How do I tell my ex I can't sleep with him anymore?

My boyfriend and I are in college and we broke up a few days ago. We still had really strong feelings for each other but we mutually broke up because he had too much on his plate and as a result, he wasn't treating me very well. For the past two days he hasn't tried to sleep with me, but the two days before that, we had sex. I love him and I love sleeping with him, but because I know I shouldn't be with him, it's making it really hard to get over him. It's so hard to say goodbye to it, but I like someone else (we haven't even kissed, right now we're just friends) and I won't be able to open up to him and feel ready for another relationship if I'm still sleeping with my ex. How do I say it without being mean?


Most Helpful Guy

  • This is a perfect example of why it's usually bad to be friends after a breakup. It's too easy to get caught up in the old emotions, too easy to get tangled in his life again. You both need time to recover and heal.

    I suggest you tell him that you need to not see him for a while. No conversations, no phone, no email, nothing. No contact. It's impossible to get over someone when you're still talking to them (let alone sleeping with them), it's like picking at a scab. At least for several months, have nothing to do with this guy. No contact at all.

    Don't worry about sounding mean; you can say it nicely. Put your needs first. Tell him you'll still care for him and your time together, but that you need to not see him at all so that you can recover from the breakup.

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      I don't think I can completely cut off contact, because we work together, and I do want to remain friendly. I also am not against getting back together someday---just not now. I simply don't want to sleep with him anymore.

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      You work with him? Ouch.

      For your sake, I still think it's best to restrict contact as much as possible, and to remain neutral towards him, not friendly.