My ex boyfriend and his new girlfriend; why do they want us to be friends?

[Anonymous]

My ex-boyfriend who broke up with me who now has a girlfriend (and has been with her since right when we broke up) is basically desperate to be my friend. He wants nothing more than for me and him to be friends like we were before (and he makes sure to tell me about it and cried when he broke up with me because I said no to being friends).

In defense of us being friends regardless of our not pretty break-up he said, "There is nothing negative to talk about between us and we have had some of our best times with each other." He also went on to say that he says his girlfriend is fine with us being friends because she knows that he really wants me and him to be able to be friends again. Am I the only one who thinks these two are crazy? As a girl, I truly doubt her sincerity. Not sure what girl would truly be OK with that. And I'm not sure what guy in a relationship would think his girl is really OK with that. And I'm not sure what guy in a relationship would really want to hold on to maintaining a friendship with his ex-girlfriend. Looking for guy and girl opinions on this. We've been broken up 5 months and I've done everything short of STOP TALKING TO ME. (I don't think that works. It's never worked for me in the past when it comes to him. I'd rather give him what he wants and hopes he gets bored with me.)

Am I the only one who thinks somebody isn't being honest here? It's just weird to me. He shouldn't want to be involved with me more than in passing with our mutual friends and she definitely shouldn't want him to be involved with me. Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

my daughters ex did this...he was asking around with her friends wanting to know if she was still angry with him and if they could be friends and although she was reluctant she agreed to it because she was still trying to figure out if they could get back together...so after a few days of them being friends and texting for hours... he had a new girlfriend and then after seeing her and talking to her in person now he won't talk to her at all.

guys are confusing lol

[Asker]

Consider her lucky. It's been 5 months and I still can't shake this guy. He has the demented idea in his head that since we were friends for 10 years before we were together, a failed relationship isn't a reason to give up on continuing our friendship. :|

[Tdieseler]

thats the reason why you choose wisely before you date friends... I have a few seriously tempting female friends and they understand me too which is a plus and I have to keep reminding myself that dating is a no-no... I pick friendship over drama any day.

[DonMichelle]

Tdeisler's got it spot on, just play the game, let him think everything's fine

You start being friendly with him and the new Mrs you'll be a laughing stock, people will think you're still despairately trying to get him back, always in the picture

Avoid them, happy days

[Tdieseler]

Got that right.

[Tdieseler]

Tell him the "yes" he wants to hear, send back one word texts, keep phone conversations brief, politely turn down requests to meet in person, and keep his new girlfriend out of all conversations. In time, he'll be the one to leave you alone

[Asker]

That's what my plan has been. I give him what he wants. I avoid his calls and him in person when alcohol is involved. Other than that I mostly oblige him so he thinks everything is fine and dandy. My hope is he will leave me alone as well and get bored with it all. However, I can't avoid him completely. We have the same close friends and I refuse to miss out on my friends' children's lives JUST because he's there. In those cases I am short or ignore him (which he notices and then asks me about)

[Tdieseler]

if you can't avoid meeting him in person, you don't have to be short and ignore him. Keeping conversations light is the way to go in that case. you know, like "hows life" "whats new" and if something comes up about you or his girlfriend simply respond with "thats nice" and switch topics. If its about other things like work and skool...keep THAT ball rolling.

[Asker]

As a guy how long do you think that'll take? Good idea on being friendly to him so he buys it. He temporarily lives out of town right now and he only comes home twice a month on the weekends. We see each other on those visits and he talks to me between then. Just afraid that when he moves back home again in a few months he'll be more persistent with being my friend. He keeps telling me that he only stays there for the free rent (work apt) and wants to be back here ASAP I keep hoping he stays. :)

[Tdieseler]

You do know that in most cases, when a guy wants to keep an ex as a friend it is because they want a rebound right? It is only in a few cases that they actually mean it... and its even more rare for both parties to mean it. Sounds like you are a potential rebound, you need to play it like I said and if that doesn't work after say...6 months (thats too long, pick your time)... come right out and say it.

[Elise10_1991]

They're just messing you, shouldn't they stay in quiet for peace of mind.