon to have this conversation. He literally went from one day commitment, planning for my birthday, to this.

I am obviously very upset. I told him I don't stick around after break ups. It's been a few days and I haven't spoken to him. I made the mistake of sending him a snap of me with a guy friend and he deleted me off snapchat after that. But the next day, at 3am when he was supposed to be out drinking with friends, he started liking my photos with my friends randomly.

I really don't know what happened. I didn't think we had to break up. What was he thinking, if we were so happy together and him leaving was so far away?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • It sounds like he really would like to be with you, but taking the chance that it gets much deeper before he leaves is too much. As much as it might hurt, he is doing the sensible thing. A year away can change so much and then you feel worse. Respect his wishes and if you can, tell him you are good with being friends. I don't think he will, but it hurts nothing to ask. If it would be too hard for you to be friends, don't do it. Life takes many turns and when he gets back he may get back in touch. I did that when I was much younger. I really liked the girl, so much that I thought about her all the time I was away. It worked out that she wasn't with anybody when I got back and we started again. The funny thing is that to much had gone on in our lives while I was over seas and we mutually broke it off. Another thing that might work for now is if you tell him you can wait for him to come back if things continue being good over the next 7 months. Really think that out before you tell him that. My gut tells me that whatever you do, he will probably not want to continue. You must respect his decision and let it go if he still says no. Think it through before you say anything to him. This isn't just a little thing. There are things you need to ask yourself before you do anything. I wish you the best regardless of what you do.

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    • I don't think I can be friends, but I do miss him and I don't understand why we can't just enjoy the limited time we have together?

    • Show All
    • @KiaraLemon I'm following you, but it still won;t let me message you.

    • @KiaraLemon Maybe if you follow me with this name. You have the block on. I'd much rather go into more detail privately. Publicly isn't meant for long conversations.

Most Helpful Girl

  • I've been through a really similar experience to yours - this time last year I became close to a guy I had met recently but after about a month of dating he decided that he was going to buy a one way ticket overseas because he needed a change of scenery. We both really liked each other, but he refused to make me his official girlfriend or define the relationship because he thought it would be too hard to end things when he left (in about 6 months time). We kept the 'relationship ' going for a couple more months, but we ended up having to break things off because we knew that it would be too hard to leave each other, and he couldn't guarantee that he was going to come back.
    I think that your boyfriend's excuse was somewhat legitimate, but I don't think that he broke up with you due to a lack of affection. In my opinion, he feels very strongly about you, and probably ended it as quickly as possible to avoid forming the attachment that would come with a few more months of spending time together. Leaving after becoming more attached to you would break his, and your heart, and it seems like he was trying to protect the both of you by ending the relationship so quickly.
    Keep your chin up, I know how hard this is to go through! Remember that if you two are meant to be, you will find each other again in time 😊

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What Guys Said 9

  • There is no such thing as illegitimate reasons to break up - people can and should be able to break up for any reason. If he saw it fit to do so, then it is what it is. Perhaps he has other underlying reasons, you can never know. But you don't really have a right to say that he had no 'real' reason at all.

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  • He's full of shit. The tears were an act. The truth is he wasn't as happy as he made you think and he's found someone else but is too much of a pussy to just say so

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    • But why was he so committed just days before, telling me I'm his priority etc... surely there would have been warning signs?

    • I'm sure there were that you didn't pick up on. He was telling you what you wanted to hear. It was all a lie

  • He only saw the writing on the wall and knew it would only be harder. So, he went cold turkey.

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  • he broke up with you to save you both the heartbreak that will come (and the distraction, depression, etc) that will come with distance.
    but what do I know that is just my opinion

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  • He sounds a little dramatic... Wouldn't recommend you reach out to him. Give him an opportunity to see if he misses you or not (he can't miss you if you're around). Ignore what he says, and pay attention to what he does.

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    • Yeah friends have commented he is being dramatic. I really don't know how to get through to him or whether this is actually all BS

  • You made a mistake of sending him a picture with a guy. It must have hurt him very much. He loves you but he fears something, something must be done to fill the hole in his heart. Long distance relationship is very hard you know, maybe that is why he broke up or to test you. Guys act the way they are driven. Something happened to him.

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  • That snap made a big hole in his heart.

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  • To long to read xD

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  • I mean you did know this relationship was pretty doomed to begin with so you entered it at your own risk.

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What Girls Said 10

  • Yeah I would reach out to him. He sounds like he may be moody and depressed at this time due to the move. I would stay clear of forcing yourself on him. If I was him, I would definitely like my space until I am able to think clearly for the moment. But I would like someone to talk to and understand. You can reach out to him, and suggest that you will be there for him if he wants to talk and that you understand that he will be leaving for 8 months.

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    • But if he broke it off, how do I know if he wants to talk?

  • Nope nope nopeity nope. The best thing here is to cut ties if he is going away and doesn't want to have an ldr. Think about it. You two are this attached now. Imagine how much more you'll be in seven months. It makes it ten times harder to say goodbye. If both of you were sure you'd continue the relationship then I'd say sure, make it happen, but since your plan is to just hold off the inevitable, it'd be unwise to make this even harder than it already is. Shame on him for not following through and leaving you alone so you can move on though. I don't know. If you wanna have an ldr and he's willing, then sure try to talk it out, if not, move on girl! Don't show your seeds in fruitless soil.

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  • Some guys might not be able to handle a long distant relationship. Something similar happened to me, I was in a relationship with a guy and I got accepted in an internship in Florida for what was supposed to be 8 months. He knew I was leaving but told me it didn't matter to him and he wanted to try anyways. He changed his mind after 3 weeks and said he couldn't handle me being so far for so long.
    -I ended up extending my program for the rest of the year and the second I came back he hits me up on Instagram.
    It sounds like he really does like you but it sounds like awful timing. I'm not saying you should put your life on hold, but maybe give him so time to himself to think and see if he contacts you.

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  • You kinda already knew it was most likely going to end. You just decided to risk it.

    Although I do believe if he truly liked you, he would make it work. Perhaps he was not as happy as you thought he was.

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  • if he really wants to be with you, he'll make every excuse whether legit or not to be with you. i know it sounds crazy but its really that simple.

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  • he's trying to be realistic but he can't bc of dem feelings. which is normal, but that doesn't mean that it is okay. tell him how it made you feel when he was the one who broke up and how you are like wtf bc he's now doing shit on fb and insta.

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    • and just delete him from social media pls

  • Maybe he does

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  • He misses you and he broke up with you due to him being spontaneous. That doesn't mean you should take him back though.

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  • You haven't moved on

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  • I am sorry, girl but that's how many people are. The change their minds in an instant. Anyway, you need to move on. Stop thinking about it, there is no point at all.

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